"There's always an answer, isn't there?"

—No, no, this isn't food – This is intellectual material.

"JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

—Why torture yourself? ... Now the fun starts ... Why don't you tell your morons to tell my morons they're better than my morons?

"A formidable figure."

—People see different things, right? – I better not give you ideas – Fifty percent of all people are mean, and fifty percent don't give a shit – They like some people and hate everyone else – Just superego groin-pullers.

["Chris, do you have a website now?"] "No."

—Putting on airs again? – It's all texture.

"Will you add a link to my website? It's 'I don't think you care dot com.'"

—Do you know why?

["Oh, you bought dirty clothes."] "No, not dirty."

—I'm just not afraid to be wrong  – That's the best I can do – I like paper dresses – People will get a new one every year – They were much less smooth in the old days.

"Well, well, when are you due?"

—Talk about babies!

["When is your baby due?"] "I'm not pregnant."

—That always happens.

"You have to understand you're in therapy for a reason."

—You don't need much.

"I have no cash with me." [They're horrible liars]

—You can always have a yard sale.

"How far can I get on a penny?" [If I took your taxicab]

—What are you going to get out of it?

"It's too far!"

—Let's not.

"NO, I NEED A TOWEL!"

—If nothing changes.

"No one asked your opinion."

—No one's even real.

"No! That's not how you feel. You feel angry! I know you do!"

—Don't tell me how I feel. I feel things. You don't.

["We're doing the same thing!"] "No we're not! You have to come to our workshops! We teach people centering."

—You're going to get around to that?

"Well, what do you want me to say? — because everything I've said so far is wrong."

—I know just how you feel.

[Putting your foot in your mouth]

—I saw it on the news.

"That answer is not good enough."

—I know this is important to you.

"That's a good answer."

—The sacred sword of last resort.

[Someone "reserving" the last table for themselves even before they've gone through the cafeteria line]

—I never even thought of that.

"You could have at least said that."

—Anything else your heart desires?

"We remember you when."

—The road to success.

"Can we pet your dog?" [Sarcastically, to impress a girl]

—We don't mind.

"We were just talking about you."

—Indeed.

"We Americans look at Asian people as a plentiful supply of cheap labor."

—Who is this "we?" — "We" hasn't happened yet.

"Oh, look! A Vietnamese restaurant in this part of town – I bet they've got food they think the Whitey will like."

—Why should anyone be different?

["And Japan Center is further down Fillmore."] "We're Asian." [They are Chinese, misinterpreting the situation]

—So different.

"Whitey! [viciously]

—Every time I stop my car, somebody tries to steal my shoes.

"Your wife is Japanese?"

—Talk about bad deals!

"Your girlfriend is Korean?"

—Reminds me of selling borscht to the Eskimos.

"Don't move or I'll cut your throat."

"I know you taxi drivers have plenty of cash."

—And to think, I just went out for a loaf of bread, and I wound up the richest man in India.

"Are you packing a gun?"

—It's bad for business.

"Be a good boy, or I'll cut you."

—Oh, good — We'll see it on the news.

"Lie down across the front seat and stay there, or I'll come back and cut."

—At least I won't have to work anymore.

—I want to die the way I was born.

"Honey, where are your parents?"

—Come into my corner, said the spider to the fly!

"Amanda, you should come back and stay with me." [You're ahead of them in an airline check-in line; it would be one thing if you were still a child, and they were your guardian; then you should simply go along with their fears]

—Almost there!

"Honey, do you live around here?" [A stranger to a child]

—Is your number still 911?

"No problem." [Sarcastically]

—Are you in this spot forever?

"No problem!" [Singsongy, insincere]

—Thanks for doing such a good job today.

"No!"

—A little goes a long way.

"When WE lived in the palace?" [Prince Charles to one of his servants]

—Cost effective, right?

"No hard feelings."

—Upward degeneration.

["Are you an industrialist?"] "No — Insurance asshole."

—'Cause you find yourself doing these weird things.

"Aren't we all?"

—It's inconceivable.

"Don't mind me! — I was standing here waiting."

—That's our only chance.

"If you are like me, and are painfully aware of your own sanity to the point that you are fascinated and even sometimes envious of those who are not sane, you have found one or two great websites run by wackos and loonies of the highest order. Do you have any favorite personals from the periphery? ... This one is my all-time favorite (it was even better before the site redesign, but it's still great). I will give skott, josh, dev or ferocious j $5.00 (US!) if they can find this taxi and take a ride with the guy." [Link from Schabe, Inc. – Momentum]

—I had no idea I had that allure.

["Those are stratocumulus clouds."] "No!"

—What's the difference?

["Do you want to know how WASPs do it?"] "No! No, I don't."

—Sometimes a harsh childhood turns out to be useful.

"How have you been? How have you been? How have you been?"

—There's options: (1.) Kicking back! (2.) Never better! (3.) Infinitely sad. (4.) Very fruitful. (5.) Bad enough. (6.) Ever ready. (7.) With great power comes great responsibility.

"How's it going so far?"

—Very rewarding.

"Hopefully."

—I'll figure it out.

"Your performance has gone downhill and you're a loser."

—Maybe a little of both.

[Click, click, click, click, ... (Imitating the dog)]

—A tribute.

"How do I know your research in verbal self-defense is reliable?"

—Just once in a while there's something stupid.

"You mean you don't have eyes in the back of your head?"

—It's a solid wall of black.

"It's called Three Wishes— Did you see it?"

—No one tells you.

"I hated the gooks. I will hate them as long as I live."

—How do we know how much it's going to cost?

"Hey! You want me to give you a new face?"

—From down on the barroom floor.

"Would you rather have me bash your face in?"

—What about the face on the barroom floor?

"What the hell kind of game are you playing?"

—Alcohol: It does so much for you and asks for so little in return.

"Fortify yourselves! Brigades are coming, bringing death, and seeking Paradise."

—What else are you going to do, go to Church?

"WE HAVE THIS ANTHRAX. YOU DIE NOW. ARE YOU AFRAID?"

—Somewhere in the middle where it's not touching anything.

"This is a wake-up call to kill the Jews."

—You think this is the only country that has laws?

"How's your Suburu?" [You don't actually have one]

—Then we'll figure out how much it costs.

"You shouldn't drink and drive."

—I'm not actually a driver – I'm a pirate.

"I shouldn't have to ask."

—Did you make a wish?

"It shouldn't cost that much."

—Low maintenance.

"You shouldn't bring your baby into the pool without a diaper."

—It's not my baby, toots.

"You shouldn't be late."

—That's a dangerous thing to believe, that you can't do things.

"Do you do your own laundry?"

—What have you lost?

"She did your laundry? That's nice of her. I've never done a man's laundry."

—All sorts of things.

"How's your typing?"

—What's first prize?

"What a steep road this is!" [Sarcastically]

—Start at the top.

"That made my morning! You crawled over your seat, not me! You idiot!"

—Like everyone else does.

"Hey, fuck you! Do you think I'm going to wait all day for you to take your turn?" [An SUV driver attacking your son, who's just learning how to drive]

—Say, "I do not have a mother. I do not have a father. I am surrounded by assassins!" [Jimmy Durante voice]

"This doesn't bode well—It's an omen."

—Don't worry — It won't get worse.

"Cry baby! Cry to somebody else, not me!"

—That was a cold cry.

"Baby! Baby! You are a baby!"

—So oppressive.

"Too bad you couldn't close that deal."

—They had it on the news.

"You're not that close to her?"

—Ma, me, moo, may, mo of the North.

"Cry me a river."

—It's water over the dam.

"You've been late three times in the last five days."

—Being punctual is important.

"It's too weird – That's the last fucking straw."

—Gets to you, huh?