["Is your name Christie?"] "No, it isn't."

—Lower heating bills.

"Let's get off this subject."

—Thank you for saving me.

"Why are you changing the subject?"

—I'm going to try that sometime.

"I'll drop the subject entirely."

—I've heard about it all my life.

"I bet you cry after sex."

—Wait a few months, right? ... Hatred, they want you to. Anger, burn it off. Sadness, it was. Fear, turn it off. Greed, what's next? Jealousy, your own path. (Greed, jealousy ... Both indicate you hate what you have.) Worry, it all depends who your mother is.

"You talk funny." [One five-year-old boy to another]

—It's different every day.

"Can't you be serious?"

—Deadly serious.

"I'm glad I'm just wearing a skirt."

—It's called a Danish sense of fun.

"Check your skirt at the door."

—Dress is optional.

"They shut it down because you don't pay the bill?" [The phone line is down, and the repair people aren't going to come for a week]

—What is this, Night Court?

"You paid for it?"

—You can't just count money twenty-four hours a day.

"Will it ever get easier?"

—Could you do it for me? I'm an MBA.

"I'm not going to ask him because I see he's clammed up."

—Why get angry?

"How much do you pay for gates?"

—I can't reach that level of functioning.

"How much do they give you each month?"

—There's more to it than that.

"You don't have to make money with your art to survive."

—You don't think that's magic? – Maybe it is magic.

"So what do you have to complain about?"

—It all hinges on what you think you are.

"I can't complain."

—Remember that.

"Can't complain."

—I had that all planned.

"He's probably trying to Jew 'em down."

—That's very healthy.

"Don't Jew me down."

—I don't have the budget for it, so I'm not spending anything on that now.

"Richard would never vote for a Jew."

—Would you like to buy the Shroud of Turin?

"Are you a Zionist?"

—That's something a dog would never understand.

"Are you right wing?"

—I see things differently — I'm just a person.

"Is it against the law?"

—Take all the money and run.

"Does it cost anything?"

—Just when you don't need it.

"Did you have to pay for it?"

—I used to think you were Irish.

"Sex." [Suggesting why you might like the movie]

—Something hidden, deeper, quieter.

"Is that all you think about, is sex?"

—One out of twenty-two chromosomes is devoted to this stuff.

"What, do you think that's sexy? Is that the way you roll?"

—Where are the screwballs of yesterday? ... What happened to them? ... I don't know who you guys are ... I don't have a mother and father ... I'm an orphan ... Wonderful stories ... There are people who have a fondness for children ... Oh, I've heard of that before ... They're ruthless in their perfection, if you know what I mean ... And don't take any crap from them!

"So that makes it okay?"

—You're always assuming ... The bite of the ignorant frightens me ... You should get a new name, like Roostaphanishti ... Just push me; I'm malleable.

"She's a little snotty."

—You can't turn on someone else without turning on yourself.

"You're saying viciousness is attractive?"

—Just like the leopard.

"I want to know who you are going with and where – I don't want any ambiguity about anything – None of those half-truths."

—There is no dark stranger; there is no mother.

"Can't you talk?"

—Some people can't hit bottom.

"Cat got your tongue?"

—A frozen moment.

"I can't be ten places at once, can I?"

—There's only one way to find out — See what happens!

"Your car smells like chocolate."

—This, we could sell.

"What am I — chopped liver?"

—Too intelligent.

"Did you talk to Joe?"

—The factory burned down.

"How much did it cost?"

—Whatever you do, don't buy any race horses.

"Did you pay for it?"

—There's more to life than counting money.

"That's surprising, coming from a cop."

—This isn't the Spanish Inquisition.

"Where are the dogs, in the doghouse?"

—That's a waste of time.

"You could have fooled me."

—It's true!

"You still haven't answered the question."

—I want you to know it has nothing to do with what's going on.

"But I have to do it!"

—Well, you could start with goldfish.

"Don't flatter yourself."

—I do enough.

"Do you have diarrhea or something?"

—You should be so lucky!

"You get paid for this?"

—Sooner or later everyone has to light a fire under their own stove.

"You're the biggest idiot I've ever met."

—How many?

—I guess I'm the white sheep of the family.

—You haven't created anything — It would have been that way, anyway.

—Some sharpie!

"Why shouldn't I cheat if everyone else is doing it?"

—When they ask you for money, tell them to get a scholarship.

"We did it!"

—You can't cheat George Washington.

"I just don't get it."

—You can elevate yourself above your time and place.

"I love it!"

—Why do you look at me when you say that?

"Never mind! — I'll take care of it."

—An earthshaking human disaster.

"Never mind! — Forget it!"

—You can't blame people for trying.

"I know, take it out on me! I can handle it."

—You know, not everyone has to kick the chicken before they boil it.

"JUST LEARN IT!" [From Seventh Grade Latin teacher, now deceased]

—Ancient footprints.

["My first phone number was 2540, and my best friend's phone number was 2260."] "Four digits? This is a put-on."

—Those were the days ... Can you believe it?

"I've had it up to here."

—Things have changed so much.

"Did you get it registered?"

—Not everybody is Flash Gordon.

"Go ahead and do it! You've got the money."

—We don't need it at all.