taxi1010.com — SunPorch
FIREWOOD

People are afraid they'll say the wrong thing, or they won't say enough. The way out is to say the "wrong thing!" — that is, to practice little scripts. After a while, you'll loosen up. In all the attacks below, remember the underlying question being asked by the other person is, "Do you like me?" It's best to say very little. Click the pictures or anywhere else for a script.

#. -1 for I can't figure out how to navigate the fucking site. [Link from sensibleerection.com] • 1010, huh?

A. A computer can't make a mistake – It's only people. • A first time for everything, though. • A formidable figure. • A fun concept, but not enough real content for my taste. • A healthy way to express yourself, but could have been done differently. • A kitty looks pretty funny without fur — It looks like a chicken! • A. Know that you are under attack; B. Know what kind of attack you are facing; C. Know how to make your defense fit the attack; D. Know how to follow through. (–Suzette Haden Elgin) • A little bit — You're a little worried. • A little coffee with my sugar. • A little dangerous. • A little school up in New Hampshire. • A little self-indulgence. • A little more straight talk wouldn't hurt. • A little superficial, isn't it? • A little variety never hurts. • A no-brainer. • A person always wants to improve themselves. • A person who wanted to pass wouldn't turn in a handwritten paper. • A quaint hacker. • A really developed culture there. [Palestinian West Bank, where they're killing each other] • A single guy! You're all alone. • A specialty for you, Al, when you're old. • A supplemental activity? • A waste of time. • A written response to bullying. • Aaaaa-CHOO! — Excuse me! • Aaaiii! You scared me! • Absolutely. [As if to a child] • Accept Christ or burn in hell! • According to the ancient philosophers,.... • According to the Canada Safety Council: A workplace bully subjects the target to unjustified criticism and trivial faultfinding. In addition, he or she humiliates the target, especially in front of others, and ignores, overrules, isolates and excludes the target. Regardless of specific tactics, the intimidation is driven by the bully's need to control others. • Acting too defensive in conversations. • Actually, that should have been: Quit hiding behind anonymity [on the Internet], then we'll talk. Not sure why I felt the need to change it. • Actually, the study of fallacious reasoning can be real cool. • After I remember not to slam the door. • After spending too much time on it, I eventually found a link to a Habermas fan site, which somehow makes it all the weirder. [Link from "Verbal Self Defense" thread at The Usual Suspects, May 2, 2002] • After twenty-four years, does the sex go bad? • After work. • Again with the eating the Hershey bar — It's going to ruin your appetite. • Age before beauty! • Aii! You could have killed me! • Al-Qa'ida ... you want to blow up the Coit Tower, go ahead. (–Bill O'Reilly, November 10, 2005) • All day. • All I ever get is six inches. [She says over an award of a glass ruler. Later, she and another female in the office stare at your groin and laugh whenever you walk by her desk] • All I have is a twenty — Sorry about that. • All it means is, you have more time to sit in front of a computer and play games. • All my love to give to all is always met with a face all full of mistrust and reason. • All of it? • All right! Don't be a stranger. • All right, fair enough. • All right, you gotta look out for yourself. • All the time? • All these seats are saved. • All you have to do is say yes or no. • Allergic to bullshit. • Allow me to help you, Icarus. I understand how you felt the last time you got rejected. I already knew it from the beginning when you were going after that girl, nothing mysterious here. And I knew you wouldn't succeed. • Also, could you clarify what you said about enigmatic verbal self defense? • Always blaming me. • Am I confusing you already? • Am I in your way? • Am I mentioned? • Am I missing something? • Am I supposed to take a hint? • Am I the only person who can't figure out this verbal self defence site??? The answers don't make sense.?? [Link from one of the msn groups, entitled PSYCHOPATH] • Amanda, you should come back and stay with me. [You're ahead of them in an airline check-in line; it would be one thing if you were still a child, and they were your guardian; then you should simply go along with their fears] • Amen. • An honest guy. • An opening. • An unidentified spokesperson disclosed.... • And betrayals. • And by the way, it's going to cost you seventy-five dollars to replace that ticket. • And have you found the perfect thing to say when someone's mean? • And he actually has someone ELSE that draws those God-awful pictures. • And his paintings are crap. • And how far along would you say is that process? • And I hold no hard feelings over your earlier disingenuousness. (–John McCain to Barack Obama and every news outlet on Capitol Hill) • And I hope you fail! • And I knew you wouldn't succeed. • And I suppose my work isn't as important as yours? • And I thought I was stupid. • And I thought your family could sink no lower. • And I'm not going to let you inject me with the plague, either. • And it's all so I can have better conversational skills? • And many faithful Catholics think that we should continue to let God run things. • And we thought you were a hotshot programmer. • And what about the metric system? • And when I put the knife back down, it was bent; it hadn't been bent before — It was telekinesis. • And who are you calling ignorant? • And wipe that smile off your face! • And yet, for the life of us, WE CANNOT FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE SAYING. • And you did it again! • And you don't care what that makes you. • And you people are supposed to be sensitive and sharp? • And you thought you had troubles. • And your research is based on what? • Another day! • Another day, another fifty cents. • Another guy picking on you, huh? • Another robbery yesterday. Watch it! • Another shitty day in paradise. • Another sunny day! [Total fog] • Answer YES OR NO! Just YES OR NO! • Anti-psychotics are really a must for you, man. • Any idiot knows that. • Any idiot with a laptop can post his ramblings. In my opinion it's so much nonsense, and there's no editor. • Any luck? • Any luck out there today? • Any tips? • Anyone who sees this is going to think I'm shallow! • Anyone would be lucky to ride in your cab. • Anything for you! • Anything I can help you with? • Anything new? • Anything would help, Sir! — Anything at all. • Anything's possible. • Anytime, anytime! [Insincerely, because you didn't meet their stringent expectations – You simply slipped through the open door without saying anything] • Anyway, the girl you're after is not quite bad. She never rejected anyone before. • AOL for Broadband – Without It, You're Going Nowhere Fast. • Appetites aren't as big as your noses, huh? • Appreciate it. • Appreciate your honesty. • April Fool! • Are men intimidated by you? [Interrogation of Indian actress on 60 Minutes] • Are her parents dead? – Are her parents dead? [Your adopted Chinese child] • Are they allowed to do that? • Are they fake? • Are they real? • Are they your dogs? • Are u a virgin? • Are we done being neighbors for now? • Are we ever going to get married? • Are we having fun yet? • Are we that ugly? — He's hiding. • Are you a beginner? • Are you a big tease? • Are you a candidate for sainthood? [From a well-dressed gentleman ambushing you at your car with an elaborate, swiftly changing story] • Are you a doctor? • Are you a kike? • Are you a lesbian or something? • Are you a member here? [From an eight-year-old] • Are you a meteorologist? • Are you a showgirl or a stripper? • Are you a sports fan? • Are you a virgin? • Are you a Warriors fan? • Are you a Zionist? • Are you all done? Do you want me to clear it, or are you still working on your potatoes? Do you have a spoon? • Are you always this outspoken? • Are you anti-Semitic? • Are you Apartment B? [From an anonymous mail carrier, who has never actually introduced himself] • Are you back? • Are you blogging on that? • Are you by yourself? • Are you calling me a liar? • Are you calling me stupid? • Are you crazy? • Are you dating someone from Danville? • Are you doing all right? • Are you done with this? • Are you enlightened? • Are you ever willing to consider facts that do not support your position? • Are you faithful? • Are you feeling better? • Are you finished? • Are you from Japan? [To an Asian from Connecticut] • Are you gay? • Are you getting any chance to write? • Are you getting psyched? • Are you giving me the silent treatment now? • Are you going somewhere? • Are you going to have kids? • Are you going to use this cart? — YES OR NO! • Are you going to vote? • Are you guilty of murdering your wife? • Are you guys for real? • Are you guys skipping? • Are you happy now? • Are you happy working in this job for nine years? • Are you hard of hearing from listening to loud music or are you just being a prick today? • Are you illegitimate? • Are you in a hurry there, Tod? • Are you innocent? • Are you insecure about your cock size? • Are you into cars? • Are you jumping in on the side of Satan? • Are you just going to cut in line in front of me? • Are you leaving? • Are you leaving, Sir? • Are you lonely? • Are you looking for other guys? • Are you looking for somebody? [Hostess at a fine restaurant] • Are you looking for someone? [Stranger challenging you] • Are you making fun of me? • Are you married? • Are you non-native speaker of English? This is not a common terminology in US - at least not that I am familiar with. • Are you nuts? • Are you off your rocker? • Are you okay? • Are you on crack? • Are you on duty? • Are you on glue? • Are you on the rag? • Are you on your lunch break? • Are you one of those faggots? • Are you packing a gun? • Are you playing with me? — How come you're late? • Are you playing with yourself? • Are you pregnant? • Are you queer? • ARE YOU QUEER? ARE YOU QUEER? • Are you ready for Christmas? • Are you really that insecure? • Are you registered to vote? • Are you right wing? • Are you saying I'm like that? • Are you smiling at me or with me? • Are you smoking something? • Are you sniffing glue? • Are you spending very much money? • Are you staying for dinner? [You're hanging out with friends, and you don't know what they're doing] • Are you still beating your children? • Are you still happy? • Are you still here? • Are you still here? It's ten minutes to nine. • Are you still on a diet? • Are you still on drugs? • Are you still watching that stupid show on 'Heart?' • Are you supposed to be sitting over there by yourself? • Are you sure? • Are you sure I can't bring you more coffee? • Are you sure? I'm afraid you can never get the girl. • Are you sure you didn't drop it on the floor? • Are you sure you don't want to be someone else? Otherwise, you're stuck with yourself. • Are you sure you haven't done this before? • Are you sure you're Yale material? • Are you talking to me? • Are you talking to my girl? • Are you telepathic? • Are you the head of the home? • Are you the Night Cabbie? [Weekly columnist for the Examiner] • Are you the red Jeep over there? • Are you through with how many years of law school now? • Are you trying to be a talk-show host, or what? [Student to Professor of Journalism] • Are you trying to gyp him? • Are you trying to look unattractive? • Are you trying to seduce me? • Are you trying to set me off kilter? • Are you trying to start a fight? • Are you two an item? • Are you two taped together? • Are you upset? • Are you upset? When is your period? Are you on the rag? • Are you using telepathy? • Are you using that? [The cart] • Are you voting for Obama? • Are you waiting for someone? • Are you walking the dogs? • Are you working for somebody? • Are you working today? • Are you working tomorrow, dippy? • Are you writing a book? • Are your eyes full? • Are your hands clean? • Aren't we all? • Aren't we lucky? • Aren't you a stewardess? Isn't that just like being a waitress in the sky? • Aren't you a sweetheart? • Aren't you ashamed of yourself? • Aren't you late? • Aren't you late for the meeting? • Aren't you listening? • As Catholics, we propose and invite – We don't proselytize. (–Sister Margaret Mach of the Catholic Cleveland Diocese, on WBZ-AM radio) • As far as I'm concerned, this is over. • As I thought ... your site identifies a long-standing pathology. • As long as he doesn't get laid off – His job is at the pleasure of the Governor. • As long as it's direct. • As much as I can love Richard Hart, I love Richard Hart! but wait.. I need some of that love.. where did the floor go? • Ask me if I give a flying fuck! • Asshole! • ASSHOLE! • Astronomers have decided Pluto is no longer a planet. • At least I don't get rejected like anyone else. The truth is out there. • At least now I know enough to give people actual eye sockets. • At least now when I call you a bitch, I'll know what you look like. • At least you pronounced my name right, so we're off to a good start. • At some point in school I decided it was cool to be witty and off-the-cuff and zing anyone with the slightest hint of malice toward me. I'm not talking about verbal self-defense or anything that confuses people. I'm talking about turn-beet-red, in-your-face, no-holds-barred caustic snubs that stun people into oft self-conscious silence. I inherited it from my grandmother, who could turn a stranger to tears with an off-the-cuff phrase and later plead ignorance, saying she was just making small talk. It became an art, for its own sake, to come up with rapid fire shut downs for anyone, anywhere. I'm in my mid 20's and nothing and no one can touch me. Who needs an arsenal when you're impregnable? [Excerpt from Everyone's a Critic -- and then you DIE] • At the risk of repeating myself. • Attack is the best method of defence. What kind of dreams would help, and can I programme them in advance? • Avoid hell. Repent. Trust Jesus today. • Aw, blow it out your ass! • Aw, shut up. • Aw, too bad!

B. Baby! Baby! You are a baby! • Back for thirds? • Bad credit rating is a disease – We will cure it – guaranteed. [They earn their living hurting people; you're not going to regress because of the ensuing tension, are you?] • Bad people don't know they're bad. • Baseball tickets yet? • Be a good boy, or I'll cut you. • Be careful how you say that. • Be careful what you wish for! • Be fair to yourself. • Be good! • Beat you to it! • Beautiful weather — It's unusual for San Francisco. • Because? • Because I think you're an asshole. • Because I'm your mother! • Because of his personal demons, Keith has imploded everywhere he's worked. From lashing out at co-workers to personally attacking Bill O'Reilly and all things Fox, it's obvious Keith is a train wreck waiting to happen. And like all train wrecks, people might tune in out of morbid curiosity, but they eventually tune out, as evidenced by Keith's recent ratings decline. In the meantime, we hope he enjoys his paranoid view from the bottom of the ratings ladder and wish him well on his inevitable trip to oblivion. • Because of something in your childhood, or the way you were raised, you feel you always have to win, or know what to say. • Become the man that women desire. • Before she died, your mother told the entire town you were gay. • Before you go, I just want to show you three rugs, down in the basement. [They won't let you go] • Belly dancing is cheap. • Bend over. • Berkeley Municipal Code 14.36.030 C Prohibited Parking - Red Curb 33.00. [The day before Christmas Eve] • Beserkeley! • Best comebacks to say in a fight with words? • Best words to say for breaking up with a girl. • Better late than never. • Better luck next time. • Better than a prostitute. • Big deal. [Sarcastically] • Big one! — Where did you go? • Big smart guy, huh? • "Bigger is better, right Boss?" "You got that right." [Conversation in an office for you to overhear] • "Bigger is better, right Pat?" "Pat says, 'I don't think he heard you.'" [Conversation in an office for you to overhear] • Bitch! [Under the breath, walking by] • Bless this holy union in the name of the Father, the Son and Holy Ghost. • Blow it out your ass. • Blow me — It's show business. • Bob, is she giving you shit, or what? • Bob, what did you do with the sun? • Boo! ... You're not funny ... I loved your movie! ... Take it off! ... I'm really drunk, and you're still not funny ... Stop lying! ... Go home! ... Get a life ... Hiss! ... Don't quit your day job ... Is there a doctor in the house? I see someone dying ... I'd rather be home watching paint dry ... You're a has-been! ... B.O.R.I.N.G. ... When's the comedian coming on? ... My accountant is funnier than you ... Nice blazer! Did your mom buy it for you? ... You're sooo ugly! (–Alex Williams, "Heckling moves into mainstream," International Herald Tribune, April 11, 2007) • Boring! • Boy, am I an observant guy, or what? • Boy, do you have some explaining to do. • Boy, you're easy. • Break a leg! • Bring it on! • Bring it on! [War chant] • Brother, keep the faith! • Bugs are attracted to light — Everybody knows that. • Bullies' expectations may also change constantly, without warning, yet employees are still, somehow, required to recognize and meet those expectations. While bullies may be motivated by an array of needs, one that they, by definition, all share is the need to control others, whether by verbal abuse, physical actions or some combination of the two. • Bummer! • Bush, reinforce your security measures. The Islamic nation which sent you the New York and Washington brigades has taken the firm decision to send you successive brigades to sow death and aspire to paradise. (–Osama bin Laden's top deputy, Ayman al-Zawahiri, 10 September 2004) • Business must be pretty good if you're sitting here reading something. • Busy day today? • But don't bring that one recipe that you made that one time! • But I have asthma, and I can still smell your smoke. • But I have to do it! • But instead, I'm here with you — no offense — but a moron pushing the last legal drug. • But there's one thing ... Well, it shouldn't be ... the tables aren't even. • But you have such a pretty face. • But, you know, verbal abuse is in the mind of the beholder. (–Senator Saxby Chambliss, R-Ga.) • But you know, we both have our lives. • But you've only been closed for five minutes. • By kissing up to great big assholes like you. • By no means am I perfect. • By the way, we do think you should call your mother more often. • 'Bye!

C. Call some more cabs, asshole! – The lot is empty. • Calm down! • Camel Filters: They're not for everyone. • Camel toe! • Can I ask a favor? • Can I ask you a stupid question? • Can I ask you a stupid question? – What would happen if you reversed the order of the words? • Can I ask you another question? • Can I borrow it? • Can I borrow some money? • Can I borrow your pen a minute there? • Can I buy a cigarette from you? • Can I buy your tie? • Can I check your pack? • CAN I FINISH PLEASE? CAN I FINISH PLEASE? [Effectively hijacking the business meeting] • Can I give you a little friendly advice? • Can I have a dollar? [From a man walking by, addressing you from behind your back] • Can I have a dol-lar? • CAN I HAVE MY DECAF COFFEE NOW? • Can I help you find something? • Can I help you find something? [Stranger challenging you] • Can I just borrow your pen? For just a moment. • Can I pet your dog? [From a little boy] • Can I see you in my office? • Can I see your license and registration? • Can I talk to you for just a minute? • Can I tell you what's wrong with you? • Can I use your name if they don't go for it? • Can we have some privacy? • Can we meet in private? • Can we pet your dog? [Sarcastically, to impress a girl] • Can we try a French kiss? • Can you call me a cab? — You've got a radio. • Can you close the window? I'm really a wimp. • Can you ever calm down for just one second? • Can you follow that? • Can you give me a simple example? • Can you give me an example? • Can you keep a secret? • Can you make change for a twenty? • Can you make sense of this? This is going to sound odd but anyway, there is a website called 'non escalating verbal self defense' and like its name implies, it's supposed to teach verbal self defense; however the actual website itself makes absolutely no sense. I mean the instructions and the writing on the site does not make any sense at all. So could someone with time just go to this site and look over it quickly and tell me if they managed to make sense out of it? Here is the site http://www.taxi1010.com (1. Home > 2. Social Science > 3. Psychology > 4. Can you make sense of this? Yahoo! Answers) • Can you never think of the right thing to say? Trouble relating in social circumstances? Maybe Taxi1010 can help. This guide to verbal self-defense is extensive, detailed, and quite clearly the work of a troubled mind ... Spend a minute, spend a day, spend your life trying to figure this site out. [Link from metafilter.com] • Can you prove it? • Can you prove it isn't true? • Can you prove that it wasn't? [The will of God, or divine retribution] • Can you prove you're stupid? • Can you say thank you? • Can you sing, 'Daisy'? • Can you smile for me? — Is that too hard to do? • Can you spare a little change to get something? • Can you take a ten-inch cock? • Can you tell me what time it is? • Canadians have always been uptight — That's been my experience. • Cancer. • Can't beat this! • Can't handle a strong woman, can you? • Can't complain. • Can't you be serious? • Can't you do anything right? • Can't you get one of your sisters to send you money? • Can't you read? • Can't you take a joke? • Can't you talk? • Can't you wait a few days before you start cracking jokes? • Carol, the waitress, meet Simon, the fag. • Cat got your tongue? • 'Catch it low to prevent it high' focuses on the critical but often ignored problem of low-level aggression. • Certain people – You know who you are – .... • Certified bitch! • Cheap shit. • Cheapskate. • Check out the laws of this country. • Check your skirt at the door. • Cheer up, Richard! • Chica is a real dog. • Chicken! • Chill. • Chill out. • Choke on it! • Civil rights legislation cannot change men's hearts. • Clean up your own act. • Clean your room! • Cleveland is in Ohio. • Clever little bitch. • Close, but no cigar. • Club card? [At the checkout counter] • Clueless! Get a clue. • C'mon, a used ashtray ... Look in that drawer ... I'm not kidding you! ... You'll never work in this town again. • C'mon, the 'For Kids' section uses phrases like syntactic analysis and seems to do little more than reduce some 88 categories of attack & deflection to 22. • Combined with a lack of sleep, trying to make sense of that website is not easy. [Link from sensibleerection.com] • Come and stand in the front of the class and pull up your dress. • Come back and you're dead. • Come here, cashier bitch. • Come here, come here, there is no red light at this intersection, it is up there. • Come here – Sit down. • Come on, asshole! • Come on, get with the program! • Come on, honey, don't treat me that way! • Come on in and try not to ruin everything by being you! • Come on inside — I'll show you all my secrets. • Come on! — Make a difference. • Come on, Ridgey, you can walk! • Come on! What are you, sleeping? • Come on! What are you waiting for? • Come over here! • Come over here — I want to show you something. • Comebacks for the meanest bullies. • Coming back with fancy retorts is not my style unless I think at that moment that it will benefit beings. • Compromise. • Constantly talking is not necessarily communicating. • Constitutional entitlements do not ... spring into existence, as the Court seems to believe, because foreign nations decriminalize conduct. ... The Court's discussion of these foreign views (ignoring, of course, the many countries that have retained criminal prohibitions on sodomy) is therefore meaningless dicta. Dangerous dicta, however, since 'this Court ... should not impose foreign moods, fads, or fashions on Americans.' [Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, June 26, 2003, in a dissenting opinion, LAWRENCE v. TEXAS, referring to recent decisions by the European Court of Human Rights] • Contact us immediately. • Control your dogs! • Control yourself! • Cool! • Cool taxi psychobabble that only a true cab driver can digest. Awesome! Dredge on, dude .... • Cor-rect! • Could I ask you a question? • Could I please be your girlfriend? [Voice on the other end of the telephone line] • Could they maybe say that in one simple sentence on the first page? • Could you give me a copy of your DreamWeaver software? • Could you remind me what you asked me to do? • Couldn't there be some positive things there? – There's all this negativity. • Cover for me — I have a bad back. • Crapweasels make menace! • Crazy bitch. • Crazy comebacks. • Cry baby! • Cry me a river. • Cry to somebody else, not me! • C. U. Next Tuesday! • Cunt! • Cut it out! • Cut the crap! • Cutting me out of the loop? • Cutting men's testicles.

D. Dad, are you going out? [He wants the house to himself] • Damn, fat ass, lose some weight. • Damn, I'm good! • Dartmouth dropped from 9th to 11th in U.S. News & World Report's 2008 rankings of Best National Universities. • Date me! [From a thirteen-year-old girl] • David said, 'Ask Richard! Richard knows everything.' • David, you don't have to hate Alan – George Bush already does. • David, your paintings don't have any center of interest. • Dear David, first off i would like to tell you that you are full of shit and did not research the zune enough to know your facts. • Dear Mr. Hart, Thank you for your e-mail. Your research sounds very interesting indeed. Good luck with it. Sincerely, Stanley Fish. • Dear Richard Hart, Thanks for sending MIND CANDY. I am sorry to report that the project is not right for Chronicle Books. Good luck with another publisher. Best wishes, Steve Mockus, Associate Editor. • Dear Richard Roe, John Kemeny wrote a book called Man and Computer in 1972 in which he discussed the symbiotic relationship between humans and machines. I hope that is the way we can go. Thanks for your comments. Jim Moor Director AI@50 • Dear Richard, Taxi1010.com sounds like a complete winner, although I must admit that I have used some of those tactics in responding to all the invective that has come my way ... ie ... 'What you say may well be true and I am sorry you feel that way.' All of which is a nice way of saying not much, I guess. Thanks so much for taking the time to write. David Carr • Declined! • De-escalating an angry person. • Definitely a faggot. • Did any potential terrorist just buy an airplane ticket? • Did anyone ask you not to bring your dog back in here? • Did anyone check out his thumbnail index? It contains something along the lines of his website being child safe because children can't actually read... Well, so what if I could read when I was 3? That's the best justification for obscenity online that I've ever heard, other than 'I just can.' • Did I get in your book? • Did I say that? • Did I wake you up? • Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? • Did it rain over the weekend? • Did Jesus have a sense of humor? • Did she fuck? • Did the ewe come out and visit you? • Did the supervisor talk to you? • Did we ask for your opinion? • Did we call a cab? [Trying to snatch someone else's taxicab] • Did we call a cab? Did we call a cab? • Did you brush your teeth? • Did you buy it new? • Did you buy one? • Did you catch Tickton? • Did you check your wallet after that? • Did you come from a disadvantaged family, or were you born that way? • Did you do something on Halloween? • Did you do that? • Did you do this all by yourself? • Did you eat paint chips when you were a kid or something? • Did you ever kill anybody? • Did you forget anything? • Did you get any sleep last night? • Did you get enough sleep, driver? • Did you get it registered? • Did you graduate? • Did you have a good day? • Did you have a nice little cheeseburger? • Did you have to pay for it? • Did you hear? — USA won the match! [Someone telling you the score of the game before you've seen your videotape] • Did you notice Curtis wore the same clothes for three nights? • Did you notice I'm wearing flowers? • Did you notice you're the most polite person here? • Did you pay for it? • Did you scan a picture of Sam and then trace it? • DID YOU SEE THE ORANGE CONE? • Did you see the scene after the credits? • Did you step in it? • Did you study under anybody? • Did you talk to Joe? • Did you twist your neck? • Did you watch the movie? Do you still have your ticket? [Three thugs cornering you outside the theater] • Did you write all that, or is it research? • Did you write down, 'Not enough live stuff?' • Did you work Sunday? Was it busy? • Did you work today? • Didn't they teach you that at Dartmouth? • Didn't you ask me to take you to this movie? • Dink is small? • Disgusting feet. • Do birds fly? Do fish swim? • Do I get credit for this? • Do I have a name, man? • Do I have to explain everything? • Do I know you? • Do I know you from someplace? • Do I look familiar to you? • Do I look like a doorman? • Do I look like a hooker? • Do I look like a menacing guy? • Do I look like God? • Do I look like someone from Columbia? • Do I look Vietnamese? • Do I need this advice? • Do I need to fill this out? • Do it again! — Say what you said. •  Do Italian women use dried salamis to masturbate? • Do not ignore the enclosed notice! Failure to contact us could result in the Franchise Tax Board attaching your wages, filing a lien against your property, seizing your property or levying your bank accounts. • Do not talk to me like that! DO NOT TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! • Do people want the real or the imaginary? • Do the right thing. • Do they sweat a lot or are they just incontinent? [Your wet dogs] • Do those dogs bite? • Do those shoes match? • Do what you want — I don't give a damn. • Do you? • Do you actually think before you say anything? • Do you always go after girls who already have a boyfriend? • Do you always read other people's phone messages? • Do you and your wife still have those great parties? • Do you believe in God? • Do you believe in Jesus? • Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by you again? • Do you come here often? • Do you consider yourself an independent woman? [Interrogation of Indian actress on 60 Minutes] • Do you do it because you like it or because you have to? • Do you do this in your spare time? • Do you do writing part-time? • Do you do your own laundry? • Do you ever sell your art? • Do you ever watch TV? • Do you feel bad about yourself? • Do you feel okay? [Tilting their head] • Do you feel suicidal? • Do you find it works for you? • Do you find that helps you? • Do you get AIDS from French kissing? • Do you hate me? • Do you have a bag? Do you have a bag? Do you have a bag? • Do you have a degree? • Do you have a large envelope? • Do you have a medallion, or do you work off of someone else's? • Do you have a minute for the environment? • Do you have a nickel for five pennies? • Do you have a pen? [Meaning the one in your breast pocket] • Do you have a penny? [Ambushing you outside the restaurant] • Do you have a problem with that? • Do you have a quarter, Sir? • Do you have a reservation? • Do you have a/c in your taxi there? • Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get? • Do you have any friends? • Do you have any of that three-inch-wide transparent packing tape? • Do you have diarrhea or something? • Do you have enough there? [Sarcastically] • Do you have money to burn? • Do you have some idea how strange that sounds? • Do you have something against wheelchairs? • Do you have this in a bottle? I'd rather have this in a bottle. [Sending back a glass of beer] ... Can I have an empty glass? • Do you have to incite them? [To get people to be mean] • Do you have to take up the entire aisle? • Do you have your cab already? • Do you invest in the Internet? • Do you know about Google? • Do you know any good icebreakers? • Do you know anything at all about that? • Do you know LISP? • Do you know Mohammed married a twelve-year-old girl? • Do you know of an off-the-wall follow-up that can deflect this particular one? • Do you know UNIX? • Do you know what? • Do you know what a platonic relationship is? That's all I want. • Do you know what happened to the TV? [You just arrived] • Do you know what I mean? • Do you know what it's worth? • Do you know what the word slow means? Try it once in a whole! [From an irate police officer] • Do you know what this is? Can you help me find one? [Amish schoolhouse shooter, indicating his gun] • Do you know what time it is? • Do you know where it is? • Do you know who that is? • Do you lease this cab? • Do you like dinosaurs? • Do you like it? [The bitter tasting Chianti with too much tannin] • Do you like it better here than in Boston? • Do you like lavender and sage? • Do you like Mohammed? • Do you like seeing people just killed by sharks? • Do you like the opera? • Do you like to be interrupted when you're nancing around in your garden? • Do you like what you see? • Do you live around here? • Do you love me? • Do you make any money from it? [The website] • Do you mind? • Do you mind if I open the window? • Do you mind if I watch? I take Tai Chi at [Another] Tai Chi. • Do you need pot? Do you need pot? • Do you put toilet paper on so it unrolls outside or inside? • Do you read the Bible? • Do you recognize her from your dream last night? • Do you remember what flight it is? • Do you smoke? • Do you smoke pot? • Do you spell loser with one O or two O's? • Do you support freedom and the right to bear arms? • Do you swim? • Do you take any of these accusations seriously? Obviously you don't. • Do you take cash? • Do you think I act Calvinist? • Do you think I bug you all the time? • Do you think I look fat in this? • Do you think I'd hurt you? • Do you think I'm a mean person? • Do you think I'm blind? • Do you think I'm that easy? • Do you think I'm the troublemaker? • Do you think it's fair for me to wait FOREVER? • Do you think that was appropriate to joke around with a fourteen-year-old girl about? • Do you think that's sexy? Is that the way you roll? • Do you think you're qualified to make that judgment? • Do you understand me, you crazy fuck? • Do you use it a lot? [Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense] • Do you want a little kitty? • Do you want his home phone number? [Donald Duck voice] • Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you? • Do you want me to leave the door open? • Do you want some candy, little girl? • Do you want to date? [From a child] • Do you want these two kids? [Teasing them] • Do you want to fight? • Do you want to look at three pictures of me when I was really happy? • Do you want to use the bathroom? • Do you want to watch TV tonight? • Do you wear those shoes at work every day? • Do you work here? [Farmer supply store] • Do yourself a favor, mate. • Does it cost anything? • Does it work? • Does she know that the school will be all closed because of Christmas vacation and no one will be there? • Does that make you proud? • Does that mean you're going to send us hate E-mail when we get home? • Does that sound funny to you, Officer? • Does the gay marriage issue hurt your chances of advancing in politics? • Does this work on every girl you give one to? [The radish flower] • Does your mother know she gave birth to a scab? • Doesn't he look like a vice cop with that badge? • Doesn't it seem as if Chelsea is sort of being pimped out in some weird sort of way? (–MSNBC correspondent David Shuster) • Doesn't make any fucking sense! [Viciously] • Doesn't your family mean anything to you? • Dogs bark — If I didn't like dogs, I'd try to get them not to do those things they do naturally. • Doing reality checks during my day shift I often talk with the passengers about Molly Ivins, the concentration of wealth (although according to the lamas you have to pray for the rich bastards too) the lack of national health insurance, Lester Thurow and Jeremy Rifkin. • Donna, you're a good person, I don't care what all the other people say. • Don't annoy your mother — She has heart trouble. • Don't apologize. • Don't be a fool! • Don't be a girl. • Don't be a jerk. • Don't be a pussy. • Don't be a stooge of the party loyalists. • Don't be a stranger! • Don't be a wise guy. • Don't be a wise guy. • Don't be emotional! • Don't be evil. • Don't be fresh with me, young man! • Don't be getting any ideas. • Don't be like that. • Don't be nasty! • Don't be picky. • Don't be ridiculous! • Don't be so demeaning. • Don't be so negative. • Don't be so picky. • Don't be so selfish! • Don't be so stubborn. • Don't be stupid! • Don't be too quick to judge people now. • Don't call us — We'll call you. • Don't denigrate yourself! • Don't disappoint your mother and me. • Don't do anything I wouldn't do. • Don't do it yourself! How do you expect me to learn if you do everything for me? Don't treat me like I'm some kind of idiot! • Don't do me any favors. • Don't do that! • Don't do that! You're going to go blind! • Don't do too much. • Don't even worry about it. • Don't forget to remind me about winglings. • Don't forget who you're talking to! • Don't get cute! • Don't get defensive. • Don't get me started. • Don't get shot! • Don't get shot today. • Don't get so uptight! • Don't get the wrong idea. [Under their breath, having just made an unsuccessful physical pass at you] • Don't give away the farm. • Don't give me that look. • Don't go into the kitchen — It looks bad. • Don't have a cow! • Don't help me. • Don't hold your breath. • Don't I know your mother? • Don't Jew me down. • Don't just ignore the fact that I went out of my way to help you. • Don't just stand there. • Don't keep running your fricking mouth! • Don't kiss me now. • Don't laugh at me. • Don't leave your money there. [On the windswept table] • Don't let him even close to your money – He'll go right through it. • Don't let it go to your head. • Don't let me forget to call him. • Don't let me interrupt. • Don't let the bastards get you down. • Don't lick the cactus, you stupid animal! • Don't lie to me! • DON'T LISTEN TO A WORD HE SAYS! [Screamed from the window of a passing taxicab] • Don't look at me. • Don't look at me like that — It makes me feel uncomfortable. • Don't look at me that way! • Don't look at me when you say that. • Don't make faces! It'll freeze that way. • Don't make nasty faces! It'll get cold and freeze that way. • Don't make things harder than they have to be. • Don't make those faces, because your face might freeze that way. • Don't mind me! — I was standing here waiting. • Don't move or I'll cut your throat. • Don't move this! We need this! [Shopping cart blocking the whole aisle] • Don't play stupid with me! • Don't quit your day job. • Don't rock the boat. • Don't rub it in. • Don't say a word. • Don't say hello or anything — just ignore us. • Don't say I never did anything for you. • Don't say that! • Don't say things like that. • Don't screw up! [Heckler from the audience, before you've even begun] • Don't sell yourself short. • Don't smell it. [The seat cushion] • Don't speak that way to your mother! • Don't spend it all in one place. • Don't stab me in the back. • Don't start with me, young man! • Don't stop and say hello! • Don't take the long way! • Don't tell me how to do my job. • Don't tell me words don't matter. 'I have a dream' — just words? 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal' — just words? 'We have nothing to fear but fear itself' — just words? Just speeches? (–Barack Obama, February 16, 2008) • Don't tell ME you brushed your teeth! • Don't test my patience. • Don't touch me. • Don't touch me! I'm ticklish! • Don't trust him! • Don't trust nobody. • Don't try to get out of it! • Don't walk away from me! • Don't waste your time or money. (10 hours ago) • Don't wear sexy clothes to the office. • Don't work too hard! • Don't worry. • Don't worry about it. • Don't worry — It happens to lots of guys. • Don't you dare compare me to that pip-squeak. • Don't you dogs get bathed? • Don't you even care what happens to the other students? • Don't you ever look behind you when you back up? • DON'T YOU EVER PUT THE SOUP THERE! That area is for making food! • Don't you know everything? • Don't you love her, Richard? [Estrella, a nine-year-old girl] • Don't you take anything seriously? • Don't you feel guilty? • Don't you have any influence? • Don't you know anything? • Don't you know how to knock? • Don't you listen? • Don't you people have anything better to do? • Don't you read the newspapers? • Don't you think maybe you're going overboard? • Don't you think she's a saint? • Don't you think that dress is a little revealing? • Don't you think we're a little old for this? • Don't you think you need more experience? • Don't you want a hundred dollars? • Don't you want some sex, baby? • Don't you want to buy one? • Don't you want to live a life the way you want to? • Don't you wear glasses? • Dope! • Download some Microsoft clip art and use that. • Drop dead. • Drug abuse. • Dude, do you have a cell phone on you? • Dude, he just called you a pussy! You gonna take that? • Dugg down as inaccurate. Stars do not twinkle. It's the shifting atmosphere that causes an apparent twinkle. Or were you stoned all through science class? • Dumb-ass! • Dumb bitch. • Duuhhh!

E. Earlier in the day, though, he said that his reasons for wanting to extend his term 'should be self-evident.' [Referring to New York City Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, as reported in The New York Times] • Easy as that, huh? • Easy come, easy go. • Eat me! • Eat shit and die! • Eat tiny portions and NEVER go back for seconds. • Eat up! • Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, None but ourselves can free our minds. (Bob Marley, "Redemption Song") • End of conversation. • End of the world. • Enjoy the show. • Enjoy those nuts! [They taste terrible! – The bag reads, "Best by 2006 FEB," a year earlier] • Enough! • Erik, you're the jerk of all time. • Estrella, do you think Richard is a child or an adult? • Eternal optimist. • Even a woman should be able to grasp basic economics. • Even for you. • Even if we just get one new idea, it will be worth it. • Even when you win, you lose. • Everybody has problems. • Everybody knows that. • Everybody's avoiding me. • Everybody's crazy today. • Everybody's doing it. • Everybody's done something. • Everybody's taking something. Why not? • Everyone deserves love, even you. • Everyone hates me. The world is against me. I hate it! • Everyone hates the music, Todd, and everyone hates you! • Everyone is doing it. • Everyone understands why you're having a hard time adjusting. • Everything always has to be black and white for you. • Everything has to be difficult. • Everything is always under development. • Everything you're saying is a dodge. • Everything's getting very exclusive. • Eww. Slut! • Excellent. • Excellent! Have you ever taken a course in conflict management? • [In regard to VerbalTools.com] Excellent! You're the man! • Excuse me. • Excuse me! [Translation: Get out of my way, even though you're not blocking the aisle or anything] • Excuse me! [With all their attention on the map they're holding] • Excuse me, are you the lady in charge of the coffee? (–spoken to Naomi Halas, Rice University) • Excuse me! Can I leave the parking lot that way? • Excuse me – Could you please pick that up off the sidewalk? • Excuse me, I was here! • Excuse me, sir, are you registered to vote? • Excuse me, Sir! ... You're not supposed to be taking it ... Oh, sorry! [Thinking you're stealing the newspaper that was in your mail] • Exit only – You got to go that way – Sorry! • Experts have opinions, but having an opinion does not make you an expert. • Explain that one to me. • Extra credit: go to the following website. Look it over; make note of signs that the author may suffer from mental illness, as discussed in class. [Link from David Mendelson's spring '02 Honors US Studies 7 class, exploring Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Faulkner, and others]

F. Faggot! • Failure to contact us could result in the Franchise Tax Board attaching your wages, filing a lien against your property, seizing your property or levying your bank accounts. • Fair enough. • Faith in what sense? • Fake! That is so fake! • Family is all we've got. • Farnaz, your post indicates that you have a very underdeveloped sense of humor. I'm sure that there is a government program out there that could help you learn to lighten up. However, if you prefer to look in the private sector for help, I suggest that you look for old (late 70s) copies of National Lampoon (the issue with an article about 'Dog Fishing' is particularly good), buy DVDs of Animal House and 'Caddy Shack,' and perhaps invest in a 6-pack of Budweiser. Come to think of it, maybe that's the ammo our troops need over in Iraq. • Fat bitch! • Fat whore. • Fight insults by acting insane. [Link from The Rough Guide to the Internet] • Fight your own battles. • Filthy Jews! • Find a mess and you'll find Jeanette. • Fine? Are you sure? • Fine, I'll just leave you to your thoughts. • FIRST OF ALL — YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN TROUBLE! • Flying planes can be dangerous. • Focus on your own damn family! • Follow me to certain death. • Follow that guy in a black hooded sweatshirt and make sure he doesn't get in a cab and drive it out of here. • For a while there, I was afraid my career was in a stall like yours. • For cogent reasoning to occur, an avenue for reevaluation must remain open. • For the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country. (–Michelle Obama) • Forget it! • Fortify yourselves! Brigades are coming, bringing death, and seeking Paradise. • Four digits? This is a put-on. • Freeze! • Friendly is not the same thing as friends. • From another world. • Fuck emotional intelligence. • Fuck her! She's unsafe with a gun! • Fuck me! • Fuck you! • Fuck you! [Someone having a Friday night tantrum] • FUCK YOU! • FUCK YOU! [To the TV] • Fuck you! Are you writing a book? • Fuck you, asshole! [From a passing bicyclist] • Fuck you! Just go away and don't bother me, mother-fucker! • Fuck you white boy. • FUCK-FACE! • Fucking dickless wonder! • Fucking Samoans! • Furthermore, you don't have to worry that you will overspend. This girl doesn't go for money. She goes for person.

G. Gee, Havi, I didn't know you had executive powers. • Geek! • Get a brain. • Get a clue. • GET A FUCKING JOB! • Get a good rest. • Get a hold of yourself, man! • Get a job. • Get a life! • Get a sense of humor. • Get a take and don't suck L4M3R5 [Link from UK bulletin board] • Get away! — You bother me, kid. • Get back to work. • Get back under the manhole cover. • Get into bed or I'll spank you! • Get off! GET .. OFF! [The playground scooter] • Get out of MY classroom. [A woman's voice from the darkened room, currently being used as a video gallery] • Get out of my sight, nerd! • Get out of the gene pool! • Get out of town! • Get over it! • Get over yourself. • Get real! • Get the fuck out! — It's over. • Get those creative juices going and design creative things! • Get to the point already – That site was crap [taxi1010.com] – He/she just droned on and on, never getting to the point. [Link from linuxarticles.com] • Get verbally defensive easily – How to be bigger person. • GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER! • Get your ass out of City College – Maybe you can get into a better university. • Get your mother's cock out of your ass. • Get your tongue out of my mouth! • Get yourself some help, you apparently need it more than I do. • Getting all settled in?—Good girl!—Good for you! • Getting down and dirty! • Getting tired of looking at all those cars, huh? • Ghirardelli, not the long way. • Girls can do anything. • Give it a rest. • Give me a concrete example of that. • Give me a simple example. • Give me an example. • Give me an example – You gotta give me an example. • Give me another example. • Give me back thirteen. [Someone from the Olympic Club pretending they gave you a twenty dollar bill; they actually gave you a ten dollar bill, which you immediately stuck under a rubber band attached to your visor - separate and VERY VISIBLE] • Give me one more for a little dessert. [From a beggar you just gave a dollar] • GIVE ME THE PHONE! • Give me your lunch money! • Gives you power, doesn't it? • Glad to have helped you. • Glad you could be with us today. • GO! • Go ahead and buy it — What have you got to lose? • Go ahead and continue not to answer. (–Arlen Specter) • Go ahead and do it! You've got the money. • Go ahead! — Make the turn! — No one's around. • Go ask Charlie what a sky hook is. • Go away. • Go back! Go back! We ran out of virgins! [Caption on an inflammatory European cartoon depicting the prophet Mohammed in the clouds, intercepting suicide bombers on their way up] • Go back to fucking India. • Go back to Kansas! • Go back to San Francisco, man! • Go figure. • Go fuck yourself! • Go get a marker — You're an adult. • Go light a fart. • Go on! She's waiting for you! • Go stand in the corner. • Go that way if it makes you happier. • Go to hell. • God, are there enough Starbucks around here? • God bless you. • God bless you! How could I resist? • God is punishing me, I know. • God, you keep amazing records! • Going home? — Can I get a ride? • Going out? • Going somewhere? • Going somewhere like pubs and bars again to try a pickup? Why are you going there? These places are not suitable for you. You will be rejected. • Going to work? • Good! • GOOD! • Good choice. • Good effort. • Good! I peed in it. • Good evening. • Good evening, Could I speak to the head of the home? • Good for her! • Good for you! [Condescendingly] • Good luck! • Good luck, buddy boy! • Good luck on that! • Good luck with all that. • Good luck with your ex! • Good morning! • Good morning, dickhead. • Good morning, do you have phone with you? No phone? Uh-oh! • Good morning, Richard – Have a good day. • Good morning, Richard – You're such a patient person. • Good morning? Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? • Good morning; you're late. • Good morning – You're late! • Good riposte. • Good thing I never got organized. • Good to hear. • Good try! [Presuming you were up to no good] • Good-bye, asshole. Asshole. • Good-bye ... have a good night. • Good-bye — It's been original. • Good-bye, weirdo. • Gosh — You look awful! • Got brains? • Got passed up again? • Got pimp? • Got the time? • Great! • Great weather! • Gross! Don't pick your nose—That's revolting! • Grovel, Paris, grovel! • Grow up! • Guam — Have you ever heard of Guam? • Guess what? • Gun owners are the new niggers of society.

H. Ha, ha, ha! Are you blogging on that? • Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! I thought they'd give you a better deal than that. • Happiness always be with you. • Happy birthday! • Happy holidays! • Happy Valentine's Day to you. • Has it been this way? • Has the movie started? [Someone behind you in the movie theater, after you've told the disturbingly loud women, with him, to shut up] • Has your cum ever dribbled and you wish it had shot out? • Hate is not a family value. • Have a better day. • Have a bushel full of wonderful moments. • Have a good day. • Have a good day. [From someone who actually is crazy] • Have a good day there. • Have a good one. [Sleazily] • Have a great day, and watch out for those phony people! • Have a little respect for your elders, will you? • Have a nice day. [Sarcastically, having pointed out a nasty detail in the fine print] • Have a nice night. • Have a wonderful day. [This is tricky, because they're leaving to see their son in the hospital, who's about to die of Hodgkin's disease] • Have fun. [From a pretty girl, this can be a form of rejection] • Have I committed a crime? • Have we met? • Have you been doing anything? • Have you been following me? • Have you been happy? • Have you been on vacation? • Have you been out sailing recently? • Have you been saving any money? • Have you considered medication? • Have you done your taxes? • Have you ever actually used it? • Have you ever betrayed your husband? • Have you ever cheated on your wife? • Have you ever considered streamlining the site? • Have you ever faked an orgasm? • Have you ever heard of the American Vietnam War? American GI? Boom! • Have you ever smoked pot? • Have you ever taken a course in conflict management? • Have you ever taken the wrong exit before? [From a passenger] • Have you found that person? • Have you got a cigarette? • Have you got an extra five dollars? • Have you gotten any lately? • Have you had any Windows experience? • Have you just been sitting here doing nothing all day? [From the boss, stopping by your work area] • Have you lost your mind? • Have you met your new neighbors? [Let's see ... the two girls who lived upstairs moved out ... no one else has actually moved in] • Have you moved? ... Did you get a new roommate? • Have you read anything you said you read? • Have you signed the California Conservation petition? • Have you stopped taking drugs? • Have you tried medication? • Having a dog is a big responsibility. • Having fun? • He always says yes when he means no and no when he means yes. • He appears! Did you mentally transport yourself? • He called us airheads while you were gone. • He called you a whore! • He couldn't just ask you if he could use a chair? • He doesn't. • He doesn't look your type at all. • He finally has a real job. • He has his reasons. • He hasn't figured out, in 15 years of cab driving, that if he showed up on time he wouldn't get asked that question? • He is a man of splendid capabilities, but utterly corrupt. Like rotten mackerel by moonlight, he shines and stinks. [–John Randolph of Virginia, of Edward Livingston of New York, at the turn of the 18th Century] • He just didn't cite all the sources. • He just does everything right. • He just gets angry when someone else does it. • He kicked me out last time I was here! • He knows. • He looks like a girl! • He looks like a rat. • He makes me laugh. • He must have pulled something on her. • He needs a leash and the other one doesn't? • He peed in my yard. • He said I not pretty; I stupid. [Three-year-old girl telling her mother about a little boy in preschool - They can't stick up for themselves, so we must - It's like giving gold to god - You just can't regret anything you do for that girl - You never feel cheated - She is so worth whatever you do! - You slowly become an expert - Don't fuss with it!] • He should sell it to Pixar! • He studies too much! — You're a study wart! • He tells the truth when he's around you. • He was great. [Bob Dylan] • He was in the sock drawer the whole time. • He woke me up at seven howling and carrying on until nine-thirty when I left. • He'd be nice for you — He's a rebel. • He'll say anything to get elected. • He's a creep. • He's a rat! [Spoken in a voice loud enough for you to overhear] • He's borderline psychotic. • He's getting to be a real bitch. • He's just a TAXI DRIVER, but he can teach you how to answer to INSULTS. Just don't try to MAKE SENSE. [Link from lampoon of taxi1010 at Alleee and Franc's INSOLITOLOGY] • He's making whoopee in my garden. • He's nothing; he's really inconsequential. [Your father] • He's obviously an intelligent man cursed with very serious dissociative problems. He certainly writes and thinks like a schizophrenic, or someone with a related disorder, but I'm impressed with his level of detail. • He's our chaperone. • He's probably too eccentric for the corporate world. • He's probably trying to Jew 'em down. • He's so ugly, bless his heart! • He's still a Mama's boy! • He's the designated pansy. • He's unnoticeable. [Speaking about the man she's with] • He's very articulate for a Black guy, do you know what I mean? • He's weird because he only wants one kid. • He's with me — I don't know if I'd call him my friend. • He's younger than me — He's thirty-seven. • Heartbroken, and I want to move on. • Hello, big man! • Hello, boys. [Ignoring you, talking to your dogs] • Hello, Mr. Big! • Hello, sir, can you get me a black? [A street person, shadowing you, coming in from the corner of your eye] • Hello, Steve, how's the hotshot investor these days? • Hello. You gave me a ride in your cab yesterday morning. I left my phone in there. If you have any kind of heart at all, or a decent person, you will call me. Thank you very much. • Help, I'm Surrounded by Jerks! (Article by Stephanie Rosenbloom, NYT, January 18, 2007) • Help me, I'm going fucking crazy. • [Henry David] Thoreau tried to make a virtue out of lack of rhythm. He said that the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. Okay, but how did he know? He didn't talk to that many people. He wrote elegantly about independence and forgot to thank his mom for doing his laundry. (–Garrison Keillor) • Here—Buy yourself a wig. • Here — I'll give you your card back. • Here! Make yourself useful. • Here you go, schmuckums. • Here's where you earn your living as a political pundit. • Here's your chance to move up, Doc — You can become Italian. • Here's your special sandwich – That's what we're charging you for. • Hey, are you going to order something for lunch today? [You've already had lunch; they watched you eat it; courtesy of Emptying yourself in order to understand the lizard's heart] • Hey, asshole! [Wayward bicyclist] • Hey, asshole! I'm talking to you, asshole. • Hey asshole! You got to go back there! [From a wacky pedestrian] • Hey, Baby! • Hey, baby! Do you know what a platonic relationship is? That's all I want. • Hey, Boris, you're going to die, man! • Hey, boss! Hey, Sir? Want to sell ...? • Hey, buddy, give me a lift, will you? I'll give you some gas money. Please! • Hey, buddy, I don't like your face. • Hey, buddy! Where's Spear Street? • Hey, buddy — You have more than twelve items! • Hey, chin up! • Hey, Dad, what are you doing up? • Hey, Daryl, you're holding the newspaper upside down! • Hey! Do you enjoy that? Keep it up and see what happens! • Hey, don't go! I need an animal act. • Hey, easy, purple boy! [Pedestrian baiting driver through open window] • Hey emo, my pipes could kill you. • Hey, fuck you! Do you think I'm going to wait all day for you to take your turn? [An SUV driver attacking your son, who's just learning how to drive] • Hey, girlie boy! • Hey, give me a smile. • Hey, Grandma! I took the tape off. • Hey, guys, where are we going? • Hey, hey, hey, hey! Don't get cute! • Hey, hey! Where's the fucking fire? • Hey Icarus, who was the girl in the car with you? • Hey, jerk-off, what do you want? • Hey, Lindsy, why don't you come and sit on my lap? • Hey, little Black Sambo! • Hey, look at the freak! • Hey! Look who's in the street behind you before you back up! • Hey, man, buy me a coffee. • Hey, man, can you put on the radio, tune in some oldies? • Hey, man, gimme five dollars. [An initiation-style robbery, perhaps leading to your pain, injury or death] • Hey, man, it's all right! I'm cool. • Hey, man, what's up? • Hey man, you got fifteen dollars? • Hey, Matt, uh ... are you any good? [Sportscaster to rookie ball player] • Hey, Mr. Self-defense Guy! • Hey, pretty girl! [From the bum on the corner] • Hey, prune face! • Hey! Punch me in, too, will ya'? • Hey, pussy! [Someone walking by, knocking your books onto the floor] • Hey, Richard! • Hey, Richard, correct me if I'm wrong. • Hey, Richard, how's it hanging? • Hey, Richard! — I'm going to take some of your coffee! • Hey, Roberto! ... Can you put on the golf channel? [As if no one else at the bar is watching TV] • Hey short stuff! • Hey! Slow down, man! • Hey, stranger! Remember me? • Hey, stupid! • Hey, Ted! I'm fucking with you! [From, There's Something About Mary] • Hey! This tastes good for a change. • Hey! We're talking about your job here! • Hey! What are you doing here? • Hey, what's going on, man? [Stranger challenging you] • HEY! WHAT'S THIS? [Angrily] • Hey, who do you go to for taxes? • Hey, why didn't you get on the freeway there? • Hey, Yellow! Hey, Yellow! Are you there for Joe? Are you there for Joe? • Hey, you! Come here! • Hey, you dirty Jap! • HEY, YOU DIRTY WHORE! • Hey, you faggot! [High School students passing in the hall] • Hey, you made everybody go away! • Hey! You must be wearing an Armani suit. Let's see. [Grabbing your jacket] • Hey! You owe me an apology. • Hey, you said, 'shit!' — You learned a new word. • Hey! You want me to give you a new face? • Hey, you're fat! • Hey! You're getting a spare? Or you're going home? • Hey, you're late! • Hey! You're not allowed to stand in line here twice. • Hi all I had quite a look at it and couldn't work out most of it. Still has some interesting replies to common insults. Duncan. • Hi! How are you? I send you this file in order to have your advice. See you later. Thanks. [An e-mail with an unknown attachment] • Hi! On the verbal abuse page, you added quite a lot of what appears to be either unsourced assertions or original research. Please take a look at those two links, but in a nutshell, articles on Wikipedia need to be cited, and articles must be non-original research. I've left the statements that appear to be backed up by Elgin's article at HowStuffWorks. Tlesher 03:52, 19 June 2007 (UTC) [This unabridged article on "Verbal Abuse" first appeared on Wikipedia; a few hours later, most of it was deleted] • Hi, Richard! [Pointedly not looking at you] • Hiding in the corner? • Hillary Clinton tonight had a very strong performance. I think she had a very good performance. • His job is at the pleasure of the Governor. • Hmmm, so let me get this right.. Someone calls me a 'Sucker!' and I'm supposed to say, 'And there'll be a present for you ... after the program.'??? You would say that??? I read taxi1010 for about an hour, picking for usable snippets among the oddness. Why would anyone want to diffuse a question like, 'Are you walking the dogs?' I tried, but I don't get it. —Mark • Hold still! Now turn around! Hold still! • Hominabie foramchi bogude wallawalla abadada! [From a passing street person, talking in tongues] • Honey, do you live around here? [A stranger to a child] • Honey, I could take you home and give you a fuck that would leave you smiling in the morning, but you just don't rate! • Honey, where are your parents? • Honey, you have to come with me. • Honey, your mom sent me to pick you up. • Honk if you have a small penis! [From a passing bicyclist] • Hook her up with Richard. • Hopefully. • Hopefully there is some benefit in this two-way street which I don't dominate more than I have to to be a mirror that reflects society. • Hot enough for you? • How about leaving your sister alone for a change? • How about that? • How about you? — What do you want to be when you grow up? [To a little girl] • How am I supposed to know? — You just told me, didn't you? • How are sales these days? • How are the guys? [Your dogs] • How are we going to use this in real life? • How are you? [After you've been sitting there fifteen minutes] • How are you doing, baby? • How are you doing, Richard? • HOW ARE YOU DOING, SIR? I AM YOUR HOST. [Busboy in a cafeteria, surprising you] • How are you doing, sweetie • How are you feeling today? • How are you folks doing? Okay? • How are you guys doing? • How are you today? [F. Matthias Alexander said, "People do not know how they are; getting them to think about it is a wrong stimulus, very bad for them." (–The Resurrection of the Body)] • How are you? — you and the lads? • How are your Japanese classes? • How 'bout I call you a cab? • How can a taxicab driver be so smart? • How can the Americans make this mistake? [An errant bomb, many dead and wounded] • How can you be so detached? • How can you drive all day with this kind of road rage? • How can you explain this? • How can you go around like that in public? • How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? —Her ankles swell when she farts. • How can you tell me to stop smoking? — You smoke more than I do. • How come it's not interactive? • How come no one's interested in being friendly to you? • How come this dog is so clean, Richard? • How come you didn't marry a witch? • How come you didn't tell me this before? • How come you don't know this? • How come you're late? • How come you're so cute? • How come you're so tall? • How could I resist? • How could you be so rude? • HOW COULD YOU HAVE LIED TO ME ALL THIS TIME? • How dare you owners be so happy! • How did a guy like you manage to stay single for so long? • How did a little girl like you land a great big job like this? • How did this Operating System get to be so complicated? • How did you get into all of this? • How did you get to be so infuriating? • How did you get to be so pretty? • How did you get to be such a creep? • How did you get so beautiful? • How did you land him? He doesn't look your type at all. • How did you manage to do that? • How did your seminar go? • How do I deal with conversations I find boring? • How do I know your research in verbal self-defense is reliable? • How do you ask for a raise? • How do you defend yourself against Uncle Tomism? • How do you