["I'm curious ... what's that bell?"] "It's not as if we're not working on it!"

—What's it called?

["Oh! A cat."] "It's okay ... He's all zipped up."

—What's its name?

"Quote: 'It kinda makes you wish you had schizoid tendencies...' uh, you used the subjunctive there, why?"

—Are you worried things aren't correct?

"Thinner women don't usually have large breasts, unless they're, of course, paid for."

—What else could you want?

"I pushed the red ball across the white room with a string."

—That's God's punishment.

"You're too nice at work — It's not a popularity contest."

—I'm in a different school.

"He's younger than me — He's thirty-seven."

—They don't know how to do certain things.

"I think there is such a thing as justifiable attacks."

—How did I know you were going to say that?

"I don't disagree."

—I was born on the right side of the day.

"I think we can agree to disagree."

—If not, that's good.

"I have to disagree with you."

—People are living in different stages of history.

"Experts have opinions, but having an opinion does not make you an expert."

—If I were smart.

"Dartmouth dropped from 9th to 11th in U.S. News & World Report's 2008 rankings of Best National Universities."

—How do you think James Dean's father felt?

"Don't you think that dress is a little revealing?"

—Don't break the spell, that's all I ask.

"How can you go around like that in public?"

—You orbit I'm doing.

"He's borderline psychotic."

—I'm working hard and having fun.

"You're delusional."

—You're repressed.

"You're paranoid."

—You're projecting.

"You're psychotic."

—Who told you to feel bad?

"You have a cognitive perception disorder."

—Next they'll kill the penguins in the zoo.

"You're sadistic."

—With a cactus on my shoulder, topless, walking down the hill, like a Tuscan.

"You're incompetent."

—That's very hurtful — You just might be lucky.

"What a snoop."

—How many single socks do they have in the world?

"Wait a minute, wait a minute – We're not talking about you."

—It's not my family ... At least you have someone to hate.

"I hate to burst your bubble."

—Are we under the ocean? Are we in a glass bell? Do we have horse heads?

"Perception is reality."

—You don't want to be a pervert.

"Reality is very confusing, isn't it?"

—You have to keep refreshing.

"What is the difference between paranoid and delusional?"

—God smells you when you go to heaven, right? "Paranoid" is conscious — you're aware of it; "delusional" is unconscious — you're not aware of it.

[Someone overreacting a little because you bumped into their car; if they just got out of prison, they could pull a knife on you]

—There's really no need for it.

"I want your information." [To save face in front of their girlfriend]

—The guy's right on ... Right on! ... What happened? ... No harm? ... No foul? ... Right on!

"We're about to be out of time – I'm sorry to cut you off."

—Not everyone can get the Irish to shut up.

"I like emeralds – It's my birthstone."

—What else is there left?

"You don't drink?"

—They have amazing things.

"Well, we're human."

—Smoking!