[Hooligans trespassing at a girls' summer camp]

—You can bank on it ... Now's the time to go, too ... Or their children, right? ... It's a wonderful thing for a little girl ... Nothing fancy at all ... Don't need evidence ... It's tricky ... Mountaineers use it ... Certain people do ... That's really what does it ... That stops it at the gate ... It says, "Peel off!"

"How old is he?" [Your two-year-old boy, from a complete stranger]

—I don't think it matters anymore.

"Terrible two's, huh?"

—Why do you just have to be one thing?

["It's how to change the mood if someone is mean or difficult."] "How do you do that?"

—It's not so easy to do.

"How can you explain this?"

—Meaningful effort is more important to me than commanding position.

"Dear Richard, Taxi1010.com sounds like a complete winner, although I must admit that I have used some of those tactics in responding to all the invective that has come my way ... ie ... 'What you say may well be true and I am sorry you feel that way.' All of which is a nice way of saying not much, I guess. Thanks so much for taking the time to write. David Carr"

—I didn't get here on a watermelon truck.

"The air was good." [You just turned off the air-conditioner and opened the window]

—It's an indication.

"Is there a law against having the air-conditioning on in the city?"

—Are you sure you wanted to say that?

"Will you turn it back on then?"

—Certainly.

"Is your electricity out?"

—You have batteries, right?

"Did you catch Tickton?"

—I'll never take YOU for a mystery ride.

"You're fat and ugly, and always will be."

—What good is running if you're on the wrong road?

"Which way are we going?"

—The authentic way – We're trying to save trouble.

"Don't take the long way!"

—It's hardly worth it.

"I kind of like the way you did that."

—We're used to that.

"It's cold in here."

—You know, when you have an idea, follow it through.

"Right, Linda?"

—You have to know what's inside you.

"May all your dreams come true."

—One thing leads to the other.

"I'm going on vacation — I'm going to Montana."

—With a beautiful view, I bet.

"HOW ARE YOU DOING, SIR? I AM YOUR HOST." [Busboy in a cafeteria, surprising you]

—Have mercy!

"No, legally we can't do that." [Flight attendant refusing to help a woman (weak from a long illness) put her suitcase in an overhead rack]

—You don't wear rubber gloves?

"How are you doing, Richard?"

—Just fine.

"How are you doing, baby?"

—You seem to be doing pretty good.

"Where've you been? Have you been on vacation?"

—Haven't I seen you before?

"So how have you been?"

—You're one in a million!

"How so?"

—I don't know how to put it.

"So, how's it going?"

—Pretty good.

"How goes it?"

—Good enough.

"How are you? — you and the lads?"

—Still the same.
[Also, Haunted, We'll soon find out, Charmed, Thrilled, Delighted, Distracted, Engaged and Satisfied.]

"How are you today?" [F. Matthias Alexander said, "People do not know how they are; getting them to think about it is a wrong stimulus, very bad for them." (–The Resurrection of the Body)]

—No pain ... It's not so bad so far ... You get used to it.

"How to stop feeling unloved from the inside."

—It's not that bad now – Okay, but don't hurt me!

"After I remember not to slam the door."

—It's like a palace ... From room to room ... What a house! ... Accordion to what?

"So how are you?"

—Old age ... Everyone knows reporters are paid liars ... You know, the child murderers? ... His bank statement is sent in a box of chocolates ... Search me? ... Are you sure it's not the same thing, over and over? ... Part of it is the people you meet, too ... They're screwballs ... That's deterrent number forty-eight.

"How are you?" [After you've been sitting there fifteen minutes]

—I really like this – It has a really deep effect on me.

"Cool!"

—Even if it's bad for you.

"How do you keep your mind quiet?"

—I hear a pitter-pat in my head unless I sleep with my mouth open.

"You old fraud."

—Put it in your book.

"He just gets angry when someone else does it."

—What does that have to do with anything?

"There's a great movie on — It's really good."

—There you go, then.

"This is a great movie!"

—Go for it! Go for the gold.

"This is a great movie." [Not sharing with you what it is]

—I'll sell it to you.

"This is a bad movie."

—I'm adjusting.

"It's just a stupid movie."

—The artful dodger.

"I know just how you feel."

—Danger is just around the corner — Let's move the furniture!

"If you were a woman scientist and had two competing offers and you knew that the president of Harvard didn't think that women scientists were as good as men, which one would you take?" (–Mary C. Waters, chairman of Harvard's sociology department, after Harvard president Lawrence H. Summers suggested that innate sex differences may leave women less capable in tenacious pursuit of math and science)

—For anyone ... And the answer is?

"So how come you don't speak to me? Are you giving me the silent treatment now?"

—Take two Aspirin and die in the morning.

"You imbecile!"

—What are you trying to prove? — that you passed fourth grade?

"Do you want to fight?"

—It's up to you.

"Aaaaa-CHOO!"

—You'll have to change your clothes!

"Aaaaa-CHOO! — Excuse me!"

—Leave it there! — That's the same thing inside everybody.

"You touched my car — I don't like anyone touching my car."

—They're going to make big cars again.

"You want to fight? — I can settle this in two seconds."

—Some people like them.

"Thoughts can't be changed by nuclear bomb. Today is the day of thought and logic." (–Iran's president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad)

—Maybe it is, maybe it isn't ... We want an army in Iraq because it's just like Germany in the 30s ... They're just screwballs ... You just learn ... If you think the will of Allah is the will of your breath, that's one thing ....

"Regarding you, Bush, Dog of the West, we are giving you good news which will displease you. Your worst days are coming with the help of God. You and your soldiers will regret the day when your feet touched the land of Iraq and showered your bravery on shelters of Muslims." [With a lot of people nothing's enough because they were so poisoned in their childhood.]

—It's sad, isn't it? (They're using their pain to hold onto something ... That's what they had in their childhood ... pain.)

["Those were scary times."] "These are scary times, too."

—People are so hard; they're so repressed.

"Scary."

—Sorrow.

"You don't know where that is? — That's scary."

—Having a good mind in this culture is a handicap.

"It's scary, isn't it?"

—It's magical.

"You know, they kill cab drivers!"

—Let's kill all the gringos!

"Right on time!"

—Just like clockwork, right?

"That's not true."

—More than you think.

"I'm sure that's true."

—Go by what you know, not by what you feel.

"Hey, buddy! Where's Spear Street?"

—I'm not in the in-crowd; I don't know anything.

"Don't do me any favors."

—What am I supposed to do — feel sorry for rats?

"It's because the two Teutonic plagues, Hart and Juda, came together."

—You mean the woman in black who comes to your window?

"YOU HAVE INSUFFICIENT FUNDS."

—There's always hidden stories in the land of heartbreak.

"Yeah, that's right." [Sarcastically]

—You're right, and I'm right.

"That's right — That's right, Leon."

—There's other things, too.

"Do the right thing."

—Don't say anything; don't sign anything; just put it in the bank.

"Straighten up and fly right."

—I'll have to change my diet.

"Just right."

—See you on the Rialto, skylark!

"Am I in your way?"

—That would be serious.

"I'm sorry, am I in your way?"

—It's one of my designs.

"I know I'm in your way."

—I hate to say it — She could be Napoleon's mother.

"I'll get out of your way."

—Thundering herds rounding corners.

"Sorry to block your way again."

—Are you trying to make me feel like a heel?

"No WAY!"

—Everyone knows you have to go slow.