"Dear Richard Roe, John Kemeny wrote a book called Man and Computer in 1972 in which he discussed the symbiotic relationship between humans and machines. I hope that is the way we can go. Thanks for your comments. Jim Moor Director AI@50"

—That's very kind of you – You probably have to slam it with a rubber mallet.

"Couldn't there be some positive things there? – There's all this negativity."

—Okay! Let's do gold!

"I would give this site a ten personally if I could ... what I live for on the net ... this is all the way on the edge ... great link ...." [Link from sensibleerection.com]

—One is all you get.

"I am bewildered yet fascinated by this site. Its structure is nearly impenetrable, but the information within is kinda invaluable, so I check back."

—File that!

"Get a take and don't suck L4M3R5" [Link from UK bulletin board]

—It's a really good rational outlet for anger.

"Do you think that was appropriate to joke around with a fourteen-year-old girl about?"

—Then the next thing you think is, Life has passed me by – Then the next thing you think is, What was that?

"Don't I know your mother?"

—Because your parents are cheap.

"What an enigmatic site. I would brush it off as crazy crud a la timecube, but it does make a little bit of sense if you use your imagination." [Link from sensibleerection.com]

—Don't accept praise, and don't accept criticism – Just do things.

"It's different."

—Smarter in a way.

"I don't know what I did."

—You look like a human being to me.

"What? What did you say?" [From a venting police officer]

—I know it's against the rules.

"You know they caught the guy who murdered that little six-year-old girl in Colorado?"

—There are a lot of things I don't want to get into – I don't want to waste the time on it.

"Do you like Mohammed?"

—I like anyone who's dead ... It's just a business ... It's just a racket ... Mohammed was an illiterate truck driver who had visions ... someone wrote them down ... beautiful poetry ... his descendants chased vermin and carriers of the Black Plague across the lands ... Christians had the unique idea to take care of the sick, ill and injured.

"Do you know Mohammed married a twelve-year-old girl?"

—Mohammed had a lot of wives ... In those days wealthy men took care of a lot of people.

"That's a strange story."

—My mother and father didn't like me.

"Did I say that?"

—The world will never know.

"I have a story for you."

—I knew this was a new level.

"I have to ask ... Soon almost every man in America is going to want to know ... if you have a boyfriend." [Interrogation of Indian actress on 60 Minutes]

—Sounds like My Fair Lady.

"What did I do this time?"

—Just the roses.

"What did I say this time?"

—I'm singing in the pain!

"Follow me to certain death."

—I've been reading Great Expectations.

"May you live in interesting times."

—Singing while Rome burns.

[Someone not having the courtesy to get off the phone and talk to you after you've done something to help them out a lot]

—Don't ever worry about something you can't change.

"You would have gone right through it." [A second inheritance]

—What that is, is, a cheap trick.

"Don't let him even close to your money – He'll go right through it."

—The inexpensive places are pretty good.

"There's a woman going through our garbage outside."

—Something for everyone.

"I brought you a present from Brazil!" [Saying so, without actually giving you anything]

—I didn't see the whole thing.

—I don't want to dirty my hands.

"Do you know any good icebreakers?"

—There's big fish and there's little fish.

"How much does a polar bear weigh?"

—I don't know ... but it breaks the ice!

"What happened to your roommate?"

—Not in my house.

"Where are your dogs? I read about you in the newspaper. Aren't you the Night Cabbie? Why don't I see you down at the Aquatic Park any more? How was your New Year?"

—Anyway, what prompts this question? ... Thank you! ...Who would have guessed? ... Thank you! ... I can't compare ... Thank you! ... Why so many questions? ... Thank you! ... More questions than God.

"What's the story?"

—I can't be serious.

"What's your story?"

—I'll wear a T-shirt that says, "I can't be serious."

"What if everybody started using your comebacks?"

—They will.

"Richard's dogs are so well-behaved."

—I knew it was too good to be true.

"You and me, kid!"

—Even more trouble for the rednecks.

[Honest way to renege on a party]

—I'm taking a real vacation on the day of your gathering ... I'm not going to be there ... My plans aren't final, however, Thank you!

"It's your life."

—I hope none of this is going on my permanent record.

"It's your apartment."

—Less is more.

"Is that your dog?"

—Can you tell?

"Is that your car?"

—People think, "He may be crazy, but he's making money!"

"In your dreams."

—You won't regret it.

"Sweet dreams!"

—What do I get out of being poor?

"I prefer to not bore you with it."

—Jeez.

"Can't you wait a few days before you start cracking jokes?"

—For spiritual reasons.

"Your friends are weird."

—It's hard to beat a suicide squad.

"What advice are you going to give your teammates?" [Before the Super Bowl]

—Stay focused.

["You came in here the other day in an orange jacket." "That wasn't me."] "You look different."

—And you ask me why I'm happy.

"You said something different yesterday."

—1. Yes. 2. No. 3. After Halloween. 4. I was wrong.

"Now you've contradicted yourself three times."

—Or someone.

"And you did it again!"

—Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

"Why did you go this way? Why didn't you go around by the ball park?"

—I've been down that road before.

"You keep flip-flopping. You're just making up your story as you go along."

—Sometimes I change my emphasis, but my story is always the same.

"Why did you go this way?"

—Don't go around in a circle.

"What did it say?" [Business card]

—Some things that should not be forgotten were lost.

"What did he say?" [Translate Japanese for me]

—Very subtle.

"Where did you guys go?"

—We could all fit in a space ship – They're big.

"Where did you get this?" [The salmon-rolled cream cheese hors d'oeuvres you made]

—There's just no comparison.

"Where did this girl come from?"

—From the stars?

"How did you get to be so pretty?"

—It's hard to say.

"You are so beautiful! How did you get so beautiful?"

—You take a shower in the moonlight.

"Smiley needs to reconsider her easy answer and give some thought to the real-world complexities of this situation."

—Get someone richer, who will really torture you with their philosophy of life – Oprah, the genius, right?

"I feel duped." [From Oprah Winfrey]

—Somehow they've got people convinced being honest – taking shit – is good for you.

"How did this Operating System get to be so complicated?"

—That's a whole study in itself, huh?

"God bless you! How could I resist?"

—It's hard for everyone.

"It springs ahead in the spring, and falls back in the fall."

—Early is better than later.

"Well, now, see? That's another story."

—Eight things at once.

"What do you mean, he was coming at you?"

—He must have been drunk.

"Well, now you've told four different stories."

—Way before that.

"Well, you see, now? That's a different story you're telling now."

—Let's forget it! — I can see you're not serious.

"Is that legal?"

—What's the score?

"Isn't this a conflict of interest?"

—Looks like you're ready to go into the Army.

"Isn't it against the law to plant a tree there?"

—Why not do something you decide to do?

[Someone going on and on about the prices of things]

—That's something to think about.

"I think you should do more art."

—Sooner or later, right?

"Do you ever sell your art?"

—If we can.

"How is your art selling on eBay?"

—It's meaningless to someone of my stature.

"There was an attempt but the graphics could be so much better."

—It's just like music — You have to build up a following.

"When are you going to grow up?"

—This is the problem with success.

"Grow up!"

—And have a sense of humor about it!

"You said you don't want Sam sitting at the dumb table."

—Nothing to land me in jail.

"Icarus, have you considered asking the girl who I recommended for you the other day?"

[See Icarus and the Gutter Snipe]

"Have a nice day." [Sarcastically, having pointed out a nasty detail in the fine print]

—You can see why people need lawyers.

"Lying about your age."

—Why do you think that is?

"One Day I Will Be As Cool As These People Posted by Brandon @ 2:47 pm http://tedjesuschristgod.org http://forbiddentruth.8k.com http://www.timecube.com http://www.taxi1010.com Filed under: Web Finds" [Link from The Brandon Abell Experience]

—One of those fancy ones.

"Oh, get a life, will you?"

—Don't tell!

"How do you sum up your entire life?"

—I love Virginia.

"That's life!"

—The more you know, the less you need.

"Think rich."

—Let's call it the good side, and the dark side — Brownies!

"I'm married." [They're lying, and a lie is not a sound foundation for anything real; if they start off lying and you're blind to it, you're in real trouble, because you don't see when you're lying to yourself]

—Hold it up a little higher, and don't pull it out all the way.

"Pervert!"

—Like yourself!

"Are you married?"

—Funny that you're interested.

"Are we ever going to get married?"

—I'm waiting till I can.

"It's got you excited."

—Some people go a lot farther on their EQ than on their IQ.

"I don't like it when you pluck your eyebrows like that."

—I don't want to have to pretend I'm a financial genius.

"I'm never coming back here."

—Everything's ready to go.

"Why didn't you turn there? — I would have taken the Broadway tunnel."

—Play wrong!