"Get a job."

—Don't you dare say I'm good with money! ... Don't you dare say I'm living by my wits! ... Oh, she'll never get to the next level of academic charm ... It's very hard denying the truth.

"Hello, sir, can you get me a black?" [A street person, shadowing you, coming in from the corner of your eye]

—I'm sorry, I can't – I don't want to – What if they find out I'm not crazy?

[Just when you discover people have been lying to you, tricking you onto the wrong train, sideswiping your van, pointing fingers of blame all over the place, making you feel hotheaded, you simply realize]

—Everyone has their own way.

"Gosh — You look awful!"

—It's YOU! — You sneak up.

"I'm so afraid you're about to say something awful."

—Wind blows, Rain falls, Fire burns, Earth nourishes, Light shines.

—I have to check my finances.

"What did Bruce think?"

—He's the quiet, mysterious kind.

—I hope I'm not saying the wrong thing.

"You flunked!"

—Getting stomped!

["Boys make passes at girls who where glasses."] "What about girls who don't wear glasses? – They get lonely, too."

—You're ahead of most people.

"Mr. Scott, for his part, shows a borderline creepy fondness for filming [little girls] in bathing suits."

—Don't twist it too much.

"He is a man of splendid capabilities, but utterly corrupt. Like rotten mackerel by moonlight, he shines and stinks." [–John Randolph of Virginia, of Edward Livingston of New York, at the turn of the 18th Century]

—My monster.

"What other culture could have produced someone like Hemingway and not have seen the joke?" (–Gore Vidal)

—There's such a thing as deeper wisdom.

"We can't take you anywhere in public."

—What a drag.

"He's unnoticeable." [Speaking about the man she's with]

—Against the background of whatever else there is.

"That's okay – I'll sign your name." [On the taxi receipt]

—Sign me up.

"Where did you get this mermaid?"

—In the middle of a storm.

"What sign are you?"

—Take a wild guess ... The burnt-out question of our times ... What Dickens called, Our Mutual Friend [Hundred dollar bill] ... Dollar sign, baby, dollar sign!

"What's your sign?"

—You say that in a Church, right? ... Parents from the gutter aspire to the stars ... Two is better than one; get three, get four! ... There used to be millions ... Maybe you should let me decide ... Do you clean out fireplaces, too? ... Close to human ... Make a million ... make another million ... get your roof gilded ... I'm not fooling around with it anymore ... To glimpse things as they are ... Open to every curve in the road ... No strings attached ... I'm an extra with a small x ... Domestic parking ... Slippery when wet ... Even the California side? ... Some people go crazy, you know? ... "I dreamed that a fish was taking its clothes off and remained naked." (–Clarice Lispector) ... I think it's better to keep changing ... I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning for you! ... You can call me anytime ... Deep down we wish for the veil to be lifted, and the boundaries to disappear ... Astrology is a system of institutionalizing someone ... That's all they teach in schools: how to be the same ... Many factors ... Many roads lead to Rome ... There's nothing anyone can do about it – It's just you! ... "An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing!" (—Bob Dylan) ... It doesn't matter where you come from, or where you are, if you're smart.

"There is no reason anyone should like billy he's a little bitch. And a homosexual that NO ONE LIKES." [Scrawled in your textbook by school bullies]

—Is it on this disk?

"Get off! GET .. OFF!" [The playground scooter]

—Okay, boss! Just don't hurt me! ... Much too soon ... There you go ... Your best friend ... Great memories!

["That's a beautiful color on you."] "Thank you ... You won't be seeing it for a while, though, because it needs ironing."

—Which is insane if you want to be warm.

["There are some nice places you can go."] "I'm not going anywhere."

—Get a rocking chair — And then you can rock!

"When are you going to get a degree?"

—I guess you never read What Was That? by Al Zeimer.

"Don't get shot!"

—There's a whole history of the world they don't teach in schools.

"The mayor hammered away at him throughout the summer, calling him 'ethically challenged.'"

—Everything's in codes because there's all these stupid rules.

"Oh, he's just getting cranky and tired."

—And I've got the flashing lights to prove it!

"Chill."

—What else can you do?

"Chill out."

—The worse you feel, the better it is, because you'll get over it.

"There's not usually people walking here." [From a bicyclist who just ploughed into a crowd of pedestrians]

—How to pretend you don't have a brain.

"Why did you get a dog that pees in the house?"

—Cats are worse – The whole secret is to not get rugs!

"What does moon fooling do?" [MoonFooling.com]

—Gurdjieff was just teaching people to be artists – This particular artist sends away for a five-dollar book on how to read minds.

"He appears! Did you mentally transport yourself?"

—I said the magic words!

"I don't get it."

—If you play music to people, and say nice things, they heal faster.

"If I'm slow enough, you can get it, right?"

—Living by your wits.

"How do you get a girl to sleep with you on the first night?"

—Find one that doesn't count.

"Icarus, don't get angry since the girl has gone with another guy. See I've told you, the girl will never like you."

[See Icarus and the Gutter Snipe]

"Get a brain."

—This is my inheritance from my mother – I know the worst thing to say to someone.

"Get back to work."

—If we can't mess it up, nobody can.

"Get a sense of humor."

—Real dark — It's really subtle.

"Get a hold of yourself, man!"

—You can't get over it until you can feel it.

"Get a good rest."

—Sometimes life is easier than you think.

"You should know about the attitude that goes on." [At your restaurant]

—For a few years I haven't been able to read minds.

"That's what you get for being a woman in a war zone." [Rape]

—I like my daughter but I can't take care of her.

"Your attitude shows a pathological need for attention."

—I can't help what I say, because I'm talking from myself.

"You just need to change your attitude."

—Another handicap.

"If you come in with that attitude, you're going to get nowhere. Nowhere!"

—You can write it on your mirror.

"You need to check your attitude."

—I think it gets hotter as it goes along.

"Is her father Chinese?" [Your child, whom you've decided to protect from the idle inquiries and offensive remarks of strangers]

—Away from the farm! ... What a time to be a child ... It reminds me of things to come ... It's like science fiction.

"No Chinese would ever eat that."

—That'll be the day.

"You all are playing hooky today."

—You can't beat that!

"Why are you laughing, Claire?"

—It never stops.

"What are you laughing at?"

—I hope it doesn't have a curse.

["I am so poor you wouldn't believe it."] "I thought the taxi business was getting better."

—It's what they call the song of nothing.

"What's your best taxi story?"

—I speak drunk very well.

"TAXI!"

—And a few other things.

[Someone bugging you]

—It's been going on for thousands of years.

"I'm a taxi driver."

—The better you are at something, the more you like it.

"Don't touch me! I'm ticklish!"

—Those could be your dying words!

"Will you quit staring at me, please?"

—It's a sin.

"You just don't get it."

—Anything old.

"How do you get someone to leave you alone?"

—I don't have any money – You should give me money.

"How about leaving your sister alone for a change?"

—Just don't tell me you want a tea set.

"Leave me alone!"

—All winter if you want.

"When I see you alone, I see what's in your mind."

—That's not really true but I don't care.

"This is just one of those days."

—You can't tell if she's Eve, the apple, or the snake.

"Did you buy one?"

—All beat up ... Those were the days.

"Does this work on every girl you give one to?" [The radish flower]

—It's amazing how they grow.

"See this guy? Of all drivers who have a medallion, he's a 'one.'"

—Are you losing money?

"I don't like either of your attitudes."

—Just have fun and make sense out of everything.

"You guys have a little too much testosterone going on."

—Just like a good mother.

"Did we ask for your opinion?"

—Well, you could try the Internet.

"Is that your personal opinion?"

—Who else, in the midst of all this clamor?

"I'm afraid to ask."

—What do you think it is?

"Why do you ask?"

—You can learn a lot from that – No one said this road would be easy.

"Pussy!"

—I think that's what you're missing.

"Hey, pussy!" [Someone walking by, knocking your books onto the floor]

—Get 'em all with one blow!

"Don't be a pussy."

—They're all assholes, anyway.

—Then there's another stage?

"Just get out of here."

—Take it easy – Don't kick people.

"Just a little bit too much reality for a Friday night."

—It's certainly worth it.

"You're being creative, Richard."

—Window to window.

"Fuck you! Just go away and don't bother me, mother-fucker!"

—I like a quick turnover.

"I really don't like it when you keep using the word, like."

—That's just part of the turnover ... It's like worms on a shovel.

"Last word freak!"

—Beware of blondes with blue eyes and sharp tongues.

"Have a good one."

—You get a ball point pen and go to work!

"Have a good one." [Sleazily]

—It's good to work hard; it's good to feel happy; it's good to live.