– SunPorch




"Nobody Ever Does Anything Wrong."


All gifted show-biz people have trouble communicating anywhere but on stage. This is a staging area, so when someone attacks you or asks you pressure questions, you can "stick to a script."



Overflow Index <== Click picture.

People are afraid they'll say the wrong thing, or they won't say enough. The way out is to say the "wrong thing!" — that is, to practice little scripts. After a while, you'll loosen up.

In all the attacks below, remember the underlying question being asked by the other person is, "Do you like me?"

It's best to say very little. Click the pictures or anywhere else for a script.


#. -1 for I can't figure out how to navigate the fucking site. [Link from] • 1010, huh?


A. A bastard's work is never done. • A computer can't make a mistake – It's only people. • A first time for everything, though. • A formidable figure. • A fun concept, but not enough real content for my taste. • A healthy way to express yourself, but could have been done differently. • A kitty looks pretty funny without fur – It looks like a chicken! • A. Know that you are under attack; B. Know what kind of attack you are facing; C. Know how to make your defense fit the attack; D. Know how to follow through. (–Suzette Haden Elgin) • A little bit – You're a little worried. • A little coffee with my sugar. • A little dangerous. • A little school up in New Hampshire. • A little self-indulgence. • A little more straight talk wouldn't hurt. • A little superficial, isn't it? • A little variety never hurts. • A no-brainer. • A person always wants to improve themselves. • A person who wanted to pass wouldn't turn in a handwritten paper. • A quaint hacker. • A really developed culture there. [Palestinian West Bank, where they're killing each other] • A simple Verbal sentence to let someone know you will murder them. • A single guy! You're all alone. • A specialty for you, Al, when you're old. • A supplemental activity? • A warm person. [Sarcastically] • A waste of time. • A written response to bullying. • Aaaaa-CHOO! – Excuse me! • Aaaiii! You scared me! • Absence makes the heart grow fonder. • Absolutely. [As if to a child] • Accept Christ or burn in hell! • According to the ancient philosophers,.... • According to the Canada Safety Council: A workplace bully subjects the target to unjustified criticism and trivial faultfinding. In addition, he or she humiliates the target, especially in front of others, and ignores, overrules, isolates and excludes the target. Regardless of specific tactics, the intimidation is driven by the bully's need to control others. • Acting too defensive in conversations. • Actually, that should have been: Quit hiding behind anonymity [on the Internet], then we'll talk. Not sure why I felt the need to change it. • Actually, the study of fallacious reasoning can be real cool. • After I remember not to slam the door. • After spending too much time on it, I eventually found a link to a Habermas fan site, which somehow makes it all the weirder. [Link from "Verbal Self Defense" thread at The Usual Suspects, May 2, 2002] • After twenty-four years, does the sex go bad? • After work. • Again with the eating the Hershey bar – It's going to ruin your appetite. • Age before beauty! • Aii! You could have killed me! • Al-Qa'ida ... you want to blow up the Coit Tower, go ahead. (–Bill O'Reilly, November 10, 2005) • All day. • All I ever get is six inches. [She says over an award of a glass ruler. Later, she and another female in the office stare at your groin and laugh whenever you walk by her desk] • All I have is a twenty – Sorry about that. • All it means is, you have more time to sit in front of a computer and play games. • All men are idiots, and I married their king. • All my love to give to all is always met with a face all full of mistrust and reason. • All of it? • All right! Don't be a stranger. • All right, fair enough. • All right, I feel as if I've learned something today. • All right, you gotta look out for yourself. • All the time? • All the time? • All these seats are saved. • All you have to do is say yes or no. • Allergic to bullshit. • Allow me to help you, Icarus. I understand how you felt the last time you got rejected. I already knew it from the beginning when you were going after that girl, nothing mysterious here. And I knew you wouldn't succeed. • Also, could you clarify what you said about enigmatic verbal self defense? • Always blaming me. • Am I confusing you already? • Am I in your way? • Am I mentioned? • Am I missing something? • Am I supposed to take a hint? • Am I the only person who can't figure out this verbal self defence site??? The answers don't make sense.?? [Link from one of the msn groups, entitled PSYCHOPATH] • Amanda, you should come back and stay with me. [You're ahead of them in an airline check-in line; it would be one thing if you were still a child, and they were your guardian; then you should simply go along with their fears] • Amen. • An honest guy. • An opening. • An unidentified spokesperson disclosed.... • And betrayals. • And by the way, it's going to cost you seventy-five dollars to replace that ticket. • And have you found the perfect thing to say when someone's mean? • And he actually has someone ELSE that draws those God-awful pictures. • And his paintings are crap. • And how far along would you say is that process? • And I hold no hard feelings over your earlier disingenuousness. (–John McCain to Barack Obama and every news outlet on Capitol Hill) • And I hope you fail! • And I knew you wouldn't succeed. • And I suppose my work isn't as important as yours? • And I thought I was stupid. • And I thought your family could sink no lower. • And I'm not going to let you inject me with the plague, either. • And it's all so I can have better conversational skills? • And many faithful Catholics think that we should continue to let God run things. • [And that energy bill] was loaded down with goodies, billions for the oil companies, and it was sponsored by Bush and Cheney ... And you know who voted for it? You might never know. That one. (–Senator John McCain, smiling and pointing to Mr. Obama, without looking at him) • And we thought you were a hotshot programmer. • And what about the metric system? • And when I put the knife back down, it was bent; it hadn't been bent before – It was telekinesis. • And who are you calling ignorant? • And wipe that smile off your face! • And yet, for the life of us, WE CANNOT FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE SAYING. • And you did it again! • And you don't care what that makes you. • And you people are supposed to be sensitive and sharp? • And you thought you had troubles. • And your research is based on what? • Another day! • Another day, another fifty cents. • Another guy picking on you, huh? • Another robbery yesterday. Watch it! • Another shitty day in paradise. • Another sunny day! [Total fog] • Answer YES OR NO! Just YES OR NO! • Anti-psychotics are really a must for you, man. • Any idiot knows that. • Any idiot with a laptop can post his ramblings. In my opinion it's so much nonsense, and there's no editor. • Any luck? • Any luck out there today? • Any tips? • Anyone who sees this is going to think I'm shallow! • Anyone would be lucky to ride in your cab. • Anything for you! • Anything I can help you with? • Anything new? • Anything would help, Sir! – Anything at all. • Anything's possible. • Anytime, anytime! [Insincerely, because you didn't meet their stringent expectations – You simply slipped through the open door without saying anything] • Anyway, the girl you're after is not quite bad. She never rejected anyone before. • AOL for Broadband – Without It, You're Going Nowhere Fast. • Appetites aren't as big as your noses, huh? • Appreciate it. • Appreciate your honesty. • April Fool! • Are men intimidated by you? [Interrogation of Indian actress on 60 Minutes]Are her parents dead? – Are her parents dead? [Your adopted Chinese child] • Are the 49ers going to win? • Are they allowed to do that? • Are they fake? • Are they Nazis? • Are they real? • Are they your dogs? • Are u a virgin? • Are we done being neighbors for now? • Are we ever going to get married? • Are we having fun yet? • Are we that ugly? – He's hiding. • Are you a beginner? • Are you a big tease? • Are you a candidate for sainthood? [From a well-dressed gentleman ambushing you at your car with an elaborate, swiftly changing story] • Are you a doctor? • Are you a kike? • Are you a lesbian or something? • Are you a member here? [From an eight-year-old] • Are you a meteorologist? • Are you a showgirl or a stripper? • Are you a sports fan? • Are you a virgin? • Are you a Warriors fan? • Are you a Zionist? • Are you all done? Do you want me to clear it, or are you still working on your potatoes? Do you have a spoon? • Are you always this awkward around girls? • Are you always this outspoken? • Are you anti-Semitic? • Are you Apartment B? [From an anonymous mail carrier, who has never actually introduced himself] • Are you back? • Are you blogging on that? • Are you by yourself? • Are you calling me a liar? • Are you calling me stupid? • Are you crazy? • Are you dating someone from Danville? • Are you doing all right? • Are you done with this? • Are you enlightened? • Are you ever willing to consider facts that do not support your position? • Are you faithful? • Are you feeling better? • Are you feeling sociable today, or not? • Are you finished? • Are you from Japan? [To an Asian from Connecticut] • Are you gay? • Are you getting any chance to write? • Are you getting psyched? • Are you giving me the silent treatment now? • Are you going somewhere? • Are you going to have kids? • Are you going to use this cart? – YES OR NO! • Are you going to vote? • Are you guilty of murdering your wife? • Are you guys for real? • Are you guys skipping? • Are you happy now? • Are you happy working in this job for nine years? • Are you hard of hearing from listening to loud music or are you just being a prick today? • Are you illegitimate? • Are you in a hurry there, Tod? • Are you in line? • Are you innocent? • Are you insecure about your cock size? • Are you into cars? • Are you jumping in on the side of Satan? • Are you just going to cut in line in front of me? • Are you leaving? • Are you leaving, Sir? • Are you lonely? • Are you looking for other guys? • Are you looking for somebody? [Hostess at a fine restaurant] • Are you looking for someone? [Stranger challenging you] • Are you making fun of me? • Are you married? • Are you non-native speaker of English? This is not a common terminology in US - at least not that I am familiar with. • Are you nuts? • Are you off your rocker? • Are you okay? • Are you on crack? • Are you on duty? • Are you on glue? • Are you on the rag? • Are you on your lunch break? • Are you one of those faggots? • Are you packing a gun? • Are you playing with me? – How come you're late? • Are you playing with yourself? • Are you pregnant? • Are you pulling out, sir? • Are you queer? • ARE YOU QUEER? ARE YOU QUEER? • Are you ready for Christmas? • Are you really that insecure? • Are you registered to vote? • Are you right wing? • Are you saying I'm like that? • Are you smiling at me or with me? • Are you smoking something? • Are you sniffing glue? • Are you spending very much money? • Are you staying for dinner? [You're hanging out with friends, and you don't know what they're doing] • Are you still beating your children? • Are you still doing your exercising? ... your martial arts? • Are you still happy? • Are you still here? • Are you still here? It's ten minutes to nine. • Are you still on a diet? • Are you still on drugs? • Are you still watching that stupid show on 'Heart?' • Are you still working on this? • Are you supposed to be sitting over there by yourself? • Are you sure? • Are you sure I can't bring you more coffee? • Are you sure? I'm afraid you can never get the girl. • Are you sure you didn't drop it on the floor? • Are you sure you don't want to be someone else? Otherwise, you're stuck with yourself. • Are you sure you haven't done this before? • Are you sure you're Yale material? • Are you talking to me? • Are you talking to my girl? • Are you telepathic? • Are you the head of the home? • Are you the Night Cabbie? [Weekly columnist for the Examiner] • Are you the red Jeep over there? • Are you through with how many years of law school now? • Are you trying to be a talk-show host, or what? [Student to Professor of Journalism] • Are you trying to gyp him? • Are you trying to look unattractive? • Are you trying to seduce me? • Are you trying to set me off kilter? • Are you trying to start a fight? • Are you two an item? • Are you two taped together? • Are you upset? • Are you upset? When is your period? Are you on the rag? • Are you using telepathy? • Are you using that? [The cart] • Are you voting for Obama? • Are you waiting for someone? • Are you walking the dogs? • Are you working for somebody? • Are you working today? • Are you working tomorrow, dippy? • Are you writing a book? • Are your eyes full? • Are your hands clean? • Aren't we all? • Aren't we lucky? • Aren't you a stewardess? Isn't that just like being a waitress in the sky? • Aren't you a sweetheart? • Aren't you ashamed of yourself? • Aren't you late? • Aren't you late for the meeting? • Aren't you listening? • As Catholics, we propose and invite – We don't proselytize. (–Sister Margaret Mach of the Catholic Cleveland Diocese, on WBZ-AM radio) • As far as I'm concerned, this is over. • As I thought ... your site identifies a long-standing pathology. • As long as he doesn't get laid off – His job is at the pleasure of the Governor. • As long as it's direct. • As much as I can love Richard Hart, I love Richard Hart! but wait.. I need some of that love.. where did the floor go? • Ask me if I give a flying fuck! • Asshole! • ASSHOLE! • Astronomers have decided Pluto is no longer a planet. • At least I don't get rejected like anyone else. The truth is out there. • At least if I feel pain it's better than nothing. • At least now I know enough to give people actual eye sockets. • At least now when I call you a bitch, I'll know what you look like. • At least you pronounced my name right, so we're off to a good start. • At some point in school I decided it was cool to be witty and off-the-cuff and zing anyone with the slightest hint of malice toward me. I'm not talking about verbal self-defense or anything that confuses people. I'm talking about turn-beet-red, in-your-face, no-holds-barred caustic snubs that stun people into oft self-conscious silence. I inherited it from my grandmother, who could turn a stranger to tears with an off-the-cuff phrase and later plead ignorance, saying she was just making small talk. It became an art, for its own sake, to come up with rapid fire shut downs for anyone, anywhere. I'm in my mid 20's and nothing and no one can touch me. Who needs an arsenal when you're impregnable? [Excerpt from Everyone's a Critic -- and then you DIE] • At the risk of repeating myself. • Attack is the best method of defence. What kind of dreams would help, and can I programme them in advance? • Avoid hell. Repent. Trust Jesus today. • Aw, blow it out your ass! • Aw, shut up. • Aw, too bad!


B. Baby! Baby! You are a baby! • Back for thirds? • Bad credit rating is a disease – We will cure it – guaranteed. [They earn their living hurting people; you're not going to regress because of the ensuing tension, are you?] • Bad people don't know they're bad. • Bank of America ... RE: Reference # L071408000811 ... Dear Valued Customer: ACCOUNT # *********6327 ... AMOUNT DEBITTED $2.55 ... We have been served with an IRS Levy in the amount of $21,044.06 naming you as a debtor. In accordance with Internal Revenue Service regulation, we have charged your account(s) in the amount of $2.55 for payment of the IRS Levy. Please note, in addition, we have charged your account a $100.00 nonrefundable processing service charge ... Dave Rojas. • Barack Obama has played the race card, and he played it from the bottom of the deck ... It's divisive, negative, shameful and wrong. (–Rick Davis, campaign manager for Senator John McCain) • Barack, the magic Negro, lived by the sea .... • Baseball tickets yet? • Be a good boy, or I'll cut you. • Be careful how you say that. • Be careful what you wish for! • Be fair to yourself. • Be good! • Beat you to it! • Beautiful weather – It's unusual for San Francisco. • Because? • Because I think you're an asshole. • Because I'm your mother! • Because of his personal demons, Keith has imploded everywhere he's worked. From lashing out at co-workers to personally attacking Bill O'Reilly and all things Fox, it's obvious Keith is a train wreck waiting to happen. And like all train wrecks, people might tune in out of morbid curiosity, but they eventually tune out, as evidenced by Keith's recent ratings decline. In the meantime, we hope he enjoys his paranoid view from the bottom of the ratings ladder and wish him well on his inevitable trip to oblivion. • Because of something in your childhood, or the way you were raised, you feel you always have to win, or know what to say. • Because why? • Become the man that women desire. • Before she died, your mother told the entire town you were gay. • Before you go, I just want to show you three rugs, down in the basement. [They won't let you go] • Belly dancing is cheap. • Bend over. • Berkeley Municipal Code 14.36.030 C Prohibited Parking - Red Curb 33.00. [The day before Christmas Eve] • Beserkeley! • Best comebacks to say in a fight with words? • Best line to say to a girl. • Best words to say for breaking up with a girl. • Better late than never. • Better luck next time. • Better than a prostitute. • Big deal. [Sarcastically] • Big one! – Where did you go? • Big smart guy, huh? • "Bigger is better, right Boss?" "You got that right." [Conversation in an office for you to overhear] • "Bigger is better, right Pat?" "Pat says, 'I don't think he heard you.'" [Conversation in an office for you to overhear] • Bitch! [Under the breath, walking by] • Bless this holy union in the name of the Father, the Son and Holy Ghost. • Blow it out your ass. • Blow me – It's show business. • Bob, is she giving you shit, or what? • Bob, what did you do with the sun? • Boo! ... You're not funny ... I loved your movie! ... Take it off! ... I'm really drunk, and you're still not funny ... Stop lying! ... Go home! ... Get a life ... Hiss! ... Don't quit your day job ... Is there a doctor in the house? I see someone dying ... I'd rather be home watching paint dry ... You're a has-been! ... B.O.R.I.N.G. ... When's the comedian coming on? ... My accountant is funnier than you ... Nice blazer! Did your mom buy it for you? ... You're sooo ugly! (–Alex Williams, "Heckling moves into mainstream," International Herald Tribune, April 11, 2007) • Boring! • Boy, am I an observant guy, or what? • Boy, do you have some explaining to do. • Boy, you're easy. • Brace for impact. [Pilot to passengers of US Airways Flight 1549, ditching in the Hudson River, 16 January 2009] • Break a leg! • Bring it on! • Bring it on! [War chant] • Brother, keep the faith! • Bugs are attracted to light – Everybody knows that. • Bullies' expectations may also change constantly, without warning, yet employees are still, somehow, required to recognize and meet those expectations. While bullies may be motivated by an array of needs, one that they, by definition, all share is the need to control others, whether by verbal abuse, physical actions or some combination of the two. • Bummer! • Bush, reinforce your security measures. The Islamic nation which sent you the New York and Washington brigades has taken the firm decision to send you successive brigades to sow death and aspire to paradise. (–Osama bin Laden's top deputy, Ayman al-Zawahiri, 10 September 2004) • Business must be pretty good if you're sitting here reading something. • Busy day today? • But don't bring that one recipe that you made that one time! • But I have asthma, and I can still smell your smoke. • But I have to do it! • But instead, I'm here with you – no offense – but a moron pushing the last legal drug. • But there's one thing ... Well, it shouldn't be ... the tables aren't even. • But you have such a pretty face. • But, you know, verbal abuse is in the mind of the beholder. (–Senator Saxby Chambliss, R-Ga.) • But you've only been closed for five minutes. • By kissing up to great big assholes like you. • By no means am I perfect. • By the way, we do think you should call your mother more often. • 'Bye!


C. Call some more cabs, asshole! – The lot is empty. • Calm down! • Camel Filters: They're not for everyone. • Camel toe! • Can I ask a favor? • Can I ask you a stupid question? • Can I ask you a stupid question? – What would happen if you reversed the order of the words? • Can I ask you another question? • Can I borrow it? • Can I borrow some money? • Can I borrow your pen a minute there? • Can I buy a cigarette from you? • Can I buy your tie? • Can I check your pack? • CAN I FINISH PLEASE? CAN I FINISH PLEASE? [Effectively hijacking the business meeting] • Can I give you a little friendly advice? • Can I have a dollar? [From a man walking by, addressing you from behind your back] • Can I have a dol-lar? • CAN I HAVE MY DECAF COFFEE NOW? • Can I help you find something? • Can I help you find something? [Stranger challenging you] • Can I just borrow your pen? For just a moment. • Can I pet your dog? [From a little boy] • Can I see you in my office? • Can I see your license and registration? • Can I talk to you for just a minute? • Can I tell you what's wrong with you? • Can I use your name if they don't go for it? • Can we have some privacy? • Can we meet in private? • Can we pet your dog? [Sarcastically, to impress a girl] • Can we try a French kiss? • Can you call me a cab? – You've got a radio. • Can you close the window? I'm really a wimp. • Can you ever calm down for just one second? • Can you follow that? • Can you give me a simple example? • Can you give me an example? • Can you keep a secret? • Can you make change for a twenty? • Can you make sense of this? This is going to sound odd but anyway, there is a website called 'non escalating verbal self defense' and like its name implies, it's supposed to teach verbal self defense; however the actual website itself makes absolutely no sense. I mean the instructions and the writing on the site does not make any sense at all. So could someone with time just go to this site and look over it quickly and tell me if they managed to make sense out of it? Here is the site (1. Home > 2. Social Science > 3. Psychology > 4. Can you make sense of this? Yahoo! Answers) • Can you never think of the right thing to say? Trouble relating in social circumstances? Maybe Taxi1010 can help. This guide to verbal self-defense is extensive, detailed, and quite clearly the work of a troubled mind ... Spend a minute, spend a day, spend your life trying to figure this site out. [Link from] • Can you prove it? • Can you prove it isn't true? • Can you prove that it wasn't? [The will of God, or divine retribution] • Can you prove you're stupid? • Can you say thank you? • Can you sing, 'Daisy'? • Can you smile for me? – Is that too hard to do? • Can you spare a little change to get something? • Can you take a ten-inch cock? • Can you tell me what time it is? • Canadians have always been uptight – That's been my experience. • Cancer. • Can't beat this! • Can't handle a strong woman, can you? • Can't complain. • Can't you be serious? • Can't you do anything right? • Can't you get one of your sisters to send you money? • Can't you read? • Can't you take a joke? • Can't you talk? • Can't you wait a few days before you start cracking jokes? • Carol, the waitress, meet Simon, the fag. • Cat got your tongue? • 'Catch it low to prevent it high' focuses on the critical but often ignored problem of low-level aggression. • Certain people – You know who you are – .... • Certified bitch! • Cheap shit. • Cheapskate. • Check out the laws of this country. • Check your skirt at the door. • Cheer up, Richard! • Chica is a real dog. • Chicken! • Chill. • Chill out. • Choke on it! • Civil rights legislation cannot change men's hearts. • Clean up your own act. • Clean your room! • Cleveland is in Ohio. • Clever little bitch. • Close, but no cigar. • Club card? [At the checkout counter] • Clueless! Get a clue. • C'mon, a used ashtray ... Look in that drawer ... I'm not kidding you! ... You'll never work in this town again. • C'mon, the 'For Kids' section uses phrases like syntactic analysis and seems to do little more than reduce some 88 categories of attack & deflection to 22. • Combined with a lack of sleep, trying to make sense of that website is not easy. [Link from] • Come and stand in the front of the class and pull up your dress. • Come back and you're dead. • Come here, cashier bitch. • Come here, come here, there is no red light at this intersection, it is up there. • Come here – Sit down. • Come on, asshole! • Come on, get with the program! • Come on, honey, don't treat me that way! • Come on in and try not to ruin everything by being you! • Come on inside – I'll show you all my secrets. • Come on! – Make a difference. • Come on, Ridgey, you can walk! • Come on! What are you, sleeping? • Come on! What are you waiting for? • Come over here! • Come over here – I want to show you something. • Comebacks for the meanest bullies. • Comebacks for Verbal Self Defense against people arguing with you. • Coming back with fancy retorts is not my style unless I think at that moment that it will benefit beings. • Compromise. • Constantly talking is not necessarily communicating. • Constitutional entitlements do not ... spring into existence, as the Court seems to believe, because foreign nations decriminalize conduct. ... The Court's discussion of these foreign views (ignoring, of course, the many countries that have retained criminal prohibitions on sodomy) is therefore meaningless dicta. Dangerous dicta, however, since 'this Court ... should not impose foreign moods, fads, or fashions on Americans.' [Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, June 26, 2003, in a dissenting opinion, LAWRENCE v. TEXAS, referring to recent decisions by the European Court of Human Rights] • Contact us immediately. • Control your dogs! • Control yourself! • Cool! • Cool taxi psychobabble that only a true cab driver can digest. Awesome! Dredge on, dude .... • Cor-rect! • Could I ask you a question? • Could I please be your girlfriend? [Voice on the other end of the telephone line] • Could they maybe say that in one simple sentence on the first page? • Could you give me a copy of your DreamWeaver software? • Could you remind me what you asked me to do? • Couldn't there be some positive things there? – There's all this negativity. • Cover for me – I have a bad back. • Crapweasels make menace! • Crazy bitch. • Crazy comebacks. • Cry baby! • Cry me a river. • Cry to somebody else, not me! • C. U. Next Tuesday! • Cunt! • Cut it out! • Cut the crap! • Cutting me out of the loop? • Cutting men's testicles.


D. Dad, are you going out? [He wants the house to himself] • Daddy said it was a secret. • Damn, fat ass, lose some weight. • Damn, I'm good! • Dartmouth dropped from 9th to 11th in U.S. News & World Report's 2008 rankings of Best National Universities. • Date me! [From a thirteen-year-old girl] • David said, 'Ask Richard! Richard knows everything.' • David, you don't have to hate Alan – George Bush already does. • David, your paintings don't have any center of interest. • Deal with it. • Dear David, first off i would like to tell you that you are full of shit and did not research the zune enough to know your facts. • Dear Mr. Hart, Thank you for your e-mail. Your research sounds very interesting indeed. Good luck with it. Sincerely, Stanley Fish. • Dear Richard Hart, Thanks for sending MIND CANDY. I am sorry to report that the project is not right for Chronicle Books. Good luck with another publisher. Best wishes, Steve Mockus, Associate Editor. • Dear Richard Roe, John Kemeny wrote a book called Man and Computer in 1972 in which he discussed the symbiotic relationship between humans and machines. I hope that is the way we can go. Thanks for your comments. Jim Moor Director AI@50 • Dear Richard, sounds like a complete winner, although I must admit that I have used some of those tactics in responding to all the invective that has come my way ... ie ... 'What you say may well be true and I am sorry you feel that way.' All of which is a nice way of saying not much, I guess. Thanks so much for taking the time to write. David Carr • Declined! • De-escalating an angry person. • Definitely a faggot. • Department of the Treasury - Internal Revenue Service ... Notice of Levy on Wages, Salary, and Other Income ... Date: 05/28/2009 ... Yellow Cab Cooperative, Inc. ... Total Amount Due $21,942.01 ... Automated Collection System ... Tables for Figuring Amount exempt from Levy on Wages, Salary, and Other Income ... Filing Status: Single ... Pay Period: Monthly ... $779.17 ... Signature of Service Representative: R. M. Owens ... Title: Operations Manager, Collection ... Form 668-W(c) • Department of the Treasury - Internal Revenue Service ... Taxpayer's Copy of Notice of Levy ... Date: 07/04/2008 ... Bank of America NT & SA, Los Angeles CA ... Total Amount Due $21,044.06 .... Although we have told you to pay the amount you owe, it is still not paid. This is your copy of a notice of levy we have sent to collect this unpaid amount. We will send other levies if we do not get enough with this one ... Signature of Service Representative: R. M. Owens ... Title: Operations Manager, Collection ... Form 8519 (Rev. 01-01) 63518R • Did any potential terrorist just buy an airplane ticket? • Did anyone ask you not to bring your dog back in here? • Did anyone check out his thumbnail index? It contains something along the lines of his website being child safe because children can't actually read... Well, so what if I could read when I was 3? That's the best justification for obscenity online that I've ever heard, other than 'I just can.' • Did I get in your book? • Did I say that? • Did I wake you up? • Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? • Did it rain over the weekend? • Did Jesus have a sense of humor? • Did she fuck? • Did the ewe come out and visit you? • Did the supervisor talk to you? • Did, too! • Did we ask for your opinion? • Did we call a cab? [Trying to snatch someone else's taxicab] • Did we call a cab? Did we call a cab? • Did you brush your teeth? • Did you buy it new? • Did you buy one? • Did you catch Tickton? • Did you check your wallet after that? • Did you come from a disadvantaged family, or were you born that way? • Did you do something on Halloween? • Did you do that? • Did you do this all by yourself? • Did you eat paint chips when you were a kid or something? • Did you ever kill anybody? • Did you forget anything? • Did you get any sleep last night? • Did you get enough sleep, driver? • Did you get it registered? • Did you graduate? • Did you have a decent Christmas and New Year's? • Did you have a good day? • Did you have a nice little cheeseburger? • Did you have to pay for it? • Did you hear? – USA won the match! [Someone telling you the score of the game before you've seen your videotape] • Did you notice Curtis wore the same clothes for three nights? • Did you notice I'm wearing flowers? • Did you notice you're the most polite person here? • Did you pay for it? • Did you scan a picture of Sam and then trace it? • DID YOU SEE THE ORANGE CONE? • Did you see the scene after the credits? • Did you step in it? • Did you study under anybody? • Did you talk to Joe? • Did you twist your neck? • Did you watch the movie? Do you still have your ticket? [Three thugs cornering you outside the theater] • Did you work today? • Did you write all that, or is it research? • Did you write down, 'Not enough live stuff?' • Did you work Sunday? Was it busy? • Did you work today? • Didn't they teach you that at Dartmouth? • Didn't you ask me to take you to this movie? • Didn't your mother teach you anything? • Dink is small? • Disgusting feet. • Do birds fly? Do fish swim? • Do I get credit for this? • Do I have a name, man? • Do I have to explain everything? • Do I know you? • Do I know you from someplace? • Do I look familiar to you? • Do I look like a doorman? • Do I look like a hooker? • Do I look like a menacing guy? • Do I look like God? • Do I look like someone from Columbia? • Do I look Vietnamese? • Do I need this advice? • Do I need to fill this out? • Do it again! – Say what you said. •  Do Italian women use dried salamis to masturbate? • Do not ignore the enclosed notice! Failure to contact us could result in the Franchise Tax Board attaching your wages, filing a lien against your property, seizing your property or levying your bank accounts. • Do not talk to me like that! DO NOT TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! • Do people want the real or the imaginary? • Do something creative every day. • Do the right thing. • Do they sweat a lot or are they just incontinent? [Your wet dogs] • Do those dogs bite? • Do those shoes match? • Do what you want – I don't give a damn. • Do you? • Do you actually think before you say anything? • Do you always go after girls who already have a boyfriend? • Do you always read other people's phone messages? • Do you and your wife still have those great parties? • Do you believe in God? • Do you believe in Jesus? • Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by you again? • Do you come here often? • Do you consider yourself an independent woman? [Interrogation of Indian actress on 60 Minutes] • Do you do it because you like it or because you have to? • Do you do this in your spare time? • Do you do writing part-time? • Do you do your own laundry? • Do you ever sell your art? • Do you ever watch TV? • Do you feel bad about yourself? • Do you feel okay? [Tilting their head] • Do you feel suicidal? • Do you find it works for you? • Do you find that helps you? • Do you get AIDS from French kissing? • Do you hate me? • Do you have a bag? Do you have a bag? Do you have a bag? • Do you have a cigarette on you? • Do you have a degree? • Do you have a large envelope? • Do you have a medallion, or do you work off of someone else's? • Do you have a minute for the environment? • Do you have a nickel for five pennies? • Do you have a pen? [Meaning the one in your breast pocket] • Do you have a penny? [Ambushing you outside the restaurant] • Do you have a problem with that? • Do you have a quarter, Sir? • Do you have a reservation? • Do you have a/c in your taxi there? • Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get? [From the 1997 movie, As Good As It Gets, with Jack Nicholson] • Do you have any friends? • Do you have any of that three-inch-wide transparent packing tape? • Do you have diarrhea or something? • Do you have enough there? [Sarcastically] • Do you have money to burn? • Do you have some idea how strange that sounds? • Do you have something against wheelchairs? • Do you have this in a bottle? I'd rather have this in a bottle. [Sending back a glass of beer] ... Can I have an empty glass? • Do you have to incite them? [To get people to be mean] • Do you have to take up the entire aisle? • Do you have your cab already? • Do you invest in the Internet? • Do you know about Google? • Do you know any good icebreakers? • Do you know anything at all about that? • Do you know LISP? • Do you know Mohammed married a twelve-year-old girl? • Do you know of an off-the-wall follow-up that can deflect this particular one? • Do you know UNIX? • Do you know what? • Do you know what a platonic relationship is? That's all I want. • Do you know what happened to the TV? [You just arrived] • Do you know what I mean? • Do you know what it's worth? • Do you know what the word slow means? Try it once in a while! [From an irate police officer] • Do you know what this is? Can you help me find one? [Amish schoolhouse shooter, indicating his gun] • Do you know what time it is? • Do you know where it is? • Do you know who that is? • Do you lease this cab? • Do you like dinosaurs? • Do you like it? [The bitter tasting Chianti with too much tannin] • Do you like it better here than in Boston? • Do you like lavender and sage? • Do you like Mohammed? • Do you like seeing people just killed by sharks? • Do you like the opera? • Do you like to be interrupted when you're nancing around in your garden? • Do you like what you see? • Do you live around here? • Do you love me? • Do you make any money from it? [The website] • Do you mind? • Do you mind if I open the window? • Do you mind if I watch? I take Tai Chi at [Another] Tai Chi. • Do you need pot? Do you need pot? • Do you put toilet paper on so it unrolls outside or inside? • Do you read the Bible? • Do you recognize her from your dream last night? • Do you remember what flight it is? • Do you smoke? • Do you smoke pot? • Do you spell loser with one O or two O's? • Do you support freedom and the right to bear arms? • Do you swim? • Do you take any of these accusations seriously? Obviously you don't. • Do you take cash? • Do you talk to yourself? • Do you think I act Calvinist? • Do you think I bug you all the time? • Do you think I look fat in this? • Do you think I'd hurt you? • Do you think I'm a mean person? • Do you think I'm blind? • Do you think I'm that easy? • Do you think I'm the troublemaker? • Do you think it's fair for me to wait FOREVER? • Do you think that was appropriate to joke around with a fourteen-year-old girl about? • Do you think that's sexy? Is that the way you roll? • Do you think you're qualified to make that judgment? • Do you understand me, you crazy fuck? • Do you use it a lot? [Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense] • Do you want a little kitty? • Do you want his home phone number? [Donald Duck voice] • Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you? • Do you want me to leave the door open? • Do you want some candy, little girl? • Do you want to date? [From a child] • Do you want these two kids? [Teasing them] • Do you want to fight? • Do you want to look at three pictures of me when I was really happy? • Do you want to use the bathroom? • Do you want to watch TV tonight? • Do you wear those shoes at work every day? • Do you work here? [Farmer supply store] • Do yourself a favor, mate. • Does it cost anything? • Does it work? • Does it work? [Verbal self-defense] • Does she know that the school will be all closed because of Christmas vacation and no one will be there? • Does that make you proud? • Does that mean you're going to send us hate e-mail when we get home? • Does that sound funny to you, Officer? • Does the gay marriage issue hurt your chances of advancing in politics? • Does this work on every girl you give one to? [The radish flower] • Does your mother know she gave birth to a scab? • Doesn't he look like a vice cop with that badge? • Doesn't it seem as if Chelsea is sort of being pimped out in some weird sort of way? (–MSNBC correspondent David Shuster) • Doesn't make any fucking sense! [Viciously] • Doesn't your family mean anything to you? • Dogs bark – If I didn't like dogs, I'd try to get them not to do those things they do naturally. • Doing reality checks during my day shift I often talk with the passengers about Molly Ivins, the concentration of wealth (although according to the lamas you have to pray for the rich bastards too) the lack of national health insurance, Lester Thurow and Jeremy Rifkin. • Donna, you're a good person, I don't care what all the other people say. • Don't annoy your mother – She has heart trouble. • Don't apologize. • Don't be a fool! • Don't be a girl. • Don't be a jerk. • Don't be a pussy. • Don't be a stooge of the party loyalists. • Don't be a stranger! • Don't be a wise guy. • Don't be a wise guy. • Don't be emotional! • Don't be evil. • Don't be fresh with me, young man! • Don't be getting any ideas. • Don't be like that. • Don't be nasty! • Don't be picky. • Don't be ridiculous! • Don't be so demeaning. • Don't be so negative. • Don't be so picky. • Don't be so selfish! • Don't be so stubborn. • Don't be stupid! • Don't be such a girl! • Don't be too quick to judge people now. • Don't blow it! • Don't call us – We'll call you. • Don't denigrate yourself! • Don't disappoint your mother and me. • Don't do anything I wouldn't do. • Don't do it yourself! How do you expect me to learn if you do everything for me? Don't treat me like I'm some kind of idiot! • Don't do me any favors. • Don't do that! • Don't do that! You're going to go blind! • Don't do too much. • Don't even worry about it. • Don't ever slam the door in my face again, you old fart. • Don't forget to remind me about winglings. • Don't forget who you're talking to! • Don't get cute! • Don't get defensive. • Don't get me started. • Don't get shot! • Don't get shot today. • Don't get so uptight! • Don't get the wrong idea. [Under their breath, having just made an unsuccessful physical pass at you] • Don't give away the farm. • Don't give me that look. • Don't give up! • Don't go into the kitchen – It looks bad. • Don't have a cow! • Don't help me. • Don't hold your breath. • Don't I know your mother? • Don't Jew me down. • Don't just ignore the fact that I went out of my way to help you. • Don't just stand there. • Don't keep running your fricking mouth! • Don't kiss any rattlesnakes. • Don't kiss me now. • Don't laugh at me. • Don't leave your money there. [On the windswept table] • Don't let him even close to your money – He'll go right through it. • Don't let it go to your head. • Don't let me forget to call him. • Don't let me interrupt. • Don't let the bastards get you down. • Don't lick the cactus, you stupid animal! • Don't lie to me! • DON'T LISTEN TO A WORD HE SAYS! [Screamed from the window of a passing taxicab] • Don't listen to people's insults – You have control of your attitude. • Don't look at me. • Don't look at me like that – It makes me feel uncomfortable. • Don't look at me that way! • Don't look at me when you say that. • Don't make faces! It'll freeze that way. • Don't make nasty faces! It'll get cold and freeze that way. • Don't make things harder than they have to be. • Don't make those faces, because your face might freeze that way. • Don't mind me! – I was standing here waiting. • Don't move or I'll cut your throat. • Don't move this! We need this! [Shopping cart blocking the whole aisle] • Don't play stupid with me! • Don't quit your day job. • Don't rock the boat. • Don't rub it in. • Don't say a word. • Don't say hello or anything – just ignore us. • Don't say I never did anything for you. • Don't say that! • Don't say things like that. • Don't screw up! [Heckler from the audience, before you've even begun] • Don't sell yourself short. • Don't smell it. [The seat cushion] • Don't speak that way to your mother! • Don't spend it all in one place. • Don't stab me in the back. • Don't start with me, young man! • Don't stop and say hello! • Don't take any wooden nickels out there now. • Don't take the long way! • Don't talk to me, okay? • Don't tell me how to do my job. • Don't tell me words don't matter. 'I have a dream' – just words? 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal' – just words? 'We have nothing to fear but fear itself' – just words? Just speeches? (–Barack Obama, February 16, 2008) • Don't tell ME you brushed your teeth! • Don't test my patience. • Don't touch me. • Don't touch me! I'm ticklish! • Don't trust him! • Don't trust nobody. • Don't try to get out of it! • Don't walk away from me! • Don't waste your time or money. (10 hours ago) • Don't wear sexy clothes to the office. • Don't work too hard! • Don't worry. • Don't worry about it. • Don't worry about that – Blow it off. • Don't worry – It happens to lots of guys. • Don't you dare compare me to that pip-squeak. • Don't you dogs get bathed? • Don't you even care what happens to the other students? • Don't you ever look behind you when you back up? • DON'T YOU EVER PUT THE SOUP THERE! That area is for making food! • Don't you know everything? • Don't you love her, Richard? [Estrella, a nine-year-old girl] • Don't you take anything seriously? • Don't you feel guilty? • Don't you have any influence? • Don't you know anything? • Don't you listen? • Don't you people have anything better to do? • Don't you read the newspapers? • Don't you think maybe you're going overboard? • Don't you think she's a saint? • Don't you think that dress is a little revealing? • Don't you think we're a little old for this? • Don't you think you need more experience? • Don't you want a hundred dollars? • Don't you want some sex, baby? • Don't you want to buy one? • Don't you want to live a life the way you want to? • Don't you wear glasses? • Dope! • Download some Microsoft clip art and use that. • Drop dead. • Drug abuse. • Dude, do you have a cell phone on you? • Dude, he just called you a pussy! You gonna take that? • Dugg down as inaccurate. Stars do not twinkle. It's the shifting atmosphere that causes an apparent twinkle. Or were you stoned all through science class? • Dumb-ass! • Dumb bitch. • Duuhhh!


E. Earlier in the day, though, he said that his reasons for wanting to extend his term 'should be self-evident.' [Referring to New York City Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, as reported in The New York Times] • Easy as that, huh? • Easy come, easy go. • Eat me! • Eat shit and die! • Eat tiny portions and NEVER go back for seconds. • Eat up! • Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, None but ourselves can free our minds. (Bob Marley, "Redemption Song") • End of conversation. • End of the world. • Enjoy the show. • Enjoy those nuts! [They taste terrible! – The bag reads, "Best by 2006 FEB," a year earlier] • Enough! • Erik, you're the jerk of all time. • Estrella, do you think Richard is a child or an adult? • Eternal optimist. • Even a woman should be able to grasp basic economics. • Even for you. • Even if we just get one new idea, it will be worth it. • Even John could pass that class! • Even when you win, you lose. • Everybody has children and everybody wants their children to do well. • Everybody has problems. • Everybody knows that. • Everybody's avoiding me. • Everybody's crazy today. • Everybody's doing it. • Everybody's done something. • Everybody's going to the parade. • Everybody's taking something. Why not? • Everyone deserves love, even you. • Everyone has a blind spot. • Everyone hates me. The world is against me. I hate it! • Everyone hates the music, Todd, and everyone hates you! • Everyone is doing it. • Everyone understands why you're having a hard time adjusting. • Everything always has to be black and white for you. • Everything has to be difficult. • Everything is always under development. • Everything you're saying is a dodge. • Everything's for the good. • Everything's getting very exclusive. • Eww. Slut! • Excellent. • Excellent! Have you ever taken a course in conflict management? • [In regard to] Excellent! You're the man! • Excuse me. • Excuse me! [Translation: Get out of my way, even though you're not blocking the aisle or anything] • Excuse me! [With all their attention on the map they're holding] • Excuse me, are you the lady in charge of the coffee? (–spoken to Naomi Halas, Rice University) • Excuse me! Can I leave the parking lot that way? • Excuse me – Could you please pick that up off the sidewalk? • Excuse me, do you have a light? • Excuse me, I was here! • Excuse me, sir, are you registered to vote? • Excuse me, Sir! ... You're not supposed to be taking it ... Oh, sorry! [Thinking you're stealing the newspaper that was in your mail] • Excuse me, you're in my child's way. • Exit only – You got to go that way – Sorry! • Experts have opinions, but having an opinion does not make you an expert. • Explain that one to me. • Extra credit: go to the following website. Look it over; make note of signs that the author may suffer from mental illness, as discussed in class. [Link from David Mendelson's spring '02 Honors US Studies 7 class, exploring Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Faulkner, and others]


F. Faggot! • Failure to contact us could result in the Franchise Tax Board attaching your wages, filing a lien against your property, seizing your property or levying your bank accounts. • Fair enough. • Faith in what sense? • Fake! That is so fake! • Family is all we've got. • Farnaz, your post indicates that you have a very underdeveloped sense of humor. I'm sure that there is a government program out there that could help you learn to lighten up. However, if you prefer to look in the private sector for help, I suggest that you look for old (late 70s) copies of National Lampoon (the issue with an article about 'Dog Fishing' is particularly good), buy DVDs of Animal House and 'Caddy Shack,' and perhaps invest in a 6-pack of Budweiser. Come to think of it, maybe that's the ammo our troops need over in Iraq. • Fat bitch! • Fat whore. • Fight insults by acting insane. [Link from The Rough Guide to the Internet] • Fight your own battles. • Filthy Jews! • Find a mess and you'll find Jeanette. • Fine? Are you sure? • Fine, I'll just leave you to your thoughts. • FIRST OF ALL – YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN TROUBLE! • Flattery will get you everywhere. • Flying planes can be dangerous. • Focus on your own damn family! • Follow me to certain death. • Follow that guy in a black hooded sweatshirt and make sure he doesn't get in a cab and drive it out of here. • Food is good. • For a while there, I was afraid my career was in a stall like yours. • For better or worse, we are known for the company we keep. • For cogent reasoning to occur, an avenue for reevaluation must remain open. • For some reason no gate is showing up. [The computer display on her side of the cashier's window] • For the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country. (–Michelle Obama) • For those of us with no need to speed type, the Storm is a great phone. In an economy like this, the world can do without ignorantly people more concerned with their own egos ripping apart an innovative and well conceived product. May the Devil find out you're dead immediately after you're gone. [Readers vituperating David Pogue without bothering to try out the product he reviewed] • Forget it! • Fortify yourselves! Brigades are coming, bringing death, and seeking Paradise. • Four digits? This is a put-on. • Freeze! • Friendly is not the same thing as friends. • From another world. • Fuck emotional intelligence. • Fuck her! She's unsafe with a gun! • Fuck me!Fuck you! • Fuck you! [Someone having a Friday night tantrum] • FUCK YOU! • FUCK YOU! [To the TV] • Fuck you! Are you writing a book? • Fuck you, asshole! [From a passing bicyclist] • Fuck you! I don't do what you tell me. • Fuck you! Just go away and don't bother me, mother-fucker! • Fuck you white boy. • FUCK-FACE! • Fucking dickless wonder! • Fucking Samoans! • Furthermore, you don't have to worry that you will overspend. This girl doesn't go for money. She goes for person.


G. Gee, Havi, I didn't know you had executive powers. • Geek! • Germany's talking about going to war again. • Get a brain. • Get a clue. • GET A FUCKING JOB! • Get a good rest. • Get a hold of yourself, man! • Get a job. • Get a life! • Get a sense of humor. • Get a take and don't suck L4M3R5 [Link from UK bulletin board] • Get away! – You bother me, kid. • Get back to work. • Get back under the manhole cover. • Get into bed or I'll spank you! • Get off! GET .. OFF! [The playground scooter] • Get out of MY classroom. [A woman's voice from the darkened room, currently being used as a video gallery] • Get out of my sight, nerd! • Get out of the gene pool! • Get out of town! • Get over it! • Get over yourself. • Get real! • Get the fuck out! – It's over. • Get those creative juices going and design creative things! • Get to the point already – That site was crap [] – He/she just droned on and on, never getting to the point. [Link from] • Get verbally defensive easily – How to be bigger person. • GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER! • Get your ass out of City College – Maybe you can get into a better university. • Get your mother's cock out of your ass. • Get your tongue out of my mouth! • Get yourself some help, you apparently need it more than I do. • Getting all settled in?—Good girl!—Good for you! • Getting down and dirty! • Getting tired of looking at all those cars, huh? • Ghirardelli, not the long way. • Girls can do anything. • Give it a rest. • Give me a concrete example of that. • Give me a simple example. • Give me an example. • Give me an example – You gotta give me an example. • Give me another example. • Give me back thirteen. [Someone from the Olympic Club pretending they gave you a twenty dollar bill; they actually gave you a ten dollar bill, which you immediately stuck under a rubber band attached to your visor - separate and VERY VISIBLE] • Give me one more for a little dessert. [From a beggar you just gave a dollar] • GIVE ME THE PHONE! • Give me your purse! ... Give me your wallet! ... That's right, there ... That's what I'm talking about! • Give me your lunch money! • Give up? • Gives you power, doesn't it? • Glad to have helped you. • Glad you could be with us today. • GO! • Go ahead and buy it – What have you got to lose? • Go ahead and continue not to answer. (–Arlen Specter) • Go ahead and do it! You've got the money. • Go ahead! – Make the turn! – No one's around. • Go ahead, punk, make my day. (–Clint Eastwood, Sudden Impact, 1983) • Go ahead, scumbag, make my day. (–Gary Swanson, Vice Squad, 1982) • Go ask Charlie what a sky hook is. • Go away. • Go back! Go back! We ran out of virgins! [Caption on an inflammatory European cartoon depicting the prophet Mohammed in the clouds, intercepting suicide bombers on their way up] • Go back to fucking India. • Go back to Kansas! • Go back to San Francisco, man! • Go figure. • Go fuck yourself! • Go get a marker – You're an adult. • Go light a fart. • Go on! She's waiting for you! • Go stand in the corner. • Go that way if it makes you happier. • Go to hell. • God, are there enough Starbucks around here? • God bless you. • God bless you! How could I resist? • God is punishing me, I know. • God, this is a tiny apartment. [From one of the new movers] • God, you keep amazing records! • Going home? — Can I get a ride? • Going out? • Going somewhere? • Going somewhere like pubs and bars again to try a pickup? Why are you going there? These places are not suitable for you. You will be rejected. • Going to work? • Good! • GOOD! • Good choice. • Good effort. • Good! I peed in it. • Good evening. • Good evening, Could I speak to the head of the home? • Good for her! • Good for you! [Condescendingly] • Good luck! • Good luck, buddy boy! • Good luck on that! • Good luck with all that. • Good luck with the social engineering! • Good luck with your ex! • Good morning! • Good morning, dickhead. • Good morning, do you have phone with you? No phone? Uh-oh! • Good morning, Richard – Have a good day. • Good morning, Richard – You're such a patient person. • Good morning? Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? • Good morning; you're late. • Good morning – You're late! • Good riposte. • Good thing I never got organized. • Good to hear. • Good try! [Presuming you were up to no good] • Good-bye. • Good-bye, asshole. Asshole. [Presuming you were the one who had been impatiently honking the horn] • Good-bye ... have a good night. • Good-bye – It's been original. • Good-bye, weirdo. • Google has claimed its $1 billion investment in AOL 'may be impaired.' • Gosh – You look awful! • Got brains? • Got passed up again? • Got pimp? • Got the time? • Great! • GREAT! – Great, Richard. • Great weather! • Gross! Don't pick your nose—That's revolting! • Grovel, Paris, grovel! • Grow up! • Guam – Have you ever heard of Guam? • Guess what? • Gun owners are the new niggers of society.


H. Ha, ha, ha! Are you blogging on that? • Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! I thought they'd give you a better deal than that. • Happiness always be with you. • Happy birthday! • Happy holidays! • Happy Valentine's Day to you. • Has it been this way? • Has the movie started? [Someone behind you in the movie theater, after you've told the disturbingly loud women, with him, to shut up] • Has your cum ever dribbled and you wish it had shot out? • Hate is not a family value. • Have a better day. • Have a bushel full of wonderful moments. • Have a good day. • Have a good day. [From someone who actually is crazy] • Have a good day there. • Have a good one. [Sleazily] • Have a great day, and watch out for those phony people! • Have a little respect for your elders, will you? • Have a nice day. [Sarcastically, having pointed out a nasty detail in the fine print] • Have a nice night. • Have a wonderful day. [This is tricky, because they're leaving to see their son in the hospital, who's about to die of Hodgkin's disease] • Have fun. [From a pretty girl, this can be a form of rejection] • Have I committed a crime? • Have we met? • Have you been doing anything? • Have you been following me? • Have you been happy? • Have you been on vacation? • Have you been out sailing recently? • Have you been saving any money? • Have you considered medication? • Have you done your taxes? • Have you ever actually used it? • Have you ever betrayed your husband? • Have you ever cheated on your wife? • Have you ever considered streamlining the site? • Have you ever faked an orgasm? • Have you ever heard of the American Vietnam War? American GI? Boom! • Have you ever smoked pot? • Have you ever taken a course in conflict management? • Have you ever taken the wrong exit before? [From a passenger] • Have you found that person? • Have you got a cigarette? • Have you got an extra five dollars? • Have you gotten any lately? • Have you had any Windows experience? • Have you just been sitting here doing nothing all day? [From the boss, stopping by your work area] • Have you lost your mind? • Have you met your new neighbors? [Let's see ... the two girls who lived upstairs moved out ... no one else has actually moved in] • Have you moved? ... Did you get a new roommate? • Have you read anything you said you read? • Have you signed the California Conservation petition? • Have you stopped taking drugs? • Have you tried medication? • Having a dog is a big responsibility. • Having fun? • Having you comment on technology is like having Tom Cruise comment on religion. You stretch and distort facts to fit your opinions. Your biases are obvious to any objective person. • He always says yes when he means no and no when he means yes. • He appears! Did you mentally transport yourself? • He called us airheads while you were gone. • He called you a whore! • He couldn't just ask you if he could use a chair? • He doesn't. • He doesn't look your type at all. • He finally has a real job. • He has his reasons. • He hasn't figured out, in 15 years of cab driving, that if he showed up on time he wouldn't get asked that question? • He is a man of splendid capabilities, but utterly corrupt. Like rotten mackerel by moonlight, he shines and stinks. (–John Randolph of Virginia, of Edward Livingston of New York, at the turn of the 18th Century) • He just didn't cite all the sources. • He just does everything right. • He just gets angry when someone else does it. • He kicked me out last time I was here! • He knows. • He looks like a girl! • He looks like a rat. • He makes me laugh. • He must have pulled something on her. • He needs a leash and the other one doesn't? • He peed in my yard. • He said I not pretty; I stupid. [Three-year-old girl telling her mother about a little boy in preschool - They can't stick up for themselves, so we must - It's like giving gold to god - You just can't regret anything you do for that girl - You never feel cheated - She is so worth whatever you do! - You slowly become an expert - Don't fuss with it!] • He should sell it to Pixar! • He studies too much! — You're a study wart! • He tells the truth when he's around you. • He was great. [Bob Dylan] • He was in the sock drawer the whole time. • He woke me up at seven howling and carrying on until nine-thirty when I left. • He'd be nice for you – He's a rebel. • He'll say anything to get elected. • He's a creep. • He's a rat! [Spoken in a voice loud enough for you to overhear] • He's blind to coldness. • He's borderline psychotic. • He's getting to be a real bitch. • He's just a TAXI DRIVER, but he can teach you how to answer to INSULTS. Just don't try to MAKE SENSE. [Link from lampoon of taxi1010 at Alleee and Franc's INSOLITOLOGY] • He's kind of ossified – a little stodgy. • He's making whoopee in my garden. • He's nothing; he's really inconsequential. [Your father] • He's obviously an intelligent man cursed with very serious dissociative problems. He certainly writes and thinks like a schizophrenic, or someone with a related disorder, but I'm impressed with his level of detail. • He's our chaperone. • He's probably too eccentric for the corporate world. • He's probably trying to Jew 'em down. • He's so ugly, bless his heart! • He's still a Mama's boy! • He's the designated pansy. • He's unnoticeable. [Speaking about the man she's with] • He's very articulate for a Black guy, do you know what I mean? • He's weird because he only wants one kid. • He's with me – I don't know if I'd call him my friend. • He's younger than me – He's thirty-seven. • Heartbroken, and I want to move on. • Hello, big man! • Hello, boys. [Ignoring you, talking to your dogs] • Hello, Mr. Big! • Hello, sir, can you get me a black? [A street person, shadowing you, coming in from the corner of your eye] • Hello, Steve, how's the hotshot investor these days? • Hello. You gave me a ride in your cab yesterday morning. I left my phone in there. If you have any kind of heart at all, or a decent person, you will call me. Thank you very much. • Help, I'm Surrounded by Jerks! (Article by Stephanie Rosenbloom, NYT, January 18, 2007) • Help me, I'm going fucking crazy. • [Henry David] Thoreau tried to make a virtue out of lack of rhythm. He said that the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. Okay, but how did he know? He didn't talk to that many people. He wrote elegantly about independence and forgot to thank his mom for doing his laundry. (–Garrison Keillor) • Here—Buy yourself a wig. • Here – I'll give you your card back. • Here! Make yourself useful. • Here you go, schmuckums. • Here's where you earn your living as a political pundit. • Here's your chance to move up, Doc – You can become Italian. • Here's your special sandwich – That's what we're charging you for. • Hey, are you going to order something for lunch today? [You've already had lunch; they watched you eat it; courtesy of Emptying yourself in order to understand the lizard's heart] • Hey, asshole! [Wayward bicyclist] • Hey, asshole! I'm talking to you, asshole. • Hey asshole! You got to go back there! [From a wacky pedestrian] • Hey, Baby! • Hey, baby! Do you know what a platonic relationship is? That's all I want. • Hey, Boris, you're going to die, man! • Hey, boss! Hey, Sir? Want to sell ...? • Hey, buddy, give me a lift, will you? I'll give you some gas money. Please! • Hey, buddy, I don't like your face. • Hey, buddy! Where's Spear Street? • Hey, buddy – You have more than twelve items! • Hey, chin up! • Hey, Dad, what are you doing up? • Hey, Daryl, you're holding the newspaper upside down! • Hey! Do you enjoy that? Keep it up and see what happens! • Hey, don't go! I need an animal act. • Hey, dude, that was really rude! If you ever come up to my door, then slam the door in my face, you're going to have a problem. • Hey, easy, purple boy! [Pedestrian baiting driver through open window] • Hey emo, my pipes could kill you. • Hey, fuck you! Do you think I'm going to wait all day for you to take your turn? [An SUV driver attacking your son, who's just learning how to drive] • Hey, girlie boy! • Hey, give me a smile. • Hey, Grandma! I took the tape off. • Hey, guys, where are we going? • Hey, hey, hey, hey! Don't get cute! • Hey, hey! Where's the fucking fire? • Hey Icarus, who was the girl in the car with you? • Hey, jerk-off, what do you want? • Hey, Lindsy, why don't you come and sit on my lap? • Hey, little Black Sambo! • Hey, look at the freak! • Hey! Look who's in the street behind you before you back up! • Hey, man, buy me a coffee. • Hey, man, can you put on the radio, tune in some oldies? • Hey, man, gimme five dollars. [An initiation-style robbery, perhaps leading to your pain, injury or death] • Hey, man, it's all right! I'm cool. • Hey, man, what's up? • Hey man, you got fifteen dollars? • Hey, Matt, uh ... are you any good? [Sportscaster to rookie ball player] • Hey, Mr. Self-defense Guy! • Hey, pretty girl! [From the bum on the corner] • Hey, prune face! • Hey! Punch me in, too, will ya'? • Hey, pussy! [Someone walking by, knocking your books onto the floor] • Hey, Richard! • Hey, Richard, correct me if I'm wrong. • Hey, Richard, how's it hanging? • Hey, Richard! – I'm going to take some of your coffee! • Hey, Roberto! ... Can you put on the golf channel? [As if no one else at the bar is watching TV] • Hey short stuff! • Hey! Slow down, man! • Hey, stranger! Remember me? • Hey, stupid! • Hey, Ted! I'm fucking with you! [From, There's Something About Mary] • Hey! This tastes good for a change. • Hey! We're talking about your job here! • Hey! What are you doing here? • Hey, what kind of coward are you? • Hey, what's going on, man? [Stranger challenging you] • HEY! WHAT'S THIS? [Angrily] • Hey, who do you go to for taxes? • Hey, why didn't you get on the freeway there? • Hey, Yellow! Hey, Yellow! Are you there for Joe? Are you there for Joe? • Hey, you! Come here! • Hey, you dirty Jap! • HEY, YOU DIRTY WHORE! • Hey, you faggot! [High School students passing in the hall] • Hey, you made everybody go away! • Hey! You must be wearing an Armani suit. Let's see. [Grabbing your jacket] • Hey! You owe me an apology. • Hey, you said, 'shit!' – You learned a new word. • Hey! You want me to give you a new face? • Hey, you're fat! • Hey! You're getting a spare? Or you're going home? • Hey, you're late! • Hey! You're not allowed to stand in line here twice. • Hi all I had quite a look at it and couldn't work out most of it. Still has some interesting replies to common insults. Duncan. • Hi! How are you? I send you this file in order to have your advice. See you later. Thanks. [An e-mail with an unknown attachment] • Hi! On the verbal abuse page, you added quite a lot of what appears to be either unsourced assertions or original research. Please take a look at those two links, but in a nutshell, articles on Wikipedia need to be cited, and articles must be non-original research. I've left the statements that appear to be backed up by Elgin's article at HowStuffWorks. Tlesher 03:52, 19 June 2007 (UTC) [This unabridged article on "Verbal Abuse" first appeared on Wikipedia; a few hours later, most of it was deleted] • Hi, Richard! [Pointedly not looking at you] • Hide! – I don't want him to see you! • Hiding in the corner? • Hillary Clinton tonight had a very strong performance. I think she had a very good performance. • His job is at the pleasure of the Governor. • Hmmm, so let me get this right.. Someone calls me a 'Sucker!' and I'm supposed to say, 'And there'll be a present for you ... after the program.'??? You would say that??? I read taxi1010 for about an hour, picking for usable snippets among the oddness. Why would anyone want to diffuse a question like, 'Are you walking the dogs?' I tried, but I don't get it. —Mark • Ho, ho, ho! It must be the lighting! • Hold still! Now turn around! Hold still! • Hominabie foramchi bogude wallawalla abadada! [From a passing street person, talking in tongues] • Honey, do you live around here? [A stranger to a child] • Honey, I could take you home and give you a fuck that would leave you smiling in the morning, but you just don't rate! • Honey, where are your parents? • Honey, you have to come with me. • Honey, your mom sent me to pick you up. • Honk if you have a small penis! [From a passing bicyclist] • Hook her up with Richard. • Hopefully. • Hopefully there is some benefit in this two-way street which I don't dominate more than I have to to be a mirror that reflects society. • Hot enough for you? • How about leaving your sister alone for a change? • How about that? • How about you? – What do you want to be when you grow up? [To a little girl] • How am I supposed to know? – You just told me, didn't you? • How are sales these days? • How are the guys? [Your dogs] • How are we going to use this in real life? • How are you? [After you've been sitting there fifteen minutes] • How are you doing, baby? • How are you doing, Richard? • HOW ARE YOU DOING, SIR? I AM YOUR HOST. [Busboy in a cafeteria, surprising you] • How are you doing, sweetie • How are you feeling today? • How are you folks doing? Okay? • How are you guys doing? • How are you today? [F. Matthias Alexander said, "People do not know how they are; getting them to think about it is a wrong stimulus, very bad for them." (–The Resurrection of the Body)] • How are you? – you and the lads? • How are your Japanese classes? • How 'bout I call you a cab? • How can a taxicab driver be so smart? • How can the Americans make this mistake? [An errant bomb, many dead and wounded] • How can you be so detached? • How can you drive all day with this kind of road rage? • How can you explain this? • How can you go around like that in public? • How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? (–Her ankles swell when she farts.) • How can you tell me to stop smoking? – You smoke more than I do. • How come it's not interactive? • How come no one's interested in being friendly to you? • How come this dog is so clean, Richard? • How come you didn't marry a witch? • How come you didn't tell me this before? • How come you don't know this? • How come you're late? • How come you're so cute? • How come you're so tall? • How could I resist? • How could you be so rude? • HOW COULD YOU HAVE LIED TO ME ALL THIS TIME? • How dare you owners be so happy! • How did a guy like you manage to stay single for so long? • How did a little girl like you land a great big job like this? • How did this Operating System get to be so complicated? • How did you get into all of this? • How did you get to be so infuriating? • How did you get to be so pretty? • How did you get to be such a creep? • How did you get so beautiful? • How did you land him? He doesn't look your type at all. • How did you manage to do that? • How did your seminar go? • How do I deal with conversations I find boring? • How do I know your research in verbal self-defense is reliable? • How do you ask for a raise? • How do you defend yourself against Uncle Tomism? • How do you defend yourself with words? • How do you do? • How do you do that? • How do you do your research? • How do you feel today? Do you feel suicidal? • How do you get a girl to sleep with you on the first night? • How do you get someone to leave you alone? • How do you handle him? [From your mom to your girlfriend] • How do you keep a moron in suspense? • How do you keep your mind quiet? • How do you know? • How do you know all this? • How do you know if someone is flirting with you? • How do you know that? Are you a meteorologist? • How do you know we're not psychos? • How do you know when you're an authentic person? • How do you like that? Cleveland is in Ohio. • How do you make money? • How do you respond to the word, kiddo? • How do you say 'little' in French? • How do you sum up your entire life? • How does a burrito sound to you? • How embarrassing. • How far can I get on a penny? [If I took your taxicab] • How goes it? • How has California's standing among states in per-student school funds changed since the 1960s? • How have you been? How have you been? How have you been? • How is it? [Your steak, veggies, potato, wine, service, conversation, vacation, sunburn, horror, tablecloth, salad dressing, soup, ....] • How is something that is bad different from something that is wrong? • How is your art selling on eBay? • How literal. • How long did he stay? • How long did you live in Philadelphia? • How long have you been doing this? • How long have you been a cab driver? • How long have you been driving a taxicab? • How long have you been in the States? • How long? How long before you make a million? • How long have you been driving a cab? • How long is it going to take? • How long is this rain supposed to last? • How long, Sawyer? How long can we play house? • How long you wait? • How many days a week do you drive? • How many days do you drive? • How many do you need? [Abrupt questioning from a salesperson] • How many Floridians does it take to screw in a light bulb? • How many inches are in a yard? • How many Savings & Loans can say that? • How many tickets? • How many times did you go running around after that? • How many times did you go there? [To Chez Panisse Restaurant] • How many times do I have to tell you? • How many times has someone asked about this? • How many times have I told you to knock it off? • How many times have you been hit by a trolley? • How many times have you read it? • How many ways are there to kill yourself? • How many years young are you? [Belittling "Elderspeak"] • How much did it cost? • How much did that cost, eight or nine dollars? • How much did that set you back? • How much did you make today? • How much did you pay for that? • How much do people pay for rent around here? • How much do they give you each month? • How much do they pay you? • How much do they pay you a month for one of those? • How much do you make? • How much do you make every month, for nothing? • How much do you make every day, on average? • How much do you owe him? • How much do you pay for gates? • How much do YOU pay for rent? • How much do you pay him, one or two dollars? • How much does a polar bear weigh? • How much does it cost? • How much does it cost for a personalized tag like that? • HOW MUCH? ... I SAID, 'HOW MUCH?' [As if you're a prostitute] • How much is the gas here now? • How much money do you make driving a taxi? • How much money do you get each month for that shield? [Also see Boredom] • How much more you got to eat? • How much rent do you pay? • How much traffic do you get? • How much you pay for this car? • How old is he? [Your two-year-old boy, from a complete stranger] • How rude! • How rude of you! • How should I know how to turn it on? If I knew how to use the computer already, I wouldn't be paying you $25 an hour, now would I? • How so? • How strong is the new evidence of nuclear programs in Country X? • How to get a girl turned on verbally. • How to handle a verbally abusive husband. • How to playfully defend yourself verbally. • How to respond to a verbal bully. • How to stop feeling unloved from the inside. • How to understand taxi1010. • How Tommy Lee Jones of you, David. • How was your honeymoon? • How was your New Year's? Did you work? • How was your week? • How weak is that? • How would you describe that? [Police officer to two-year-old boy who has just been sodomized at a party, after being repeatedly sandwiched between two adult men, taught how to suckle an erect penis to ejaculation, while being sexualized by hand, and penetrated from behind – "We're going to take him out for the best dinner he's ever had," they would tell my parents – All those people are dead now – Total assholes, including my parents – And to the rest of you, (They wink while they're passing judgment) I love your family values, your buried hostility, your bacchanal parties, your flimsy marriages, your Catholic coat-hanger abortions, your blind people, your patriotism, your sports teams, your churches, your Ivy League colleges, your TV programs, your market economy, your economic slavery, your cubbyholes, your cell phones, your witty sarcasm, your country clubs, your golf courses, your gated communities, and my art, which is eventually going to get around to this, and what's worse, the hushed cover-up that follows: A naked little boy running around at a party, How cute! ... a Scandinavian cherub ... The Sistine Chapel] • How would you describe this entire system for dummies? • How would you know? You haven't had any yet. • How would you like to be in Waikiki now? • How'd you get all the way over here from North Carolina? • How'd you get into that? • How'd you wind up here? • How's business? • How's Havi? • How's it going so far? • How's it going there? • How's Norelco? [Her name is Noriko] • How's she feel about that? • How's that business doing for you? • How's that pretty wife of yours? • How's that reindeer holding up? • How's the cab business? • How's the Internet project? • How's the price of gas affecting you guys? • How's the weather up there? [To a tall person] • How's your debt coming along? • How's your house? • How's your husband? • How's your soup? • How's your Suburu? [You don't actually have one] • How's your typing? • How's your wife? • However, I've also said a few other things about Evans' book: that when I prescribe that book to my clients, I also tell them that I think the author is herself angry (self-righteous), and is too hard on abusers (does not understand them). I've written articles about being 'stuck in anger' and being in 'VictimThink' based on my take of her work. This is only a partial summary of my mostly negative take of her work (except as per above), which I've written about across the site. My impression has only strengthened based on how she handled Becky's e-mail warning and how she (didn't) handle me. Add self-important to my laundry list. Ps: You don't have to agree with me. • Huh? [Feigning innocence] • Huh? What'd you say? • Hurry up! • Hypothetically, an eighteen-wheeler truck could have been coming through that intersection.


I. I ain't yo' brother! [White guy to a black guy] • I almost pushed you. • I almost ran right into you! • I already have a boyfriend. • I already knew it from the beginning when you were going after that girl, nothing mysterious here. And I knew you wouldn't succeed. • I always read your column – Of course, I don't understand it, but I still read it. • I always sense that Carson is on guard, wary. [Mike Wallace to Johnny Carson] • I am a confused psychology undergraduate wet blanket that seems to lack the perception that others are insulting me. • I am a gun. I was never made for hunting, just for killing humans ... I am god. He died. [Columbine shooter notes] • I am bewildered yet fascinated by this site. Its structure is nearly impenetrable, but the information within is kinda invaluable, so I check back. • I AM CALM! • I am confident that I will get her votes if I am the nominee; it is not clear that she would get the votes I got, if she were the nominee. (–Barack Obama, referring to Hillary Clinton) • I am embarrassed for you and consequently for the family as well. • I am going to be a seal for Halloween. • I am having difficulties navigating your site. It's colorful, it's vivid, it speaks to me, but I'm not quite sure how to follow certain ideas/suggestions. • I am having trouble understanding how to use your site. Specifically, how do you memorize the insults, with the bridges, with the follow-ups? • I am in pain when I am doing this exercise ... What do you have to say about that? • I am just curious to know which nightclub she's from. • I am just telling you the truth. At least I don't get rejected like anyone else. The truth is out there. • I am not an artist; I have no talent. • I am offended and furious about your remarks on women in science and mathematics. Arguments of innate gender difference in math are hogwash and indirectly serve to feed the virulent prejudices still alas very alive and now even more so due to your ill-informed remarks. (–Maud Lavin, associate professor at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, after Harvard president Lawrence H. Summers suggested that innate sex differences may leave women less capable in tenacious pursuit of math and science) • I am offended by the image, and you need to deal with that offensiveness here and now. • I am prepared to fight and die for my cause. I, as a natural selector, will eliminate all who I see unfit, disgraces of human race and failures of natural selection. [Finnish high school shooter] • I am selling the domain name and was informed you might have an interest in it. • I am so curious yet a little confused, ... • I am the city. • I am trying to be kind. • I am what you name me. • I am willing to help you – There are government agencies. [Having just insulted you and gone on about how rough their life has been] • I am wondering if you can review this paper for publication, keeping it in the strictest confidence. • I am wondering who your intended audience is. • I am your mother! • I applied there, but I didn't get in. • I asked you once. • I become so simple everything can mystify me while nothing can comprehend me. [Link] • I beg your pardon? • I believe abortion is always wrong unless you are talking about saving the life of the mother. [Then with a hand gesture ...] His wife is pregnant right now. His baby is kicking. He can feel it. That is a human being. • I believe I asked you a question. [Threateningly] • I believe I'll understand everything at the moment I die. • I believe it has something to do with avoiding a fight by confusing your opponent via saying random things. • I believe the truth matters. [From Oprah Winfrey] • I bet he has a little penis. [Conversation in an office for you to overhear] • I bet if I wasn't a white male, you would give me a check. • I bet there's a program you can do. • I bet you can't swim across. • I bet you get a chance to use Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense a lot. • I bet you get a lot of opportunity to use these skills. • I bet you get in lots of trouble, don't you? • I better quit while I'm ahead. • I brought you a present from Brazil! [Saying so, without actually giving you anything] • I bumped into an old friend of yours. • I call him dumb-ass; you know, term of endearment. • I came back, man! It's cool! It's cool! • I can do anything I want – I could be President. • I can do whatever the fuck I want! • I can get out here if you want. • I can handle it. • I can only imagine what Steve Diab must think of your letter. • I can put my foot in my mouth, and shoot myself in the foot, but I can't do both at the same time. • I can rely on you to be early. • I can see why she'd hate you. • I can see you're about to say something – So please don't! • I can see you're not a Southern woman – You must be a Yankee. • I can tell by looking at you that it doesn't matter what you do with your time. • I cannot see. [Inside the paper bag] • I can't be ten places at once, can I? • I can't believe how stupid you are. • I can't believe you! • I can't believe you're fifteen minutes late! • I can't complain. • I can't give you what I don't have. • I can't go to the movies anymore. • I can't make absolutes, but God can make absolutes. • I can't see a Goddamn thing, so what the hell am I gonna write about, how I can't see anything? My mind is black, sight is black, everything is black. [Columbine shooter notes] • I can't stand the sound of your voice! • I can't take you there. I don't go there. Get out. [Cab driver to a Black woman he picked up at the bus station at 10 PM] • I can't talk to you. I can't be friends with a racist. That's just it. • I can't tell if that's sarcastic. • I can't understand why you don't have many friends – you're so interesting. • I can't wait until you go through this, and I'm going to laugh! [Woman in her third trimester of pregnancy] • I can't ... You can take Kitty! [Her imaginary friend] • I changed my mind. • I come up here a lot, so I don't need any scenery. • I could have put a dead raccoon on the air this year and got a better rating than last year. • I could never live on this street, buddy. • I could never respect a man who kisses and tells. • I could see how you could use this in your day-to-day life. • I could use that with Steve here. • I couldn't explain to your sister what you were going to do. • I couldn't read him. • I cut my thumb off – What are you going to do about it? • I cut myself on the countertop. • I cut myself on your door. • I dare you to give your husband. • I did not learn anything in this class besides a strong dislike of The N.Y. Times. There was no journalistic background taught. [Anonymous course evaluation] • I didn't come here to be insulted. • I didn't even wash my hair today! • I didn't get heartburn at all! • I didn't know you were here! [Lying] • I didn't let you pay the PG&E bill for a long time. • I didn't mean to be talking to you. • I didn't notice any passion between you two. • I didn't recognize you. • I didn't say they're stupid. • I didn't say you could talk yet. • I didn't see you over here this morning ... I'm sitting over there. • I do whatever the voices in my head tell me to do. • I don't appreciate that — I really don't. • I don't appreciate your parking your car right up against mine. • I don't believe it. • I don't believe the Holocaust ever happened. • I don't believe you went to Dartmouth. • I don't care about your show – Even when some fudge packer that you date has been elected President, I don't give a damn – Do you get me, sweetheart? • I don't care what people say, I like your sermons. • I don't care what Virginia says. • I don't care where you come from. • I don't cheat people. • I don't disagree. • I don't do what you tell me. • I don't get it. • I don't 'get' some of the bridges, and I'd like to, are there pages of explanation that I have overlooked? • I don't go out with boys. • I don't have time for this stupid shit! • I don't know anyone who watches broadcast TV. • I don't know – I haven't noticed. • I don't know – I'm not a numbers guy. • I don't know if I can trust you. • I don't know if I'm lucky or not. • I don't know if we should sit here – She has really big hair. [People arriving in an almost empty theater, sitting down right behind you] • I don't know if you're being cute or crazy now. • I don't know jack shit about what you do. • I don't know what I did. • I don't know what I was thinking! • I don't know what I'm doing here; I don't even want to be talking to you. [She's sitting across from you at a cocktail party, proving she's not wearing underpants] • I don't know what is going on here. • I don't know what that means. • I don't know what to tell you. • I don't know what you're talking about there. • I don't know where your partner is there – He's probably off having lunch someplace. • I don't know who my dad is porking now; he's always porking someone. • I don't know you. • I don't know – You're the one who has to look at it. • I don't like either of your attitudes. • I don't like fluff. • I don't like it when you pluck your eyebrows like that. • I don't like patients who are headed for trouble. • I don't like this dog – Everyone else likes it, but I don't. • I don't like what you're saying. • I don't like you, okay? • I don't live here. • I don't mean, to keep – I just want to write my number there. • I don't need you barking at me, telling me what to do when I'm doing something else now. • I don't need your help, thanks. [Sarcastically] • I don't pay you for that. • I don't really buy it. • I don't remember. • I don't remember. [Lying] • I don't say ugly things. • I don't see what's so great about your owning an Armani suit. • I don't see why we should extend this tramp the courtesy of our attention. • I don't start until after eleven. [Drinking] • I don't think I want to know you anymore – All you do is make me feel bad about myself. • I don't think it's your mind – I don't think there's enough room in there. • I don't think so. • I don't think so, Richard, thank you. It's not what I'm going to put on my walls. [Any of my pastels] • I don't think that's true. • I don't think that's very funny. • I don't understand what you're saying! I don't understand what you're saying to me! • I don't want it in that cup – I want it in a Grande. • I don't want my lawn to grow. [As the wind carries a light spray from your garden hose over onto their property] • I don't want to be associated with the bathroom. [To a sales executive from] • I don't want to be conceited anymore. • I don't want to be married anymore. • I don't want to go there. • I don't want to hear your side of it. • I don't want to interrupt your lunch. • I don't want to put something on the web, where it will be seen as inconsequential by people of power and influence, ignored by inconsequential people, or even read by inconsequential people – I want to exert my will upon the people of influence ... upon the movers and shakers! • I don't want to see you anymore. • I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to have anything to do with you. • I don't want to start an argument because I know how easy it is to start an argument with you. • I don't want to talk to you. • I don't want to talk to you – I want to talk to your daughter. • I don't want you back anyhow. [Donald Duck voice] • I don't want you in here. [Police officer kicking you out of a bar] • I don't want you parking in front of my house – Go park someplace else. • I don't want you to come down here and stalk him. • I don't work. • I DON"T WORK HERE. [Yet they're wearing a company uniform & ID card] • I double dare you! • I enjoy it – little tool. [Personal computers] • I enjoyed tonight, too. But you know, we both have our lives. • I feel bad. • I feel bad for what happened to you. • I feel duped. [From Oprah Winfrey] • I feel icky! • I feel like jumping. [From the 10th-floor window] • I feel naked. • I feel relieved and less anxious after I cut. The emotional pain slowly slips into the physical pain. • I feel so much smarter. • I feel sort of sorry for you. • I feel stupid. • I feel you're not committed. • I fell down the stairs. • I felt insulted. • I find it difficult to understand, too. [Taxi1010] • I find that offensive. • I find your site a step in the direction I want to go, but do not know how to read it. • I forgot all about you! • I forgot what I was going to say. • I forgot who I was talking to. • I found this website and it has many many many twists and turns. It is one guy's way of helping those who cannot or will not respond to verbal barbs. It is most interesting and very crazy!!! [Link from ENGL 5365 Class WebBoard, March 29, 2008, Texas Tech University] • I got carried off in another direction – It's because I don't care! • I got paid yesterday, dude! • I got rid of all my junk! • I guess I just expected you to use better judgment. • I guess it's going to be slow today. • I guess Lance sent a message to the frogs. • I guess this is a man's job, huh? • I guess to you, you'd like it because it would be a challenge. • I guess we can't go dancing! • I had a bad time with my former husband. From that experience I've learned that all men are no good. • I had a chance to fuck her, and I didn't. • I had a nightmare – I dreamt I was back in the radio room. • I had my taxi blessed by a San Francisco friar. • I hate blondes; I hate all blondes. • I hate it! – What do you think? [About her haircut] • I hate talking to myself – it's like making love to a corpse. • I hate to burst your bubble. • I hate to burst your bubble, but a 300 gallon koi pond is too small to grow koi big enough to hand feed them. • I hate to say this, but when you hit the net, I won the point. • I hate Valentine's Day. • I hate walking down the street with you – It's so embarrassing. • I HATE YOU! • I hate your guts. • I hated the gooks. I will hate them as long as I live. • I have a deep cavity search for you. [Also see Threats] • I have a favor to ask you ... I'm having a party next week and I'm wondering if you can move the garbage cans we can see in your driveway? ... Just for that event .... • I have a friend who drives a van so he can feel he has his own little entrepreneurship. • I have a goal to destroy as much as possible, and I must not be sidetracked by my feelings of sympathy, mercy or any of that. [Columbine shooter notes] • I have a question. • I have a question for you – Do you spell loser with one O or two O's? • I have a really big dick. • I have a story for you. • I have a tragedy. • I have absolutely no idea what this site is all about, and I'm afraid to dig any deeper. • I have an announcement! The children are coming to our house every Christmas! • I have certainty. • I have five children to feed. • I have immortalized us in [Link] • I have it narrowed down to two choices. [Not telling you what those two choices are] • I have never loved you and I want a divorce. • I have no cash with me. [They're horrible liars] • I have no problem with women. • I have no sympathy for the parents [who, as Google employees, need inexpensive day care] and I'm tired of Googlers who feel entitled to perks like bottled water and M&Ms ... This is a supply-and-demand issue. Google needs to charge what the market will bear. (–Google cofounder Sergey Brin, as reported in The New York Times, July 4, 2008) • I have nothing more to say, return to your regular masturbation. • I have noticed it, but I won't say where. • I have noticed that the three confirmed bachelors, you, me, and David, each have a sister we are close to, whereas the three of us who have wives or steady girlfriends, Jim, David, and Al, without exception, detest their sisters. • I have serious doubts about your ability to evaluate tech. And your friends, for that matter. Yes, the Storm has a different emphasis than past BlackBerries, but it will continue to sell like pancakes. • I have so many of these! • I have so many things! • I have some bad news. • I have stomach poisoning from your lousy food! • I have to ask ... Soon almost every man in America is going to want to know ... if you have a boyfriend. [Interrogation of Indian actress on 60 Minutes] • I have to clean off the counter first – I'll get yelled at if I don't. • I have to disagree with you. • I have to work – You don't! • I haven't eaten all day, my God! • I haven't figured out how to use this [site] yet. You like very long pages but I don't. • I haven't noticed. • I haven't offended you, have I? • I haven't seen one of those combos before – Black and White! [My two little dogs] • I haven't seen you in a while. • I haven't seen you in a while for lunch – Not coming anymore? • I hear business isn't so good for you over in the city. • I hear you're looking for a new house. • I heard that. • I heard that rumor. • I heard the landlord telling you he was going to replace the back door. • I heard you're after a new girl here. It looks like you don't like the girl I recommended. Anyway, the girl you're after is not quite bad. She never rejected anyone before. • I hope my singing didn't scare you away. • I hope my window is still there. • I hope no one here is Jewish. • I hope she hasn't dried up your bank account yet. • I hope somebody knows about that broken arm out there, or we'll be stacked out to the freeway when everybody wants to get in here at once. • I hope you get cancer and die slowly. • I hope you give me credit for that. • I hope that's not presumptuous on my part. • I hope you took notes – There'll be a quiz next time. • I hope you're going to clean that up? • I just can't believe you have an imperfection. • I just don't get it. • I just don't think we're compatible. • I just feel like killing everybody. • I just got out of the hospital. • I just ignore them. [Mean, phony, stupid people] • I JUST SAID IT! • I just saw the soufflé – Look at that! • I just think people should think for themselves. • I just want to pull it over and watch it while I work on the computer. • I just wanted to ask you if you'd sign a petition. • I just wish I could believe you. • I kind of like the way you did that. • I knew you were going to say that. • I knew you weren't man enough to take care of a woman. • I know I'm being neurotic. • I know – I'm being schizophrenic. • I know I'm in your way. • I know I'm weird. • I know it's not all heartfelt. • I know it's not perfect; nothing's perfect. • I know Jesus, and I talk to God. • I know just how you feel. • I know just what you're thinking. • I know – Nothing matters to you. • I know one union representative and he's a terrible person. I wouldn't trust any of them. • I know, take it out on me! I can handle it. • I know that's a stupid question. • I know that's in your history. • I know the first thing you're going to do – You're going to try to ruin it. • I know the way to get there. [Irate taxi driver talking to a passenger] • I know this is going to sound strange, but people grow unusually attached to me. • I know we hooked up, but it wasn't that great. • I know what I'm doing. • I know what THAT means! • I know what those guys are up to – I've seen it before. • I know what you're feeling. • I know what you're thinking. • I know what you're up to – I know what you're thinking, and I want you to stop it right now! • I know what's going on. • I know where it is I want to go – I'm just having a hard time telling you. • I know you are, but what am I? • I know you don't care. • I know you hate all my friends. [Spoken in front of them] • I know you have issues with it. • I know, you never agree with any of my ideas. • I know you really don't hate me. • I know you taxi drivers have plenty of cash. • I know you've eaten worse. • I know you're fiercely independent. • I learned nothing from this class. [Anonymous course evaluation] • I left instructions under there. • I like all kinds of dicks, big ones, little ones, I like all kinds. [Specifically for you to overhear] • I like bigger books because you get more for your money. • I like both – I like what I have now – I'm more grown-up. • I like emeralds – It's my birthstone. • I like to fuck! [From a child] • I like strange people. • I like you best when you're asleep. • I like you, Tommy. Personally, I think you're a great guy. • I like you, you know. • I like your costume. • I like your faggot shoes. • I look ugly. • I looked at your website the other day. • I lost my glasses, and I lost my only other pair of glasses at home two days ago, so I'm really depressed. [She's actually crying] • I love books! • I love it! • I love that – It looks good on you. • I love the quizzical look people give me: What the fuck are you talking about, Juda? • I love the smell in here! – It's very grandfatherly. • I love the sound of laughter. • I love you! • I love you; I just don't like you. • I love you, Richard, and I can't live without you. • I love your hair color – what number is it? • I made a hit list. It was so fun to write their names down saying I want them dead. • I made him bow down! • I made you say underwear! • I met you before. • I miss daddy. • I miss you. • I missed you. • I missed you ... You're so great! ... Just great! ... So poetic. [They're drunk] • I must be losing my mind! • I must remind you you're under oath. • I need an education; I just don't want one. • I need to ask you all something – which one is Mohammed? No, seriously – I mean it. I really can't tell which is which. • I NEED TO KNOW! • I need to rest. [Putting her head on your shoulder] • I never argue with a man who is wrong. • I never heard of it. • I noticed that. • I overheard the conversation. • I owe you ten bucks, man! • I paid six thousand dollars for these seats – I don't have to put up with this. • I pity you. • I prefer to not bore you with it. • I prefer the back roads. • I probably should wash them first. • I pushed the red ball across the white room with a string. • I put a lot of time into trying to figure out your web site and learn something but I find it more confusing than helpful. It is very incoherent and you could probably use some professional web site help as well as with the writing. That is, if you actually wish to be helpful to people. [While it's true she spent an hour at, she never actually read the home page; I never know what to do when people walk right into the middle of things and start complaining, pretending I have all kinds of money. It kind of hurts my feelings. Actually, it hurts my feelings a lot. –Richard. Hmm. Maybe I could get an office as big as a pirate ship! –R.] • I put the PG&E bill on the dining room table – I already paid it. • I read 'em and I toss 'em. • I read it twice, thought it was written in bloody Klingon or something .. then gave up. • I really can't talk – I'm working right now. • I really couldn't figure this out at all - every page seems to be called stargate something, but I didn't know why each time I clicked on a link I was going there or what I was supposed to find. • I really don't like it when you keep using the word, like. • "I" "really" "don't understand you" "half of the time." • I really feel sorry for Gina. • I really need to get up early. How 'bout I call you a cab? • I recommend lithium. • I saw a book at Border's you'd like a lot – It's called, Sex in the Ancient World." • I saw it on your little sign. • I saw one of myself which I couldn't hardly stand! – I said, 'This is a terrible photo of me.' • I saw you looking at it. • I saw your web site and it was pretty good except for the milk carton. • I scraped it off the bottom of my foot. • I scratch your back; you scratch my back. • I see a sad, lonely, angry, isolated boy. • I see no reason why your wrist should be in pain anymore! • I see, you're a coffee fiend! • I shouldn't have dogs. • I shouldn't have to ask. • I slept with her before as well. • I spent a lot of time on this. • I stand corrected. • I stood right there and watched you do it. • I suppose you never did anything wrong. • I suspect this site makes perfect sense only after consuming a few of those funny biscuits they sell at 'alternative gatherings.' Any other time - what the?! Very odd. • I think a shark just went by. • I think Hart got that last quote from a review, and is still bitter. • I think he's the green-eyed guy floating in the river of shit. And that's Martin Luther King, Junior in the boat holding the doughnuts. • I think I'll miss the new Star Wars. • I think I've just about had enough. • I think if you need that sort of thing, that's fine. • I think it O.K. to kill Jews and go on a killing spree at this school ... Kill Johanna. She must die. (–From Wesleyan University shooter notebook, as reported in The New York Times) • [I think it's astounding that during an economic crisis, the Obama campaign is] again proving to be the fussiest campaign in American history. (–Nicholle Wallace, a spokeswoman for Mr. McCain) • I think life is messy, complicated, and filled with grays. • I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability. • I think our buyer is getting steps away from finding us. • I think people who act like that are stupid assholes! • I think people who don't feel that way [frightened and sad], who don't get angry, are not human. • I think she looks like a germ. • I think that would be good for an asshole: 'You can tell a man's an asshole, but you can't tell him much.' • I think that's best. • I think there is such a thing as justifiable attacks. • I think this guy is a paranoid schizophrenic. Am I missing something? • I think those women have very low self-esteem and the men who read them are degenerate. [Playboys] • I think we can agree to disagree. • I think we should allow more impartial studies to be done on this. (–President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran, questioning the evidence that the Holocaust ever happened, 20 Sep 2006) • I think with Bristol being pregnant and her mother standing up for her, it brings some heart to politics. She is an amazing woman who can do it all and an amazing role model unlike any others you can think of. Oprah is not married, Martha Stewart has dogs — her daughter is grown — and Rachael Ray is married, but doesn't have kids. Governor Palin is running a state and a family of five ... Conservatives have a bad history with The New York Times. How can I be sure that you won't take my words and twist them to suit some agenda that you already have? (–Julie O'Hara, from Great Falls, Montana, as reported by David Carr in "Drawing A Bead On the Press," The New York Times, September 8, 2008) • I think you are making life a lot more difficult than it needs to be. • I think you are the only person who defines who you are. • I think you have some problems, and you really need to work them out. • I think you should apologize. • I think you should do more art. • I think you should go to your local library and take out a book on speech rather than trying to understand rubbish website. (10 hours ago) • I think you're a fucking loser. • I think you're doing really good – Keep it up! • I think you're making a fashion statement. • I think you're so mean! • I think your generation can take care of that. • I think your sister's pretty. • I thought comparing my trustworthiness to (President) Bill Clinton was low, but calling me an anti-Catholic bigot ... I don't appreciate that kind of campaigning. • I thought the taxi business was getting better. • I thought they taught you manners at St. Albans. • I thought we were supposed to be helping each other. • I thought you did Yoga or something. • I thought you didn't like opera. • I thought you said you had a ride. • I thought you were being sarcastic. • I thought you were working in the city. • I told him, 'That's not how you spell my name – I'm not going to MARRY you!' • I told Ricky to watch the puppy! • I told you ... to stay ... off the grass. • I told you to watch the puppy, and Jimmy ran over it – It's dead. • I told your boss about you • I tried to phone you. • I tried to write poetry, as you can see; but I talked about money, so you're better than me. • I understand ... You're not your brother's keeper. • I usually feel like I have a black hole in the pit of my stomach. At least if I feel pain it's better than nothing. • I usually take 280. • I waited for you. • I waited for you – You're late! • I wanna kill you! • I want a divorce. • I want that space. • I want to cut his nuts out ... Barack, he's talking down to black people ... telling niggas how to behave. (–Jesse Jackson, July 6, 2008) • I want to have a major part in my movie. • I want to know who you are going with and where – I don't want any ambiguity about anything – None of those half-truths. • I want to know why we should reward lousy management? • I want to play with those dogs! • I want to see your driver license ... I want to see you in my office. • I want to stay here. • I want you to be calm. From today on, Islamic Shariah law will be the rule of this town. If anyone opposes the Shariah, appropriate steps will be taken. (–Sheik Muktar Robow, also known as Abu Monsur, Mogadishu, Somalia, as reported in The New York Times, 28 January 2009) • I want you to play a great game of basketball, kid! • I want you to wear a condom, because you could have AIDS. • I want your information. [To save face in front of their girlfriend] • I want your name ... I'm going to report you. • I wanted to make a U-turn. • I wanted to rip the president's head off, if I had him in front of me I would shoot him in the groined area. (Sue Niederer, who is being investigated by the Secret Service for this remark, originally posted on • I was a combination of sad and angry and disappointed and hurt. [Wife discussing her husband's interest in erotica on the CBS Evening News, May 1, 2007] • I was being facetious. • I was browsing around on in the weapons section so I could scare Jay with more talk of sniper rifles, but I got sidetracked by this article on verbal self-defence. Worried now that the Quipmistress has arrived on the scene, I thought I should brush up on my ripostes and followed the links. A short time later, I was at this site. I have absolutely no idea what to make of it. Do these comebacks work? Are they as weak as they seem, or am I missing something? Submitted for your consideration: Peter [Message at bad_craziness] • I was following you. • I was fucking your wife all afternoon. • I was going to ask if I could get that spot. • I was just asking if you know how to use the computer. • I was just being friendly. • I was just being social. • I was just kidding! • I was just seeing – Somebody's been letting his dog poop on my lawn. • I was just teasing. • I was just wondering; my students do that. • I was making two drinks at the same time, so you probably don't know what you saw. [He's an asshole] • I was mortified! • I was negligent; it happened so fast. • I was standing here waiting. • I was talking to my friend here. • I was totally not ready for the test, and I failed! • I wasn't mean when I got in the cab, was I? • I wasn't talking to you. • I watched you carefully, and you didn't screw up once. • I went to Public School! – I are smart! • I went over to Mike and Annie's – I cooked. • I will fight every moment of every day in this campaign to make sure Americans are not deceived by an eloquent call for change. It's no more than an eloquent but empty call for change that promises no more than a holiday from history and a return to false promises and failed policies of a tired philosophy that trusts in government more than the people. (–John McCain, referring to Barack Obama) • I will hate them as long as I live. • I will if you will! • I will never sleep with you – Not ever! – Ever! • I wish I could change it. [Cell phone chime] • I wish I could sing – I wish I could draw. • I wish I could take my dog on a walk like that. [Without a leash] • I wish you were dead! • I wish you wouldn't do that without my permission. • I won five hundred dollars in Las Vegas, and they gave me a penthouse suite. • I wonder why. • I wonder why I'm such an alarmist. And I wonder why I get extremely scared sometimes over things that don't seem like they should be scary. • I won't dignify that with a response. • I work all night, and when your children skate on the sidewalk at 3:30 in the afternoon, it wakes me up. • I work for UCSF. • I work in a bank. • I would do my homework and find partners to help you succeed as an entrepreneur. • I would do that. [Model a topless bikini] • I would expect you to know how to take people where they're going. • I would expect you to know that if you drive a cab here. • I would give this site a ten personally if I could ... what I live for on the net ... this is all the way on the edge ... great link .... [Link from] • I would like to continue to see you from time to time. I just can't deal with some of the things you might do around other people. • I would like to see more comebacks that u could use at school. • I would NEVER have closed the office for such a little thing. • I would never let her near you. • I would never undermine your authority in front of clients because that would be messing with your masculinity. • I wouldn't mind one of those twenties! • I'd advise you to mind your manners – You're in the big water now. • I'd be better sucking your cock. • I'd let you in if you weren't driving a Japanese car. • I'd like to know the rationale behind some of the responses here. I'd like to know how to say the 'Bridge Phrase.' Is it said out loud or muttered to one's self? • I'd like to learn verbal self defense from someone who is at least coherent. • I'd like to leave you with one thought, but I'm not sure you have a place to put it! • I'd love to give you some advice in return, but they don't have clubs for ugly losers with small dicks! • I'd never have thought of putting those colors together! • I'd spend more time reading this site, but I'm worried that it would start to make sense to me: Taxi 1010 [Link from] • I'd tell you, but then he'd have to kill you. • I'd tell you the real scoop, but you really don't want to know. • I'll alert the media. • I'll be right with you. • I'll be seeing YOU later. [Ominously] • I'll be waiting for you when school is over. • I'll beat your ass. • I'll call you when I come in to the airport. [Pretending you'll drop everything, race to the airport, break all the taxi protocols, bribe the starters and police officers, miraculously find them, and for what?] • I'll get out of your way. • I'll give you a quarter if you give me a cigarette. • I'll give you a ticket. • I'll give you three dollars to give to him. • I'll give you twenty dollars for that. I'm leaving town. I really need it. [Trying to buy the book you just bought] • I'll just leave you to your thoughts. • I'll just let you stew in your own juices. • I'll kill him if he does anything weird! • I'LL KILL YOUR ASS ... DON'T YOU KNOW I COULD BLOW YOU AWAY? • I'll let you go. • I'll let you know. • I'll pay it, and I don't want you to talk to me about it. • I'll pay you to watch me jerk off. • I'll remember that. • I'll see you tonight. • I'll send you an e-mail. • I'll send you the bill. • I'll take care of it. • I'll take care of the jokes, Bill. • I'll take care of you; you take care of me. • I'll talk to you when you're being rational. • I'll tell you what it is – All the mainstream media are owned and controlled by the Jews. • I'll wait for you outside. [Chocolate bully] • I'll wait then, because I don't have to get to work until ten. • I'm a businessman. • I'm a cynic. • I'm a housewife. • I'm a lucky woman. • I'm a mess today. • I'm a psychotherapist. • I'm a taxi driver. • I'm afraid! • I'm afraid to ask. • I'm always in the wrong line. • I'm always wrong – You're always right. • I'm an atheist. • I'M ASHAMED OF YOU! [Political heckler at Chelsea Clinton appearance] • I'm asking you a question! • I'm asking you as a friend. [To help him cheat] • I'm being a pain in the butt, aren't I? [From a four-year-old] • I'm being mean, Steve. • I'm being punished. • I'm being schizophrenic. • I'm blind. I'm very sensitive to light and no one knows why. It's very frustrating. • I'm brain-dead at this point. • I'm cold! Can you close the window? I'm really a wimp. • I'm confused ... as usual. • I'm easy to blow off – That's okay. [Also see Self-attack] • I'm fucking with you! [From, There's Something About Mary] • I'm getting a divorce. • I'm glad I'm not you! [Someone stealing your graduation present, a bright red fire truck, on the last day of kindergarten] • I'm glad it's working out for you. • I'm glad the Pope is here showing us there's a God up there watching out for us. • I'm glad to hear you're going to find it. • I'm glad we're not making a movie – I don't like the sound of my own voice. [Also see Self-attack] • I'm glad you told me, but now I feel really bad. • I'm glad you're not upset. • I'm going mad. • I'm going on vacation – I'm going to Montana. • I'm going right home and take a nice hot bath. • I'm going the wrong way, I know. [Attacking themselves] • I'm going to allow you to get that. • I'm going to describe some scenarios to you. Raise your hand if you think what I'm describing is wrong. (–NYT columnist David Pogue) • I'm going to do some errands. • I'm going to get a real gun. [One angry third-grade boy to another] • I'm going to get you, sucker. • I'm going to have to get you wings! Thanks! • I'm going to have to wear a name tag. • I'm going to kill you and your children. [Continuation of road rage, to a traffic court judge] • I'm going to make a sales call in Las Vegas – I hear they've got some pussy there. • I'm going to make your life a living hell. • I'm going to report you. • I'm going to slip out. • I'm going to take a poop. • I'm going to take some of your coffee! • I'm going to write you up. • I'm happy, and you're my date. • I'm happy to be governor of Alaska ... couldn't be more proud, of course, of my position as governor of Alaska. (–Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska, September 4, 2008) • I'm having a Richard Hart workweek this week: One day on, one day off; I like it! • I'm here! • I'm here for you. • I'm here to turn off your AT&T cable. • I'm hesitant because I don't want to get on any mailing list. • I'm honored, I think. • I'm impressed. • I'm indecisive today. • I'm interested in what's real – not ideas. • I'm Japanese. [Many Asians will say, "I'm Japanese," because they're ashamed they grew up in a slum in another country; sometimes you just have to assume the opposite of what they said, without interpreting, using a light touch, with care, reserve, and no undue familiarity; over time, the truth comes out] • I'm just a whore, what can I say? • I'm just asking a question and trying to determine what I'm doing wrong that may be causing the pain. • I'm just funny that way – That's just something that I do. • I'm just going to slide my big bouté out this way. • I'm just playing with you. • I'm just thinking. • I'm just trying to enjoy the park. • I'm known for that. • I'm like a poster child for being middle-aged. • I'm looking for a guy with a job and no hang-ups. • I'm losing all hope right now. • I'm lost. • I'm mad at you! • I'm married. [They're lying, and a lie is not a sound foundation for anything real; if they start off lying and you're blind to it, you're in real trouble, because you don't see when you're lying to yourself] • I'm never coming back here. • I'm not a dangerous person! • I'm not a girl – I'm a woman! • I'm not a good person at all. [Grumpily] • I'm not a people person. • I'm not a racist. • I'm not accusing you of anything. • I'm not an artist. • I'm not clicking on it so tell me what it is. [Post by me_ at 2003-01-07 09:05:20] • I'm not going anywhere. • I'm not going to ask him because I see he's clammed up. • I'm not having much luck, then, am I? • I'm not hinting. • I'm not interested anymore. • I'm not joking, I'm worried for you :( • I'm not judging you. • I'm not listening! • I'm not perfect – I'm human. • I'm not photogenic. • I'm not pregnant. • I'm not prejudiced, but you know how the Jews live in enclaves? • I'm not sick. • I'm not sure if that's a compliment. • I'm not that smart. • I'm not unpredictable. • I'm not your mother, Richard. • I'm off next week. • I'm only laughing 'cause you're my boss. • I'm prepared for anything, Richard. • I'm really a wimp. • I'm really disappointed by your decisions. • I'm retired. • I'm rubber and you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you! • I'm saving myself for you! • I'm scared to drive with you. • I'm seeing someone. • I'm smarter than you. • I'm so afraid you're about to say something awful. • I'm so confused – Will you fill me in? • I'm so glad to see you! • I'm so happy! • I'm so proud of myself. • I'm so sorry your daughter has AIDS. • I'm sorry, am I in your way? • I'm sorry I woke you up. • I'm sorry, Sir, I didn't think you could be insulted. • I'm sorry — that dress doesn't come in larger sizes. • I'm sorry you just ended up with me. • I'm speechless. • I'm starting to curse myself for being too cautious. • I'm starting to regret hanging around. I should have taken the razor blade express last time around. Well, whatever, man. Maybe they've got another shuttle comin' around sometime soon. [–Jeff Weise, Red Lake High School shooter] • I'm still respectful of my elders. • I'm sure that's true. • I'm sure you'll find plenty of other girls out there, so .... • I'm surprised you'd like a movie like that. • I'm talking to you! • I'm talking to you, asshole. • I'm telling you what to do! • I'm the boss of this camp and if I don't like you, you're in trouble. • I'm the most boring person in the world. • I'm the only one – I keep saying something wrong. • I'm the wrong guy to fuck with. • I'm thinking about coming over there and driving a cab next week – Has business been picking up? • I'm ticklish! • I'm tired of talking about it. • I'm too old to do that now. • I'm totally mystified. • I'm very sensitive to light and no one knows why. It's very frustrating • I'm waiting for my husband. • I'm warped. • I'm way too fat already. • I'm with the clown. • I'm working right now. • I've already been over there – I'm not going over there again – You're crazy as a loon. • I've been feeling kind of lonesome. • I've been having a horrible time. [Facetiously ... on vacation in Hawaii] • I've been known to go shopping on the other side of town. • I've been told I have a great body. • I've created a monster! • I've decided to leave the old house you you, and the diamonds to your sister. • I've got a butler. [Disparagingly] • I've got a date with my husband. • I've got Jews at my table. • I've got something for you. [Revealing the finger] • I've got to keep an eye on my CDs when you're around. • I've got to kiss up to the sergeant. [At a Police Department coffee break] • I've had it; I'm leaving! • I've had it up to here. • I've known people that would kick your ass or stab you in response to your comebacks. • I've lived with you a year – I know all about you. • I've never had any. • I've seen verbal defense sites, though, which were not half as big [As taxi1010] but included some digestible information. • I've seen what it's all about. • I've seen worse. • I've shown you mine, now let me see yours. • I've turned into the kind of person I'd never be friends with. • Icarus, don't get angry since the girl has gone with another guy. See I've told you, the girl will never like you. • Icarus, for your information, girls will only like guys who are winners. • Icarus, have you considered asking the girl who I recommended for you the other day? • Icarus, if you need my help, let me know. I will recommend other girls for you. I know one chick who would probably be suitable for you. Both of you would be a very compatible match. [Pulls out a picture of a really fat girl] • Ideas for a poster board for school all about a person's life. • IDIOT! • If Croesus went to war with Cyrus, he would destroy a mighty kingdom. • If I could wave a magic wand, remove all your bodily infirmities, would you still dance? • If I ever go back to San Francisco, I'm staying long enough to find his cab and take a ride with him. • If I know somebody well, in ten minutes ... I could perhaps say to them things so cruel, so destructive, that they would never forget them for the rest of their life. But could I in ten minutes say things so beautiful, so creative, that they would never forget them? (–Bishop Kallistos Ware) • If I leave, what are you going to do? • If I see someone come in and he's got a diaper on his head and a fan belt around that diaper on his head, that guy needs to be pulled over and checked. (–Louisiana congressman John Cooksey) • If I showed you a room without an elephant in the room, the question 'why is there not an elephant in the room?' is not a well-posed question. (–Dr. Peter Harrowell) • If I were to say, 'Shut up!' what would you say? • If I'm gonna say anything about John Edwards in the future, I'll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot. (–Ann Coulter, on ABC's Good Morning America, June 25, 2007) • If I'm slow enough, you can get it, right? • If it turns you on. • If it was natural for people to fly, we would have been born with wings. • If it works for you. • If Ricky tries to contest this, he doesn't have a leg to stand on. • If someone is mean to me, I try to see where they're coming from – Maybe they had a bad day or something. • If someone makes a sarcastic comment, I don't even have time to acknowledge it – Things are moving too fast. • If something happens, you're going to wish it never did. [Posturing] • If the proposal be sound, would the Saxon have passed it by? Would the Dane have ignored it? Would it have escaped the wisdom of the Norman? • If the shoe fits, wear it. • If the Simpson case is your idea about jurisprudence in California, it only confirms what I've been saying – the whole country has seen that. • If there hasn't been a film made including this yet, I think I've found the get-rich-quick scheme to end all get-rich-quick schemes. [Link] • If they didn't pay the ransoms, we'd be in a stronger position. (–US Defense Secretary Robert Gates) • If they liked you, then you wouldn't like them. • If this had truly been solved, wouldn't it be published already? • If this is a social experiment and he's going to submit a formal paper on it, bravo. If not, he should STFU and drive. • If this isn't an important meeting for you, why should it be for me? • If we don't do this, people will die. [Justification for the CIA's combination of extreme interrogation tactics, including sleep deprivation, prolonged stress positions, isolation, intense violent music, slapping on the head, waterboarding, chilling at fifty degrees Fahrenheit] • If we reduce high-level executive compensation, the University won't be able to retain or attract top administrators. • If what you have to say can't improve the silence, please say nothing at all. • If you add pictures to the Internet, you get the Web. [Kodak advertisement] • If you are like me, and are painfully aware of your own sanity to the point that you are fascinated and even sometimes envious of those who are not sane, you have found one or two great websites run by wackos and loonies of the highest order. Do you have any favorite personals from the periphery? ... This one is my all-time favorite (it was even better before the site redesign, but it's still great). I will give skott, josh, dev or ferocious j $5.00 (US!) if they can find this taxi and take a ride with the guy. [Link from Schabe, Inc. – Momentum] • If you are targeted by a cyberbully, stop, block and tell! • If you buy tomato paste in a can, you're crazy! • If you can't do it, don't do it. • If you can't go topless at David and Diana's, where can you go topless? • If you can't make it with the big boys, the only alternative is to refocus. • If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen. • If you cared about me, you'd do it. • If you come in with that attitude, you're going to get nowhere. Nowhere! • If you don't do this for me, I'm in for some big trouble. • If you don't like it, do something about it. • If you don't like it, you can get out of here ... or we'll just kick you out. • If you don't mind my asking, how much do you make in a year from a taxi medallion? • If you don't sell to the Arabs, they'll hate you. • If you don't understand it, you never will. • If you don't want to tell me, that's okay. • If yo' don't wear a condom, I might give you one of my dangerous diseases. • If you ever tell him, I'll kill you! • If you get pregnant, I'll marry you. • If you had half a brain, you'd be dangerous. • If you hate your father too much, you get toenail fungus, right, Richard? • If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to worry about. • If you have something to say to my daughter then you can come to me, because YOUR stuff is blocking the sidewalk and she has every right to rollerblade. • If you have that much trouble counting on one hand, you shouldn't be reviewing technology – Maybe a four-year-old can help you out next time. • If you have to do it, you might as well do it right. • If you haven't read that book, I don't see how we can even discuss this. • If you judge people, you have no time to love them. • If you like it so much, why did you leave? • If you like you, everyone else will, too! • If you love me, you'll have sex with me. • If you move to Seattle and I move to New York, we can get together if you don't find someone else. • If you need a good Christian therapist ... • If you put a Turing Machine on the surface of a sphere, with three choices at a node, can you prove you can write 0, 1, and 2 in every node? • If you really cared about my welfare, you would give me my check. • If you really loved me, you wouldn't want to go bowling. • If you really wanted to lose weight, you wouldn't eat so much. • If you say so. • If you see Kevin, tell him I'll be there about ten. • If you spent a little more time praying to God and a little less time being willful, the world would be a better place. • If you tell that guy over there he's the buyer, he really likes it ... It makes him feel big. • If you think communal living is such a great idea, why aren't you living in a commune? • If you want a backstabber, go ahead and hire her. • If you want, I could make you an extra in the Mayfire commercial. • If you want to get into this perverse and very inaccurate accounting of every penny, I will be happy to provide you with the list I have kept over the years. • If you want to leave, I can guarantee you won't find nobody else like me. • If you want to lose weight, go biking! [From out of the blue, someone going off on a tangent] • If you were .... :: WildCard-3 • If you were a gentleman, you'd back up and let me park. • If you were a woman scientist and had two competing offers and you knew that the president of Harvard didn't think that women scientists were as good as men, which one would you take? (–Mary C. Waters, chairman of Harvard's sociology department, after Harvard president Lawrence H. Summers suggested that innate sex differences may leave women less capable in tenacious pursuit of math and science) • If you'd been listening to the announcement from the captain, ... you can't use your cell phone right now! • If you'd listened to me, you'd be a lot better off today. • If you'd married Whitney, you'd be divorced by now. • If you're faced with an irrational rant, who can blame you for falling apart? • If you're just all right, I don't know if you're ready to go on the radio. • If you're not confused, you're just not thinking clearly. • If you're not confused, you're not thinking. • If you're not paranoid, you don't know what is going on around here. • If you're wearing those sandals to the club, I'm not going. • If your broker's so great, how come he still has to work? • If your idea was any good, someone would have thought of it already. • If your IQ were six points higher, you could be a plant. • Imagine that. • Impeccable. • ... in light of what we have seen, writing a web site about verbal self-defense when you're still bitter is like going to the supermarket when you're hungry. • In an age of growing secularism, Senator Lieberman does little to hide his religion and family life, or the big juicy government contracts of the previous administration. • In my opinion it's so much nonsense, and there's no editor. • In my opinion, the only plausible reaction to such people – to chronic verbal abusers – is compassion. (–Suzette Haden Elgin) • In my oppinion you should be fired for wrighting such a biast article in a (somewhat) professional newspaper. • In order to understand what another person is saying, you must assume that it is true and try to imagine what it could be true of. (–George Miller; 1980) • In the USA. • In this country, all the mainstream media and newspapers are run by the Jews. • In your dreams. • Increase the volume of your ejaculation. • Indeed. • Indy died. • Inevitable drip. • Inner peace brings world peace – God is love and the infinite, right? • Instead of saving up for two years, you'd have to save up for five years. [To fly on the Concorde] • Interesting. • Iron my shirt! [Heckler to Hillary Clinton] • Is Aaron alright? • Is arrogance and unwavering self-regard the antidote to guilt? • Is everybody happy? [In the course of the morning half the office has been given "secret" raises] • Is everything okay? • Is everything prepared all right, Sir? • Is he a professional, or just somebody who likes coming to your door? • Is he dead yet? • Is he with you? • Is her father Chinese? [Your child, whom you've decided to protect from the idle inquiries and offensive remarks of strangers] • Is it against the law? • Is it against the law for me to talk to your wife? • Is it all under control here? • Is it expensive? • Is it expensive? What do you have to pay for an apartment? • Is it for fun, or do you generate any money from it? • Is it for one culture, or for many cultures? [This website] • Is it going to rain today? • Is it my fault? • Is it politically correct? • Is it safe to send my kids to school tomorrow? [After school gunfire] • Is it till death do us part? • Is it working? • Is it yours? • Is modern Japanese culture based on the spirit of the Samurai or on shame? • Is she adopted? • Is she here? [Ignoring your girlfriend] • Is something wrong? • Is that a boy or a girl? • Is that a breed or an accident? • Is that a put-down? • Is that a yes? • Is that all the Chinese you know? • Is that all you can take? • Is that all you think about, is sex? • Is that big enough? • Is that good or bad? • Is that legal? • Is that my notebook? I have one just like it. • Is that okay? [Someone shortchanging you] • Is that really necessary? • Is that so? • Is that so? • Is that the best you can do? • Is that the way you apologize? • Is that the way you roll? • Is that where you hang out after work? • Is that your car? • Is that your dog? • Is that your expert opinion? • Is that your natural hair color? • Is that your one and only friend? • Is that your personal opinion? • Is that your statement, or a question? • Is that yours? • Is the convention still in town? • Is there a dent in my car? • Is there a law against having the air-conditioning on in the city? • Is there a problem with my car? • Is there a problem with my corned beef hash & eggs? • Is there an accident up ahead? • Is there another front entrance? ... I want to save him the trip of coming down. [Stranger at your apartment building, waiting for you to open the door] • Is there another line for people with a higher IQ? • Is there any compromise? • Is there anything else you want to tell me? • Is there no end to your greed? • Is this 101? • Is this a new leaf, or are you in trouble? • Is this a research project? • Is this line open? • Is this line open or are you the last one? • Is this Richard ... Hart? [An anonymous bill collector] • Is this something original, or did you learn it from someone? • Is this sponsored by Yellow Cab? • Is this the scenic route? • Is this the way to downtown? [A setup question, with more to follow -- They're rats in brackish water] • Is this to show what a big man you are, is that it? • Is this what you've reduced yourself to, Melissa? • Is this yours? • Is your arm better? • Is your code perfect? Are you perfect? If not, you should shut up and support this effort. • Is your baby sleeping through the night yet? • Is your credit score holding you back? • Is your electricity out? • Is your father in the military? • Is your girlfriend smart? • Is your memory that bad? • Is your name Dan Druff? – You seem to get into people's hair. • Is your show on? • Is your worst half coming to the party? • Isn't it against the law to plant a tree there? • Isn't it your job to get this done before it needs to go out? • Isn't she pretty? • Isn't this a conflict of interest? • Isn't your life miserable enough? • Israel is the root of evil. • It ain't over between you and me. • It could be worse. • It could happen to anyone. • It could have been a piece of cardboard, and I've named it a shark! • It didn't work before ... Why should it work now? • It does matter. • It does nothing for me. • It doesn't cost you anything? • It doesn't matter – It's meaningless. [Teen-age boy to his father] • It doesn't take much to amuse you, does it? • It expresses emotional pain or feelings that I'm unable to put into words. • It got too tough for you. • It happened for a reason. • It happens all the time. • It has pictures of huge stone balls and penises jutting up from ancient statues. • It has to come from the heart. • It is a tragedy. • It is an interesting statement, but I am wondering if you could clarify what you mean by a 'box.' • It is the peyote that imparts knowledge – How will the children learn without peyote? • It isn't easy to be me. • It isn't equal, Richard! • It isn't perfect; life is never perfect. • It just goes to show you. • It kind of sucks out there, doesn't it? • It kinda makes you wish you had schizoid tendencies, just so you could have your own self-imposed system of order to make sense of everything. • It looks like a chemical attack. • It looks terrible and amateurish. • It made you sneaky. • It makes me feel horrible. • It makes me feel something ... some odd specie of sadness. • It makes me feel uncomfortable • It makes you feel like you're in a box. [Getting married to someone you don't really like] • It makes you want to move to Des Moines, doesn't it? • It must be a Christian who owns this place – See that? ['John 3:16' printed on the bottom of a paper cup] • It must be depressing to go through life with no purpose. • It must be so hard for you since your parents got a divorce. • It must be that time of month. [To a woman] • It must be the lighting! • It must be the Oil of Olay. • It must get awfully lonely in that cave. • It really is hot in here with the door closed. • It really makes me mad. • It serves to remind us that nothing is ever what it seems! • It shouldn't cost that much. • It smells like a fish. • It sounds like a noble cause. • It springs ahead in the spring, and falls back in the fall. • It stinks! – It's a fucking latrine. • It stopped raining. • It takes one to know one! • It takes very little to amuse you, doesn't it? • It was a jest, sir. We exaggerate on the radio. • It was a lot of fun! • It was a quiet summer night. • It was just the ether, Wilbur. • It was me, Richard! It was me! I scraped it off the bottom of my foot. • It was my job to articulate administration policy. (–John Roberts in confirmation hearings) • It was only two-dimensional. • It was so predictable. [As the credits begin to roll, a high-maintenance Brahmin, not too bright, in the row behind you, flipping on her cell phone & critiquing the movie you just saw.] • It was telekinesis. • It was the thought that counts. • It wasn't just a one-time thing – That's great! • It won't work. • It would be better for you if you just came on in here on your own. • It would be kind of hard to use it without it, wouldn't it? • It'll cost you fifty cents. • It's a brand new car, too. • It's a cut above where you come from. • It's a demonic Jewish world conspiracy perpetrated by a 'filthy, lying bastard people' who kill Christian children – Their blood is used for black-magic ceremonies. (–Bobby Fischer) • It's a free country but you have to pay for it. • It's a great place to go topless. • IT'S A RED LIGHT, BABY! • It's a shitty job, but somebody's got to do it. • It's a thin line between love and hate. • It's a trap. [This website] • It's a walkway, shithead! • It's a waste of gas. [Thursday rehearsal for a weekend Blue Angels air show] • It's a way to have control over my body because I can't control anything else in my life. • It's about time you did such a nice job of cleaning your room. That's good; why can't you do that more often? • It's all about you. [Sarcastically] • It's all he could afford, huh? • It's all the students. • It's an emergency. • It's an inexhaustible subject. • It's an organization for real men. [The Masons] • It's bad for your health, man. • It's because the two Teutonic plagues, Hart and Juda, came together. • It's been original. • It's been wonderful and crazy knowing you! • It's better to be dead than ugly. • It's called Three Wishes – Did you see it? • It's changed – It's all because of your people. • It's clear – Run the red light! • It's cold in here. • It's cool to hate. [Columbine shooter notes] • It's different. • It's disgusting that a guy who doesn't know that a watt is joules per second should be allowed to write for The Times. • It's foolish to think you can get away with that. • It's for customer only. • It's frustrating. • It's fucked-up! It's totally fucked-up! I knew that was going to happen. • It's going to be a while – I don't like being stared at. • It's going to make her a better person. • It's good medicine for diarrhea, right, Richard? • It's good to know yourself. [Condescendingly] • It's good to see you did one thing right. • It's got you excited. • It's great. • It's hard for me to know where you're coming from. • It's hard to condemn a whole company based on an interview with one individual. • It's hot in here. • It's I always thought I would hear something they wouldn't have said around me. • It's in the regulations. • It's interesting – How'd you get into that? • It's just a stupid movie. • It's just like anything else. • It's just like San Francisco – too much rain! • It's just memories. • It's just my way of saying that the site [taxi1010] isn't coherent to me. • It's just that you set your priorities the wrong way. • It's kind of dangerous to be driving around in this all day. • It's kind of sad – Very sad. • It's kind of slow at the moment, but it's by choice. [From a commercial real estate broker] • It's like a graveyard of souls. [] • It's like before ... before we broke up. • It's like having to take a big shit, and there's nothing there. • It's moved? [the hotel] • IT'S MY TURN! It's my turn to go! [Surprising you] • It's nice to know you had your little time in the limelight, but from now on, do things through me. • It's nice work if you can get it. • It's no big deal. [Cold shoulder] • It's Norah Jones – Have you ever heard of her? • It's not a clinic – It's a dentist's office! • It's not a matter of catching up – It's a matter of you being responsible. • It's not as if we're not working on it! • It's not brain surgery. • It's not going to happen. • It's not in the New Testament. • It's not interacting with my computer, you fucking snot! • It's not interesting. • It's not like you need one thousand three hundred dollars. • It's not like you went to Harvard or Yale – What did you expect? • It's not much, but ... [Six dollars for a $4.90 cab ride] • It's not nice to talk like that. • It's not rocket science. • It's not sexy! • It's not what you know; it's who you know. • It's not your lucky day. • It's okay ... He's all zipped up. • It's okay – I'm not judging you. • It's okay – You're walking away from money. • It's one of the enduring mysteries: Why is it so easy to think of something memorable and ugly to say, and so hard to think of something memorable and beautiful? (–Suzette Haden Elgin) • It's one thing when you've got the full, rich engine of a BMW. • It's only money. • It's only two dollars. • It's our house and they have to respect it. It's our way or the highway. • It's pretty far. • It's prohibited – I'm in love with my husband. • It's really none of your business. • It's really not cheating – He just didn't cite all the sources. • It's regrettable we need to go through this process again, but we will if we have to. • It's scary, isn't it? • It's simple, is it not? Even for you. • It's so funny, every time I read it, I peed in my pants. • It's so good you're going for jobs like that because those people have so much more experience. • It's so sad. • It's something else. • It's sort of anger management, learning to verbalize your emotions rather than being abusive or leaving or whatever. However, I am not sure that I would purchase anything from this site, its setup kinda screams scam. Your local book store or library should have some real books that discuss this, look in anger management, self-help, or marriage and divorce. (10 hours ago) • It's such a nice day. [Sarcastically] • It's the product of years and years of a mind ravaged by drugs. [Link from The Brandon Abell Experience] • It's time to put all our differences aside. Will you be part of the solution? Chevron. Human Energy. • It's too confusing. • It's too early in the morning. • It's too far! • It's too weird – That's the last fucking straw. • It's tragic. • It's true – all these misfits. • It's truly odd, with an internally self-consistent logic all its own. • It's unusual for San Francisco. • It's what you would do if you loved me. [No condom] • It's working like a charm! • It's you again? • It's your apartment. • It's your choice – It's up to you. • It's your life. • It's your mind I like – Say something smart. • Its structure is nearly impenetrable, but the information within is kinda invaluable, so I check back.


J. Jack it up – Get better stuff. [From the Iraqi detainees] • Jackass! Fucking blockhead! • Jane, are you trying to look unattractive? • Jane, you ignorant slut! • Janet, you know what I want you to do? • JERK! • Jerk me, you faggot. • JESUS FUCKS YOU! JESUS FUCKS YOU! • Jesus is the answer. • Jesus loves you! • Jesus! — Take my head off! • Jesus, you were stalking me now? • Jews and Muslims who don't accept Jesus will burn in hell. • Jews are dickless faggots. • Judaism is defined by exile, and exile without complaint is tourism. (–Michael Wex, Born to Kvetch) • Jews teach their children to be smart; Christians teach their children to be good; You're strange, because you escaped from being good. • Julie Brown, did she ever go places! • Jump! [You're on a rooftop] • Just a bad dream. • Just a kid. • Just a little bit too much reality for a Friday night. • Just a little dandruff flying by. • Just a quick question. • Just a thought, as asinine as it may be. • Just answer my question. (–James Fallows, The New York Times, June 12, 2005) • JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION! • Just assume I never said that. • Just don't try to MAKE SENSE. [Link from lampoon of taxi1010 at Alleee and Franc's INSOLITOLOGY] • Just drive! • Just ducky! • Just get out of here. • Just go away and don't bother me, mother-fucker! • Just go in there and do the hootchy-kootchy! • Just kidding! • JUST LEARN IT! [From Seventh Grade Latin teacher, now deceased] • Just okay? • Just one? • Just park! • Just plain wrong: taxi1010 (so, so fucked) [Link from] • Just right. • Just take it away. [From a thoroughly miserable customer – the chief of police – who's been giving you a hard time] • Just try to have the nicest life you can.


K. Kansas – That's not a bad place. • Keep dreaming. • Keep it up! • Keep me in the loop. • Keep remaining sitting. We have a bomb on board. [Recorded voice on hijacked United Airlines Flight 93 before it was crashed into the Pennsylvania countryside on 9/11] • Keep Richard under control. • Keep talking – I always yawn when I'm interested. • Keep the faith! • Keep trying! • Keeps you busy. [Condescendingly] • Killing smarter child, the gay computer! • Killing some1 in self defence over verbal abuse • Kind of a weird guy. [Intended for you to hear] • Kiss my butt! • Kiss off! • Knock 'em dead! • Knock on wood. [Wrapping her knuckles against her own forehead] • Know-it-all. • Koo-chi, goo-chi, gooo! [A crazy person getting too close to your baby]


L. LADIES! [Men's team] • Last name on your reservation? • Last notice - Please read - Finalization form enclosed. • Last stop. [Men's urinal] • Last word freak! • Last year [Senator Obama] spoke about his affinity for Reinhold Niebuhr, and their shared awareness that history is tragic and ironic and every political choice is tainted in some way. ¶ But he has grown accustomed to putting on this sort of saccharine show for the rock concert masses, and in Berlin his act jumped the shark. His words drift far from reality, and not only when talking about the Senate Banking Committee. His Berlin Victory Column treacle would have made Niebuhr sick to his stomach. ¶ Obama has benefited from a week of good images. But substantively, optimism without reality isn't eloquence. It's just Disney. (–David Brooks, "Playing Innocent Abroad," NYT, July 25, 2008) • Le' poo poo on you Andee. Big globs of poo poo for you you. Mmmm. Poo poo. You like poo poo. Taxi1010!!! Poo poo! Woo hoo! • Leadership matters. • Leave me alone! • Leave me be! Why are you doing this? What is it you want? • Leaving? • Let me call you sometime, and we'll get together. • Let me know. • Let me recommend her to you. • Let me see that! • Let me tell you why I'm skeptical. • Let us bow our heads for a moment in prayer. • Let's confuse ourselves. • Let's get a divorce. • Let's get one thing straight: You live here because I say you can live here. • Let's go, asshole. • Let's hope the guy's not out for blood or something. • Let's leave a really big tip. • Let's make a deal on six of these here turkeys. • Let's see ... and your mother went to Wellesley? • Let's see if I can screw this up again today. • Let's see if you can make me laugh. • Let's stay away from all that shit. • Let's stick to the facts here. • LETTER FOR HART!!! [Subject line on an unopened e-mail, which I simply deleted] • Lie down across the front seat and stay there, or I'll come back and cut. • Life is a compromise. • Life is confusing. • Life is like a video game. You gotta die sometime. [Dawson College shooter notes] • Life sucks – Get it straight! • Lighten up. Get a grip. Leave morose silence to teenagers; it's too dramatic for you and me. (–Garrison Keillor) • ... like Grandma used to make. • Like I told you before, you're on your own now. • Like in a marriage: You always have something to say back. • Like there is no double positive, there is no opposite of 'false pretenses.' I keep forgetting that no one cares about anything anymore. I am a minority of one? [Link] • Like watching the Lawrence Welk Show. • Like what? • Listen, darling, if you want to look like a slapper and a whore and dress like a tart, it's up to you, but don't expect me to do it, too. (–Yvonne Ridley) • Listen, if you're not making enough money as a cab driver, you could get a job driving trucks – It's something to think about. • Listen to another person – You already know what you know. • Live long and prosper. • Long time, no see. • Look! A small version of you! [on TV] • Look at all those friends sitting around with you – I wonder why. • Look at me when I'm talking to you! • Look at that! [Someone defecating on the pavement, a sight you wish you'd missed] • Look at the long line here. • Look at this! Look at this! [Mounted dogs, not being "politically correct"] • Look, Elephant Girl, just get Carol or something. • Look, I'll make it easy for you. [Interrupting you] • Look! Look! Look! • Look out for number one, right? • Look up the word, 'sarcasm,' then try to use it ten times throughout the day. • Look at what I have to deal with. [The motley crew] • Look what the cat dragged in. • Look who just showed up – You're late! • Looks aren't everything. • Looks like a snake. [Your rawhide bracelet] • Looks like you brought us a little rain. • Looks like you might be a star. • Lose the tie! • Lothar! Do you know who Lothar is? Mandrake the Magician's assistant. • Lousy niggers! • Love stinks, baby! • Low overhead is one of my favorite ideas. • Lower the price to four hundred dollars – Then you can get a roommate. • Luann, the more you are waiting, the less you are living. • Lying about your age. • Lytle ought to play it on big plasmas in dance clubs! [Animusic]


M. Made you look! • Make it more understandable. You can't help me, if I can't understand what you are trying to say. Please take this advice seriously. I would! • Make me! • "Make sure you see some things. [On your trip] • Make the most of it! • Make up your mind! • Make yourself useful. • Marci's here to dance! • Mary, do you live up on the Matterhorn? • Mary, you know that's total bullshit – It really makes me mad. • Matt, Matt, you don't even – You're glib. You don't even know what Ritalin is. If you start talking about chemical imbalance, you have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they come up with these theories. Matt, O.K.? That's what I've done. (–Tom Cruise) • May all your dreams come true. • May God's light shine upon you. • May the force be with you! • May you live in interesting times. • Maybe. • Maybe a four-year-old can help you out next time. • Maybe as the Internet becomes as predominant as air, somebody will realize that online behavior isn't just an afterthought. Maybe, along with HTML and how to gauge a Web site's credibility, schools and colleges will one day realize that there's something else to teach about the Internet: Civility 101. (–David Pogue) • Maybe he has brain damage from all your whippings. [Your sick dog] • Maybe I could do that if I had thirty years of experience. • Maybe I shouldn't give them to you – I don't want you to come down here and stalk him. • Maybe I'm the exception! • Maybe it's because I'm an asshole. • Maybe it's for the best. [Rejecting you] • Maybe she's a computer program. • Maybe someone will adopt you. • Maybe something will happen. • Maybe that's why you're single. • Maybe the only people in the world who can see my site are me and Michael Gibbons. [They like to throw that in, because then you can prove anything] • Maybe this'll help. • Maybe we could live without the wisecracks. • Maybe we shouldn't see each other for a while. • Maybe we'll have a bigger one. [A war bigger than the one in Iraq] • Maybe you can explain what's so important that you have to do. • Maybe you can get a higher-paying job. • Maybe you can go to another stand. I don't need you barking at me, telling me what to do when I'm doing something else now. • Maybe you should consider a career change. • Maybe you should reconsider. • Maybe you want to stay where you are. • Maybe you were hallucinating. • Maybe your roommate can help you get it published. • Me and my buddy were riding down the street one night and saw a fucking nigger hanging out on his bike, so I said to my buddy, 'Go ahead and hit him ... It's a fucking nigger!' and he did! Knocked him right off his bike. A policeman was watching and asked the fucking nigger, 'Are you all right?' and the fucking nigger said, 'Yeah,' and the cop told him to go on home. • Mean People Rule. • Mean people suck. • Mean what you say! • Men and women are just the same. • Merry Christmas! [Insincerely] • Method in our madness. • Mick asked me, 'Why does Richard work so hard?' • Mind if I grab one? • Mind if I have one of your cigarettes? • Mind if I turn on the light? • Misery loves company. • Miss Corrigan, does this dissertation have any methodology? (–Steven Marcus, Columbia English Department) • Modern art. • Mom, have you ever smoked pot? • Mom, was I adopted? • Mom was right – You really are a waste of space. • Mom, where do babies come from? • Mom's got you doing the dishes, huh? • Money talks. • More energy – You've got to simmer down! • More schizo with a computer fun. [A mention in "The Greatest Thinker" thread at] • Move that fucking car! • Mr. Armani! • Mr. Brooks, you gotta to go with the flow, man! • Mr. Positive! • Mr. Salinger's fixation on the difference between 'phoniness,' as Holden Caufield would put it, and authenticity now has a twilight, '50s feeling about it. It's no longer news, and probably never was. ¶ This is the theme, though, that comes increasingly to dominate the Glass chronicles: the unsolvable problem of ego and self-consciousness, of how to lead a spiritual life in a vulgar, material society. (–Charles McGrath, "Still Paging Mr. Salinger," The New York Times, December 31, 2008) • Mr. Scott, for his part, shows a borderline creepy fondness for filming [little girls] in bathing suits. • Music teachers in schools should show this to the kids! • My ass is big, but yours just has to dominate Holland. • My boss hates me, everyone hates me, I'm a total failure. • My brother says you have really good boobs. [Instant message] • My cab Lux 994 is currently top of the line with leather seats, lumbar control, newspaper in the rear seat pocket compartment and the amazing Luxor sound system. • My cackle? • My cat scratched me. • My dad can beat up your dad! • My daughter says you stepped on her clock and broke it. • My eyes are up here. • My feet hurt! • My friend. • My friend over there says you're a jerk. • My God, you look terrible – Did you get any sleep last night? • My house, my rules – You're just a guest. • My inner child needs a spanking. • My kid has the right to rollerblade down the sidewalk. • My last boyfriend had a big one. • My lighter not work. Can I use your car to charge my cell phone? • My microphone fell off. (–Carolyn Johnson, sexy co-anchor of ABC7 News) • My opponent gives speeches; I offer solutions. (–Hillary Clinton, referring to Barack Obama) • My personal challenge is to work through this pathetic state and bring some balance to my life, how can I be there for myself and others if I can't communicate? • My pizza is gone! • My roommate snoops through my things. I found proof in his closet. • My toaster has been talking to me. • My world in ten words or less.


N. Naked eleven-year-old girls are really great! • Neither. • Never back down. • Never get old! • Never go shopping when you're hungry. • Never joust verbally with someone who makes little sense • Never mind! – Forget it! • Never mind! – I'll take care of it. • Never mind! – Never mind! • Never mind, Richard. [Condescendingly] • Never say never! • Next time! • Next time don't take coins from there. [The customer penny tray next to the cash register] • Next time I'm just going to smash your car up on the sidewalk. [From an Immigration Services police officer who almost crashed into you from behind when you pulled over to pick up a passenger] • Next time you decide to smoke a cigarette, you should consider standing over there. [Pointing to another part of the open outdoor patio] • Next time, you stop at a red light! I'm going to remember you! [From a wacky pedestrian] • Nice BMW! • Nice breeze. • Nice chatting with you. • Nice guy! [Sarcastically] • Nice guy ... a little strange. • Nice to see you. • Nice try. • Nice way to say curb your dog. • Nice work if you can get it. • Nicely coordinated outfit. • Nigger lover. • No! • No Chinese would ever eat that. • No comment. • No good, huh? • No good-morning, no nothing! • No hard feelings. • No humming! • No, I don't want an extra receipt – I don't cheat people. • No, I forgot about it, and that was guaranteed to make me feel stupid – Thank you very much! • NO, I NEED A TOWEL! • No – Insurance asshole. • No, it isn't. • No, legally we can't do that. [Flight attendant refusing to help a woman (weak from a long illness) put her suitcase in an overhead rack] • No matter what I say, you say the opposite. • No means no! – You're holding up the line. • No need to give me credit. • No! No, I don't. • No, no, no, I don't want to talk to you, I want to talk to someone important. • No, no, no, no, no, no, no – I'm way too fat already. • No, not dirty. • No offense, but .... • No one asked your opinion. • No one could ever love you like I do. • No one ever attacks me. • No price? It means I don't have to pay! That means it's free! • No problem. • No problem. [Sarcastically] • No problem! [Singsongy, insincere] • No rest for the weary. • No rest for the wicked. • No sale, not today. • No scandal has ever touched President Reagan. That proves his honesty. • No! She doesn't want to say it! That guy is a bum. • No shit, Sherlock! • No, Sir! But I notice your eyes are glazed – Have you been eating donuts? • No thanks! – You've got a blog? • No! That's not how you feel. You feel angry! I know you do! • No, the fire truck does not belong to you. • No WAY! • No way! – A tiny fly buzzing distracted you from concentration? Oh, no! [Insult from Japanese Zen tutorial] • No we're not! You have to come to our workshops! We teach people centering. • No wonder the Senator votes for defense spending – His state depends on it. • No, you can't. [Seeking momentary shelter from the cold inside the reception area of Williams-Sonoma Corporate Headquarters] • Noble. • Nobody cares what you think. • Nobody ever says that stuff to me. • Nobody likes me. • Nobody likes you. • Nobody move, please. We are going back to the airport. Don't try to make any stupid moves ... We have some planes ... Just stay quiet and you'll be okay. We are returning to the airport. [Recorded voice on hijacked American Airlines Flight 11 before it was crashed into the World Trade Center] • Nobody understands themselves. • Nobody wants to see you naked. • Nobody's perfect. • Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defence - Just take a look at it, and tell me what you think. I find it a little confusing. If you know a better 'source' for verbal jousting techniques, tell us about it. Just think about it, knowing techniques to always have quick-witted comebacks, making people think twice about messing with you. I think it's a sweet idea. So far this is what I found, also Susan Haden Elgin. If you know more sources, share it with us all?? [Link from Yang Man, Senior Member, in chat room] • non escalating verbal self defense, fucked. Yes it is, very. One of the more interesting aspects of this juggernaut is the ability of its children to form complex singular variables when confronted. Aside from this fact there is very little to support the topics contained herein. • Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense looks like it could be interesting just from the title, but it seems to be an interesting idea completely ruined by an idiosyncratic and baffling presentation that surely only makes sense to its creators. [Link from Lake Effect, May 5, 2003 – first of five sentences (unsolicited interjections); the remaining four are covered in stargates 75 (hassling, stigmatization) and 30 (marginalization)] • Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense – Parts of this site are great. I want to go back to it for expressing magic and unicorns without words. But there are places where it goes into quasi-pornographic poetry. Those parts are NOT assigned. jeanne. [Link from Index on Love at] • Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense : this is is VERY badly designed.. really really hard to use and follow.. sigh [Link from koi's blog] • Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense – What is that? • None of the other men I've been with used a mirror to shave. • None of us on this committee knows what's going on. • None of woman born shall harm you. [Macbeth] • Not a bad idea. • Not a problem. • Not bad. • Not bad, for a girl! • Not every attack on us deserves a response. It could be no response. That's a strategy. It could be mild, medium or spicy, depending on what our needs are. • Not if I see you first! [They'll disappear or make a getaway] • Not my department. • Not probably – He actually does. • Not really. • Not there, not there! You'll get dirt on the carpet! Put it out there in the pantry. Have some respect for people's things! • Not this week. • Not to be hypercritical, but .... • Not to give us a title yet, but I am yours and you are mine. • Not too bad, was it? Better than a prostitute. • ... not used to thinking this way but would like to learn more. • Not working today? •  Nothing better to do with your time? • Nothing. I'm just thinking. • Nothing is impossible. • Nothing is so cheerful as the urge to commit art. The purpose of all great art is to give courage and thereby cheer us, just as the purpose of education is fundamentally cheerful – to draw us out of gloomy solitude and into a conversation with other scholars. (–Garrison Keillor) • Nothing really matters to me. • Nothing stays in one place. • Nothing stays the same anymore. • Nothing's impossible. • Nothing's perfect. • NOW! • Now as I sit here today, I don't know what is truth, and I don't know what isn't. [From Oprah Winfrey] • Now be good. • Now everyone knows what time it is. • Now I have to walk all the way around. • Now I'll go out in style ... I'll be famous. [–Omaha mall shooter] • Now I'm going to have to kill the doorman. [Alluding to some long-forgotten pissing contest] • Now if Mary danced for me, I'd increase the tips. • Now if you don't do that, what happens? • Now it's eighty-seven! • Now it's my turn. • Now maybe you'll be able to get a few ads. • Now, now! • Now remove it. • Now that is really confusing. Can anyone make any sense of it all? • Now that the shuttle has safely landed, the Navy is free to shoot down a disabled spy satellite. • Now that you have a home in Chappaqua, idiots will be driving by tooting their horns. • Now this guy's too good for us. • Now to the cancer ward! • Now what? • Now what are you crying about? • Now you can get back to thinking big thoughts. • Now you don't have to feed it anymore. [After your dog died] • Now you don't have to pay attention to anything they say. [The critics] • Now you get the broken meter. [Referring to the tiny note on your parking meter ... after you've pulled ahead to give them a parking space] • Now you just ruined my day – Tell me something nice before I go. • Now you know. • Now you know too much. • Now you made me forget what I was going to say. • Now you made me forget what I was going to say . . . and it was very funny. • Now you'll do my house! • Now you're being smart with me. • Now you're talking out of your ass. • Now you're trying to impose your suffering on me! • Now you've contradicted yourself three times. • Now you've really gone and done it.


O. Odd. Maybe someone could understand this because I'm thinking ... er, verbal self-defense? Someone actually spent time making this? Maybe I should read more ... right after I take 2 Tylenol. [Link from Kate's Journal] • Of all drivers who have a medallion, he's a 'one.' • Of course! • Of course, I don't understand it, but I still read it. • Of course, you don't care – You're leaving, anyway. • Oh, and I suppose I don't? • Oh and in case you think i work for microsoft or have bad grammar, or something, you should know that im 15! • Oh, are you going to hate me for this? • Oh, are you really closed? [Also see the WAITER / WAITRESS special, at stargate65] • Oh, boy! • Oh, boy! – What an asshole. • Oh, boy, you're going to get some hot pussy tonight! [Street person trailing you and your date after you've seen a play in a seedy theater district] • Oh, can't get a date? • Oh, dear! • Oh, don't brush your teeth with that. • Oh, everybody has this. • Oh, everybody loves me, everybody loves me. • Oh, fine, you're right ... I'm passive-aggressive. • Oh, for Christ's sake! • Oh, get a life, will you? • Oh, get over it! • Oh, go away! • Oh, go back to Ohio. • Oh, he's just getting cranky and tired. • Oh, he's using one of his famous comebacks. • Oh, he's writing it down. • Oh, I don't have time for this stupid shit! • Oh, I don't recall; I don't recall ... Did you make a copy? ... Make sure you make copies! [Required paperwork you turned in the first day of class, which they somehow lost] • Oh! I dropped that. I'm a mess today. • Oh, I saw your card; it's very nice. Did you scan a picture of Sam and then trace it? • Oh, I see. It's another 'dealing with confrontations by not actually acknowledging that there is one' technique. I'm not personally interested in that sort of thing, but I can see how it might be of use to someone. It sounds somewhat similar to ideas like 'living well is the best revenge,' though even less malevolent, which for me negates the catharsis which is an essential element in standing up for myself. • Oh, I thought you said you had a ride. • Oh! I thought you were Matt Schnider. [Who has a reputation for leaving work early] • Oh! I was expecting a machine! • Oh, I'm easy to blow off – That's okay. [Also see Self-attack] • Oh, I'm just playing with you. • Oh, I'm not going to leave him! – Not yet. • Oh, I'm not photogenic. • Oh, I'm sorry! • Oh Icarus, I really pity you. • Oh, is he afraid? • Oh, is this your chair? • Oh, it's all my fault! • Oh, look! A Vietnamese restaurant in this part of town – I bet they've got food they think the Whitey will like. • Oh, man, they were saying really bad shit about you. • Oh, my God! [A child looks into your not-so-evil soul] • Oh, my God! Anyone who sees this is going to think I'm shallow! • Oh, my God! – That place is way too expensive. • Oh, my God! – This is really a nightmare. • Oh my God, what are you going to do? ... Did you know this was going to happen? ... Did you see this coming? ... This could be a huge opportunity! ... You know that things happen for a reason ... When one door closes, another opens ... I'm so sorry ... Have you looked online? ... In this economy, finding a job could take awhile ... What's wrong, why is it taking this long? [Platitudes and "moronic comments" friends say after you've been laid off, extracted from "Navigating a Delicate Subject: The Layoff of a Friend," by Alina Tugend, The New York Times, April 25, 2009] • Oh my god, you don't know what a nightclub is? You must be a virgin. • Oh, my goodness! • Oh, neighborhood watch, huh? [Just because you're writing a note to yourself] • Oh, no! Don't say that! • Oh, no one ever attacks me. • Oh, noisy! • Oh! Patti, you're grownup. • Oh, poor dogs! • Oh, pul-lease! • Oh, racial profiling ... Asshole! [You're through for the day, putting your cab away, and they find that hard to accept] • Oh, Ricky, I am so sorry! [After you tell the best man your bride-to-be loves him] • Oh, she had a little blonde moment. • Oh, she just likes to take care of her kids and mind her own business – That's pretty nice if you ask me. • Oh, shit! • Oh, shut up! [Their first words of the day] • Oh, shut up! Please shut up! I can't stand the sound of your voice! • Oh, so you don't think I was pretty yesterday? • Oh, so you just say things that don't make any sense to them? • Oh, sure! I love feeling like a small fish in a big pond. • Oh, that's good. • Oh, that's not good? • Oh, the anti-intellectual school. • Oh, then you just do this to support yourself. • Oh, there's Richard! [Talking to someone else on her cell phone] Don't stop and say hello! • Oh, those dogs are so cute! • Oh wait a minute, he's a cab driver. Time has no meaning to them until the meter's turned on. • Oh, well, it happens to the best of us. • Oh, yes ... Who is the new science editor of The New York Times, that twerpy little girl in short skirts? (Cornelia Dean) • Oh, you are in trouble now – You are so busted! • Oh, you don't need to do that! [Helping them get out of the cab] • Oh, you don't read anymore? • Oh, you don't want to know what that is. [To a child] • Oh, you going out tonight? • Oh, you know, I've seen this stuff before. • Oh, you know, we've had you before. • Oh, you look younger in the picture. • Oh, you struck out. • Oh, you threw it away. [Maliciously] • Oh, you work for The New York Times. How nice ... An editor. How nice ... Oh, science. How nice. (Cornelia Dean) • Oh, you'll never figure it out. • Oh, you're going to spend a whole dollar today? • Oh, you're just like a member of the family! • OK. I found the site, and I read something. Now you want me to write something to you? • Okay, boss. • Okay, buster, let's see if you can make me laugh. • Okay, DICKIE! • Okay, I'll keep my mouth shut. • Okay, I'll remember this one. • Okay, if you say so. • Okay, Kevin, it's all squared away, huh? • Okay, Mister Pacifist. • Okay, stand! • Okay, we're going to throw out all the rules! • Okay, where can we get some French toast? Quick! • Okey-dokey. • Old fashioned word for argumentative person. • Old man, come here! [From a bunch of Japanese kids "disposing of society's trash"] • Older than dirt! • Once a Jap, always a Jap. • Once a philosopher, ... • Once a philosopher, twice a pervert. • One Day I Will Be As Cool As These People Posted by Brandon @ 2:47 pm Filed under: Web Finds [Link from The Brandon Abell Experience] • One might also argue that untruthful charges against the commander in chief have an insidious effect on the war effort. (–Vice President Dick Cheney) • One more comment like that and you won't be getting anything at all. • One more word out of your mouth and you're going to get a spanking. • One of these days the real Jenifer is going to come out; you're going to crash. [From the boss] • One of these days you're going to go straight to hell. • Only Allah knows, right? • Only bourgeois eat stuff like that. • Only in San Francisco. • Only one grape in fifty grows up to become a great champagne. • Ooo – Nicely coordinated outfit. [Sarcastically] • Ooo! – You smell gay – I don't want to sit near you – You probably have AIDS. • Oooo, Watch out! That's a terrible thing to say! • Open-toed sandals – I don't know about that. • Opposing counsel completely misses the point. • Or conceited. • Order to Withhold Personal Income Tax Effective for One Year – Date: 04/18/08 – Tax year(s): 2005, 2004 – Amount Due $1,626.99 – This order to withhold has been issued under authority of Sections 18670, 18671, 18672, and 18674 of the California Revenue and Taxation Code to the addressee shown above to enforce payment of an amount due for California Personal Income Tax. The addressee is required to: 1. Withhold 25% of any payments now due and any payments becoming due to you during the year following receipt of this Order. 2. Continue withholding until 1) the amount due shown above has been withheld, (2) this Order is withdrawn by this department or (3) this Order has been in effect for one year, whichever occurs first. • Our computer is down. • Ours not to reason why, Ours but to do and die. [–Alfred Lord Tennyson, The Charge of the Light Brigade, "Theirs not to make reply, Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do & die," 1870] • Over my dead body!


P. Pain is weakness leaving the body. • Pandas are not related to bears, you know? • Paper or plastic? • Paris was really making a commotion. • Pathetic comebacks. • Pathetic fucking life! • Peeyoo! Your breath smells! • People like you are not holding up the Constitution and are going against what the founding fathers, who were Christians, wanted for America! (–Major Freddy J. Welborn) • People say it is sometimes better to hide the truth. Why? Give me an example. • People say the glass is half full, but they don't say of what. • People that talk in metaphors ought to shampoo my crotch. • People think they have to memorize everything. • Perception is reality. • Perhaps you should check the strength of your antidepressant medication, considering what it did to Dad. • Perfect – Are you sure you haven't done this before? • Perhaps I shouldn't ... but I expect better of you. • Period. End of story. • Personally, I think you're a great guy. • Pervert! • pfeh. that's garden level. I shoot for the penthouse, baby!: [you will not get the full flavor unless you attempt to navigate it, so click links] (and because he obsessively checks his referrers, there may be a Dumbrella link there shortly!) • Pick it up! [A canine feces] • Pick on someone your own size. • Picky, picky, picky! • PIG! • Pimpleface. • Plant yourself, and your faith will grow. • Playing the game is street smarts. • Please be quiet! • Please, come over here. • Please don't be bad to her! • Please don't despise me. • Please don't let us down. • Please! I'm not with you. • Please keep an eye on her. [Your daughter] • Please remain calm. • Please remember you do not speak for Dad. • Please shut up! I can't stand the sound of your voice! • Poor thing. • Popo Power is Putrid! • President Bush killed my son. • Pretty far from home, huh? • Pretty feisty, Tim! • Pretty pretentious, Tim. • Probably molests little girls. • Problems with size? • Professor Holmberg is a great editor. [Anonymous course evaluation] • Professor Holmberg is the worst professor I've had at N.Y.U. [Anonymous course evaluation] • Professor [James J.] Gross, at Stanford, outlines five methods [for emotional regulation]. They are situation avoidance (steer clear of the boss); situation modification (turn your desk so you don't have to look at the boss); attention deployment (when the boss invites you in for a chat, look at the wall, a picture, anything but his face); cognitive change (he's a jerk anyway, what do I care what he thinks?); and finally, repression (concentrate on keeping your face still instead of blinking furiously or twitching in anger). (–Kate Zernike, "Never Let Them See You Sweat," The New York Times, "Week in Review," 11-30-2008) • Profoundly tedious work. • Promise me you'll scan the medallion at the end of your shift! • Protect yourself. • Protecting your ass, huh? • Pussy! • Put a lid on it, Bozo. • Put air in your head? – I thought you had plenty. • Put it in your book. • Put that dog on a leash! Put that dog on a leash! • Put your head down in shame! • Put yourself in my place. • Putting on a little weight there, huh? • Putting on airs.


Q. Quaint. • Queer. •Question authority. • Quick! • Quick, quick, quick! • QUIT. [Anonymous e-mail] • Quit living out your fantasies. • Quote: 'It kinda makes you wish you had schizoid tendencies...' uh, you used the subjunctive there, why?


R. Race doesn't matter. • Raise your hand if you think global warming is a serious threat caused by human behavior. (–Moderator Carolyn Washburn) • Ralph, you're a cynic. • Reach out to loners? But how do you talk to someone like dat? Leave sum advice. • Read Civilization and Its Discontents by Sigmund Freud. • Read this. • Reading is such a waste of time. • Ready to go? • Real men never ask directions. • Reality is very confusing, isn't it? • Really? • Really? I don't believe you. • Rebeka, don't you know how to knock? • Regarding you, Bush, Dog of the West, we are giving you good news which will displease you. Your worst days are coming with the help of God. You and your soldiers will regret the day when your feet touched the land of Iraq and showered your bravery on shelters of Muslims. [With a lot of people nothing's enough because they were so poisoned in their childhood.] • Relax, man! Too early. • Relax!—Take it easy! • Remember me? • remember meeeeeeeee, your brother and salvation? you fuck. • Remember, only one person can win, so please give a big round of applause to our third runner-up (It's you, honey!) • Remind me to call him later. • Reminds me of the Catholic church. [Link from The Brandon Abell Experience] • Resolute support for President Bush's policies would make Mr. Coors a 'rubber stamp' for the administration. • Restroom for our customer! • Return to being a happier individual. • Rich kids' school. • Richard, Could you tell me please who you are, why you are sending this to me, and where you got my e-mail address? Thanks, Kathryn S. • Richard! Do you have any of that three-inch-wide transparent packing tape? • Richard ... Hart? Is this Richard ... Hart? [An anonymous bill collector] • Richard, I have a two-song CD I'd like to mail you of my playing fiddle with my teacher. Where should I send it? • Richard is going to see it, and he'll take notes. • Richard must see that going on all night. [Two dogs attacking each other] • Richard! If you see Yurek, tell him we need a new set of locks on. • Richard, it's not sexy! • Richard not-coming-in Hart? You may have to go to the Eastern front, dude. • Richard, people are different and they all have their own way – You can't push your way on them or tell them what to do. • Richard, that's your Kesdjan body [Astral body]. You can't see it because it's you. That's your problem. Look it up. It's something good. • Richard told her that. • Richard, we're too late! • Richard, what are you doing here? I wouldn't stay here, if I were you. It's just for women. • Richard will celebrate by wearing underpants on his head. • Richard, will you please say the grace? • Richard would never vote for a Jew. • Richard, you better lay low. • Richard, you finally got a calculator. • Richard, you really are a rat, you know? • Richard, you're not going to believe what happened to me. • Richard, you're not the only one. • Richard's dog is a little white bitch. [It's a male dog, for one thing – Also, it's smart enough to know when something's a ...] • Richard's dogs are so well-behaved. • Right back at you, kid! • Right church, wrong pew. • Right, Linda? • Right on time! • Ritchie Junior here! [Asking you to go along with an oblique insult] • Ritenour? Ritenour? What high school did you go to? • Robbie started it – I didn't do anything! • Robert, quit looking at my breasts. [From, Everybody Loves Raymond] • Rules are for other people, right? • Run, Toto! [Mickey Mouse voice] • Rule No. 34: Regarding the truisms of human nature, there are no original rules. (–William H. Swanson, CEO Raytheon) • Running around with the lousy Japs, huh?


S. Salvia - if you haven't figured it out already, the second link you provided [to] is to a batshitinsane website. Read this thread [in] about it if that isn't already obvious. In no circumstances should you attempt any of these responses against someone who may decide to shoot you if he thinks he's being made fun of. Posted by Gortuk. [2nd link from "I just moved down the street from a crack house ... Safety tips?"] • Sam, why do you have a basket on the front of your bike like a little girl? • Satan is my copilot. • Say, 'Cheese!' • Say hello to Vanna. [Ribbing you for watching Wheel of Fortune]Say, 'Thank you! • Say that to my face. • Say Uncle! • Say what you said. • Say words. • Say, 'Yes, Sir!' [Lieutenant Commander mauling six-year-old boy] • Scab! • Scary. • Scores of independent video producers, experts and self-styled experts are, meanwhile, vying to make a name for themselves in hopes of sharing in the expected profits. • Scott, we now know, is disgruntled about his experience at the White House. For those of us who fully supported him, before, during and after he was press secretary, we are puzzled. It is sad – this is not the Scott we knew ... His claims are 'self-serving, disingenuous and unprofessional' ... He got dealt a deck of cards that were very tough ... He was 'out of the loop' ... His book is heartbreaking ... Reading the descriptions [of his former subordinate's book] is 'almost like witnessing an out-of-body experience' ... There's some real tension between the theses in his book and actually some of the allegations and how thinly sourced they really are ... He's a misguided man only interested in selling his book." [Excerpts from White House aides' responses regarding former press secretary Scott McClellan's book, What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington's Culture of Deception]Screw you! • See? He knows. • See? I made him bow down! • See? That aggravates me. • See that, Richard? • See? That's the kind of exaggeration I was talking about. • See this guy? Of all drivers who have a medallion, he's a 'one.' • See ya', wouldn't wanna be ya'! • See you around. • See you later! [Insincerely] • See you later, alligator. • Self defense for little girls. • Self defense isn't room clearing • Self defense with little girl. • Self-protection through playfulness. • [Senator Obama] sees America, it seems, as being so imperfect that he's palling around with terrorists who would target their own country [William Ayers, founder of the Weather Underground and confessed bomber, with whom Mr. Obama had a fleeting association] And, according to The New York Times, he was a domestic terrorist and part of a group that, quote, 'launched a campaign of bombings that would target the Pentagon and our U.S. Capitol.' (–Governor Sarah Palin, October 6, 2008, inciting members of the audience at a Clearwater, Florida political rally to cry out, "Boooo!" "Treason!" "Terrorist!" "KILL HIM!") • September: Time to lighten up and get a grip. (–Garrison Keillor) • Servants should not aim above their station ... Rich man in his castle, poor man at his gate. • Service has really suffered because of all these immigrants. • Sex. [Suggesting why you might like the movie] • Sexy weather. • Shame on you! • Shark! • She did your laundry? That's nice of her. I've never done a man's laundry. • She didn't have a chance. • She didn't want to help me because I'm a Black woman – She said she didn't have the colors to support a Black complexion. [Customer lying about you to your boss – She may be one of these insecure people who try to make everyone feel even more insecure ... so she can be the secure one] • She doesn't have a heart. [Your girlfriend] • She doesn't like you. • She doesn't understand the history of psychiatry in the same way you don't understand it, Matt. And to talk about it in a way of saying, 'Well, isn't it O.K.?' and being reasonable about it when you don't know and I do, I think that you should be a little bit responsible in knowing what it is. (–Tom Cruise) • She found you difficult, and that is a recurrent theme. [Critique from a manager] • She goes for person. • She has a name! Maureen. • She has dated many guys before. She never disagrees going out with guys. She is basically an easy target. • She has to learn humility; the tool for common sense is not there. • She likes Kenny G ... he's not my cup of tea ... but what kind of man would I be ... to let Kenny G ... come between her and me? • She looks a lot like my child. • She never had a boyfriend. Seriously, Icarus, you should consider asking her out sometime. • She probably won't even get it. • She said you were totally rude and unprofessional. • She says you came into her room and masturbated. • She says you're a slow bartender. • She slept with me months ago. Everyone knows that. HA HA! • She used to be beautiful. • She was a little bit offended that you didn't send her an e-mail. • She was singing, 'I want to be loved by you.' • She who smelt it, dealt it! • She will not leave you, and she won't control you either. • She'd give you a blowjob like this: [Followed by bizarre sound effects] • She's a little snotty. • She's a real slut! The first guy was fucking her in the pussy; the second guy was fucking her in the ass; just before I broke up with her, she was down at the bottom of my bed licking my asshole; the next guy should think about that before they kiss her! • She's got a great ass! • She's not my favorite. • She's popular, and how is she supposed to like a person like you? • Shit happens. • Shit is what makes this world go round. • Should I call the mayor? • Show me what you're reading! • Show me your bra, because you would make a great bra spokesmodel. • SHUT THE FUCK UP! • Shut up! • Shut up and listen. • Shut up, hippie. • Shut up, skank! • Shut up, you fat pig! • Shut your little effeminate mouth. • Simplify it. • Since when? • Single is good. • Sir, are you leaving? • Sir! Can I help you with something? [A movie house manager challenging you because you're taking notes after a movie] • Sir! Sir! Can I check your pack? • Sir! Sir! Who is your employer? [From some self-styled security guard] • Sit down. • Site is confusing. If the subject sounds interesting to you, please read 'The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense' by Suzette Haden Elgin. [Link from] • Size matters. • Skipping class, huh? • Slow as molasses. • SLOW DOWN! • Slow down! [After you've already stopped for them to cross the street - You're not actually moving] • Slut! • Small cock. • Smart aleck, smarty-pants! • Smile! • Smile when you say that. • Smiley needs to reconsider her easy answer and give some thought to the real-world complexities of this situation. • Snob Hill. • So, Adam, what are you up to? • So, any luck with the writing? • So are they paying you for that wonderful recommendation? • So, are you almost ready to use the shovel? • So are you happy? • So, are your daughters coming home for Easter? • So, Charlene, what's up? • So considerate. • So, David, what are you going to be doing ten years from now? • So don't make things harder than they have to be. • So everyone can become enlightened. • So, for anyone else interested, here are the most useful things I've found googling around thus far: 'what to yell if you're being attacked,' and 'rhetorical responses to harassment' [link to] (hard to figure out, but has some interesting ideas). Posted by salvia. [1st link from "I just moved down the street from a crack house ... Safety tips?"] • So gay! • So how are you? • So how come you don't speak to me? Are you giving me the silent treatment now? • So how do you make money off of that? • So how does it feel to be the blowjob queen of America? [To Monica Lewinsky] • So how does your mom feel about the breakoff of your engagement? • So how have you been? • So how long have you lived in San Francisco? • So how long is this construction supposed to go on? • So how many times have you been up here? [Visiting San Francisco] • So, how much did you spend for the girl? I hope she hasn't dried up your bank account yet. • So, how's it going? • So how's it going with the girl you're after? • So, how's the taxi business? • ... so I ended up in Hayward! • So Icarus, what are you doing on Friday night tomorrow? • So ... if I ask someone if they're using that shopping cart, I'm insulting them? • So if someone says, 'Give me your lunch money!' what do you say? • So is your turkey basting in the oven? • So it's a labor of love? • So it's a passion, not a business. • So, my class was assigned to look at this website ... ... It's really funky. Our teacher suspects that the person who writes it is schizophrenic, and for some reason gave us the opportunity to gain extra credit if we did a summary of the site and such. But that's not the point ... Just go to the site and look around ... this guy obviously has something going on ... Odd stuff. Just sharing. [Link from Can't Think of 1, St. Louis, Missouri] • So no more accidents, huh? • So now you can get to work on your core passion. • So now you're a big shot. • So now you're famous. • So soon? • So sorry about that! [Sarcastically] • So sue me. • So that makes it okay? • So they pay you eighteen hundred? • So, think good thoughts! Think good thoughts! • So, this is your business card? [Dubiously] • So, we're all helping each other here, huh? • So what? • So what are you doing here? • So what are you doing now, writing the great American novel? • So what are you going to do now? Ahhh ... remember the girl I showed you in the picture? Let me recommend her to you. • So what are you going to do with the rest of your life? • So what did you do on your day off? • So what do you do, dude? • So what do you have to complain about? • So, what do you look for in a woman? • So what do you say when someone says, 'I'll bet?' • So, what do you want to be when you grow up? [To a little boy] • So what else is new? • So what happens when you set a variable to space space space A space space space B and then ECHO that variable? • So what moral can we extract from all this? • So what's going on? • So, what's new? • So, what's the damage? • So what's the latest news? You've got that newspaper. • So what's the weather going to be this weekend? • So what's your name? • So, what's your point? • So what's your specialty? • So when are they going to put the extra charge on the meter? • So when does the money start rolling in? • So, when is the market going to slip? • So where are you working now? • So who are you voting for? • So who gets the tab? – Can you take care of it? • So why were you late? • So, you are feeding an addiction. • So you did that? • So you don't mind what you do? • So you had a nice Thanksgiving? • So you had breakfast. • So you have a web page. [Implying, 'So what?'] • So you respond to unoriginal things with unoriginal things? • So you still haven't found a man who will marry you. What are you – a lesbian? • So you think the soup is too cold, do you? Well, I suppose you'd like it scalding hot! • So, you'll never talk to me again? • So you're a psychologist now? • So you're back online again? What a wonderful feeling, to be connected again. • So you're late today, huh? • So you're the grownup in all this. • So your name's in it? • Social networking creates the illusion that the fragmentation and despair that are so characteristic of modern human existence are somehow eliminated with the click of a button. (–Jeremiah D. Braunlin) • Socially or professionally? • Some cushy job you have. • Some exciting life you've got there. • Some people just have too much time on their hands. • Some people think they have to put on the glitter. • Some structure and logic is either missing [From taxi1010] or I can't just find it. • Some things never change. • Some verbal response suggestions from a taxi driver Non-escalating verbal self defence. • Some verbal response suggestions from a taxi driver - Non-escalating verbal self defence [Link from] • Some weasel leaked it to the internet ... That person wants to hurt Jesse Jackson. (–Bill O'Reilly, July 16, 2008) • Somebody lied to you. • Somebody obviously needs the buttcandle. [Link from] • Somebody said we're not in President Obama's Final Four ... As much as I respect what he's doing, really the economy is something he should focus on more than the brackets. (–Duke basketball Coach Mike Krzyzewski, 18 March 2009) [Spoken "good-naturedly," with a smile – The "friendly" insult] • Somebody's been letting his dog poop on my lawn. • Somebody's taking that cash box! Call the police! Call the police! • Someday, fink, I'm going to take care of you! • Someday you'll realize that being smart doesn't mean you have all the answers. • Someone once said that being brilliant is knowing what you're stupid at ... and avoiding it. • Someone's going to win the Lottery – Just not you. • Something bad is going to happen. • Something clever to say. • Something strange is going on. • Something to be proud of. • Something very wrong with you. • Something we could all be better at. • Sometimes in life you just got to take a chance. • Son-of-a-BITCH! [From a pedestrian you almost ran over] • Sorry! • Sorry about that. • Sorry for the spill! • Sorry I don't have any tip money for you today. • Sorry, Linda. • Sorry to block your way again. • Sorry to bore you. • Sorry to Jew you. • Sorry, Virginia, I didn't mean to cross you. [In a roomful of people] • Sorry you don't have a degree. • Sorry, your site is NOT APPROVED. Try another WebRing ... Good luck, ART NETWORK • Sounds like a bunch of words. • Sounds like a horror movie. • Sounds like a lot of people hate you. • Sounds like a plan. • Sounds like a stupid idea. [Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense] • Sounds like a winner. • Sounds like me. • Sounds like the taxpayers are paying you to stonewall. (Senator Patrick J. Leahy to Karl Rove aide, J. Scott Jennings) • Sounds like you need some non-escalating verbal self-defense:, because one bad website deserves another ... [Link from ~annahplanet] • Sounds like your parents. • Spare me the details! Is the report good or bad? • Speak for yourself! • Speak for yourself! – Do I look very happy to you? • Speak louder, Mr. Hart! Fill the room with your intelligence! (–Professor Charles W. Kingsfield Jr., The Paper Chase, 1973) • Speak of the devil! • Specifically, how do you memorize the insults, with the bridges, with the follow-ups? • Squeeze your nose! [Fresh crop of blackheads] • Squirm worm! • St. Louis. • Stay in your room. We'll send someone around between two and five o'clock tomorrow afternoon. [Fraternity rush week Sophomore year at Dartmouth College] • Stay out of trouble now. • Stay sober, now, will you? • Staying out of trouble today? • Steers try; bulls get the job done. • Stick to driving a cab. • Still at this goddamn page, trying to make sense of it. Are the comebacks randomly generated? Fully half of them don't even seem to address the conversational topic at all. I don't deny their effectiveness in a put-down situation -- but only because, in using them, the stream of nonsensical gibberish coming out of your mouth will make your opponent question your sanity and fear for his or her safety. [Message at bad_craziness] • Still waters run deep. • Still working a lot? • Still working on it? • Stop asking these newbie questions. Makes you look like a moron. • Stop being an Internet failure. • Stop being the victim. • Stop blinking! [From a supervisor, an incorrigible bully] • Stop caring what other people think – It doesn't matter. • Stop fuckin' breathin' on me. • Stop grading students on the quality of their writing unless you, personally, have taught them to write. • Stop hovering. • Stop looking at me like that. • Stop looking at us. • Stop the rhetoric – This issue is about smoking. • STOP THERE! • Straight arrow, huh? • Straighten up and fly right. • Street smarts – Give me a concrete example of that. • STUPID! [From a pedestrian] • Stupid people like to make comebacks because they aren't smart enough to make them up on the spot! • Students will raise their hands when they speak in my class. • Such a bitch. • Such a wimp. • Suck my cock! • Suck-up! • Sucker! • Suit yourself. • Support mental health or I'll kill you! [Bumper sticker] • Sure! Absolutely. [As if to a child] • Sure I can tell you. [Turning their back on you] • Sure – Not a problem. • Sure you are, honey! • Sure you have family problems, but you're not as screwed up as Richard Three. • Surely a mumbled 'cockfarmer' is all that's needed in most situations? [Link from] • Surprise! • Sweet dreams!


T. Tacky. • Tai Chi, huh? • Take a hike! • Take care! Keep your head up. [From a stranger who just asked you for money] • Take care of this. [Throw it away] • Take good care of him – He's new around here – Make him feel at home. • Take it easy. • Take it out on me! I can handle it. • Take my word for it. • Take that away! Take that upstairs! • Take your time! [Sarcastically] • Taking a break? • Taking a break? • Taking the dogs for a ride? • Talk is cheap. • Talk it out and put yourself in their shoes. (–Stephanie Rosenbloom) • Tattletale and liar! • TAXI! • Taxi driving is considered one of the most low-paying, dangerous, and economically unstable occupations in the country. • Taxi drivers can use this. • Taxi101: the orderly way to be insane. [Link from] • Taxi1010 is ahead of its time. • taxi1010 stupid! You're doing it wrong. • Taxi 10101010101 What? Now, when I hear the phrase Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense, my interest is clearly piqued ... but damn. I can't decide if the author is genius, insane -- or both. [Link from my so-called blog] • - so fucked - CLAP CLAP. • - someone figure out what the deal is and let me know ... I'm confused! [Link from] • Ted is understandably bitter having lost his ratings, his network and now his mind. We wish him well. • Tell David not to wait for me. • Tell him not to serve fried chicken next year – or collard greens or whatever the hell they serve. • Tell me about yourself. • Tell me how it is. [The olallieberry jam you are buying] • Tell me something I didn't already know. • Tell me something I don't know. • Tell me that to my face. • Tell me the truth – Are you gay? • Tell me, what do women want? • Tell me what you don't know. • Tell the guys I said hello! [Your dogs] • Tell them the other part of that story. • Tell your wife that one. • Telling the truth sucks! • Ten ways to say no to a boy asking you out. • Terrible two's, huh? • Thank God for dead soldiers! [On a protest sign, at your son's funeral] • THANK GOD FOR ELECTRIC DOOR LOCKS! • Thank God your father isn't still alive – he was so proud of you. • Thank you for being on time. • Thank you for not breeding. • Thank you for this imbroglio of nonsensical jibberish that some Christian on crack is euphemizing as a web site. • Thank you for your site! • Thank you, Rufus! • THANK YOU VERY MUCH! [from the store manager behind you, as you leave their crummy store without buying anything] • THANK YOU ... YOU ARE VERY KIND. [Sarcastically, from a police officer] • Thank you ... You won't be seeing it for a while, though, because it needs ironing. • Thanks. For a while there, I was afraid my career was in a stall like yours. • Thanks for nothing! • Thanks for sharing that with us. • Thanks for telling me that. • Thanks for the advice. • Thanks for the help. [Sarcastically] • Thanks for the raisins. • Thanks for validating my reality!! I thought it was just me. LOL. • Thanks for wasting our time. • Thanks for your concern. [Sarcastically] • Thanks for your time, I am looking forward to your reply. • Thanks – I really appreciate that. • Thanks, Richard! You cost us twenty dollars. Fuck you! • Thanks — You're an angel. • That aggravates me. • That all sounds great. • That answer is not good enough. • That cut just isn't meant for a full-figured gal like you. • That doesn't work for me. • That explains it. [Sarcastically] • That good, huh? • That guy wasn't happy with you, was he? • That has arsenic in it. [Your bottle of water] • That idea will never fly around here. • That knowing look! • That late, huh? • That looks like a necklace in our family for two generations. • That made my morning! You crawled over your seat, not me! You idiot! • That makes me look bad. • That means a big earthquake is coming? • That place is way too expensive. • That really hurts my feelings. • That remains to be seen. • That remark is absurd! • That sounds appropriate – Excellent! • That sounds great, but does it have to be so religious? • That stuff doesn't turn me on. • That stuff turns to formaldehyde. • That was a nice stop. [After coasting through a stop sign] • That was a really nice response – It was so natural. • That was a sad movie. • That was before you knew Chris Daniels. • That was fast. • That was like a scene from All in the Family – Do it again! – Say what you said. • That was quick. • That was really dumb. • That wasn't an attackI was just teasing. • That won't work with the people I know. They'll just look at you and say you're g@y. • That was rude! • That was smart. [Attacking herself for dropping a heavy piece of furniture] • That was smart. [Sarcastically] • That was so funny, I forgot to laugh. • That was so funny, I forgot to laugh. • That was so funny, I forgot to laugh. • That was your mistake. • That wasn't very polite. • That would not be good. • That'll be good for you! • That'll never be. • That's a good answer. • That's a good question – I don't know. • That's a little weird. • That's a low blow. • That's a nice diamond ... for a starter. • That's a nice thing to say. • That's a strange story. • That's a temporary job, right? • That's a terrible thing to say! • That's a very good line. • That's adequate. • That's adorable. [Your diamond ring] It's all he could afford, huh? • That's all right – I'll overlook it. • That's all right – It's only two dollars. • That's all you have to say? • That's alright. [Refusing your business card] • That's bad karma. • That's because you're not reincarnated. • That's Ben Kingsley. • That's bizarre. • That's cute. • That's debatable. • That's deep. • That's easy for you to say. • That's extremely unlikely. • That's fair enough. • That's flattery. • That's for milquetoasts. [Salesman describing the new BMW M3] • That's for MUNI only! [From an angry police officer making everyone, except the bus, turn right] • That's funny, but it's very sacrilegious. • That's good! • That's good for you! • That's good – I'm glad to hear you're going to find it. • That's good to know – I won't call them. • That's highway robbery you guys are doing. • That's inappropriate. • That's Julie Brown. • That's just like you. • That's just overheated rhetoric. • That's just something that I do. • That's just what I was going to say. • That's just your opinion, asshole! • That's life! • That's like comparing apples and oranges, Sir. • That's my business. • That's my job, man! • That's not a dress; it's a sweater ... a long sweater. [Referring, out of the blue, to something she wore last week] • That's not an issue. • That's not an option. • That's not fair. • That's not fair – I don't like that. • That's not gonna work! • That's not like you. • That's not Mexican! • That's not true. • That's not true. • That's not what Dino is saying. • That's not what we're looking for. • That's of no importance to you. • That's okay. [Not interested in even touching your business card] • That's okay – I'll sign your name. [On the taxi receipt] • That's okay – It's not for you anyway. • That's one of the things that shocked me, that everybody runs to the front and bottles things up. [After watching East Coast drivers race past even after signs make it clear that a lane is about to close ahead] • That's one possibility. • That's pathetic. • That's really f-ing bizarre!! The guys obviously spend AGES writing the thing as well. I actually thought it had something to do with what DaveT was trying to say about assertive verbal, but it just goes off on a tangent and doesnt make any sence at all. Very weird! [Link from message board] • That's really one hell of a scare you gave me. • That's reassuring. • That's right, call the police. There isn't any proof. There's nothing that can be proved. • That's right – That's right, Leon. • That's right ... You said that. • That's scary. • That's shameful politics. • That's shit! [Under the breath, challenging authority] • That's sick! • That's so professional of me, isn't it? [Self-attacking sarcasm] • "That's some rough girls from Rutgers. Man, they got tattoos ..." "Some hardcore hos ..." "That's some nappy-headed hos there, I'm going to tell you that." [Don Imus speaking with producer Bernard McGuirk on the Imus In The Morning radio show on television] • That's something you care about. • That's surprising, coming from a cop. • That's that, right? • That's the difference between the Japanese and the Brazilians; the Brazilians really care about these things. • That's the kind of exaggeration I was talking about. • That's the last fucking straw. • That's the point, isn't it? • That's the way the cookie crumbles. • That's too bad. • That's unacceptable. • That's very good advice. • That's what I like to hear. • That's what I say! • That's what I was going to say before I was interrupted. • That's what you always say. • That's what you get for being a woman in a war zone. [Rape] • That's where the money is. • That's why the Japanese say, 'Most beautiful just before.' • That's why you should have one in your garage. • That's your fault! • That's your idea of a good wine? Where did you grow up again? • That's your responsibility! • The ACLU's got to take a lot of blame for this. [Jerry Falwell, referring to the 9-11 terror attacks] • The air was good. [You just turned off the air-conditioner and opened the window] • The Americans are behind every single war in the Middle East ... the Invasion of Kuwait, the Iran-Iraq War ... the Americans were behind it. • The answer to your question is, my sanity and my youth, but maybe one day it'll turn up. • The article in the current issue is a very good read – I suggest that you read that. • The assholes are winning. • The author does present some challenging facts, but he does not present any alternative theory. • The bank asks if you can cosign this loan. • The basic idea seems to be finding ways to stop uncomfortable conversations in their tracks with short, noncommittal answers that are largely non-sequiturs, leaving the 'attacker' with no obvious reply. • The bathroom is being painted now. • The bottom line is that Senator Obama's words, for all their eloquence and passion, don't mean all that much, and that's the problem with Washington. (–Senator John McCain, July 30, 2008) • The cab is yours? ... Your cab? • The craziest website I've ever seen can be found here: ... I dare you to go poke around for 5 minutes and then report your learnings / discoveries. Make sure and click around a bit! [Link from] • The Cult of the Amateur: How Today's Internet is Killing Our Culture. (–Andrew Keen) • The Dartmouth game meant nothing to us – Our big game was with Princeton. • The day we fear as our last is but the birthplace of eternity. (–Lucian Blaga) • The decision by The New York Times to distribute a one-sided guest column with disrespectful language toward our Dell team in other parts of the world without contacting us is bad news judgment at best. (–Dell VP Lynn Antipas Tyson) • The deed is done. • The democratizing influence of the Internet is working to banish expertise altogether, making everyone an authority on everything. (–Michiko Kakutani, reviewing "The Age of American Unreason," by Susan Jacoby, The New York Times, March 11, 2008) • The devil from hell. • The dinner's on you? – That's what you said? • The dinosaurs had three brains, each essentially on or off: one was to eat or not eat; one was to kill or not kill; and the third was to nurture or not nurture. • The emotional pain slowly slips into the physical pain. • The first ride of the day. • The following are common examples of verbal abuse: (1.) Degrading you in front of friends and family, (2.) Telling hurtful 'jokes' despite your requests to stop, (3.) Taking your statements out of context, (4.) Name calling, (5.) Insulting, (6.) Humiliation, (7.) Criticizing, (8.) Blaming, (9.) Accusing, (10.) Questioning your sanity. (–Center for relationship abuse awareness) • The freeyourbrain site seems focused on techniques to deconstruct NLP phrases and prevent their subliminal perception – Similar to another site,, which is a little nutty. [Link from Cassiopaea Chat Group] • The graphics are a little crazier as your click through the many links; however, the words used and the advice and discussion is even more interesting. Give it a try! • The guard knows all about it and won't let them back in line. • The honeymoon is over. • The idea that this man actually has an accomplice in his insanity is just too much to believe. • The institution of marriage is as old as human history and thus must be considered sacred. • The internal compass is related to the magnetic center. • The Iranians have jokes about cheating wives? Let me guess the punch line: 'So I killed her.' ha ha? • The joke is in your hand. [Men's room graffito] :: WildCard-12 • The last person who did that was Alan Hevisi. • The law of existence demands uninterrupted killing ... So that the better may live. [–Jeff Weise, Red Lake High School shooter ... his favorite quote, which he attributed to Hitler] • The longer you wait, the more it's going to cost. • The lyrics of rock music condone an insidious drug culture. Just look at Boy George. • The man you ran over just died. • The mayor hammered away at him throughout the summer, calling him 'ethically challenged.' • The misfortunes of others are the taste of honey. [Japanese saying] • The next money you spend should be on bales of pine straw. • The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor? • The Nigger in the White House. • The obnoxious royalty. • The ones that drop on the floor you get to keep? • The only good Jap is one who died two weeks ago. • The only meaning an utterance has in the real world is the meaning the listener understands it to have. (–Suzette Haden Elgin) • The only thing I want you to know is that if my company had won the contract, I'd be YOUR boss. • The only thing that could stop George Bush is for some Black woman to come forward with an illegitimate baby. • The only way you know how to get close to someone is by fucking them. • The other driver let people off! Use your head, bimbo! • The people who work there don't like it if you call it an alley. • The Ph.D. matters. • The Polytechnic is history. Vietnam is history. Auschwitz is history. Hippies are history. Punks are history. God is history. Hollywood is history. The Soviet Union is history. My parents are history. My friend Joe is becoming history. I will become history. This fucking shithole planet will become history. Take more drugs. (–Christos Tsiolkas, extract from Loaded) • The problem is his ideas are half-baked. • The problem is, I don't believe your figures. • The problem with crazy ... Is the vast volumes in which it comes. The only crazy site I've ever looked at for more than 5 minutes was taxi1010. I kept coming close - so close! - to grasping the logic of the place that I was teased to look a little further. Everywhere else is like this blog, just pages and pages and pages that might as well say 'crazy' over and over again for all the good it does me to look at them. [Further mention of taxi1010 at Portal of Evil - by Theocrat 12/30/05] • The proprietor of this site e-mailed me a link to, which I can only describe as Cake lyrics gone horribly, horribly awry. • The record speaks for itself. • The same to you! • The same to you, asshole! • The service in this place sucks. • The sex was great, not the greatest, but good enough. • The sheep better watch out. • The spoon works better. • The strawberries grown out here are terrible – They're not nearly as good as the ones from Vienna. • The 'sunporch' lists a humongous quantity of insults. The taxi1010 guide is full of very very long lists, so you will more or less relive the nostalgia of playing D&D, minus the excitement. • The sun's come out ... I wish I'd brought shorts ... although I bet you guys are glad I didn't bring shorts. [Also see Self-attack] • The Supreme Court needs to be five to four in favor of God, not in favor of Norman Lear, NOW, NARAL and other Anti-God, Anti Marriage things, or this nation will get God real mad! (–Pat Robertson) • The thing that hurt me the most was when I gave you that electronic keyboard and you wrote me a sarcastic letter saying how you played with it and used it to compose music. That hurt me so much. • The thinker. • The thoughts expressed in your letter appear to be the rantings of an unstable person. • The United States had it coming. [From a Chinese hothead on the Internet, as reported in The New York Times] • "The United States has displayed an arrogant air, used lame arguments, confounded right and wrong and made groundless accusations against China." (–Foreign Minister Tang Jiaxuan) • The way I had it explained to me, absolute truth is a dot in the center of a circle, and all of humanity is the circumference. • The world is against me. I hate it! • The world is mine! • The world would be better off without people like you. • The world's greatest lover! • The youngsters should 'gang up for a while' on Tiger ... (–Nick Faldo) ... Lynch him in a back alley. (–Kelly Tilghman) • Then does that mean it's free? • Then he said, 'I'm going to kick your fucking ass!' • Then how 'bout some sex? • Then is this just spin control? • Then it smells like peaches and cream. • Then quit calling me a girl! • Then they go into the rest room and swap tickets with one of their buddies – That's why he's all angry. • Then why did you come in so late? • Then you can begin to become authentic. • Then you'll have fun watching TV! • Then you're fired! • There are certain things David Daniels can't see. He's blind to coldness. • There are certain things I can't say around you. • There are no absolutes – (God? You?) • There are no accidents. • There are no mistakes. • There are no victims. • There are only two places to get good food. One of them is Berkeley, and one of them is France. And France is only second to Berkeley. • There are other successful songwriters and singers who come from England ... You seem to be more calculatingly Scottish. [To Amy Macdonald, spoken by an interviewer on National Public Radio] • There are people who have worked for years for that job – Don't you think you need more experience? • There are times I feel like killing you. • There are worse things. • There aren't a lot of original ideas left. • There he is ... It must be two o'clock. • THERE IS AN EXCEPTION TO EVERY RULE AND EVEN THE RULES CANNOT BE AGREED ON, IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE. I can't do anything right! [Link] • There is no quality control on the Web, and there isn't likely to be any. Unlike libraries where vanity press publications are rarely, if ever, collected, vanity is often what drives the Internet. Any fool can put up anything on the Web, and, to my accounting, all have. (–Mark Y. Herring, "10 Reasons Why the Internet Is No Substitute for a Library," American Libraries, April 2001, pp. 76-78) • There is no reason anyone should like billy he's a little bitch. And a homosexual that NO ONE LIKES. [Scrawled in your textbook by school bullies] • There is no such thing as a double positive. • There it is – proof of something or other. • There may be pedestrians unfamiliar with the city, who don't even see you. [Officer giving you a ticket for not completely stopping before making a right turn on red] • There she goes! [The girl you're secretly crazy about] • There was an attempt but the graphics could be so much better. • There you go. • There you go. [Disparagingly] •  There you go! – Building up your résumé. • There you go – the first one-liner of the hour. • There you go – You could write a little utility to recall mail you've already sent over the Internet. • There's a big blowup in Brazil! • There's a code – It's in the regulations. • There's a first time for everything. • There's a great movie on – It's really good. • There's a hotel for you. [In a sleazy part of town] • There's a lesson here somewhere. • There's a lot of money in that. • There's a lot of money in there. [Your recipe] • There's a lot of words on that site [taxi1010], but they don't seem to add up to anything. • There's a metering station up there ... or down there. [Having just written you a thirty dollar parking ticket because you didn't know you had to walk half a block to buy something to put on your dashboard – This is a wonderful opportunity to SCREAM SOMETHING!] • There's a missing gap. • There's a thesis right there. [At this website] I spent about five days winding my way through the obsessive links and trying to figure out the guy's modus operandi. It never happened. I mean, he's crazy as a loon, but he also seems to be entirely sane. • There's a woman going through our garbage outside. • There's always an answer, isn't there? • There's an e-mail waiting for you. • There's an old Arab proverb, 'He who seeks to understand everything risks dying of anger.' [Link] • There's no excuse for failure. • There's no love in this house. [Six-year-old Megan, a bright young girl in Scotland, to her mother] • There's no need for him to check with you. • There's no pimples! [In the photograph] • There's no such thing as a free lunch. • There's no such thing as magic. • There's no view at the Red Caboose – The Riverview restaurant is out on a pier. • There's nobody important on this floor. • There's not going to be any homecoming this year – Mr. Klang is not going to make it through homecoming. [Weston School shooter] • There's not usually people walking here. [From a bicyclist who just ploughed into a crowd of pedestrians] • There's nothing good on TV? • There's nothing original. • There's nothing that can be proved. • There's one thing that baffles me. • There's only one thing that's important, and that's looking at girls' heinies! • There's only one thing wrong – She hasn't come over to visit me in my room. [Newscaster Lara Logan] • There's room for improvement. • There's so many papers on this street. • There's so much anti-Semitism. • There's something on my screen I want you to see. [A demure pinup] • There's something wrong with you. • There's something you don't understand. • There's the evil laugh again. • These are fake comebacks. • These are scary times, too. • These Ephesian folk overshadow even psychotic taxi drivers' obsessive- compulsive ways. And that is saying a helluva lot. [Someone from the Portal of Evil Saloon] • These expert witnesses claim drugs are non-addictive, yet these same pundits acknowledge taking drugs themselves. Their testimony is obviously distorted. • These guys are faggots. [Three guys passing two guys on the street] • These places are not suitable for you. You will be rejected. • These two spots belong to us. • They are a snake moving in the desert; they hold no place in Iraq. [Mohammed Saeed Sahaf - Information minister, April 3, 2003] • They aren't? [Mockingly] • They didn't need books – He had an imagination! [Referring to Marc Chagall (born Moyshe Segal, 1887-1985), who may or may not have needed books, but he sure did attend at least five different art schools, and spent many days studying masterpieces at museums] • They fly the way they drive. • They just want us out of here – You can't win. • They kicked me out of line to put air in my tire. Are they Nazis? • They make me buy this outfit, and they let you in in a house dress. I don't get it. • They never make you feel worthless. [The Brazilians] • They park there, saying they just can't hold it any longer. • They said something about my family I don't want to say here. • They say he's the last Pope before the coming of the Antichrist. • They say she's lost her looks. • They say sometimes the best defense is an offense. • They shut it down because you don't pay the bill? [The phone line is down, and the repair people aren't going to come for a week] • They simply want to keep counting votes until they like the results. • They stole part of your rigging, huh? Don't you hate it when someone rips off your sailboat? • They think we're public property. • They'll just look at you and say you're g@y. • They're all criminals. • They're going to come to your house and take you away someday. • They're just nail clippings. • They're like our mothers – Excuse me, I should speak for myself – They're like my mother ... which explains why we perpetually live the single life. • They're so gorgeous – They certainly don't look like you. [Your newborn twins] • They're totally fucked-up – They sleep with other people's wives, trying not to get caught – They're infantile – They're fucked-up beyond belief. [Description of the movie, Shampoo] • They've still got a lot of bounce to them. • Things are getting that bad here? • Think about it. • Think fast! • Think good thoughts! • Think of it this way: I hope you get charged for replacing the medallion, and for the shifts on Wednesday night, Thursday morning, Thursday night, and Friday morning. • Think rich. • Think white and get serious. • Think you can handle it? • Thinking about buying that? • Thinner women don't usually have large breasts, unless they're, of course, paid for. • Thirdly, why don't you check out an inscrutable site that will make your brain melt. It's ... uh ... advice on how to deal with people, from a cabbie in, I think, San Francisco. I can only imagine what actually riding with him is like. (Probably not very interesting.) [Link from Sticherblog] • This cab's mine! • This doesn't bode well — It's an omen. • This doesn't make any sense. • This driver isn't first. • This girl doesn't go for money. She goes for person. • This guy draws like I did when I was seven. • This guy is also really fixated on people asking him why he's late. • This guy is great! [Disparagingly] • This guy knows left from right. • This has to be the strangest website I've ever seen. It's a marvel. And I don't understand a word of it. It's not one of these very meaningful flash-based arty sites that leaves you puzzled, it's totally different. A labyrinth... [Link from] • This is a bad movie. • This is a great idea – You could get someone who really knows pop culture to write it. • This is a great movie! • This is a great movie. [Not sharing with you what it is] • This is a private meeting. • This is a put-on. • This is a terrible intersection. • This is a wake-up call to kill the Jews. • This is an odd website all right ... It certainly seems as though whoever wrote it invested a LOT of effort ... It's mentioned somewhere in it that the author was a taxi driver in San Francisco: Richard Ames Hart or Amoret Phillips? 'This unabridged article on "Verbal Abuse" first appeared on Wikipedia; a few hours later, most of it was deleted' ... No wonder!! Still, it's intriguing enough for me to meander through for a while & see whether there's valid insight ... (9 hours ago) • This is between her and us. • This is exactly what I'm talking about. • This is for you. [Image] • This is going to have to last a long time, a very long time! • This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you. • This is it? God, this is a tiny apartment. [From one of the new movers] • This is just one of those days. • This is my favorite crazy person's website: • This is my horrible little sister. • This is new! • This is not a parking lot! • This is not a public library. • This is obviously a guy who likes to stir things up. • This is old news. • This is our best opportunity to get equipment money from the dean, and adding these things [to your formal requisition] won't affect your getting the equipment you actually need. [A fraudulent request to slip in a few extra items] • This is private property. • This is really a nightmare. • This is right up your alley. • This is the American way. • This is the third time I've asked you to do this. • This is the WASP cover-up. • This is Tim Hutton from the Berkeley Heritage ... I'm writing a story about local writers, poets, and artists ... Are you saying there's no one here who's a writer, poet, or artist? Cheeze! [Berkeley Heritage doesn't exist; sooner or later liars always trip themselves up] • This is too good for the likes of us! • This is totally uncalled-for. • This is warm for you guys, huh? • This is what I found – Don't take it personally. • This is your 15 minutes of fame!! Well you don't have to ask me twice, here is a page with all the links to all my sites, (be sure to see the black cat archives) and then there is one of my brother's 20 (not kidding) sites ciao ciao bella bella Amoret Phillips • This is your wisdom? • This isn't working; you're not my type. • This Merlot, 1982, makes me unhappy. • This movie is just one cinematographic cliché after another. • This must be my lucky day. • This notice is a demand for your 2002 tax return. • This page has the most aggravating, senseless layout I've ever come across. Add in the needlessly arcane terminology, the lack of titles or descriptive paragraphs, and you've got a page that amounts to little more than a confusing assemblage of random words. I salute your determination that you managed to glean as much as you did from it. [Message at bad_craziness] • This should be published. • This site has a lot of potential. Put it in a different format, then we'll talk. • This site has lots of depth and originality; I, being British, never penetrated the psychobabble though. • This site is confusing as hell, and for no good reason. Just like this Feedback page is full of useless wisecracks. You don't ALWAYS have to use verbal jousting, unless you want to shut people out completely; there is a fine line between setting your limits and borders while still INTERACTING and COMMUNICATING with people, and perpetually rejecting anyone's attempt to understand you. And this is what you've done with this site, and that's too bad, because it has a lot of really great points. :-) • This site (nominally about "non-escalating verbal self-defense") seems at first to be some kind of parody, except that it doesn't seem to be parodying anything. • This stuff is better than Beethoven, man! [The Fifth Dimension] • This stuff is really getting to me – I think I've just about had enough. • This toilet is like a gas station toilet. • This Week's Websites: * CLICK HERE The mother of all aneurysm causing websites. I've yet to figure out what the hell this site's about. It goes beyond definition. A discombobulated mess or word diarrhea pounding your brain cells until you give up on life itself. Random images, colors and links lead you through a gauntlet of madness. Pages extend for miles with nonsense and endless tables. The Horror ... The Horror ... [Link from Links That Stink – The Greatest Waste Of Bandwidth On The Web] • Those are my breasts. • Those dogs are off-leash. They're supposed to be on a leash. They're running in that field over there. [These people appear out of nowhere] • Those dogs are ready to go! • Those dogs cost a lot, don't they? • Those machines won't work with counterfeit bills. • Those who can, do; those who cannot, teach. • Thoughts can't be changed by nuclear bomb. Today is the day of thought and logic. (–Iran's president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad) • Throw that in the garbage for me. • Time to lighten up and get a grip. (–Garrison Keillor) • Tim's sour grapes are obvious here, but at least he's not using his father as a prop to sell books this time around. That said, we wish him well on his latest self-promotion tour. • Tire's no good! You don't look in the morning, huh? • To be sure. • To complete the bond ... [Reciprocating a pair of Indian Friendship Feathers] • To ignore evil is to become an accomplice to it. • To Jim R. Have you considered medication? • To me it showed her brittleness, her coldness, her spoiling for a fight. She's so good at this war machine stuff, it's sad. (–Representative Jim Cooper, referring to Hillary Clinton) • To read a website that befuddles and doesn't really amuse me, see http:// stargate14.htm [Link from Drew Vogel on WAIF 88.3 FM, SMACK IT CINCINNATI!] • To the Editor: Re 'Teenage Suicides Bewilder an Island, and the Experts' (March 18): Our small rural high school has also experienced an 'epidemic' of suicides. One of the students was a member of my tightly-knit gifted class of 12. We, too, were 'descended upon' by outside experts, and what we learned was that it was absolutely emotionally intolerable to be around anyone who had not known the student or was not a member of the class. This was an important lesson for me, and one that helps me to understand other people's grief. 'Outsiders' should say nothing more than 'I'm sorry.' To the Nikko Hotel, nice and straight. • To what do we owe the pleasure of this call? • Today is not my day. • Today's your special day! • Too bad! • Too bad, I would have loved to see you cry. • Too bad you couldn't close that deal. • Too bad you haven't done much with your life ... no wife, no kids .... • Too bad you're not invited, loser. • Too civilized, I guess. • Too many Asians. • Too much excitement for me! • Topic: unintentionally funny -- This website I found claims to teach 'Non escalating verbal self defense' while that might sound normal you have to see what this site actually says. It is so incoherent the sentences don't make sense, browse some of the links in the column and try to make heads or tail of what this guy is saying [Link from Unknown Highway Message Forum, March 15th, 2008] • Toronto is a very antisocial city with that thin veneer of passive-aggressive middlebrow decorum, the honey over the gall, you know: everyone suspects and hates each other, but we smile and nod, but the smile is more a rictus and the nod is more of a primal acknowledgment (I'm Watching), less a greeting. Psychologically at least. [Link] • Total waste of cyberspace, and my time. • Trailer trash comes to mind. • Trick or treat! • Trick or treat! [From a Goblin] • Trick or treat! [From a Princess] • Tricky! • Trouble in paradise? • Try thinking about yourself – that way you don't even get the slight pleasure of realization that you're torturing someone else. [Faux charm, with real venom] • Try to remember that, Miss Operetta. • Try to stay out of trouble! • Trying to be something that you're not. • Trying to get compliance on the Internet is like herding cats. • Trying to reinforce your rosy bubble? • Tu es un retard dans la tête. [Fr: "You're late in the head."] • Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky, Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are. • Two hundred dollars? – Are you crazy? • Two? Is that all you can take? • Two of the cutest girls on the entire planet! • Two Wongs Don't Make a White! • Tyler, it's your boyfriend! [on the telephone] • Typical. • Typically lacking sympathy for the problems of others, bullies often do not even recognize that others have problems, so wrapped up are they in their own concerns. Often short-tempered and angry, they tend to impute to others the hostility and aggressiveness they themselves feel.


U. Uggh! [Catching a whiff of a surprising body odor] • Ugh! • U.G.L.Y. – You Ain't Got No Alibi. • Uh-huh. • Uh-oh. • Uh-oh! Trouble in paradise? • Uh-oh! We wouldn't get along then. • Um, do you think we can turn off the lights? • Under what circumstances did the third president of the United States forswear his views on slavery? • Under where? • Unfortunately, yesterday one of your partners at Yellow Cab – 2829 – got exasperated with the traffic and was driving very unsafely. • Unhappy with your shortcomings? • Unless you know what you're talking about, SHUT UP! • Up yours! • Uptight WASP. • Use your head, bimbo! • Use your imagination. • Using NLP style tricks to calm down situations. • Usually I date someone younger than me because if someone's old, there's something wrong.


V. Vain Berkeley weirdo. • Vanna! • Vanna! I want my Vanna! • Vera's boyfriend was surprisingly nice. • Verbal self defence against mother. • Verbal self-defense is one area where a taxi driver can certainly have expertise. Richard Ames Hart has just that, and he can teach you how to defend yourself. That is, if you can follow the flow of his discursive and maddeningly elusive web site. [Link from lampoon of taxi1010 at Alleee and Franc's INSOLITOLOGY] • Verbal self defense techniques against gay bashers. • Very cerebral. • Very funny. Very, very funny. • Very good! Very good! • Very sad. • Virginia doesn't have a heart. • Virginia, was that you? • Virginia, why don't you get that? [Rotating European toilet seat] • Volume 21 ...?" [Scoffing out loud, with an incredulous tone of voice expressing total disbelief]


W. Wait a minute, wait a minute – We're not talking about you. • Wake up! • Wake up! We're talking about real issues I have to deal with. • Want some advice? • Warm. • Was I adopted? • Was I right about the shield? I'm right about this, too. • Was I talking to you? • Was Richard giving you a mischievous grin? • Was that a sarcastic remark? • Was that an insult? • Was that cynical laughter, Richard? • Was that too hard for you? [After you've backed out of a Mexican standoff] • Was there any point in you saying that? • Wasn't it obvious? • Watch it, man! [Ominously] • We aim to please. • We all do stupid things when we're young. • We Americans look at Asian people as a plentiful supply of cheap labor. • We are disappointed that George has chosen to hurt Mr. O'Reilly's family in order to promote his movie, ... but it's obvious he needs publicity considering his recent string of failures. We wish him well in his struggle to regain relevancy. • We call it, Zielinskiland! • We can understand David's disappointment in being let go by Fox News Channel, but he's too young to be so bitter. We wish him well in getting his career back on track. • We can't continue to take a bath in this. [From a scary executive who stonewalls and rarely gives an inch] • We can't drive around them – We can't go around them. [The mountains] • We can't go wrong being ourselves, or so I've heard. • We can't take you anywhere in public. • We consider ourselves to be reasonably intelligent human beings, but not a single one of these supposed 'rehearsed comebacks' makes any sense whatsoever. • We could stand toe-to-toe like this for hours, the way they did in old vaudeville routines. • We create our own reality. • We did it! • We don't believe in censorship. • We don't feel your work is up to our standards. • We don't like your kind. • We don't wear shoes in this house. • We exaggerate on the radio. • We feel the time has come for you to have graduated. [Having overstayed your welcome at a Christian Japanese Church] • We had sex before, so what's the problem now? • We have big plans for you — later! • We have a bomb on board. [Recorded voice on hijacked United Airlines Flight 93 before it was crashed into the Pennsylvania countryside on 9/11] • We have a dress code. • We have attempting to figure out what is going on. • We have captured the American pilots, and we will be teaching them a lesson. • We have no respect for anyone anymore. • We have read your website. • WE HAVE THIS ANTHRAX. YOU DIE NOW. ARE YOU AFRAID? • We have to go back to basics. • We have to remember that his ancestors were the Vikings who raped and pillaged. • We haven't visited in a while. • 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal' — just words? Just words? 'We have nothing to fear but fear itself; — just words? 'Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country' — just words? 'I have a dream' — just words? (–Deval Patrick, 2006 campaign speech, successfully running for governor of Massachusetts) • We just know. • We know everything; you might as well confess. • We made so many mistakes bringing you up. • We need an administration of grown-ups. • We need this space now. [From an Anglican priest to an American visitor] • We need to know if a twenty-three-year-old man is bringing in a thirteen-year-old girl for an abortion. • We not the same? • We own them. • We really need the rain. • We remember you when. • We sent a man to the moon, so surely we can design a safe car. • We should be thoughtful of others, right? • We show respect for people. • We stopped serving breakfast. • We teach people centering. • We think we might know what you're TRYING to say. • We think you don't have enough job experience. • We try to be as dumb as you possibly can be. (–Robert Wolfe) • We understand that this current Georgian leadership is a special project of the United States, but one day the United States will have to choose between defending its prestige over a virtual project or real partnership which requires joint action ... Frankly speaking, once again I was surprised by the skills of the speech writers who prepared the statement of the U.S. president. (–Russian Foreign Minister, Sergei Lavrov, August 13, 2008) • We want someone who can hit the ground running. • We want the dead to rest easy, knowing their obligations are taken care of. [By friends and far relatives, right after they've died] (–Michael Ginsberg of Kaulkin Ginsberg, a consulting company to the debt collection industry) • We want you to come to church with us sometime. • We want you to reflect on why you may have enemies. • We were given this link by Erik from – He actually rode in this nut's cab! We always wondered if some of these kooks were real. • We were just talking about you. • We were just upset. It's disconcerting that the man who is supposed to have your best interest in mind and is the leader of your education community thinks less of us. (–Thea Daniels, Harvard senior majoring in sociology, after Harvard president Lawrence H. Summers suggested that innate sex differences may leave women less capable in tenacious pursuit of math and science) • We wish CNN well in their annual executive shuffle. • We wish Jon well in his battle for second place with MSNBC. • We wouldn't get along then. • We'd like to invite you to join our church. • We'll probably be sick of each other by then. • We're a threesome – If you want to be involved, we'd have to ask you. • We're about to be out of time – I'm sorry to cut you off. • We're all gonna die soon; I will, you will, and it sure sounds like your son will. • We're Asian. [They are Chinese, misinterpreting the situation] • We're at one hundred right now. [Pointing out the block number on California Street] • We're bigger and on top – If this were prison, you'd be our bitch. • We're calling to tell you you've won the Pulitzer Prize. • We're closed over here. • We're deporting you for being an undesirable. • We're doing the basement, remember? • We're from Narnia. • We're from overseas. • We're going to put you in charge – Think you can handle it? • We're going to throw out all the rules! • We're just a bunch of bad brains. • We're just talking in general – There's nothing that precipitates our using that stuff. [Two World War II guys at a bar talking about their experiences smoking marijuana] • We're making a change. • We're not stereotyping or anything, are we? • We're not talking anti-Semitism, are we? • We're slow on Saturday; if we're slow, you guys are slow, I guess. • We've found someone who's just like you! • We've got Justice Kennedy writing decisions based upon international law, not the Constitution of the United States? That's just outrageous. And not only that, but he said in session that he does his own research on the Internet? That is just incredibly outrageous. (–Congressman Tom DeLay) • We've got the same name! • We've got to stop at an ATM – so I can pay you! • We've got to stop meeting like this. • Weird. • Weird?! Come on what do u expect from the Gapfather your part of the family now baba bing!! Don't worry eventually u lot will be as odd as me Silly Jedi hehe. • Well, all you had to do is say something. [With incredible hostility – but ever-so-polite] • Well, at least they have firm ones. [The waitresses at Hooters] • Well, can I just point out that in the last several debates, I seem to get the first question all the time. And I don't mind. I – you know, I'll be happy to field them, but I do find it curious, and if anybody saw 'Saturday Night Live,' you know, maybe we should ask Barack if he's comfortable and needs another pillow. (–Hillary Clinton) • Well, do you know how to chase after girls? You seem to always fail. • Well, don't help me. • Well, don't just stand there like a mannequin. I'm not paying you $25 an hour to just stand there. Go inside. [One of David Pogue's adventures, reported in a subscriber's e-mail, April 26, 2007] • Well, even a 747 looks small when it lands in the Grand Canyon. • Well, fuck you! • Well, good for you! • Well, good luck! • Well, good luck. [Disingenuously] • Well, how long have you lived here? • Well, I am experiencing some discomfort. [Sarcastically] • Well, I am worried because we're not getting this done on time. • Well, I don't think it's important, but my boss does. • Well, I don't want you to have them. [Financial statements from the broker] • Well, I find that hard to believe. • Well, I for one wouldn't trade my little Tessa and big Billie for any career. • Well, I found this syllabus. Is that what you want me to read? • Well, I haven't ever seen you here before. • Well, I hope you don't start this job and then say, 'Fuck that!' [At a job interview] • Well, I know for a fact she graduated from Wesleyan. [Referring to Hillary Clinton, with unduly strong emotion; in some cases you're better off not taking the bait. Note: Hillary Clinton was valedictorian at Wellesley, class of 1969] • Well, I mean, what are your credentials? • Well, I think it is a problem. • Well, I think she looks like a germ. • Well, I want your name ... I'm going to report you. • Well, I'll let you go. • Well, I'm sure it'll be strange, because it always is ... and that's a good thing! [your new website,] • Well, I'm thrilled that you're happy. • Well, if I got upset with my parents every time they verbally abused me for something I did wrong, I don't know, maybe I'd have a different attitude. But, you know, verbal abuse is in the mind of the beholder. (–Senator Saxby Chambliss, R-Ga.) • Well, if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black! • Well, if you say so. • Well, in my opinion Hitler didn't finish his job – He should have killed all the Jews while he had the chance. • Well, is it just a marketing gimmick? • Well, is it something new? • Well, it could be worse. • Well, it doesn't matter, because we're not coming back. • Well, it is summer – There are worse things. • Well, it sounds like a noble cause. • Well, it's really not cheating – He just didn't cite all the sources. • Well, looks aren't everything. • Well, maybe change your mind and try to not see any attacks, and let positive, non-reactive frame do the job... [Comment by Ragz, Senior Member, in chat room] • Well, maybe they believe what women pretend to believe – that size doesn't matter. • Well, nice talking to you, darling! Good luck finding another mover. • Well, none of us have any answers. • Well, now, see? That's another story. • Well, now you're putting ME down – and my cousin. • Well, now you've told four different stories. • Well, old man, that's okay. • Well, Richard, that's where you and I differ. • Well, screw you! • Well! She has a name! Maureen. • WELL, SORRY DOESN'T CUT IT! • Well, that's a safe bet. • Well, that's easy for you to say – Your mom died and left you a million. • Well, that's just the price you have to pay. • Well, that's you, Richard. • Well, the hell with you! • Well then, are you calling me a jerk? • Well, then, can we shake on it? • Well, then, if I just stay inside all day, you mean I won't catch a cold? • Well, then, if I just plain get sick, will that mean I've already gone outside without my stupid sweater? • Well, then, what's your name? • Well, there's a lot worse things. • Well, this girl is certainly better than the other one. She will not leave you, and she won't control you either. You don't want to be controlled like before, do you? • Well, we just want to be kind and supportive. • Well, we're human. • Well, well, when are you due? • Well, what are you driving now? • Well, what do you do when that cab's not available? • Well, what do you want me to say? – because everything I've said so far is wrong. • Well, what does that do for you? [Getting a listing in 'The Web's Best Sites' section of] • Well, what's your name? • Well, whatever turns you on. • Well, when I was in New Jersey, I fucked your mother. • Well, why don't you give me a call after the first of the year? • Well, why were you late? • Well, you better get practicing then. • Well, you get to work on it! [Finding a cheaper hotel in San Francisco] • Well, you have a problem – You're too confident. • Well, you like the young ones, right? • Well, you might make copies of them and send copies of them to Richard. • Well, you said you did. • Well, you saw the red light. • Well, you see, now? That's a different story you're telling now. • Well, you're a San Francisco taxi driver – You're a tourist when you drive over here. • Were we rude? • Were you at work? • Were you outsourced? • Were you invited? • Were you trying to make me feel stupid? • Whassup? • WHAT!? [She's wearing a microskirt] • What? For a minute there I thought you understood me. [Link from The E.\/.il Marketer, March 31, 2002] • What? You're leaving now? Aren't you going to stay and help with the dishes? • What a beautiful day, David. Why aren't you smiling? • What a bitch! • What a dirty mind! I never would have thought of such a thing. • What a freak. • What a great day! Can't beat this! • What a guy! What a man! • What a paunch! • What a reject! • What a snoop. • What a steep road this is! [Sarcastically] • What a surprise! • What a waste of bandwidth – Get a job. • What a wonderful thing to be an American – None of us agree about anything. (–Cindy McCain, September 3, 2008) • What about girls who don't wear glasses? – They get lonely, too. • What about me? • What about people who blow themselves up to go to heaven? • What about privacy? • What about tomorrow? • What advice are you going to give your teammates? [Before the Super Bowl] • What am I — chopped liver? • What am I going to do about you? • What an enigmatic site. I would brush it off as crazy crud a la timecube, but it does make a little bit of sense if you use your imagination. [Link from] • What an asshole. • What are friends for? [Sarcastically] • What are good ways, or comebacks, to get rude people off your back? • What are some good comebacks when people call you names or make some 'yo mama' statements or things like that? I don't know any, and I came crying home one day from school because someone had called my family something that I don't want to say on this. [Question originally posted at Yahoo! Answers] • What are ten good comebacks for kids with low self-esteem? • What are the conclusions? • What are the results of your research so far? • What are the rules for Moxie's Disease? • What are the top ten ways for dealing with mean people? • What are their names? • What are they gonna do? • What are they supposed to be, frogs? • What are we not doing that we should be doing? • What are you, a child? • What are you, a faggot? • What are you – a lesbian? • What are you, a man or a mouse? • What are you afraid of? • What are you calling me? • WHAT ARE YOU DOING? • What are you doing for Thanksgiving? • What are you doing here? • What are you doing, holding up the wall? • What are you doing in this neck of the woods? • What are you doing? Look at the long line here. • What are you doing over there? You're supposed to be over here! • What are you doing sitting in the dark like a mushroom? • What are you doing this afternoon? • What are you doing to bring the B up? [Your report card has four A's and one B] • What are you doing? ... Want some company? • What are you doing with a dog? • What are you driving these days? • What are you giggling about? • What are you going to call your book? • What are you going to do today to show your support? • What are you laughing at? • WHAT are you laughing at? [From a Pit Bull supervisor, who won't let go] • What are you looking at? [Stranger challenging you] • What are you looking at me for? • What are you looking for? [Manager challenging you] • What are you looking so smug about? • What are you, my father? • What are you on? • What are you optimistic about? • What are you reading? • What are you talking about? • What are you talking to her for? ... she doesn't even like sex. • What are you thinking? • What are you trying to do to me? • What are you up to? • What are you waiting for? • What are you writing? • What are your intentions? • What are your New Year's resolutions? • What business is it of yours where I'm from, ... friend-o? (–Murderer Anton Chigurh, in No Country for Old Men .. You don't want to be fresh to this kind of person; you just want to get off their radar; go reeal slow.) • What company do you work for? • What database do you use? • What did Bruce think? • What did he say? [Translate Japanese for me] • What did I do now? • What did I do this time? • What did I do to deserve that? • What did I say this time? • What did it say? [Business card] • What did one Palestinian mother say to another when their kids graduated from terrorist school? (–They blow up so fast nowadays!) • What did they think? • What did Tolstoy say? • What did you do? [Plastic surgery] • What did you do Valentine's Day? • What did you do with the sun? • What did you expect me to do while I was waiting? • What did you get your degree in? • What did you have to eat? [From a stranger, sitting down next to you] • What did you say? Say that to my face. • What did you spend it on? [All your credit card debt] • What did you think? [About the movie you just saw] • What do Black people think of Louis Farrakhan? • What do women want? • What do you do about it, in a nutshell? • What do you do all night on the Internet ... besides go to porn sites? • What do you do, drive around all day thinking? • What do you do for a living? • What do you do for a living? [To a six-year-old] • What do you do for rest, or relaxation? ... go snorkeling? (–Dick Cavett to Janis Joplin) • What do you do if you are in school and you peed your pants? • What do you do to get a nice girlfriend like that? • What do you do when niggers come to your door and want to talk to you about Jesus? • What do you expect? ... if you call that a joke! • What do you have to pay for an apartment? • What do you know about that? • What do you know about UNIX? • What do you look for in a woman? • What do you look like? [In a chat room on the Web] • What do you mean? • What do you mean by commitment? • What do you mean, he was coming at you? • What do you mean, 'Something smells?' • What do you mean? That's one block! You don't need a taxi – You can walk right over there! What the hell is wrong with you? • What do you say? • What do you say to a sarcastic person? • What do you think? • What do you think I was going to do? • What do you think of when you look at me? • What do you think our relationship is built on? • What, do you think that's sexy? Is that the way you roll? • What do you think we're paying you for? • What do YOU want? • What do you want for Christmas? • What do you want me to do? • What do you want me to read? • What do you want to be when you grow up? [To a little girl] • What does marriage have to do with sex? • What does moon fooling do? [] • What does someone with a big penis eat for breakfast? • What does that make you? • What does that make you, by the way? • What does that mean? • What does that mean? • What does that tell you? • What does the Bible say about verbal abuse? • What does your husband do that drives you nuts? • What does your schedule look like? • What don't you understand? • What else don't they have? – Think about it. • What else is new? • What gives? • What good does that do you? • What happened? • What happened to that other woman? • What happened to the Air Force Academy? • What happened to the weekend? • What happened to your hand? [To avoid "the iron grip," you're shaking hands with your left hand] • What happened to your queer party friends? • What happened to your roommate? • What happens in time cannot be undone. • What have you done for me lately? • What he lacks in size, he makes up for in speed. • What I know is, as long as you keep your work zipped up around me, I don't give a rat crap what or where you shove your show. • What if everybody started using your comebacks? • What if everybody thought they could do that? • What if no one visits your website? • What if this is as good as it gets? • What if you'd bought a house here in the eighties? • What in the hell are you looking at? [High-and-mighty woman standing by the side of the road] • What in the hell are you talking about? • What is going on with you? • What is it that you do? • What is meant by the stargates? • What is that? • What is that smell? • What is that supposed to be, a joke? • What is the best way to stay in my own place and not get all swept up in the communal fervor of the group hysteria? • What is the biggest sin you've ever committed? • What is the difference between paranoid and delusional? • What is the greatest thing a person can know? • What is the meaning of life? • What is the right way to kiss a girl? • What is the secret of men? • What is the secret of women? • What is the sentence for someone who kills for self defence • What is there, an echo? – I just said that! • What is truth? • What is wrong with you? • What is your aim? • What is your problem? – You have all the advantages in the world. • What is your zip code? • What kind of asshole question is that? • What kind of car do you drive? • What kind of car do you have now? • What kind of cheese? • What kind of coward are you, chicken-shit! • What kind of lettuce do you like? [from a beautiful woman] • What kind of pig are you? • What kind of programming do you do? • What kind of writer are you? • What kind of writing do you do? • What made you ask me that? • What made you leave being a systems analyst? • What made you leave IBM? • What made you move here? • What made you pick this up, Mary? [a rental tape in a video store] • What made you think of that? • What makes you so special? • What makes you think you're so special? • What motivates you? • What other culture could have produced someone like Hemingway and not have seen the joke? (–Gore Vidal) • What part of no don't you understand? • What planet did you just come in from? • What possessed you to write this? • What right do you have to tell me these things? – Stay in your place. • What sign are you? • What street are you going to? • What the ..? • What the fuck? • What the fuck are you talking about? • WHAT the fuck. ... WHAT the fuck. • What the hell are you doing here, anyway? • What the hell do you think you're doing? • What the hell?!? If somebody can make some semblance of sense of that last guy's website please post and let me know what I'm missing! I'm quite perplexed by it, actually. And a little worried. I don't understand... .. ... . • What the hell is wrong with you? • What the hell is your problem? – You're not good enough! [Line chef screaming at another line chef in a busy kitchen] • What the hell kind of game are you playing? • What the senator is saying is that I can't seek to pass legislation that bans partial birth abortion because there are people who don't see that as a moral issue ... Now that is a fruitcake interpretation of the constitution. (–James Dobson, referring to a June 2006 speech by Barack Obama in which abortion isn't even mentioned) • What they don't want you to know about self defence • What time did you start today? • What time do you come in in the morning? • What time do you go to work in the morning? • What time is the party? [They weren't actually invited] • What to do when a friend verbally attacks your child. • What took you so long? • What up? • What was I going to say? • What was it like firing a musket? What were the dinosaurs like? • What was that all about? • What was the weather like during the last week? • What was the weather like this weekend? • What we have here is really kind of the new Wild West. Nobody is really in charge. [The World Wide Web] • What were you doing in there? [The bathroom] • WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? • What!? ... What!? • What? What did you say? [From a venting police officer] • What will your wife be doing while you're gone? • What would happen if you reversed the order of the words? • What would you do if I hit you? [From a karate instructor] • What would you know about working twenty-four hours straight? • What would you say if someone said, 'You're fat?' • What year did you graduate in the field you're teaching? • What year is that? [Your car, asked by a bum at a gas station, getting ready to ask you for money] • What you don't know can't hurt you, huh? • What you said really frightened me. • What your ex-boss said was, 'If you want a backstabber, go ahead and hire her.' [Overheard about you, then repeated to you, in a long line of backstabbers!] • What'd you say? • What's 2024 times 18 minus 100? • What's a good line? • What's a mean person? • What's a sexual pervert? • What's better than riding a helicopter? • What's cooking? • What's eating you? • What's going on? • What's going to be in the cave? • What's good for the goose is good for the gander. • What's happening, bro'? • What's happening, Nigger? • What's happening with the weather? • What's her name? [Your daughter's] • What's in it for me? • What's it cost to bring up a web site? • What's it like to be gay? • What's it like to have the body of a ten-year-old boy? • What's management think about this? • What's new? • What's new in the world? • What's new there? • What's she see in you, anyway? • What's so funny? • What's that going to do to you? • What's that supposed to mean? • What's the best excuse for leaving class for something important? • What's the best thing you've ever heard anyone say? • What's the big idea? • What's the catch? • What's the company? How much do they pay you? • What's the damage? • What's the difference between graffiti and art? • What's the first thing you say if someone's mean? • What's the latest news in town? • What's the matter, Pat? • What's the matter with you? • What's the matter with you, boy? • What's the occasion? • What's the one thing a person should know about dealing with mean people? • What's the opposite of 'false pretenses?' • What's the opposite of 'sublimation'? • What's the point? • What's the point, Icarus? Every girl is too good for you. • What's the problem? • WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? It was your idea! WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME ALL THIS GRIEF? • What's the score? • What's the story? • What's the target age group? • What's the trouble? • What's the weather been like? • What's the weather been like the last three weeks? • What's the worst thing you've ever done? • What's this? • What's this crap? Only bourgeois eat stuff like that. • What's up? • What's up, babe? • What's up, buddy? • What's up, man? No business today? • What's up, Richard? Did you have a decent Christmas and New Year's? • What's up? You got something to say? You want to do something? • What's worse, Black or Jewish? • What's wrong, are you a lesbian or something? • What's wrong with my truck? • What's wrong with Sacramento Street? • What's wrong with that? • What's your average monthly electric bill? • What's your background? • What's your best taxi story? • What's your boss say about this? • What's your diagnosis? Also, do you know of an off-the-wall follow-up that can deflect this particular one? • What's your education? • What's your educational philosophy? • What's your excuse? • What's your favorite response so far? • What's your field? • What's your first name? • What's your last name? • What's your middle name? • What's your name? • What's your pain level, one to ten? • What's your phone number? • What's your poison? • What's your schedule this week? • What's your sign? • What's your story? • What's your training? • What's yr problem, moron. You already said it's a star, why would you then wonder what it is. Get a clue, or a life. • Whatever. • Whatever Happened to Online Etiquette? (From the Desk of David Pogue, December 14, 2006) • Whatever turns you on. • Whatever works for you. • Whatever you say. • Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you! • Whatever you say to me sticks to you. • Whatever you think. • Whatever you're doing there looks like a complete waste of time. • When a friend verbally attacks you when you are down. • When are we going home? • When are you going to get a degree? • When are you going to grow up? • When are you going to marry her? • When are you going to sell it? [Your life story] • When are you having children? • When did you stop beating your wife? • When did you stop hating Black people? • When does your flight leave? • When does your shift start? • When I checked the site out, I was kind of shocked at how weak they were, myself. For more than a few, I was trying to figure out if that was actually the rejoinder they were recommending or what. Then I realized that it's a site for kids that recommends that they 'don't say too much' and 'give themselves time to heal.' The idea, it seems - though they don't say so in so many words - is to say SOMETHING so you don't feel like a pussy who just walked away from a confrontation, but don't say enough that the person confronting you will actually care, consider you a worthy opponent, and want to continue. [Message at bad_craziness] • When I say no, I really mean yes. • When I see you alone, I see what's in your mind. • When I was young I had no problem with women. • When I'm dead, if you want to try something, I won't say no. [From a bartender] • When is your meeting? • When is your next appointment? • When is your period? Are you on the rag? • When John Amaral tells Richard it's okay to sue me, that's when I'll leave the country. • When someone cuts their finger, you cry over it just to get salt in the wound. • When the right way is the only way. • When was the last time you lost your temper? • When was the last time you saw Richard? • When we get through with him, they're gonna wonder which side he fought on. • When WE lived in the palace? [Prince Charles to one of his servants] • When you see me smiling, you'll know. • When you're perfect, try walking on water. • When's it gonna make any money? • When's the sun going to come out? • Whenever I talk to him, he just always smiles. • Where are my penguins? • Where are mysteries? [To a book store clerk] • Where are the boys? [Your dogs] • Where are the dogs? • Where are the dogs, in the doghouse? • Where are we going? • Where are you? • Where are you from? [From a sleazy shop keeper] • Where are you going? • Where are you going to advertise? • Where are you going when you die: heaven or hell? • Where are you headed to? [The hotel doorman wants to know, so later, he can extort a kickback from the taxi driver if it was a lucrative ride] • Where are you in the pecking order? • Where are your dogs? I read about you in the newspaper. Aren't you the Night Cabbie? Why don't I see you down at the Aquatic Park any more? How was your New Year? • Where are your parents? • Where are your priorities? • Where did this girl come from? • Where did you get that? [Handing your business card to an FBI agent] • Where did you get that shirt? • Where did you get this? [The salmon-rolled cream cheese hors d'oeuvres you made] • Where did you find all this out? • Where did you get this mermaid? • Where did you go? • Where did you go, the city? [Against regulations] • Where did you grow up again? • Where did you guys go? • Where did you read that, in a book? • Where did you sneak in? • Where did your ancestors come from? • Where do babies come from? • Where do they teach you to talk like this, in some Panama City sailor-want-a-hump-hump bar, or is this getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? – Sell crazy someplace else; we're all stocked up here. • Where do you get such pretty clothes? • Where do you live? • Where do you live? [To Amanda, a five-year-old] • Where in North Carolina? • Where is everybody? • Where is your arm? [From a little boy to a one-armed woman] • Where is your family? • Where there's a will, there's a way. • Where was your God on Tuesday? • Where would you go to catch a cab? • Where would you like to go if you could go anyplace? • Where'd you go? • Where's Blackie? • Where's my friendship bracelet? • Where's my homework? • Where's the fucking fire? • Where's the funeral, Virginia? • Where's the nearest bar? • Where's your car? • Where've you been? Have you been on vacation? • Whether it is or not, we'll never know. • Which one do you like better? • Which one was at fault? • Which way are we going? • While we tend to think of the dominator as using physical force, in fact most dominators use verbal abuse to control others. • While you're here, wanna take a hit on some weed? • Whitey! [viciously] • Who are you? • Who are you and what have you done with Amoret? [From an old mandolin player in the band, each time you perform a new skill on your fiddle -- They're unconsciously imitating their mother, and they'll probably never know that's how they "bought a bad act" -- At least they're truly themselves when they're playing their instrument] • Who are you calling stupid? [A History of Violence, 2005] • Who are you going to vote for? • Who are you looking at? • Who asked you? • Who broke the cookie jar? • Who cares? • Who did you used to be? [Belittling "Elderspeak"] • Who died and made you queen? • Who do I have to fuck to get out of here? • Who do ya' love? • Who do you go to for taxes? • Who has the time? • Who here had buttered raisin toast when they were a kid? • Who is she? • Who isn't flawed? • Who knows what their rules are. [Wacky drivers] • Who, me? • Who needs a brain when you have these? [Abercrombie & Fitch T-shirt for young women] • Who needs you? • Who picks out your clothes? • Who put oogies on the screen? [You're just thinking it] • Who the fuck do you think you are? • Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? • Who the fuck likes liver? • Who told you to think? I don't give you enough information to think. • Who would you root for if the Yankees played the Cubs in the World Series? • Who wrote this piece of shit? • Who's the head of your Y2K effort? • Who's this? • Who's your daddy? • Whoa. Eventually I gave up seeking rhyme or reason while trapped on a page of insults, so I went to the site map. And found that the entire site map is organized into... a tarot deck. Very intuitive. I hear that Microsoft is implementing the Tarot-navigation system in their knowledge base, actually. • Whoever is defending her is just like her. [Palestinian victim of a so-called "honor killing."] • Whoopee, go fuck yourself! • Whose idea was this? • Whose rude child is that at the end of the table? • Why? • Why, are we mean people? • Why are you a faggot? • Why are you always so negative? • Why are you changing the subject? • Why are you giving me a citation? • Why are you late? • Why are you laughing, Claire? • Why are you looking at me? [From a US Marine sergeant] • Why are you looking up here? The joke is in your hand. [Men's room graffito] :: WildCard-12 • Why are you shaking and popping? • Why are you showing your temper? I am trying to help you here. I am actually being a kind person. You should thank me for that. • Why are you so annoying all the time? • Why are you so threatened? • Why are you such a little bitch? • Why are you surprised? • Why are you threatened by anyone different from you? • Why aren't you at work? • Why be inferior? • Why be normal? • Why can't everyone just get along without making the workplace so difficult with the games they play? – That is not why we go to work – We are there to do a job. • Why can't you play a decent ball game? • Why did you ask me where I'm from? • Why did you change my work? • Why did you choose The Black Pool? • Why did you decide not to advertise with us anymore? • Why did you decide to go with the other company? • Why did you get a dog that pees in the house? • Why did you give this to me in particular? • Why did you go this way? Why didn't you go around by the ball park? • Why did you let me do it? • Why did you think I wanted a divorce? • Why didn't go call me? Why didn't you tell me we were staying in the same hotel? • Why didn't you like Boston? • Why didn't you turn there? – I would have taken the Broadway tunnel. • Why do I hate you so much? • Why do people become ugly as they grow old? • Why do people pursue on bullying good people at work? – I think it is just their insecurity – I know it is all too clear this is an unjust tactic and it makes the workplace very unpleasant. • Why do so many people hate us? • Why do so many people hate you? • Why do some children keep setting fires? • Why do you ask? • Why do you care? • Why do you eat so much junk food? • Why do you live here? • Why do you take things so personally? • Why do you talk to Jeff during class? [Nine-year-old girl baiting fourteen-year-old girl] • Why do you wear the same pair of jeans every day? • Why do you work so hard? • Why do you worry so much? You're worrying, you're worrying, you're worrying. • Why do you worship the devil? • Why does he look like that? [Handicapped child] • Why doesn't the Bill Gates Foundation pay for it? • Why don't you do research on happy people? • Why don't you get a fucking life instead of watching what I'm doing? • Why don't you get a job? • Why don't you get all excited, Dave? [Stage directions for himself] • Why don't you give him a call? • Why don't you go fuck yourself? • Why don't you have kids? • Why don't you have one? • Why don't you introduce me to this lovely young lady? • Why don't you just say, 'Up yours?' • Why don't you keep looking into connections? • Why don't you keep that? The URL's easy enough to remember. [Handing your business card back to you] • Why don't you let her take a shower with Ricky? [Your mother, to a classmate's mother, when you were just kids] • Why don't you let the kids go upstairs and take a shower together? • Why don't you masturbate before you go to work? • Why don't you move ... if you don't like it. • Why don't you pay your bills? • Why don't you study French or German instead? • Why don't you take Kathy Jo, here – She'd love to go? • Why don't you tell me something really interesting? • Why don't you think of other people? • Why don't you want to fill it out? [The survey] • Why don't you just wear a dress to work? You'd sure look cute in one – HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! • Why don't you sell your house and buy a house together? • Why don't you? Why don't you have one? • Why don't you write a note to your Aunt Charlotte? • Why I shouldn't be late. • Why is bullying and insulting a problem? • Why is ice so cold? • Why is it always a joke? • Why is it bad timing? • Why is it exponentially better? • Why is it late? • Why is that? • Why is this giving me difficulties? [The key stuck in the door lock] • Why isn't this done? [Micromanager, who's secretly "documenting" you] • Why not? • Why not? I am actually trying to help you here. I am trying to be kind. • Why not? It would be interesting. [A plague] • Why not? She will be glad to go out with you ... Furthermore, you don't have to worry that you will overspend. This girl doesn't go for money. She goes for person. • Why should I make an exception? • Why shouldn't I cheat if everyone else is doing it? • WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DOING THAT? [facetiously] • Why won't you be my friend? • Why would I move in with you? • Will it ever get easier? • Will you add a link to my website? It's 'I don't think you care dot com.' • Will you come back and pick up the mess your dog left in my yard? • Will you do me a favor? • Will you do me a little favor? • Will you do my front? [She's face down on a massage table] • Will you guys get to work, please? • Will you just take me to the address that I said? • Will you marry me? • Will you open the trunk? [From a plainclothes ball park security official] • Will you please check your bag? • Will you please explain what you are trying to teach here? • Will you quit staring at me, please? • Will you take your top off at the beach? • Will you turn it back on then? • Will you turn the overhead light off? [With an air of untold grief] • Will you watch my purse? • Will you write things down if you can't remember? • Wilmington is a terrible place! • Winging it, huh? • With a body like that, you could go places! • With all this rain, you taxi drivers must be doing pretty good. • With your permission, of course. • Woof! Woof! Meow. Meaow. • Words are cheap. • Work in progress. • Work it out yourself. • Work with me, baby. • Working hard? • Working hard today? • Would I do that to you? • Would it be silly for me to wear a mask on my flight to Hawaii? • Would you be offended if I sat next to you? • Would you cheat? • Would you like fries with your meal? • Would you mind if I took this call? • Would you rather have me bash your face in? • Wouldn't it be easier just to take them the long way? • Wow! • WOW! [Mock admiration] • Wow, are you still here? • Wow! What a cute couple! Coming in to do the laundry together! • Wow! Your neighbor's house is even nicer than yours. • WTF NOT A SINGLE PART OF THAT WEBSITE MAKES ANY SENSE TO ME. [Link from]


X. XYZ – eXamine Your Zipper!


Y. Yada, yada, yada! • Yankee! Yankee! • Yarimashoo! [Japanese for, 'Let's do it!'] • Yea, Hillary! You go, girl! • Yeah. • Yeah, and now you're wearing diapers. • Yeah, and what isn't? • Yeah, but I can change, and you'll always look like that. • Yeah, but I got to pay more for my computer than you did. • Yeah, if you're not confused, you're not paying attention! Or maybe you are. Junior wants some Ritalin! [Link] • Yeah, it is – A little bit. • Yeah, that sign is for people who can read. • Yeah, that's right. [Sarcastically] • Yell at me, Chris! • Yes? [Almost colliding with you in a grocery store] • Yes, I have decided I will assassinate Barack Obama. It's really nothing personal about the man ... I don't own a gun so maybe someone can give me one. (–Steven J. Christopher, who was arrested by Secret Service agents in Mississippi after posting these comments January 11, 2009 "on a Web site that features information and articles about extraterrestrials, government conspiracies and unexplained physical phenomenon [sic]," according to The New York Times, January 17, 2009) • Yes, sir? [Challenging you as you walk in] • Yiddish is rich in curses that, at their best, leave just enough to the imagination to keep the recipient tossing and turning at night, poring over possible implications. (–William Grimes, NYT, 9-28-05, review of Michael Wex, Born to Kvetch)Yo, baby, I want to drink your bath water! • yo neverland2 -- It's a poem, idiot. Nobody's claiming that stars twinkle. Ever heard of poetic license? Honestly, the intellectual level of you people is right up there with a gnat's. • Yo' mama! • You accuse me of cheating, but doesn't everybody cheat a little bit? • You accused me of having a bad signature. • You admitted you failed to follow NYPD regulations, so why should we trust you now? • You all are playing hooky today. • You almost ran over that guy, but who cares? • You always do that. • You always find something to fill up the time. • You and me, babe – How 'bout it? • You and me, kid! • You and your friends are really weird. [They're not attracted to inner light – They're attracted to delusions of grandeur] • You are a genius! • You are a good person. • You are a special friend. • You are allowing people to treat you that way. • You are being controlling and passive-aggressive. • You are being judgmental and petty. • You are in trouble now – You are so busted! • You are letting people do things to you. • You are no longer part of the team – I have to let you go. [–Thomas F. Hall, Assistant Secretary of Defense for Reserve Affairs, to Major General Antonio M. Taguba, who had been ordered to investigate the Abu Ghraib prison abuse scandal, then told he had been overzealous] • You are not a team player. • You are not approved for membership in the club. • You are right ... Go to a book store or library ... Dr. Phil has good books on relationships & as well as other types & Dr. John Gray ... It may be spelt Grey, not sure ... (9 hours ago) • You are so bad! Bad, bad, bad, bad. • You are so beautiful! How did you get so beautiful? • You are so full of shit, Maxine! • You are so inconsiderate. • You are so smart! • You are so weird. • You are still young, please take it from one who graduated in the 60s, a little humor / irony might lighten your load a bit. • YOU ARE TAKING UP WAY TOO MUCH ROOM FOR ME. • You are the sharpest tool in the drawer today, aren't you? • You are turning into a platinum blonde! • You are very rude. • You are way ahead in receiving Dad's generosity. • You asshole – Nobody likes you. • You assume too much. • You be good. • You behave yourself now. • You bet! • You better enjoy it while you can – That's all I've got to say. • You better get that boy a haircut, man! • You better go to college and get a good job or marry rich because you will never be lucky enough to have a trust account and rich family like your mother. • You better hurry up and get it written or someone will beat you to the market. • You better take care of yourself! You're lucky I don't kick your motherfucking ass! • You better watch what you say to me. [From a venting police officer] • You bitch. • You bitch! • You bitch ... Why are you dragging it out? • You bitch! You won't be in tomorrow. [Robot parodying voice] • You bought it used? • You break me up. • You break me up. • You busy today? • You call that a haircut? • You call this a menu? • You call yourself a professional? • You can be replaced. • You can do the dishes. [You're their guest] • You can do web animation or web development. [... instead of driving a taxicab and working on this website] • You can give blowjobs. • You can go around! • You can go to any college you want, except Harvard – I'm not paying for Harvard. • You can go to Riley's if you want. • You can play the age card all you want, but there's no job on earth where someone is one hundred percent happy. • You can put lipstick on a pig; it's still a pig. You can wrap an old fish in a piece of paper called change; it's still going to stink after eight years. (–Barack Obama) • You can say that all you want. • You can start sucking my cock! • You can tell a lot about a person by their hands – You know, you have very large hands. • You can't! • You can't blame him for being weird – Look at yourself in the mirror. • You can't bring the dogs. • You can't buy affection ... except maybe at pet stores. • You can't fight fire with fire. • You can't go on your trip until you make quota. • You can't go straight up Battery to Market and Sutter? • YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! • You can't have it all. • You can't have it today – You have to wait until tomorrow like everybody else. • You can't just one day say I'm going to be a filmmaker and jump right into it. • You can't just say it sucks without saying why. • You can't just say, 'It won't work.' What are your reasons? You have to back it up. You can't just play a devil's advocate here. • You can't lead the war on terror if you keep changing positions. • You can't navigate it. I'm the driver. Shut up! • You can't please everyone all the time. • You can't register for classes because the paperwork for your loan hasn't gone through. • You can't take this book out. [At library check-out counter, even though, if you had only known the librarian would hold the book, saying it's too damaged, you could have used an automated check-out machine] • You can't talk to me that way! • You can't win. • You caused me to do this. [–Virginia Tech shooter] • You Chinese think you own everything – Get off my road! • You chose the wrong one. • You copycat! • You cost us twenty dollars. Fuck you! • You could ALMOST start your own cult. • You could always move back to North Carolina. • You could be a Dominator – Put an ad in the personals. • You could be the President's chauffeur. • You could get someone who really knows pop culture to write it. • You could have asked people. • You could have at least said that. • You could have fooled me. • You could have killed me! • You could make a contribution to the Irish Peace Settlement. • You could never be a farmer – Farmers have to wake up early. • You couldn't get ''? • You crawled over your seat, not me! You idiot! • You deliberately got the basketball dirty before you threw it in the hoop. • You didn't eat all your food. • You didn't even cap the champagne bottle. • You didn't know that? • YOU DIRTY WHORE! • You disappoint me. • You disobedient child! • You do have a reputation. • You do have some gray hair – I have noticed it, but I won't say where. • You do realize that some of us have better things to do. • You do that a lot, don't you? • You do that so well, Barbara. [Making chicken noises on an NPR radio broadcast] • You do this for a hobby? • You do well when you dress in the dark. • You do your job, I'll do mine! • You dog! ... wet dog. • You don't belong in here. • You don't, by any chance, have a tape recorder? • You don't care about anybody's feelings but your own. • You don't charge an airport fee? • You don't drink? • You don't even have a life. • You don't get to swim? • You don't have a copy of that? [Incredulously] • You don't have a minute, huh? • You don't have any diseases, do you? • You don't have any friends you can talk to about these things? • You don't have copy and paste? • You don't have to be a jerk. • You don't have to get snippy about it. • You don't have to make money with your art to survive. • You don't know about it, so shut up, turn around, and sit down! • You don't know how funny that sounds. • You don't know how to get to Burlingame Avenue? • You don't know my name. • You don't know that? • You don't know that? Didn't they teach you that at Dartmouth? • You don't know the first thing about guns. • You don't know what I'm doing, do you? • You don't know where that is? – That's scary. • You don't know where Valley Drive is? How long have you been driving a cab? • You don't know who I am. • You don't know who the Press Secretary is? You don't know Ari Fleischer is the Press Secretary for President Bush? • You don't like? • You don't like the walnuts? • You don't like the wine? • You don't like them? ... or you just were drinking water? • You don't like your job? Maybe you could get some other job. • You don't look Italian. • You don't look sick – just tired and bitter. • You don't look that tired. • You don't love anything, Mr. Udall. • You don't love me. • You don't mind being seen drinking with us blokes, then? • You don't mind if I open this window, do you? [Having already opened it] • You don't need a tip? • You don't need that typewriter – Let me give it to your sister. • You don't need to be drinking every night – You don't need those calories. • You don't put a comma there! • You don't really do that much ... just stay at home doing nothing. • You don't say. • You don't say that when you're saying hello. [You used an inappropriate Vietnamese expression] • You don't sound very convincing. • You don't speak English? [After saying something that made no sense at all] • You don't sweat much for a fat lady. • You don't understand the big picture. • You don't want her to grow up like Al, do you? • You don't want to be an accountant—Math isn't exactly your strong suit. • You don't want to be controlled like before, do you? • You don't want to put me out of work, do you? • You don't want to ruin your reputation. • You don't work Saturday? • You drive like a little girl. • You find it confusing bc it is whack. Just sayin. • You flunked! • You get paid for this? • You get paid to sit there and regurgitate other people's writing instead of doing your own thinking. • You give up way too easily. • You go to work now or you go home? • You got a bottle of wine? $4.79? • You got a great tan! [to a Black woman] • You got a lot of explaining to do! • You got a problem, bro'? • You got something to say? You want to do something? • You got your mother a gift, didn't you? • You gotta get 'im! Don't let him talk to you like that! • You gotta give me an example. • You gotta have dog food. • You gotta look out for yourself. • You gotta love Mel Torme. • You gotta take what you can get. • You grew up on Maple Street? You know, there was a woman I used to fuck on Maple Street. • You guys always have some slick answer. • You guys are going to start the third world war. • You guys are making wrong choices and you're telling lies. • You guys do that yourself? – They don't do it for you? • You guys don't have leases? • You guys have a little too much testosterone going on. • You guys in government are lazy and overpaid. • You had 100 billion chances and ways to have avoided today but you decided to spill my blood. You forced me into a corner and gave me only one option. The decision was yours. Now you have blood on your hands that will never wash off. [–Cho Seung-Hui "Ismail Ax"] • You had an idea once, but it died of loneliness. • You hate me, don't you? • You have a big ass! • You have a book on the table that's a gem; it's a book I happen to know a lot about. • You have a cigarette? • You have a cognitive perception disorder. • You have a freak flag – You just don't fly it. • You have a good day there. • You have a nice smile. • You have a penny, Sir? • You have a problem with that? • You have a smart mouth. • You have a very popular site; I don't know if you can even talk to me anymore. • You have all the advantages in the world. • You have an attitude for a houseboy. • You have borderline personality disorder. • You have enough troubles. • YOU HAVE INSUFFICIENT FUNDS. • You have lousy light in here. • You have low friends in high places. • You have made many unfair assertions. • You have made many untrue assertions. • You have no compunction about describing people as criminals. • You have no idea what I'm capable of. • You have no idea what you're talking about. • You have no life. • You have six months to live. • You have so many houses – How do you know when it's time to move? • You have some nerve! You've lived here twelve years and you've never talked to me. • You have to apply yourself. • You have to come to our workshops! We teach people centering. • You have to curb your wheels or I'll give you a ticket. • You have to defend yourself if you're going to say that. • You have to explain it. • You have to guess. • You have to keep quiet. [Mother to her kid – She doesn't believe kids should be taught how to stick up for themselves] • You have to make a decision and stick with it. • You have to pay your dues. • You have to pick your fights. • You have to promise to get in touch with me within two weeks. • You have to understand you're in therapy for a reason. • You have to WANT the job ... like, how hard girls have to work ... and they have to be willing to do anything. • You have to watch what you say around Richard – He has no sense of humor. • You have trouble with authority figures. • You have vandalized my heart, raped my soul and torched my conscience. You thought it was one pathetic boy's life you were extinguishing. Thanks to you, I die like Jesus Christ, to inspire generations of the weak and the defenseless people. • You haven't made quota. • You heard what you wanted to hear. • YOU! – I'm talking to you! • You idiot! • You imbecile! • You just coming in or just going out? • You just don't get it. • You just don't understand. • You just have the appearance of being an airhead. • You just haven't had the experience. • You just need to be positive all the time. • You just need to change your attitude. • You just open your mouth and words come out? • You just say things back that don't mean anything. • You just write the book – That doesn't mean you have to live from it. • You keep flip-flopping. You're just making up your story as you go along. • You know, Americans would find that very strange. [Interrogation of Indian actress on 60 Minutes] • You know, Ashley, I don't appreciate that. • You know better than that. • You know everything, don't you? • You know, I knew two guys ... They went down to the railroad tracks, and a train ran over one of them ... What do you think about that? [They probe to see if you're scared by their shit] • You know, I should put my car up, huh? • You know me. • You know me! It could have been a piece of cardboard, and I've named it a shark! • You know, one of these days you're going to be sorry. • You know, people are always frustrated when that occurs. • You know, Richard, I'm afraid of heights. • You know, Richard, they have whole books on that. • You know, Roget, you're a penis. [Student to a teacher] • You know, sometimes I think you're a faggot. • You know, that's a nice painting, but you're an asshole. • You know that's total bullshit – It really makes me mad. • You know the difference between an asshole and a rectum? You can put your arm around an asshole. [Putting his arm around your shoulders] • You know, the last time you called, you said very strange and bizarre things. • You know the other day when Achilles was having that thing done to him at the vet? • You know, the reason I'm so thin is that I would never eat a whole box of cookies. • You know, there's a trash can on either corner. [To a bum who just dropped a candy bar wrapper on the sidewalk] • You know, there's a trash can up your ass. [From the bum] • You know, there's an air of truth in that. • You know, there's good and there's bad. • You know they caught the guy who murdered that little six-year-old girl in Colorado? • You know, they kill cab drivers! • YOU KNOW THIS IS A SIDEWALK. YOU SHOULD CLEAR THE WAY. • You know, this trip is costing me a fortune. [Parent to child in grocery store] • You know what I hate? • You know what they say. • You know what to do. • You know what? You're bugging me. • You know, when you go home tonight and get in bed with mommy, be sure and tell her what a bad boy you were. • You know where to go. • You know who you are – .... • You know, you could be popular. • You know, you don't take criticism well. • You know, you hurt my hand, so don't ever talk to me or come up my stairs again, you little prick. • You know, you're the one who kept me from inserting a subclavical shunt in your father for two weeks, and now he's dead. [From a vicious, lying physician, as the elevator door closes in your face] • You learn something new every day. • You leaving? • You like very long pages but I don't. • You live in San Francisco and you've never seen people standing outside a bar smoking pot? • You live like an animal – You are an animal. • You look different. • You look familiar to me. • You look great – What a surprise. • You look like you gained weight. • You look older. • You look pretty good for a fat guy. • You look retarded. • You look tired. • You lost me. • You made a mistake. • You made one mistake. • You made your bed – Now lie in it. • You make me feel so short; I'm wearing flats today. • You make me want to be a better man. • You may never know what I've done for you. • You may wish to begin here, which illustrates as much of his philosophy as I can understand, interspersed with some poignant details about his life. • You mean, if I was to say, 'Beeper-Beeper you!' it would tell me what to say? [] • You mean the entire six months you spent working with Hillary Rodham Clinton, she never once discussed Whitewater with you? • You mean, you actually fell for that? • You mean you don't have eyes in the back of your head? • You mean you're a computer science graduate and you don't know Duff's device? • You messed up again. • You might as well confess. • You might have more bacteria than other people. • You might not be that smart. • You mind? [They grabbed your spot] • You missed my point. • You missed the scene of a lifetime! • You missed your calling in life. • You moron! • You must be a fan of the 'Whole Language' article in today's Journal. • You must be gay. • You must be like a kid at a candy store. • You must be really busy on the weekends. • You must be the arithmetic man –You add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. • You must be very talented. • You must get a lot of that in this business. • You must have chosen the wrong career. • You must meet a lot of mean people. • You must / obviously / clearly have low self-esteem. • You must really need the money! • You must think forty of fifty grand is nothing. • You must think you're hot shit. • You need new brakes. • You need to check your attitude. • You need to go get a urine drug screening test today. • You need to pick that up by the third ring. • You need to push away from the table a little bit sooner. • You never do anything right. • You never do anything sexy. • You never embarrassed yourself? • You never even heard of the IRS? • You never finish anything. • You never forget your first girl. • You never heard of Huey Newton? • You never know! – Sometimes life is just full of surprises. • You never stop, do you? • You obviously had permissive parents. • You old coot. • You old fraud. • You only get one chance with me. • You only have a million. • You ought to wake up, man! – You're in the taxi business. • You owe me a kiss. • You owe me an apology. • You paid for it? • You people have brought untold sickness to our society. • You picked it – You killed it. [The flower you gave her] • You picked up a new trick – telling the truth. • You poor soul. • You probably get money from your parents. • You probably shouldn't have done it. • You probably would have found another pretty girl to dance with. • You pronounce it like, 'You bitch!' [Repeating themselves] • You put me in a lot of stress. • You read the world news, that's why I ask. • You really are a rat, you know? • You really don't have a clue. • You really know how to fold clothes! • You really should put in a lawn, it would set off the flower beds so well. • You remind me of Forrest Gump. • You ride in the front – You're the biggest. • You said all blacks are dumb. • You said I was crazy. • You said something different yesterday. • You said you did. • You said you don't want Sam sitting at the dumb table. • You saw that movie, didn't you? • You see, I know all about this just looking at its name. [Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense] • You see things in terms of good and bad – You have to see it's all a form of aggression. • You see? – You should take me out to dinner more often. • You seem competent. • You seem to always fail. • You seem to be out of your element. • You should answer when someone speaks to you! • You should call her. [Your ex-wife, who raises scorpions and decorates thermonuclear bombs] • You should comb your hair, Peter. • You should cover all the land with pine straw, it would set off your flower beds so well. • You should do my checkbook. • You should do some soul-searching. Maybe you'll find one. • You should feel ashamed of yourself! • You should get a girlfriend. • You should get started on that. • You should go to Japan. • You should have invested in Google. • You should just say Piss off! to everyone. • You should know. • You should know about the attitude that goes on. [At your restaurant] • You should put your phone number on here so that people can call you for a taxi. • You should stand outside and say, 'Coffee here! Coffee here! It's all about me!' • You should stay away from that stuff! That stuff turns to formaldehyde. • You should take a break every now and then. • You should teach them English. • You should tell her to go to the Penland School of Crafts. • You should think seriously before you break up your marriage. • You should wax your eyebrows. • You should write a little book. • You shouldn't be late. • You shouldn't be so sensitive. • You shouldn't bring your baby into the pool without a diaper. • You shouldn't drink and drive. • You shouldn't generalize. • You shouldn't have plans – They impede your connection to the flow of life. • You shouldn't have said that – We'd have thought you were clever. • You shouldn't make bedroom eyes in the workplace. • You shouldn't say that. • You shouldn't smoke. • You shouldn't talk about your mother that way. • You shut up, ASSHOLE! Just shut up, ASSHOLE! I don't want to talk to you, ASSHOLE! • You shut up! I'll beat your ass. • You smell go-ood! [Two guys carrying on in front of their dates] • You snore. • You snuck up on me. • You sound like Immigration. • You sound pretty distrustful. • You sounded like such a nice girl on the telephone. • You stay out of it; this is between her and us. • You staying here, folks? [Trying to grab your bags outside the hotel] • You still haven't answered the question. • You stink. • YOU STUPID BITCH! YOU LIED TO ME! • You suck! • You ta-ta! You're not Sam! [From a four-year-old playmate] • You taking him to the Bay? • You talk like a bitch. • You talked to Jessica? • You talkin' to me? • You teach yourselves the law. I train your minds. You come in here with a skull full of mush, and if you survive, you'll leave thinking like a lawyer. (–Professor Charles W. Kingsfield Jr., The Paper Chase, 1973) • You think abortions are funny? • You think I'm shallow, huh? • You think that's funny? • You think too hard. • You think you're better than everyone. • You think you're pretty smart, don't you? • You thought I was a good enough roommate when I moved in. • You told him what was in the will. • You took the words out of my mouth. • You touched my car – I don't like anyone touching my car. • You used it's, the contraction of the two words, it is, instead of its, the possessive form of the pronoun it. • You used to be sort of a funny, charming, likable guy. • You used to thrill me, baby. • You want a punch in the nose? • You want it? • You want me to give you a new face? • You want some financial freedom? Go to taxi1010! • You want to do something? • You want to fight? – I can settle this in two seconds. • You want to retire someday, huh? • You want to take it out on the street? • You went to Dartmouth? • You went to Dartmouth? • You were in the Marines? • You were nice to her! – You don't want to ruin your reputation. • You were right; I was wrong! – A first time for everything, though. • You were supposed to get in the line! • You were the first person who ever came in my mouth. • You were too gracious when she said you hit the net. • You weren't working today? • You whore! • You will abide by the rules of this house and respect people who are different. • You will speak only when spoken to. You will follow orders without question. • You win some and you lose some. • You wish! • You won't mind if we have a look around ... if you have nothing to hide. • You would have gone right through it. [A second inheritance] • You wouldn't be able to afford it. • You wouldn't be heading for San Pablo, would you? • You wouldn't do that; you're not that kind of guy. • You wouldn't touch my wife, would you? • You'd do the same thing if you had a chance. • You'd like that a lot. • You'd say anything to avoid a fight. • You'll be fine. [Cute girl humoring a flirtatious guy] • You'll be sorry! • You'll forget the way I look the minute ship leaves port. • You'll never finish it. • You'll never understand it. • You'll pay for that! • You'll understand when you're older. • You'll work with me. • You're a bad girl. • You're a better man than I am. • You're a broken record. • You're a complete idiot. • You're a cynic. • You're a fraud! • You're a gentle soul, Richard. You're a real San Franciscan. • You're a gift from heaven. • You're a good man. • You're a hell of a guy! • You're a jerk! • You're a little late. [Catching you by surprise] • You're a little skinny, aren't you? • You're a little slow tonight. • You're a little young to be retiring. • You're a long ways from home. • You're a loser. • You're a moron. • You're a murderer! [Palestinian to a Jew] • You're a nigger yourself. • You're a pig! You're a disgusting human being. • You're a really nice guy, but you have a bad temper. • You're a refreshing child. • You're a retard. • You're a sad little man. (–Catholic Bishop Richard Lennon to Joe Cultrera, who is filming Hand of God out on the street, May 19, 2004) • You're a slut. • You're a study wart! • You're a tourist when you drive over here. • You're a Vassar girl. • You're a wage slave. • You're a weakling. • You're a weirdo. • You're a wimp. • You're a woman! • You're a wonderful human being. • You're a wonderful man. • You're a writer? [Sneering in disbelief] • You're all alone. • You're all gay! • You're all heart. • You're also a liar! • You're always quoting your book. • You're always running away. • You're an arrogant little piss. • You're an asshole! • You're an idiot. • You're an optimist, right? • You're an oreo! – Black on the outside, white on the inside. • You're another. • You're as dumb as you look. • You're asking for it! • You're asking too many questions. • You're barren! • You're being a psychobitch! • You're being creative, Richard. • You're being too rational and too logical. • You're being too touchy. • You're being unreasonable. • You're better than me? • You're big on children, right? • You're bossy. • You're brutal. • You're busy today! • You're breaking my heart. • You're brilliant! Thanks. • You're bugging me. • You're cheating me! – a complete rip-off. • You're crazy! • You're crying because you're not pretty? [From a three-year-old girl's older brother] • You're cured. • You're cute. • You're delusional. • You're disgusting! • You're disturbed. • You're doing better than me. • You're doing good, I guess. • You're early. • You're embarrassing me. • You're fat! • You're fat and ugly, and always will be. • You're fine – Just checking – To be sure. • You're fired! • You're fired ... 'as a result of disruptive and insubordinate behavior towards your direct supervisor.' • You're friggin' me out, man! • You're funny! • You're getting a little fat. • You're getting it for the cartoons, huh? – The New Yorker has more cartoons than all the other magazines combined, I can tell you that. • You're getting much too big for your britches! • You're going home alone, aren't you? • You're going the wrong way. • You're going to block the sidewalk, huh, asshole? • You're going to die soon with that diet, you know that. • You're going to get towed ... because I'm going to rat on you. • You're going to get what you deserve. • You're going to go blind! • You're going to hate me for this. • You're going to pay for that! • You're going to see Assad today or tomorrow? • You're good! • You're having an identity crisis. • You're hebephrenic. • You're here because you were caught. • You're here late. • You're here for rock bottom, you absolute horror of a human being. • You're history! • You're holding up the line. • You're hot! • You're imagining things – I do! • You're in good shape – except for your brakes. • You're in over your head on this. • You're incompetent. • You're insulting my intelligence. • You're just a robot, repeating stuff you read. • You're just doing your job, Pop. • You're just here to look, huh? • You're just like everyone else. • You're just like me – You need to push away from the table a little bit sooner. • You're just making up your story as you go along. • You're just saying things that don't make any sense, like Donald Duck. • You're just trying to make people angry. • You're kidding! That's not what Jim was telling me. • You're kissing the right asses, that's for sure. • You're late! • You're late! [from the office bully] • You're late in the head. • You're late today ... What's going on? • You're leaving, anyway. • You're leaving now? Aren't you going to stay and help with the dishes? • You're like a hockey puck that's kind of slow. • You're like a refreshing child. • You're like me – totally clueless. • You're likeable enough. [Barack Obama to Hillary Clinton] • You're losing us in this last paragraph. • You're lucky, because I sent one hundred cabs around. • You're lucky I don't kick your motherfucking ass! • You're lucky you weren't disbarred. • You're lying! • You're mad at me! • You're making me schizophrenic. • You're making mountains out of molehills. • You're making my family look bad. • You're neurotic. • You're never going to amount to anything. • You're no better than anyone else. • You're no different from anyone else. • You're no Jack Kennedy. • You're not. • You're not a big guy out here, now, are you? • You're not a cool guy. • You're not a football fan, huh? • You're not a genius – What you do is merely adequate. • You're not a liar, are you? ... or too weak to see this through." [Government "asset" trainer to Jason Bourne, in The Bourne Ultimatum] • You're not as good as your mother. • You're not as patriotic as I am because you're not anti-French. • You're not bright, are you? • You're not coming on this show again because you have absolutely nothing to say except for your talking points. • You're not doing anything? • You're not eating anything? • You're not from here? • You're not geek? • You're not going to go on 9th Street? • You're not going to help make my season jolly? • You're not going to like this one bit. • You're not listening to me, lady – I'm telling you what to do! • You're not making things any easier. • You're not going to turn right here? • You're not my father or mother! • You're not my girlfriend. • You're not my therapist. • You're not on the list. [Trans: You're not on the five-member task force] • You're not special – Maybe you are just a lonely old man. • You're not supposed to do that. • You're not supposed to kiss and tell! • You're not telling me the truth. • You're not that close to her? • You're not working? No business? • You're not worried someone will take it? • You're not pretty; you're stupid! [Three-year-old boy to little girl in preschool] • You're nothing. • You're nothing else but a little mouth for upstairs. • You're obviously up to no good. • You're obviously very imaginative, but how realistic is all of this? • You're out of control! • You're out of touch with the real world. • You're overdressed. • You're paranoid. • You're planning to have your tea, huh? • You're pretty smart for a moron. • You're psychotic. • You're really in to money! • You're really sweet. I enjoyed tonight, too. But you know, we both have our lives. • You're right – I'm wrong. • You're sadistic. • You're saying I'm not smart? • You're saying viciousness is attractive? • You're selfish. • You're sixty? • You're so full of shit your eyes are brown. [Mother to teen-age daughter] • You're so honest! • You're so immature. • You're so insecure about what I do at my work. • You're so literal-minded. • You're so naïve. • You're so nice – I can't believe you're my parents' age. • You're so organized. • You're so relaxed, not a care in the world. • You're so scandalous. • You're so stupid! • You're so superficial. • You're So Vain.. I Bet You Think This Entry's About You (Carly Simon) [Page title in Cucumber's diary] • You're so weird. • You're so wise; you're so intuitive. [They're trying to trick people into thinking they're important – It leads to terrible delusions of grandeur] • You're sounding a little desperate because you're trying to build yourself up by tearing everybody else down. • You're still safe. • You're stressing me out so much I can't think straight. • You're stuck. • You're such a creep. • You're such a doll! • You're such a patient person. • You're such a worry wart! • You're supposed to be over here! • You're sweet. • You're taking the long way! • You're the Antichrist. • You're the biggest idiot I've ever met. • You're the boss. • You're the most unattractive woman I've ever met. • You're the nastiest person I've ever met. • You're the new science editor of The New York Times!? (Cornelia Dean) • You're the one who has to look at it. • You're the weakest link – Please leave. • You're toast! • You're too confident. • You're too good for me. • You're too introspective. • You're too needy. • You're too nice at work – It's not a popularity contest. • You're too noisy in the house! • You're too old. • You're too traditional. • You're too young to have a train now – We'll put it away for a while. • You're trying too hard. • You're ugly. • You're up to your old tricks again. • You're vain! • You're very, very weird. • You're wearing that? • "You're weird" insult. • You're welcome. [Dark sarcasm] • You're worrying, you're worrying, you're worrying. • You're worse than Peterson. • You're wrong. • You've already taken this class. • You've been busy. • You've been driving a cab too long, man. You're out of touch with the real world. • You've been late three times in the last five days. • You've been spending too much time with your vibrator. • You've been using that excuse since I don't know when. • You've been warned. • You've done so much to help all these people! • You've got a blog? • You've got a booger right here! [Not actually – They're trying to "get you!"] • You've Got a Life – Now Defend It! [Motto for new card game based on] • You've got a problem, psycho? • You've got a radio. • You've got a terrible temper! • You've got all the ideas, don't you? • You've got fat thighs. • You've got fucking nerve, Hart! • You've got great karma. • You've got guts. • You've got it made when you can fake sincerity. • You've got sawdust all over you. • You've got small tits. • You've got some bird shit on the window. • You've got some nerve telling me all that bullshit. • You've got so much energy I don't know what to do with you. • You've got something right here. [Tooth spinach] • You've got the mentality of a twenty-year-old man. [Disparagingly ... (Sex!)] • You've got to learn this by now, Matt! It's not that difficult. [Skipper in a sailboat race, and it's a small boat] • You've got to see it from my perspective, okay? • You've got to use psychology. • You've got ugly you'll never use. • You've got writer's block. • You've gotta have happy feet! • You've heard of mental depression; this is a mental recession ... We have sort of become a nation of whiners ... You just hear this constant whining, complaining about a loss of competitiveness, America in decline. (–Senator Phil Gramm) • You've lived here twelve years and you've never talked to me. • You've never been to Phoenix? • You've shattered my childhood illusions. • You've spoken of the number of apologies you have tried to make. How many apologies does a professional get before they realize they are an incompetent and move on to another line of work? (–Mike Stark) • Young lady. [Belittling "Elderspeak"] • Your article is a shameful report from someone who obviously is not knowledgeable in any of these newer items. Perhaps you should find something else to write about; although from this article you probably wouldn't do well in any area. Shame on you and on THE NEW YORK TIMES FOR SUCH INFERIOR REPORTING. • Your attitude shows a pathological need for attention. • Your breath smells! • Your bullshit is extremely good today. • Your business is not so good, huh? • Your car smells like chocolate. • Your college sucks. • Your comments made me raise my eyebrows. • Your confidence and self-esteem will soar. • Your cousins better learn how to start acting like millionaires. • Your craziness is escalating. • Your daddy must be a baker because you sure have nice buns. • [Your dog's saying,] Screw you! • [Your dog's saying,] Yes, master! • Your family has an odd dynamic. • Your friends are not always who you think they are. • Your friends are weird. • Your friends just don't make it. • Your girlfriend is a drip. • Your girlfriend is Korean? • Your great grandmother fucked niggers! • Your hair is dry and brittle and old. • Your hair looks grey. • Your hair smells like Chinese food. • Your ideas are increasingly irrelevant. • Your Japanese must be useful. • Your little white dog is beginning to be a problem. • Your loss. • Your mama! • Your memory is highly selective in your own self-interest and in no way reflects the facts or reality. • Your Mercedes wasn't enough, you brats. Your golden necklaces weren't enough, you snobs. Your trust funds wasn't enough. Your vodka and cognac wasn't enough. All your debaucheries weren't enough. Those weren't enough to fulfill your hedonistic needs. You had everything. • Your mother! • Your mother fucked half of Sioux City. • Your mother wears army boots! • Your mother's and my personal life is none of your concern. • Your outlook determines your ability to overcome any challenge. [Columbine shooter notes] • Your perception of things is not quite correct. • Your perceptions are incorrect. • Your performance has gone downhill and you're a loser. • Your pores are really huge! I've got some concealer that could take care of that problem – it's like Spackle. • Your responses to insults make no sense at all. Stick to driving a cab. • Your scatterbrained and feeble attempts to make sense of everything leave something to be desired. • Your screen is open – I knocked on your door! • Your sister fucked the other half. • Your sister has a website? How come you're still driving a cab? • Your submitted site has been rejected because of language. The following words were found which rejected this site: (asshole) Remove the words that rejected the site and resubmit it. • Your table is ready now. [Having kept you waiting an hour and ten minutes] • Your teacher thinks you could be doing a lot better. • Your timing – Impeccable. • Your uselessness is epic. (–Kate Hudson, Fool's Gold) • Your web site is verbal diarrhea. Search engines catch this shit and spew computer screens all over the world. Please delete. • Your website is interesting but I'm afraid I don't exactly understand. What is it that you do? • Your wife is Japanese? • Your wife is my whore. • Your zipper is down. • Yours is probably faster, anyway. • Youth is wasted on the young. (–George Bernard Shaw) • Yuck! [Catching a whiff of a psychological secret]