"I like sitting next to you, Sean – It makes me look so tough."

—Uh-oh – Poison Jell-O ... You're going to give us bad dreams.

"You're not an asshole, Mark – You're just trying so hard to be."

—Murder, by itself, is not a federal crime.

"I'll send you flowers."

—Make holes in water.

"Recovery programs are for losers."

—The dumb ones have no trouble ... It's easy for them to adapt ... You can get used and unused to things very fast ... Emotions are so untidy ... I'm not in trouble, I'm just a kid! ... Who knows what's going on and I don't want to have anything to do with it ... I don't want to get mixed up in it ... No one comes with a bow and arrow and shoots people ... No one invents radium, either ... It's deliberation, they call it ... I'm so sorry! ... I left you high and dry ... Your money's no good here ... Are you hungry?

"You don't have to be as off-the-rails as Charlie Sheen to get help." (–Neda Ulaby, NPR News)

—If you're scared enough, you will ... Ooops! ... Last Person I Want to Touch at Night! ... It took a tricky hop.

"u dick."

—That's good enough for me.

"Good luck with your theory."

—C Sharp Major with a Dominant G ... Maybe it'll be nice.

[Half-baked and ill-formed questions]

—Tense and critical? Wait. ... Do things from relaxation and kindness ... Do everything from relaxation and kindness ... That's a huge experience ... No one can learn that in school.

"Answer YES OR NO! Just YES OR NO!"

—That's a lot of juice ... Refusing orders ... I had no choice ... I am a school dropout and have no skills ... Like a dark cloud? ... Don't kid yourself ... You don't have any parents ... You can put anything you want in ... That's my hint to you ... How come you're so smart? ... Answer the question, Yes or No, Did it hurt yesterday when I beat you up? ... They were very smart in the old days ... You have to ask every time ... So continue, I'm listening.

"I need an education; I just don't want one."

—FuBuTuBe – "For us, By us, Teach us, Big earth!"

"Site is confusing. If the subject sounds interesting to you, please read 'The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense' by Suzette Haden Elgin." [Link from sensibleerection.com]

—If you haven't read it, you should read it.

"Thank you for your site!"

—You can't go wrong when you serve another person's needs.

"I'll be right with you."

—Just in time for the holidays.

"Anything I can help you with?"

—I don't see what else.

"Can I help you find something?"

—We'll see what happens.

"You have to make a decision and stick with it."

—Sweet are the uses of adversity.

"As Catholics, we propose and invite – We don't proselytize." (–Sister Margaret Mach of the Catholic Cleveland Diocese, on WBZ-AM radio)

—I was feeling lonely with the bats and the wolves.

"That's funny, but it's very sacrilegious."

—It's up to you what you spend your energy on, and if it isn't, you should make it so – No one can stand between someone and God.

"I know Jesus, and I talk to God."

—Remember in the Bible when Jesus wanted to play the piano?

"It's your choice – It's up to you."

—When I was thirteen, I had a choice: to be a preppie or a fighter.

"Good choice."

—Like a leopard in a tree.

"Somebody lied to you."

—I always see trouble coming.

"Something we could all be better at."

—You hear the jungle drums beating – The natives are getting restless.

"I'm glad the Pope is here showing us there's a God up there watching out for us."

—Grand Old Delusion bless America!

"Whenever I talk to him, he just always smiles."

—Get some comic books to keep you up ... I have other difficulties.

"It wasn't just a one-time thing – That's great!"

—The trick is to just do a little.

"Just one?"

—Plus tax!

"Will you just take me to the address that I said?"

—Can we just hate each other in peace?

"Don't be so negative."

—I don't want to end up like the morons around here.

"Don't be like that."

—I thought you gave up.

"Leave me be! Why are you doing this? What is it you want?"

—I'm not pushing it.

"Why won't you be my friend?"

—Let's go by intuition.

"Oh, come on! Don't be like that."

—I just don't know what I'm doing, but you never will ... Your mind has a big stick and pokes you.

«What to do about robotic people»

—What to do about robotic people — (1.) Girls: "There's a lot to learn!" (2.) Money: "You didn't give me any money!" (3.) Life: "Get people to be themselves." (4.) Improv: "My mother called it lying."

"Is that what most people do?"

—Whatever the task, be it doing your laundry or getting a girlfriend, see that as a cherry in a bottle – Let it go and pay attention to your freedom.

"Be good!"

—What else is there to do?

"That remains to be seen."

—Hitch your wagon to a star.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

—Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may die.

"I'll alert the media."

—Gather ye rosebuds while you may.

"You just need to be positive all the time."

—Okay, nobody smoke, everybody vote, and never get caught on a milk carton!

"Mr. Positive!"

—Idle hands do the devil's own work.

"You're an optimist, right?"

—If I even wanted to.

"Even if we just get one new idea, it will be worth it."

—True Romance comics.

"Don't be emotional!"

—It depends what you want.

"Should I call the mayor?"

—I'm the one they like to ignore.

"Uh-oh! We wouldn't get along then."

—It's proof I'm not looking for approval.

"He's just a TAXI DRIVER, but he can teach you how to answer to INSULTS. Just don't try to MAKE SENSE." [Link from lampoon of taxi1010 at Alleee and Franc's INSOLITOLOGY]

—Did you have trouble finding a place to park?

"I'll send you an e-mail."

—Hey! I'm just driving you around – If you want my philosophy, you pay extra! – Write a good one.

"There's an e-mail waiting for you."

—If you're important, people will wait.

"She was a little bit offended that you didn't send her an e-mail."

—It's a scandal, isn't it?

"Dear Mr. Hart, Thank you for your e-mail. Your research sounds very interesting indeed. Good luck with it. Sincerely, Stanley Fish."

—Anything you write in an e-mail is public property; you never know where it's going to go; so be careful what you say.

"Wouldn't it be easier just to take them the long way?"

—I'm out of the loop, too – It's three thousand miles away, in Chicago.

"You just write the book – That doesn't mean you have to live from it."

—If it's not that much trouble, forget it!

"Oh, so you just say things that don't make any sense to them?"

—Sooner or later you understand everything.

"You just say things back that don't mean anything."

—Sometimes it's a silver arrow, sometimes it's a gold arrow.

"You're just saying things that don't make any sense, like Donald Duck."

—That's all right – I don't understand some things you say, either, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends.

"Make the most of it!"

—Looking up from the railroad tracks!

"You'll be sorry!"

—I'm already sorry.

"I had my taxi blessed by a San Francisco friar."

—I can see why.

"Glad to have helped you."

—What priests do.

"I hear business isn't so good for you over in the city."

—It's only all the time if you have a French girlfriend.

"I hear you're looking for a new house."

—Is it going to be a tragedy if we don't?

"Is the convention still in town?"

—They have a master plan.

"God bless you."

—That's always reassuring.
[Also, Nobody sneezed, Touch wood! No kneeling! and Waste not, want not]

[A child copying everything you say]

—I used to do that.

"I waited for you."

—Before trouble started.

"You bet!"

—I have another surprise for you.

"God is punishing me, I know."

—The long arm of the law.

[A child persistently copying everything you say]

—[Start reciting nice things for the child to learn or to know, such as equations from the multiplication table, passages from the Bible, poetry from Jalálu'ddin Rúmí's Mathnawí, philosophy from Ralph Waldo Emerson, or anything you think is beautiful ...] Eight times seven is fifty-six, nine times nine is eighty-one ... Never give a sucker an even break ... Gather not up treasures here on earth ... Never smarten up a chump ... Eat, drink and be merry! For tomorrow you may die ... A penny saved is a penny earned ... Gather ye rosebuds while you may ... Idle hands do the devil's own work ... What you need to know is very little, but to know that little takes very much ... Lower your expectations; you can only be pleasantly surprised ... Preparation is everything ... Life knows best ... Truth is stranger than fiction ... The truth shall set you free ... A Girl is love, hope, sexual energy ... Be careful what you wish for! ... You can't have yourself if you want someone else ... Everyone has to light their own fire ... "Seek all possible pleasure, and avoid dishonorable pain." Samual Butler, The Way of All Flesh ... Intelligence is the biggest handicap a child can have ... It's fun to have a girlfriend ... Nothing forced is ever beautiful ... If you shoot for the moon, you may just land in a penthouse ... Most people fly AWAY in all directions; a wise person flies FROM all directions ... Turn everything upside-down and you'll see the truth ... All happiness is earned ... Sweet are the uses of adversity ... Hitch your wagon to a star ... When you're near tears, you're near the truth ... We're made of our past – The truth is beyond what you understand ... Play dead, escape from cage ... Happy as the day is long ... The way out (of the cage) is to play dead.