"Well, say good-bye to all the leftovers." [Abusive dialog from TuckerMax.com]

—Don't talk to me that way ... I'm just a person ... I'm an American.

"Apparently, this fatty seems to think she can hang. The Medina Division made better tactical decisions."

—Someplace else ... I thought it would be easier ... Late at night ... So does the dog!

"Can you not hear me? Are your ears fat, too?"

—If you had a wooden leg, you'd be shit on a stick.

"I'm sorry. Really I am. [I open the fridge] Would you like cheesecake or chocolate cake? Probably both, I'm guessing."

—It's too wholesome ... Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there.

"Hey Sara Lee, I was only kidding! COME BACK HERE – MY FRIEND LIKES TO GO HOGGIN. MORE CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN! IT'S LIKE RIDING A MOPED!!"

—People have a little mother inside them, and in a day it envelops things you tell them.

"You ride in the front – You're the biggest."

—Okay, I will.

"You're so fat! Fatty, fat, fat!" [One five-year-old boy to another]

—In front of the opera! ... All at once! ... Just like in the old country! ... Better to start off bad and end up good than start off good and end up bad! ... A little bit of everything! ... It's easy to be beautiful because it's natural.

"Damn, fat ass, lose some weight."

—Seven fat years, seven lean years ... You can't get too worked up about it ... Don't tease doggies and don't tease anyone bigger than you ... It's better to have different kinds of people ... "Shallow people are the only ones who truly know themselves." (–Oscar Wilde)

"You're getting a little fat."

—That is not necessarily bad.

"You don't sweat much for a fat lady."

—If you're big, you don't have to be mean.

"You've got fat thighs."

—Probably the only one in town.

"You're just like me — You need to push away from the table a little bit sooner."

—Have a little compassion.

"What a paunch!"

—That's good for the character.

"You look pretty good for a fat guy."

—Have you ever heard the expression, "Fat, dumb and happy?"

"Hey, you're fat!"

—Some people would say that.

"Look, Elephant Girl, just get Carol or something."

—Be seeing you!

"Do you think I look fat in this?"

—Everything but!

"Look at the fat chick."

—Oh, yes, the national debt is much too high ... or is it?

"One study described obese patients as 'awkward, unattractive, ugly, and unlikely to comply with treatment.' (This last is significant, because doctors who think patients won't follow their instructions treat and prescribe for them differently.)" (–Harriet Brown, "For Obese People, Prejudice in Plain Sight," NYT, 16 March 2010)

—People ignore their impulses ... They wrap them up in cellophane and tie a ribbon around them ... motivations = impulses ... Most people can't see their impulses ... They just see the results of these impulses going all around.

"Kind of tight today?"

—It's always been that way.

"You may want to start pulling your weight."

—Having trouble already? ... Just do what you're doing; go slow ... Wheelchair 2.0 ... "Whenever a critic says something bad about your work, invite them out to lunch and ask them what they don't like about it." (–W. Somerset Maugham)

"So when are they going to put the extra charge on the meter?"

—It's never enough! – They're just big talkers – It's a joke! – In the time-money tradeoff, choose time – If you want more money, work a little more! – It's a million times better! – Give me time! This takes time! – I don't mind talking about it if you don't mind talking about it – Last week you made a lot of money? – How much? How much shit did you make for mom today, and did you get a star? – I just made a blunder in toilet training – I made a vow never to talk about money!

[Feeling off kilter & totally out-of-synch with everyone, you hear something that makes so little sense, you can hardly describe it]

—We should be well on our way.

[Someone screaming at you, and you don't even know what they're saying]

—That makes people feel comfortable?

"Hey, man, buy me a coffee."

—NICE TRY!

"I said, COFFEE!" [A History of Violence, 2005]

—Not so much for this country, but for the whole world.

"What about tomorrow?"

—It all depends.

"Can you help me with something to eat?"

—I support a long stay in warm weather.

"Have you got an extra five dollars?"

—Do you wish you had one of your own?

"Do you have a nickel for five pennies?"

—I don't want to hear anymore.

"Hey man, you got fifteen dollars?"

—I forgot.

"A little coffee with my sugar."

—That's the sign of a delicate nature.

["Excuse me, this is my classroom, and I have sixty students here."] "Get out of MY classroom." [A woman's voice from the darkened room, currently being used as a video gallery]

—I didn't tell you that ... Don't you get scared.

"If something happens, you're going to wish it never did." [Posturing]

—Sometime down the road.

"I have a deep cavity search for you." [Also see Threats]

—Before you.

"Hey, Yellow! Hey, Yellow! Are you there for Joe? Are you there for Joe?"

—You can still go to jail.

[Someone parroting you]

—It's just good to know.

"You staying here, folks?" [Trying to grab your bags outside the hotel]

—That's another question.

"Last name on your reservation?"

—For what it's worth.

"Do you have a reservation?"

—I hope I can remember!

"FUCK-FACE!"

—Just to make money, huh?

"You don't have any diseases, do you?"

—I'm riddled with diseases.

"Putting on a little weight there, huh?"

—Will you get in touch with your humanity?

"Will you do my front?" [She's face down on a massage table]

—Maybe ... I've reached the magical age.

"Could you give me a copy of your DreamWeaver software?"

—We can't – It's too hard at this time.

"You're not going to help make my season jolly?"

—I'm going to do that.

"What happened?"

—It's unbelievable.

["I used to work at IBM."] "What happened?"

—It's a joke.

"I feel bad for what happened to you."

—Nothing to do with me.

"What made you leave IBM?"

—Beyond being devastatingly good-looking.

"What made you leave being a systems analyst?"

—Even my mother would have no complaints with this one.

"If you like it so much, why did you leave?"

—I'm on the fuck-yourself track.

"What happened to your queer party friends?"

—It's all in your mind.

"What happened to the weekend?"

—One a week is nice, though.

"Did it rain over the weekend?"

—Everything that happens, it's better.

"Is it going to rain today?"

—No one really knows.

"How long is this rain supposed to last?"

—This is just the beginning.

"It's just like San Francisco – too much rain!"

—It's very hard to take.

"So what's the weather going to be this weekend?"

—They never know.

"Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense – Parts of this site are great. I want to go back to it for expressing magic and unicorns without words. But there are places where it goes into quasi-pornographic poetry. Those parts are NOT assigned. jeanne." [Link from Index on Love at www.habermas.org]

—It's nice for an old person – It's like a game.

"Do you find that helps you?"

—Like little tulips.

"Was Richard giving you a mischievous grin?"

—That's stretching it.

"Club card?" [At the checkout counter]

—The cupboard is bare.

"We want you to come to church with us sometime."

—Unless you're a priest.

"We'd like to invite you to join our church."

—It's good for you and good for other people.

"You can go to Riley's if you want."

—If it's still in business.

"What's wrong with my truck?"

—We don't want to overdo it.

"Why be normal?"

—That's the sign of intelligence.

"Who picks out your clothes?"

—You don't.

"Let's see if I can screw this up again today."

—Making more money than anyone.

"Let's make a deal on six of these here turkeys."

—Nothing cheap.

"Let's go, asshole."

—Get thee behind me, Diarrhea!

"You do your job, I'll do mine!"

—Bank on it, pal!

"Hey, man, can you put on the radio, tune in some oldies?"

—I'm a little frazzled.

"Are you hard of hearing from listening to loud music or are you just being a prick today?"

—Maybe it's better to leave well enough alone.

"How do you know we're not psychos?"

—Don't adjust!

"Can you spare a little change to get something?"

—I'm using it for something else.

"Hey, baby! Do you know what a platonic relationship is? That's all I want."

—School's over.

"Anything would help, Sir! – Anything at all."

—I'm sorry about that.

"Stay in your room. We'll send someone around between two and five o'clock tomorrow afternoon." [Fraternity rush week Sophomore year at Dartmouth College]

—Did you say, because I was never anointed? ... Long time! ... Whenever. Whenever you feel comfortable ... How often do you get a chance to do nothing and sit and be waited on by everyone? ... When you're seventeen, you can't tell who likes you ... It should just take a day to get out of this ... It's not like you're going to die if you don't do something every second of the day ... It is brute strength, but it's the mental kind! ... Whoever's calling the plays, forget it! ... Just don't ever get an endowment from the National Council of Arts, 'cause it'll be one bitch after another! ... I think you get used to it, and you know it won't last forever ... You have to change ... I might as well have a little party since I'm at the lowest point of my ... This could be a treasure ... He squandered the family fortune ... So far this is the prize of my collection ... It wasn't cheap ... Saving up to go to graduate school ... The outcast of the islands! ... Maybe the new direction isn't up, it's out ... If you look out (at people), maybe you'll see the world of ideas ... No poet can write good English! ... They go skiing in November in Vermont, whatever they're supposed to do, they do ... Send 'em back on the farm! ... They were all these put-down artists.

"The bank asks if you can cosign this loan."

—That's dangerous – I don't think it's good for me.

"Well, then, can we shake on it?"

—I'll wait.

"How did a little girl like you land a great big job like this?"

—You call yourself a woman?

"Why can't you play a decent ball game?"

—You're right! – Just pay me!