Embarrassment

Insults

Comebacks

"Uggh!" [Catching a whiff of a surprising body odor]

—Very common.
—It's really shocking how many people are mean and sadistic. [See, "From Someone Who Smells."]

"Yuck!" [Catching a whiff of a psychological secret]

—Wicked, huh?
—That part of you is alive.

[Someone trying to make you the butt of their joke]

—Worse yet.
—I really don't want to step on your toes.

"Run, Toto!" [Mickey Mouse voice]

—Getting sophisticated.
—It's just another friend.

"Tyler, it's your boyfriend!" [on the telephone]

—Worse yet.
—There's no one else for that.

"You know the difference between an asshole and a rectum? You can put your arm around an asshole." [Putting his arm around your shoulders]

—Worse yet.
—You're angry at your mother for not feeding you — That's what everyone's angry at.

"Wow! What a cute couple! Coming in to do the laundry together!"

—Just wait!
—Too advanced?

"Squeeze your nose!" [Fresh crop of blackheads]

—Why bother?
—It's like the mask.

It must be that time of month." [To a woman]

—It's devastating.
—If it isn't, so what?

[Start at
the top]

"Are you on the rag?"

—You're strong.
—Feed your family!

"My ass is big, but yours just has to dominate Holland."

—You're strong.
—It's really criminal to treat your body as a friend.

"Are you playing with yourself?"

—That's DRASTIC.
—It's dangerous not to like yourself, because you're the best friend you have.

"If you want, I could make you an extra in the Mayfire commercial."

—Sight unseen.
—For some stupid reason.

"You have to WANT the job ... like, how hard girls have to work ... and they have to be willing to do anything."

—How embarrassing.
—The problem is, you can't do what you want to do.

"Show me your bra, because you would make a great bra spokesmodel."

—So far.
—You like that stuff, huh?

"Now remove it."

—MY mistake.
—That's civilization — You hurt yourself to keep from hurting others.

"I'll pay you to watch me jerk off."

—So sad!
—I would seek professional help.

"What a dirty mind! I never would have thought of such a thing."

—Nothing unique.
—It's almost ludicrous, isn't it?

[Start at
the top]

XYZ — eXamine Your Zipper!

—Everything's changing.
—Hold everything! ... I have mixed feelings coming here today.

"Your zipper is down."

—Everything's changing.
—Make a great spy, huh?

"You're so scandalous."

—Nothing unique.
—Not half naked, half dressed!

"It's so funny, every time I read it, I peed in my pants."

—That's DRASTIC.
—I have to go rescue my friends now.

"You're overdressed."

—I'll cry.
—Thank you for dropping by.

"Come and stand in the front of the class and pull up your dress."

—Worse yet.
—I'm going to build a good case! Cutty Sark!