Martial arts shows you a box ... but it doesn't tell you how to get outside of the box!

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10

11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20

21,22,23,24,25

26,27,28,29,30

31,32,33,34,35,36,37

38,39,40,41,42,43,44

45,46,47,48,49,50,51,52

53,54,55,56,57,58,59,60

61,62,63,64,65,66

67,68,69,70,71,72

73,74,75,76,77,78,79,80,81,82

83,84,85,86,87,88

affectation & torture - 26

Any one. Before long!

assassination - 23

Don't panic! EVERY TIME!

backbiting & double-entendre - 33

No need. Just vicious.

backhanded compliments - 62

Thank goodness! Different things.

back-seat driving - 13

Good advice. Really tragic.

baiting & preposterous tales - 18

Apparently not. No excuse!

bashing - 05

Very funny. Keep going! ...

bedeviling, the brush off - 29

A joke! Since when?

besmirching & complaining - 61

Hey! OUCH. Don't laugh.

blind-siding - 07

Small world. Far superior.

blurting & self-loathing - 72

No restraints! How exotic.

broken prerogative - 31

Really tough. Cheer up!

castration, talking past you - 79

At least. It's criminal.

clash & dissonance - 41

Nothing more. Not yet.

commonplaces & pleasantries - 20

BELIEVE me. fooling around

confounding implications - 45

It's shocking. I hope.

corrosiveness & tension - 24

Nothing yet. Really scary!

counterfeit psychoanalysis - 66

Very clever. Maybe less.

deconstruction & distraction - 80

Nothing special. Very unique.

discipline ... or hustle - 69

You're safe. BACK OFF!

disdain & fabrication - 77

Could be. Carry on!

disparagement & ignoring - 46

What then? More so!

disruption & feigned innocence - 32

NO TROUBLE! Behind everything.

"energy suck" & sabotage - 84

Crazy, huh? God forbid!

expectations - 63

Who hasn't? Just some.

false attribution & chumminess - 56

Au contraire. Donations, right?

fast & loose logic - 64

Go on! Oh, yeah!

glib posturing & heartbreak - 11

Fait accompli. Totally unhelpful.

greed & personal invasion - 27

Sure, Jack! TOO HOT!

harassment - 47

All set. No sweat.

harping on & on - resentment - 48

Or whatever. For nothing!

hassling & teasing - 17

All right. Kicking back!

hindrance & vindictiveness - 21

We'll manage. Very mysterious.

hip edgy talk & presumption - 52

It's ridiculous. I'm easy.

humiliation & impertinence - 76

Very expensive. Total disgrace.

hyperbole, exaggeration - 53

Wild, huh? Must you?

impulsiveness, hit and run - 68

Good God! Cheap thrills.

inherited pretenses & child abuse - 25

Pretty intense. Midnight Special.

intimidation, lying - 22

Who knows? Infinitely sad.

"intimidators," stabs in the dark - 78

Big time! Nothing fatal.

invincible ignorance, bragging - 40

See that? Not bad.

jealousy & rejection - 06

Well said. Avoid entanglements.

limits & boundaries - 35

Not today. NICE TRY!

litmus tests & vicious circles - 39

Great timing! Et sui culpae!

loaded for bear - 04

Very different. Totally destroyed.

lurking, stalking, bird-dogging - 75

Bad timing. Many things!

lying in waiting - 38

Very serious. Violent enough.

make-believe, pretension - 85

I'll bet. It's terrible.

marginalization - 30

Yeah, Plenty! Totally demanding.

mischaracterization - 81

Loafing around! Protect yourself!

misdiagnosis & containment - 54

Oh, definitely! Someone might.

name-dropping & snobbery - 02

No doubt. How discouraging.

narcissism & posing - 74

With what? That's cozy.

narcissistic hostility & fantasy - 50

Total waste. Many more!

narcissistic setup questions - 73

Until recently. Maybe—Both!

negative anticipation - 16

Pretty much. Says who?

negligence & meddling - 37

Very nice. Never easy.

nipping curs & sore subjects - 88

Nothing urgent. You're kidding!

passive aggression - 36

Well, okay! Very important.

patronizing, flawed advice - 09

Mostly that. Even better!

phony jealousy & status - 28

Real old-fashioned. In case.

preaching & commandeering - 87

Just beginning. What's missing?

primrose path to quarreling - 01

Totally different. Blame me!

pulling rank - 12

Once again! It's insane.

pumped up & crossing paths - 14

Nothing much. Way ahead.

puncturing, convoluting - 55

That's all? And?

pushing your buttons - 51

Oh, boy! Someone must.

rage & repulsion - 19

So WHAT? A natural.

regression - 44

I'm sure. Even now.

rhetorical spin & lampooning - 57

No shit! There's hope.

road rage, popping the cork - 67

Totally natural. Who cares?

rudeness & lack of respect - 71

Not intentionally. Forget it!

sadism & white queens - 49

That soon? Very standard.

seizing power, or hijacking you - 58

Afraid not. It's colossal.

setups & flaming - 15

So far. MY mistake.

sly condemnation - 86

That's changing. Pretty amazing.

smoke and mirrors - 70

No telling. Not long.

superficiality, racism - 34

It's deeper. Smarten up!

taboos - 42

Without fail. Another thrill.

3rd party interference - 10

Anything else? Don't worry.

throwaway phrases, small talk - 82

Nothing fancy. Be brave!

throwing you a curve - 08

That's life! Must be.

tight corners - 60

Yeah, sure. God knows!

total world domination - 43

What's that? It's devastating.

ulterior motives - 03

Little things. As if.

under their thumb & won't let go - 59

Really dark. Way beyond!

voodoo - 83

Heavy duty. Just brutal.

wild goose chase - 65

Totally unexpected. Everything changes.

|P|R|E|P|A|R|A|T|I|O|N|

IS

EVERYTHING

Certain hybrids, or combinations of responses, are extremely useful to know, or to think about, in advance.

NEIGHBORHOOD

—How's that?
—Who knows?
—Probably.
—Within reach!

81
22
64
52

When you walk into a bar, or into certain parts of town, you have to be prepared for intimidation or provocation.

DANGER

—No shit!
—Not recently.
—Forget it!
—Nothing better.

57
17
71
69

Certain words signal you're not a sissy or a wimp. Just get away from them. Let them discover their fate elsewhere.

ARGUMENT

—It's inconceivable.
—Big change!
—Could be.
—Wicked, huh?

66
40
77
12

You say, "It's a full moon." They say, "It is not!" You can make the argument go away by saying, "—Big change!"

MICROCONTROL

—It's perfect.
—What's next?
—Sure, boss!
—BOW WOW.

26
28
04
74

To a seasoned professional, the other person's way is always the best way – unless they're going to rob you! So watch out!

LABELING

—Nothing special.
—TOO HOT!
—As if.
—It's chilling.

80
27
03
18

Examples: "What's happening, bro'?" "What's up, babe?" "Let's go, asshole!" and "Get away! You bother me, kid."

TEAM PLAY

—Don't laugh.
—Doesn't everyone?
—Do less.
—The opposite.

61
30
54
36

At best: everyone does what they're good at, and leaves everyone else alone. At worst: interference and ignoring.

HIGH FLYING

—No telling.
—Harsh. Indeed.
—Not so!
—Until recently.

70
49
67
73

In good times, live as hard as you can, because they're always followed by lean times ... And save half your money!

SEDUCTION

—Totally. Forever.
—You sure?
—That'll help.
—Much better!

87
75
56
59

When you fall in love, and your love is racing by onto the other person, apply some of that love to yourself.

ABRUPT RUDENESS

—Impressive, huh?
—It's criminal.
—What's that?
—Beat it!

55
79
43
84

Insults from out of the blue, when you least expect them — Maybe the other person feels unloved and invisible.

HIJACKING

—Afraid not.
—I've heard.
—Heavy duty.
—Even less.

58
62
83
33

If you let them, other people can actually take you over. If you're not using yourself, someone or something else is.

GUILT TRIP

—I'll live.
—No wonder.
—Not forever.
—Even now.

48
45
19
44

Don't be hard on yourself. If you have doubts, you should read, "Self-Reliance" by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

VACATION

—Totally unspoiled.
—Without stopping.
—Really scary!
—Way back!

82
65
24
86

You can realize things you never understood as a kid. For instance, I play with (I mean, wash) the dishes.

HOMECOMING

—Saved again!
—Wild, huh?
—Small world.
—I'll bet.

38
53
07
85

They attack you the moment you walk in the door! That's life! That's their minds! They can't wait!

PARENTS

—Just so!
—Who hasn't?
—Little challenges.
—Going up!

29
63
31
76

If your parents wanted you to be a success, you'd be a success. Learn how to be your own mother and father.

KIDS

—Beats me!
—You're kidding!
—It was.
—That's it.

21
88
42
39

Try to set rules for kids so they'll feel secure, and don't expect them to follow the rules, because they're just kids!

BUSINESS TRIP

—What's up?
—No worse!
—Totally different.
—The reverse!

78
13
01
51

Motivated by money, many people bypass their own life. They don't see each moment as a pearl of experience.

SPOTLIGHT

—Be serious.
—If anything.
—Too early!
—Avoid entanglements.

41
47
16
06

To punish you for success, people give you backhanded compliments. You don't have to atone for anything!

YOUR PARTNER

—Don't worry.
—Unheard of.
—So foolish.
—Control yourself!

10
05
11
68

What better way to attack an adult than through an attack on their partner or their children? It's a little sleazy, isn't it?

CLOSING

—Out working!
—Doesn't hurt.
—How discouraging.
—Just don't!

60
23
02
72

A little false camaraderie, a little slap on the back. See you on the golf course, right? Just no business before the 7th hole!

PARTING SHOTS

—So far.
—Can't hurt!
—Close enough.
—fooling around

15
37
25
20

When all is said and done, and hopefully that's very little, they can still subject you to a pithy "word of advice."

STREET PEOPLE

—We'll see.
—Many more!
—Just about.
—Very helpful.

35
50
14
09

From "Street Smarts," above: (1.) limits, (2.) hostility, (3.) sneers and jeers, and (4.) patronizing.

TRUE LOVE

—NO TROUBLE!
—It's deeper.
—And furthermore!
—Never stop.

32
34
46
08

Love is what you do — not what you think, feel, or believe. Learn to express truth through actions — not words.

(1.) here you can find abundant resources for selecting an appropriate response to bullying — without thinking or feeling — the philosophy being, if you don't "actively engage" with the attacker, they lose twice.

(2.) if the insult or verbal abuse is "common," see if it's in the list of insults, then click on a highlighted CodeWord. Remember that almost all insults have evolved into a form designed to bypass the intellect, that is, to "hit you" in the emotions. The attacker is getting something from that. Try to give up "working" for the attacker — consciously "raise the tension" in search of a certain capacity in yourself. See negative emotions in yourself as limitations. Don't explain; don't complain; don't analyze. Use words or ideas as "stargates" reaching out to your fingers and toes. Words express ideas, and ideas can change the world.

(3.) if the attack is fairly simple, and not listed in (2.), look at each word in turn as if that word is a "CodeWord"; for instance, in the attack, "You're worse than your brother," click on each of the words, "you're," "worse," "than," "your," and "brother" in the list of CodeWords until you find a set of two-word responses that make you feel better (because we're talking about emotions), or that you wished you had thought to say (because we're talking about reason), or that neutralize the attack (because we're talking about understanding).

(4.) if the attack is long and complex, look at the list of "Wings" until you find a set of two-word responses that "grab your attention," or that almost unnoticeably defuse the attack. Look for a kind of "calming resonance" in yourself, something that best matches the exact situation or the exact people who were present.

(5.) look for ideas from outside physical reality, or from the Imagination of Nature — not something from your own imagination. None of the responses on this web site are "made up"; almost all have been spoken by someone, then written down. For more of the "big picture," you can check out the introduction, the WineCellar secrets, the tutorial, the StreetSmarts, and the aim of this website.

(6.) this website examines a lot of different facets for understanding an attack, as if "the origin" of each and every one represents a gem. Look for a reflection of some view of the attack in either the circle at the top of this page (explained in the tutorial), or in the oval below the "pregnant stewardess in a doorway."

(7.) go through the doorway (click on it) and discover a world of art that is a reflection of everything on this page. The circles of words above and below the open door are unresolved aspects of the mind (globes, ornaments, or bubbles in a stream); the resolution is a force of Nature — simply a pregnant stewardess in a doorway: a "mom," with all of her simplicity, inner strength, and organic beauty. Try to realize from the center of your chest, "I, am alive!" Then look for something inside yourself like a subtle wise light.