[Feeling off kilter & totally out-of-synch with everyone, you hear something that makes so little sense, you can hardly describe it]

—We should be well on our way.

[Someone screaming at you, and you don't even know what they're saying]

—That makes people feel comfortable?

"Hey, man, buy me a coffee."

—NICE TRY!

"A little coffee with my sugar."

—That's the sign of a delicate nature.

"Hey man, you got fifteen dollars?"

—I forgot.

["Excuse me, this is my classroom, and I have sixty students here."] "Get out of MY classroom." [A woman's voice from the darkened room, currently being used as a video gallery]

—I didn't tell you that ... Don't you get scared.

"If something happens, you're going to wish it never did." [Posturing]

—Sometime down the road.

"I have a deep cavity search for you." [Also see Threats]

—Before you.

"Hey, Yellow! Hey, Yellow! Are you there for Joe? Are you there for Joe?"

—You can still go to jail.

[Someone parroting you]

—It's just good to know.

"You staying here, folks?" [Trying to grab your bags outside the hotel]

—That's another question.

"Last name on your reservation?"

—For what it's worth.

"Do you have a reservation?"

—I hope I can remember!

"FUCK-FACE!"

—Just to make money, huh?

"You don't have any diseases, do you?"

—I'm riddled with diseases.

"Putting on a little weight there, huh?"

—Will you get in touch with your humanity?

"Will you do my front?" [She's face down on a massage table]

—Maybe ... I've reached the magical age.

"You ride in the front – You're the biggest."

—Okay, I will.

"What a paunch!"

—That's good for the character.

"Damn, fat ass, lose some weight."

—Seven fat years, seven lean years ... You can't get too worked up about it ... Don't tease doggies and don't tease anyone bigger than you ... It's better to have different kinds of people ... "Shallow people are the only ones who truly know themselves." (–Oscar Wilde)

"You're getting a little fat."

—That is not necessarily bad.

"You don't sweat much for a fat lady."

—If you're big, you don't have to be mean.

"You've got fat thighs."

—Probably the only one in town.

"You're just like me — You need to push away from the table a little bit sooner."

—Have a little compassion.

"You look pretty good for a fat guy."

—Have you ever heard the expression, "Fat, dumb and happy?"

"Hey, you're fat!"

—Some people would say that.

"Look, Elephant Girl, just get Carol or something."

—Be seeing you!

"Do you think I look fat in this?"

—Everything but!

"Could you give me a copy of your DreamWeaver software?"

—We can't — It's too hard at this time.

"You're not going to help make my season jolly?"

—I'm going to do that.

"What happened?"

—It's unbelievable.

["I used to work at IBM."] "What happened?"

—It's a joke.

"I feel bad for what happened to you."

—Nothing to do with me.

"What made you leave IBM?"

—Beyond being devastatingly good-looking.

"What made you leave being a systems analyst?"

—Even my mother would have no complaints with this one.

"If you like it so much, why did you leave?"

—I'm on the fuck-yourself track.

"What happened to your queer party friends?"

—It's all in your mind.

"What happened to the weekend?"

—One a week is nice, though.

"Did it rain over the weekend?"

—Everything that happens, it's better.

"Is it going to rain today?"

—No one really knows.

"How long is this rain supposed to last?"

—This is just the beginning.

"It's just like San Francisco – too much rain!"

—It's very hard to take.

"So what's the weather going to be this weekend?"

—They never know.

"What about tomorrow?"

—It all depends.

"Have you got an extra five dollars?"

—Do you wish you had one of your own?

"Do you have a nickel for five pennies?"

—I don't want to hear anymore.

"Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense – Parts of this site are great. I want to go back to it for expressing magic and unicorns without words. But there are places where it goes into quasi-pornographic poetry. Those parts are NOT assigned. jeanne." [Link from Index on Love at www.habermas.org]

—It's nice for an old person – It's like a game.

"Do you find that helps you?"

—Like little tulips.

"Was Richard giving you a mischievous grin?"

—That's stretching it.

"Club card?" [At the checkout counter]

—The cupboard is bare.

"We want you to come to church with us sometime."

—Unless you're a priest.

"We'd like to invite you to join our church."

—It's good for you and good for other people.

"You can go to Riley's if you want."

—If it's still in business.

"What's wrong with my truck?"

—We don't want to overdo it.

"Why be normal?"

—That's the sign of intelligence.

"Who picks out your clothes?"

—You don't.

"Let's see if I can screw this up again today."

—Making more money than anyone.

"Let's make a deal on six of these here turkeys."

—Nothing cheap.

"Let's go, asshole."

—Get thee behind me, Diarrhea!

"You do your job, I'll do mine!"

—Bank on it, pal!

"Hey, man, can you put on the radio, tune in some oldies?"

—I'm a little frazzled.

"Are you hard of hearing from listening to loud music or are you just being a prick today?"

—Maybe it's better to leave well enough alone.

"How do you know we're not psychos?"

—Don't adjust!

"Can you spare a little change to get something?"

—I'm using it for something else.

"Hey, baby! Do you know what a platonic relationship is? That's all I want."

—School's over.

"Anything would help, Sir! — Anything at all."

—I'm sorry about that.

"Stay in your room. We'll send someone around between two and five o'clock tomorrow afternoon." [Fraternity rush week Sophomore year at Dartmouth College]

—Did you say, because I was never anointed? ... Long time! ... Whenever. Whenever you feel comfortable ... How often do you get a chance to do nothing and sit and be waited on by everyone? ... When you're seventeen, you can't tell who likes you ... It should just take a day to get out of this ... It's not like you're going to die if you don't do something every second of the day ... It is brute strength, but it's the mental kind! ... Whoever's calling the plays, forget it! ... Just don't ever get an endowment from the National Council of Arts, 'cause it'll be one bitch after another! ... I think you get used to it, and you know it won't last forever ... You have to change ... I might as well have a little party since I'm at the lowest point of my ... This could be a treasure ... He squandered the family fortune ... So far this is the prize of my collection ... It wasn't cheap ... Saving up to go to graduate school ... The outcast of the islands! ... Maybe the new direction isn't up, it's out ... If you look out (at people), maybe you'll see the world of ideas ... No poet can write good English! ... They go skiing in November in Vermont, whatever they're supposed to do, they do ... Send 'em back on the farm! ... They were all these put-down artists.

"The bank asks if you can cosign this loan."

—That's dangerous—I don't think it's good for me.

"Well, then, can we shake on it?"

—I'll wait.

"How did a little girl like you land a great big job like this?"

—You call yourself a woman?

"Why can't you play a decent ball game?"

—You're right! — Just pay me!