"Going somewhere?"

—Brick by brick, my citizens.

"There's a lesson here somewhere."

—How bad can you get?

"You driving somewhere?" [Bumming a ride after you commit to where you're going]

—Let's not ... Don't cheat me.

"Why aren't you at IBM anymore?"

—So there can be a place naked women can come and yearn for me.

"It's too bad you lost your job at IBM."

—It's the people who stay in the monastery who get into trouble.

"What, you're justifying what happened?"

—It's a betrayal.

"How'd you do it?"

—Magic and sorcery.

"Why do we do these exercises you call 'silk reeling' —? Why not do what Dr. Starr does?"

—Not after the Crusades ... That's what he thinks ... They're all into fads ... That's why they go crazy ... Out-of-control happiness! ... It just helps to realize, when you're talking to your mother and father, you're afraid of them ... even when they're dead!

["Is your name Christie?"] "No, it isn't."

—Lower heating bills.

"Give it to Richard." [Some food they're rejecting and sending back to the kitchen]

—Tell me who you run with, and I'll tell you who you are.

"Is it paying off?"

—Fast and furious.

"Did it cost fifty dollars?" [Scornfully]

—Real punishment.

"Does it really matter?"

—Don't worry about it.

"Does it mean anything?"

—This is the story of my life.

"That's funny, I heard [a certain well-known drummer] had died, and that reminded me of you."

—When I'm dead, I'll take time off.

"Let's get off this subject."

—Thank you for saving me.

"Why are you changing the subject?"

—I'm going to try that sometime.

"You're one sick, miserable, evil SOB." (–Sean Hannity to cleric Anjem Choudary, Fox News, February 2, 2011)

—That's the way you want 'em! ... This American life ... Don't ask me to carry any crosses ... Put the spotlight on yourself! ... The spike! ... Divide and conquer ... Try to look at the big picture ... It's very third world ... History is lies agreed upon ... Who knows? ... They're not talking ... What don't they tell people ... It's rude to talk about religion because you never know who you're going to offend.

"I'll drop the subject entirely."

—I've heard about it all my life.

"I bet you cry after sex."

—Wait a few months, right? ... Hatred, they want you to. Anger, burn it off. Sadness, it was. Fear, turn it off. Greed, what's next? Jealousy, your own path. (Greed, jealousy ... Both indicate you hate what you have.) Worry, it all depends who your mother is.

"You talk funny." [One five-year-old boy to another]

—It's different every day.

"I'm glad I'm just wearing a skirt."

—It's called a Danish sense of fun.

"Check your skirt at the door."

—Dress is optional.

"They shut it down because you don't pay the bill?" [The phone line is down, and the repair people aren't going to come for a week]

—What is this, Night Court?

"You paid for it?"

—You can't just count money twenty-four hours a day.

"Will it ever get easier?"

—Could you do it for me? I'm an MBA.

"I'm not going to ask him because I see he's clammed up."

—Why get angry?

"How much do you pay for gates?"

—I can't reach that level of functioning.

"How much do they give you each month?"

—There's more to it than that.

"Where did you hide the money? When you're not here, I'm going to go through your things and find it."

—An Irish job.

"Well, I don't want to get into it. Let's forget it."

—You can see why nobody goes there.

"You don't have to make money with your art to survive."

—You don't think that's magic? – Maybe it is magic.

"What difference does it make? – It's just money."

—Wait until you don't have any.

"So what do you have to complain about?"

—It all hinges on what you think you are.

"I can't complain."

—Remember that.

"Can't complain."

—I had that all planned.

"He's probably trying to Jew 'em down."

—That's very healthy.

"Don't Jew me down."

—I don't have the budget for it, so I'm not spending anything on that now.

"Richard would never vote for a Jew."

—Would you like to buy the Shroud of Turin?

"It seemed to be a rational decision at the time."

—Did any shoe drop?

"Are you a Zionist?"

—That's something a dog would never understand.

[Someone going off on a tiresome tangent, as if they're telling their mother something they did to kiss a school teacher's ass]

—Do you have that on toast for breakfast?

[Someone telling you things you wish you didn't know about their distant relatives]

—It makes flowers every year.

"Now I'm leader of the pack! Except I'm wiser, more relaxed, happier, warmer, more filled with life ..."

—There you go: human oil.

"Are you right wing?"

—I see things differently – I'm just a person.

"Is it against the law?"

—Take all the money and run.

"Does it cost anything?"

—Just when you don't need it.

"Did you have to pay for it?"

—I used to think you were Irish.

"Sex." [Suggesting why you might like the movie]

—Something hidden, deeper, quieter.

"Was it busy today, sir?"

—A thirty-year-old Jewish woman in a nightie.

"Is that all you think about, is sex?"

—One out of twenty-two chromosomes is devoted to this stuff.

"What, do you think that's sexy? Is that the way you roll?"

—Where are the screwballs of yesterday? ... What happened to them? ... I don't know who you guys are ... I don't have a mother and father ... I'm an orphan ... Wonderful stories ... There are people who have a fondness for children ... Oh, I've heard of that before ... They're ruthless in their perfection, if you know what I mean ... And don't take any crap from them!

"So that makes it okay?"

—You're always assuming ... The bite of the ignorant frightens me ... You should get a new name, like Roostaphanishti ... Just push me; I'm malleable.

"She's a little snotty."

—You can't turn on someone else without turning on yourself.

"You're saying viciousness is attractive?"

—Just like the leopard.

"I want to know who you are going with and where – I don't want any ambiguity about anything – None of those half-truths."

—There is no dark stranger; there is no mother.

"Can't you talk?"

—Some people can't hit bottom.

"Cat got your tongue?"

—A frozen moment.

"You're picking on my child." [Parent to teacher]

—What else do you think it could be?

"I can't be ten places at once, can I?"

—There's only one way to find out – See what happens!

"Your car smells like chocolate."

—This, we could sell.

"What am I – chopped liver?"

—Too intelligent.

"Did you talk to Joe?"

—The factory burned down.

"How much did it cost?"

—Whatever you do, don't buy any race horses.

"Did you pay for it?"

—There's more to life than counting money.

"Do I look like a Dave Matthews fan?"

—Aside from that, you look darn swell!

"That's surprising, coming from a cop."

—This isn't the Spanish Inquisition.

"Where are the dogs, in the doghouse?"

—That's a waste of time.

["I'm using it right now."] "Can I use it after?"

—The store is closed ... Is this a fishing expedition? ... This is getting really heavy duty ... Who can bear the shame?

"You could have fooled me."

—It's true!

"You still haven't answered the question."

—I want you to know it has nothing to do with what's going on.

"But I have to do it!"

—Well, you could start with goldfish.

"Don't flatter yourself."

—I do enough.

"Do you have diarrhea or something?"

—You should be so lucky!

"You get paid for this?"

—Sooner or later everyone has to light a fire under their own stove.

"You're the biggest idiot I've ever met."

—How many?

—I guess I'm the white sheep of the family.

—You haven't created anything – It would have been that way, anyway.

—Some sharpie!

"Why shouldn't I cheat if everyone else is doing it?"

—When they ask you for money, tell them to get a scholarship.

"We did it!"

—You can't cheat George Washington.

"I just don't get it."

—You can elevate yourself above your time and place.

"I love it!"

—Why do you look at me when you say that?

"Never mind! – I'll take care of it."

—An earthshaking human disaster.

"Never mind! – Forget it!"

—You can't blame people for trying.

"I know, take it out on me! I can handle it."

—You know, not everyone has to kick the chicken before they boil it.

"JUST LEARN IT!" [From Seventh Grade Latin teacher, now deceased]

—Ancient footprints.

["My first phone number was 2540, and my best friend's phone number was 2260."] "Four digits? This is a put-on."

—Those were the days ... Can you believe it?

"Another guy picking on you, huh?"

—Read Civilization and Its Discontents by Sigmund Freud.

"I've had it up to here."

—Things have changed so much.

"Did you get it registered?"

—Not everybody is Flash Gordon.

"Go ahead and do it! You've got the money."

—We don't need it at all.