Martial arts shows you a box ... but it doesn't tell you how to get outside of the box!

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10

11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20

21,22,23,24,25

26,27,28,29,30

31,32,33,34,35,36,37

38,39,40,41,42,43,44

45,46,47,48,49,50,51,52

53,54,55,56,57,58,59,60

61,62,63,64,65,66

67,68,69,70,71,72

73,74,75,76,77,78,79,80,81,82

83,84,85,86,87,88

above it all - 06

Well said. Not quite.

affectation & torture - 26

Above all! Before long!

airing their dirty laundry - 33

Stick around! Not anymore.

ambush & merry pranks - 81

That's next. Who's complaining?

assassination - 23

Don't panic! EVERY TIME!

backhanded compliments - 62

Thank goodness! Different things.

back-seat driving - 13

Good advice. No worse!

baiting & shock talk - 18

Much worse! Spooky, huh?

bashing - 05

Since when? Maybe less.

bedeviling, the brush off - 29

A joke! So sad!

bird-dogging & teasing - 17

All right. THINGS CHANGE!

blind-siding - 07

Small world. Far better!

blurting & self-loathing - 72

It's flawless. How exotic.

clash & dissonance - 41

Not yet. Beats working!

coercion - 27

Sure, Jack! Just wait!

comeuppance - 32

Hidden away. Nobody minds.

commandeering - 87

Nothing special. What's missing?

complaining, denying it - 61

Hey! OUCH. Don't laugh.

concealment - 80

Anything new? Can't fail.

confounding implications - 45

Maybe so. I hope.

criticism - 56

Au contraire. It's easy.

discipline ... or hustle - 69

You're safe. BACK OFF!

disdain & fabrication - 77

Could be. Big mistake!

disparagement - 25

Pretty intense. Almost impossible.

energy suck, d.o.g. - 84

God forbid! That's different.

expectations - 63

What else? Among others.

failure - 43

It's devastating. Too soon.

false accusation, misdiagnosis - 54

Oh, definitely! The talent!

fast & loose logic - 64

Pretty amazing. Oh, yeah!

favors - 35

Not today. Hard times.

glib posturing - 11

So foolish. Very common.

harassment - 47

All set. No sweat.

hassling, stigmatization - 75

You sure? That's wrong.

humiliation & slights - 76

Very expensive. Not perfect.

hyperbole, exaggeration - 53

Wild, huh? Must you?

ignoring - 46

What then? More so!

impulsiveness, hit and run - 68

Control yourself! Cheap thrills.

intimidation, lying - 22

Who knows? Ever hopeful.

invincible ignorance, bragging - 40

See that? Not bad.

litmus tests - 39

That's it. Big time!

loaded for bear - 04

Very different. Not totally.

lying in waiting - 38

Pretty much. Very serious.

make-believe, pretension - 85

I'll bet. It's terrible.

marginalization - 30

Including time! Totally demanding.

misleading pleasantries - 20

BELIEVE me. NOTHING LESS!

narcissism - 74

Not much. The opposite.

narcissistic hostility & fantasy - 50

Bad, huh? Many more!

narcissistic setup questions - 73

Until recently. Maybe—Both!

negative anticipation - 16

Says who? I'll pass.

negligence & meddling - 37

Very nice. Soon enough.

passive aggression - 36

Well, okay! Not major.

patronizing, flawed advice - 09

If anything. Never mind!

pestering - 49

Worse yet. I'll cry.

presumption - 52

It's ridiculous. There's options.

primrose path - 01

Totally different. The reverse!

psychoanalysis - 66

Very clever. Even so.

pulling rank - 12

It's insane. That's possible.

puncturing, convoluting - 55

Certainly not. That's all?

pushing your buttons - 51

I'm waiting. Someone must.

putting on airs, dismissal - 21

We'll manage. It's maddening.

rage & repulsion - 19

So WHAT? A natural.

regression - 44

I'm sure. Maybe more.

resentment - 48

Or whatever. For nothing!

rhetorical spin & lampooning - 57

No shit! Nobody knows.

road rage, popping the cork - 67

Not so! Who cares?

rudeness & lack of respect - 71

Not intentionally. Forget it!

seizing power - 58

Afraid not. Quite unnecessary.

setups & flaming - 15

So far. MY mistake.

sly condemnation - 86

It's powerful. That's changing.

smoke and mirrors - 70

Sort of. No telling.

sneers and jeers - 14

Nothing much. Something else.

sore subjects - 88

Pretty hot! You're kidding!

stabs in the dark - 78

Go on! What's next?

status - 28

Real old-fashioned. In case.

suggestion - 31

It's impossible. Bad idea.

superficiality, racism - 34

It's deeper. Smarten up!

taboos - 42

Oh, great! Another thrill.

talking past you - 79

At least. It's criminal.

tension - 24

Nothing yet. Not exactly.

3rd party interference - 10

Anything else? Don't worry.

throwaway phrases, small talk - 82

Nothing fancy. Good tip!

throwing you a curve - 08

That's life! Must be.

tight corners - 60

Yeah, sure. God knows!

ulterior motives - 03

As if. Why bother?

upstaging, under their thumb - 59

Way beyond! Even before!

voodoo - 83

Heavy duty. Just brutal.

wild goose chase - 65

Totally unexpected. Everything changes.

withholding warmth - 02

How discouraging. No doubt.

|P|R|E|P|A|R|A|T|I|O|N|

IS

EVERYTHING

Certain hybrids, or combinations of responses, are extremely useful to know, or to think about, in advance.

NEIGHBORHOOD

—How's that?
—Who knows?
—Probably.
—It's ridiculous.

81
22
64
52

When you walk into a bar, or into certain parts of town, you have to be prepared for intimidation or provocation.

DANGER

—No shit!
—Not recently.
—Forget it!
—Nothing better.

57
17
71
69

Certain words signal you're not a sissy or a wimp. Just get away from them. Let them discover their fate elsewhere.

ARGUMENT

—Even so.
—That's possible.
—Could be.
—Big change!

66
12
77
40

You say, "It's a full moon." They say, "It is not!" You can make the argument go away by saying, "—Big change!"

MICROCONTROL

—Above all!
—Total waste.
—That's enough.
—Anytime, right?

26
74
04
28

To a seasoned professional, the other person's way is always the best way – unless they're going to rob you! So watch out!

LABELING

—Anything new?
—Don't laugh.
—As if.
—Big treat.

80
61
03
18

Examples: "What's happening, bro'?" "What's up, babe?" "Let's go, asshole!" and "Get away! You bother me, kid."

TEAM PLAY

—Sure, Jack!
—Doesn't everyone?
—Oh, definitely!
—Totally natural!

27
30
54
36

At best: everyone does what they're good at, and leaves everyone else alone. At worst: interference and ignoring.

HIGH FLYING

—No telling.
—Before that.
—Not so!
—Until recently.

70
49
67
73

In good times, live as hard as you can, because they're always followed by lean times ... And save half your money!

SEDUCTION

—Nothing special.
—You sure?
—That'll help.
—Much better!

87
75
56
59

When you fall in love, and your love is racing by onto the other person, apply some of that love to yourself.

ABRUPT RUDENESS

—KEEP GOING!
—It's criminal.
—That's all?
—Beat it!

43
79
55
84

Insults from out of the blue, when you least expect them — Maybe the other person feels unloved and invisible.

HIJACKING

—Afraid not.
—I've heard.
—Heavy duty.
—Even less.

58
62
83
33

If you let them, other people can actually take you over. If you're not using yourself, someone or something else is.

GUILT TRIP

—I'll live.
—No wonder.
—Not forever.
—Maybe more.

48
45
19
44

Don't be hard on yourself. If you have doubts, you should read, "Self-Reliance" by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

VACATION

—Totally unspoiled.
—Without stopping.
—Really scary!
—Way back!

82
65
24
86

You can realize things you never understood as a kid. For instance, I play with (I mean, wash) the dishes.

HOMECOMING

—Pretty much.
—Wild, huh?
—Small world.
—I'll bet.

38
53
07
85

They attack you the moment you walk in the door! That's life! That's their minds! They can't wait!

PARENTS

—What if?
—Among others.
—Little challenges.
—Going up!

29
63
31
76

If your parents wanted you to be a success, you'd be a success. Learn how to be your own mother and father.

KIDS

—Easy enough.
—You're kidding!
—Very enlightening.
—Big time!

21
88
42
39

Try to set rules for kids so they'll feel secure, and don't expect them to follow the rules, because they're just kids!

BUSINESS TRIP

—Go on!
—No worse!
—Totally different.
—I'm waiting.

78
13
01
51

Motivated by money, many people bypass their own life. They don't see each moment as a pearl of experience.

SPOTLIGHT

—We'll wait.
—Too early!
—Not quite.
—Or vice versa.

47
16
06
41

To punish you for success, people give you backhanded compliments. You don't have to atone for anything!

YOUR PARTNER

—Don't worry.
—Unheard of.
—So foolish.
—Control yourself!

10
05
11
68

What better way to attack an adult than through an attack on their partner or their children? It's a little sleazy, isn't it?

CLOSING

—It's chilling.
—Doesn't hurt.
—How discouraging.
—Just don't!

60
23
02
72

A little false camaraderie, a little slap on the back. See you on the golf course, right? Just no business before the 7th hole!

PARTING SHOTS

—So far.
—Can't hurt!
—Not exactly.
—NOTHING LESS!

15
37
25
20

When all is said and done, and hopefully that's very little, they can still subject you to a pithy "word of advice."

STREET PEOPLE

—We'll see.
—Many more!
—Just about.
—If anything.

35
50
14
09

From "Street Smarts," above: (1.) favors, (2.) hostility, (3.) sneers and jeers, and (4.) patronizing.

TRUE LOVE

—Hidden away.
—It's deeper.
—And furthermore!
—Never stop.

32
34
46
08

Love is what you do — not what you think, feel, or believe. Learn to express truth through actions — not words.

(1.) here you can find abundant resources for selecting an appropriate response to bullying — without thinking or feeling — the philosophy being, if you don't "actively engage" with the attacker, they lose twice.

(2.) if the insult or verbal abuse is "common," see if it's in the list of insults, then click on a highlighted CodeWord. Remember that almost all insults have evolved into a form designed to bypass the intellect, that is, to "hit you" in the emotions. The attacker is getting something from that. Try to give up "working" for the attacker — consciously "raise the tension" in search of a certain capacity in yourself. See negative emotions in yourself as limitations. Don't explain; don't complain; don't analyze. Use words or ideas as "stargates" reaching out to your fingers and toes. Words express ideas, and ideas can change the world.

(3.) if the attack is fairly simple, and not listed in (2.), look at each word in turn as if that word is a "CodeWord"; for instance, in the attack, "You're worse than your brother," click on each of the words, "you're," "worse," "than," "your," and "brother" in the list of CodeWords until you find a set of two-word responses that make you feel better (because we're talking about emotions), or that you wished you had thought to say (because we're talking about reason), or that neutralize the attack (because we're talking about understanding).

(4.) if the attack is long and complex, look at the list of "Wings" until you find a set of two-word responses that "grab your attention," or that almost unnoticeably defuse the attack. Look for a kind of "calming resonance" in yourself, something that best matches the exact situation or the exact people who were present.

(5.) look for ideas from outside physical reality, or from the Imagination of Nature — not something from your own imagination. None of the responses on this web site are "made up"; almost all have been spoken by someone, then written down. For more of the "big picture," you can check out the introduction, the WineCellar secrets, the tutorial, the StreetSmarts, and the aim of this website.

(6.) this website examines a lot of different facets for understanding an attack, as if "the origin" of each and every one represents a gem. Look for a reflection of some view of the attack in either the circle at the top of this page (explained in the tutorial), or in the oval below the "pregnant stewardess in a doorway."

(7.) go through the doorway (click on it) and discover a world of art that is a reflection of everything on this page. The circles of words above and below the open door are unresolved aspects of the mind (globes, ornaments, or bubbles in a stream); the resolution is a force of Nature — simply a pregnant stewardess in a doorway: a "mom," with all of her simplicity, inner strength, and organic beauty. Try to realize from the center of your chest, "I, am alive!" Then look for something inside yourself like a subtle wise light.