"You talkin' to me?"

—Don't rush me! ... I slept my way through night school ... Why fuss?

"Well, don't just stand there like a mannequin. I'm not paying you $25 an hour to just stand there. Go inside." [One of David Pogue's adventures, reported in a nytimes.com subscriber's e-mail, April 26, 2007]

—Don't you know about stars?

"Not there, not there! You'll get dirt on the carpet! Put it out there in the pantry. Have some respect for people's things!"

—That's star quality.

"Don't do it yourself! How do you expect me to learn if you do everything for me? Don't treat me like I'm some kind of idiot!"

—Seems boring, but it isn't.

"How should I know how to turn it on? If I knew how to use the computer already, I wouldn't be paying you $25 an hour, now would I?"

—They just blossom.

"Hi, Richard!" [Pointedly not looking at you]

—I wouldn't let just anyone do this.

"He makes me laugh."

—The scoundrel.

"Don't play stupid with me!"

—Because if you look like a monkey, you'll never get a job.

"Tell me that to my face."

—Every five minutes that's something else.

"Sounds like me."

—When people are desperate, then they do it.

"You're embarrassing me."

—Because of our foreign policy.

"Do you hate me?"

—I got me own racket.

"You're going to hate me for this."

—What do you need a mother for?

"So, you'll never talk to me again?"

—Very refined.

"Nobody likes me."

—It may be my severe hatred of my mother's living room furniture.

"I find it difficult to understand, too." [Taxi1010]

—Why figure it out?

"It's just my way of saying that the site [taxi1010] isn't coherent to me."

—If you get caught up in it, you're lucky.

"What about me?"

—That sounds like a song.

"Tell me about yourself."

—Lock up your money!

"You should stand outside and say, 'Coffee here! Coffee here! It's all about me!'"

—Or even feel bad.

"GIVE ME THE PHONE!"

—She's not going off the deep end – She's just mean.

"It's all about you." [Sarcastically]

—He had his wife in a tower because she was hopelessly insane.

"Don't kiss me now."

—I think your wish is going to come true.

"Tell me how it is." [The olallieberry jam you are buying]

—Would you like to change places?

"Let me know."

—It's golden.

"Well, don't help me."

—If you have someone to help you, it's twice as bad, because they never do anything right.

"It isn't easy to be me."

—No matter what stage you're in, it's right for something.

"Everyone hates me. The world is against me. I hate it!"

—Why should I identify with people who hate the human condition when I can identify with the human condition?

"Help me, I'm going fucking crazy."

—Woof! Woof!

"Who's your daddy?"

—St. Louis is pretty good – It's a pretty good team.

"Say Uncle!"

—You don't need to throw yourself into the fires of abandonment.

["Are you from Vietnam?"] "Do I look Vietnamese?"

—Nothing's bothering you.

["Are you from Columbia?"] "Do I look like someone from Columbia?" [It turns out they're from Poland]

—What a world!

"I'm scared to drive with you."

—It doesn't scare me.

"We all do stupid things when we're young."

—You can't be fresh.

[Someone whacking themselves on the forehead]

—Whatever you get going, you've got to get out of it and stop.

"I guess to you, you'd like it because it would be a challenge."

—I can't help it — It's in my nature.

"Don't start with me, young man!"

—Don't even think about it.

"It's interesting — How'd you get into that?"

—It's in my blood.

"How'd you wind up here?"

—My parents had sex — Isn't that the way it happens?

"You're trying too hard."

—I don't think so that much.

"You think too hard."

—Nobody ever told me that before.

"Was that too hard for you?" [After you've backed out of a Mexican standoff]

—I was only born yesterday.

"As far as I'm concerned, this is over."

—You have to know when to quit, and when to take your time.

"Don't work too hard!"

—That's all you can do is just keep hammering away – I'm a stagehand.

"What a surprise!"

—I don't think it's bad at all.

"Surprise!"

—I can only hope.

"You look great — What a surprise."

—It's not that hard, is it?

"You're too good for me."

—It's like when you steal at work, and your hands start sweating.

"This is too good for the likes of us!"

—People have a right to live.

"Oh, and I suppose I don't?"

—At least you know what you're doing.

"I don't want to be associated with the bathroom." [To a sales executive from zoom-media.com]

—You know, good mothers carry extra diapers in the trunk.

"Why don't you study French or German instead?"

—It's another way you can bring your knowledge to another country.

"I'm being mean, Steve."

—It's not that.

"Stop being an Internet failure."

—That's what religion is.

"Aw, too bad!"

—There are so many things you can do.

"That's too bad."

—I'm going to be careful what I say around you.

"Too bad!"

—You can't see the woods through the trees.

"It's foolish to think you can get away with that."

—You have a lot of responsibility.

"You dog! ... wet dog."

—A total terror.

"How come this dog is so clean, Richard?"

—Is that bad?

"What are you doing with a dog?"

—You ain't seen nothing yet.

"Woof! Woof! Meow. Meaow."

—Like us.

"You're not worried someone will take it?"

—When will you have time?

"That's a low blow."

—I'm smart enough to know when someone's trying to get me to hate myself, and I won't do it!

"Can I have a dollar?" [From a man walking by, addressing you from behind your back]

—Don't worry about money.

"Can I have a dol-lar?"

—Adios amiga!

"Give me one more for a little dessert." [From a beggar you just gave a dollar]

—Who wants to go there? ... You can sit in your house and smoke ... There's a window you'll never close ... Not even the priests know that.

"You don't know about it, so shut up, turn around, and sit down!"

—It's unspeakable.

"I'll wait for you outside." [Chocolate bully]

—If you wait that long.

[Someone about to mug you near an alleyway]

—ICY FIRE! ICY FIRE! ICY FIRE!

"I don't know what you're talking about there."

—You just have to be careful.

"What in the hell are you talking about?"

—Pyramus and Thisbe.

"You don't have any friends you can talk to about these things?"

—If you don't take your time, in time you will have no time.

"You don't care about anybody's feelings but your own."

—The more the merrier!

"I have absolutely no idea what this site is all about, and I'm afraid to dig any deeper."

—All the stars come out at night.

"That's something you care about."

—The child comes first.

"You will speak only when spoken to. You will follow orders without question."

—The devil will think you're his own.

"Servants should not aim above their station ... Rich man in his castle, poor man at his gate."

—Anything interesting for me?

"Excuse me!" [Translation: Get out of my way, even though you're not blocking the aisle or anything]

—I knew there wasn't an easy way.

"I have it narrowed down to two choices." [Not telling you what those two choices are]

—Almost done.

"Sucker!"

—And there'll be a present for you ... after the program.

"I'll send you the bill."

—It's a great hardship.

"The bathroom is being painted now."

—Now I'm beginning to have faith in you guys.

"Do you want to use the bathroom?"

—You're playing with fire!