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Patient refers to it as stargate-two-oh

A Curmudgeon.4







—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—Very informal. Strawberries.




Argumentum ad Verecundiam —
(Appeal to Reverence)
An argument using venerable authority to produce an illusion of proof, so that its answer risks a breach of propriety - There's always going to be nincompoops - They talk a good game - They have no sense of truth.





[weather & untamed spontaneity] - When you deal with the lower echelons of life, you're going to get a lot of shit - That's why they're in the lower echelons - They're trying to create magnanimous impressions without any regard for conforming to reality - They're just trying to feel secure - They can't see anybody - Their tribe is so talentless, it's amazing - They're "no-nonsense" people: No-nonsense ugly, no-nonsense tricky, and no-nonsense hollow - They ask loaded questions and make pointed comments - Life is just what they can get, because they have nothing inside them - They learned from one of their parents how to unpack colorful garments from a bag of tricks, trying to find one that works - Because they don't think, their magnanimous gestures generate misleading inferences which quickly collapse into false pretenses, leaving you angry and bewildered until you realize they're simply imitating the hollow niceties of one of their parents - You get the impression they "just drank coffee, ate salad and didn't pay for it," whereas you ate nothing and the proprietor is giving you the bill - When a friend betrays you, even innocently, you feel close to tears - You feel duped on the outside, shocked & betrayed on the inside - You feel bad because you think you're worse than anyone else - Stop trying to get other people to be more important than you are.

The Age of Attention, ages 4-7




Exactly what someone said [or did]
... usually not very original.

The thoughts of a "bad child"
... to free your mind again.





—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—Life could be worse, right?

"Street smarts – Give me a concrete example of that."

—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—The sidewalk – but on which square of cement?

"How come it's not interactive?"

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—When Santa gives me a box of shit, I punch it!

"Knock 'em dead!"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—It's better than running an elevator – Just realize, you don't have to.

"Guys driving Corvettes are just saying they have big dicks." :: WildCard-10

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—They'll love that, right? ... Very pleased.

"Hey, 1010! 1010!" [From a sadistic cab driver]

—Very informal. Strawberries.

Who cares? ... Who cares? ... I don't want to be intelligent! ... WHO CARES? ... So sad! ... Nobody cares ... Nobody wants to tell you ... Nobody even wants to talk to you ... You're confused ... Deeply concerned ... So cheap! ... That's you! ... Really punishing ... So WHAT? ... Infinitely sad! ... Really perplexed ... Crossed wires ... On score, offshore!

"1010, huh?"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—There's limits, right?

"What was the weather like this weekend?"


—Raincoat weather – It's going to be cold tonight – No cloud cover.

"What's the weather been like the last three weeks?"


—They're always wrong – The weather's always wrong.

"Did it rain over the weekend?"

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—Everything that happens, it's better.

"Is it going to rain today?"


—No one really knows.

"Is it going to rain next month?"

—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—It's better ... Unsettled ... I wouldn't call it rain ... A few drips isn't gonna hurt ... Way before the rain comes ... Can't kill you ... They never know ... We'll see ... Don't think it won't rain again ... You can't stay angry; you can't change the weather; you can't go back and get something you never had.

"How long is this rain supposed to last?"

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—This is just the beginning.

"It's just like San Francisco – too much rain!"

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—It's very hard to take.

"It stopped raining."

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—Tomorrow it'll snow.

"Great weather!"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—Prosperity is just around the corner.

"What's the weather been like?"


—I don't really think it means too much. Today is not as bad as yesterday. Tomorrow's going to be even nicer. It's going to get a lot worse, but who cares?

"How often is the weather like this?"


—It's hard to say.

"What's the weather been?"


—Same thing!

"What's the weather going to be?"


—As my friend Peter Coors says, "It doesn't count!"

"What's happening with the weather?"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—Beautiful day today ... I don't know how it happened, but we had a beautiful day ... Well, phantom rains – It probably won't reach you ... Let's see, the sun shined, a few clouds went by, the tide went out ... The wet weather is wicked, huh? ... They have little rain cells ... Whatever they say, it's the opposite ... They're always wrong ... Have you ever seen it rain on one side of the street while the other side remains totally dry? ... It's better when it's warm than when it's cold ... It's better ... Unsettled ... They never know ... We'll see ... Big tragedy ... No shit! ... It's hot today, isn't it? ... But that's what gave birth to the blues!

«Verbal comebacks for teachers»


—The younger generation ... on the way up! ... Most people don't get it ... And if you're not careful, you'll start smoking, if you don't control your appetite!

"You're big on children, right?"

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—Donald Duck's sister – What a wit! – That's all I know.

«Good verbal comebacks for a 14 year old»


—What would Scooby Doo? ... Something mysterious ... There's a bunch of creeps!

["I've been waiting like half an hour."] "Really? That's too bad." [Crisp, cruel]

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—A hard handshake.

"Are you still doing your exercising? ... your martial arts?"

—Very informal. Strawberries.

Do nothing ... and thy shall be done unto.

"I work all night, and when your children skate on the sidewalk at 3:30 in the afternoon, it wakes me up."

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—I talked to the kids, and they told me you scared them! – the lady with a pointy hat on a bicycle with a basket, pedaling furiously down the road.

"Do you like children?" [From a child]


—With no obligations whatsoever.

«Self defense for little girls»


Happy feet, happy person! ... Friends do not have to be glued together ... People can be good for just so much, and then they're bad! ... See you! ... If we had time.

"Music teachers in schools should show this to the kids!"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—Big news.

"I thought you did Yoga or something."


—Drool a little ... Just once ... You don't know what was done to someone ... If you want to be crude ... Labor intensive ... There should be something I like.

"Lytle ought to play it on big plasmas in dance clubs!" [Animusic]

—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—Pretty special.

"He should sell it to Pixar!"


—To live once, and for real.

"What are you doing this afternoon?"

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—Getting people off ... Criminal lawyer ... Out of jail ... If something is beyond your scope a little, it's interesting ... I decline your offer ... Separate expectations from understanding ... It's no joke ... It's just not the same ... What am I going to do, things I hate? ... You can do what you like.

"When are you having children?"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—I would think of it as a great blessing.

"Look out for number one, right?"

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—And quite a few other people.

"So you don't mind what you do?"


—I do it in different ways.

"Get to the point already – That site was crap [] – He/she just droned on and on, never getting to the point." [Link from]

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—It's an assortment, and then there's a table – One at a time.

"That's the point, isn't it?"

—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—Who feels cheated? – You see another way of life – It's very intricate, you know?

"What's the target age group?"


—It's universal.

"I'm going to make a sales call in Las Vegas – I hear they've got some pussy there."

—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—I can see the fire – There's a fire in there.

"I guess this is a man's job, huh?"

—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—I'm going to get another one, right?

"Why don't you just wear a dress to work? You'd sure look cute in one – HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—Well, it's better than cutting off your thumbs.

"You're not a big guy out here, now, are you?"


—What are you getting out of all this?

"Protect yourself."


—It adds up.

"All right, you gotta look out for yourself."


—Always say, No, you go first!

"So how many times have you been up here?" [Visiting San Francisco]

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—One down, three to go.

"How many do you need?" [Abrupt questioning from a salesperson]

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—Look at that!

"That has arsenic in it." [Your bottle of water]

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—You must have run over a dog today – Pull your own ears.

"Has it been this way?"


—Not every day.

"He has his reasons."

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—Oh, it's like a smell.

"Get your ass out of City College – Maybe you can get into a better university."

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—The rich kid who loses all his money.

"Like I told you before, you're on your own now."

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—Sometimes they need help.

"Everything has to be difficult."


—It's solid.

"Are you through with how many years of law school now?"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—I remain the lead.

"I have so many of these!"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—It's not just that.

"It's a free country but you have to pay for it."


—They've invented something called the mainstream, and anybody who isn't mainstream is a total idiot.

["I've never been to Phoenix."] "You've never been to Phoenix?"


—That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

"I won five hundred dollars in Las Vegas, and they gave me a penthouse suite."

—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—And where were you?

"It was a lot of fun!"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—Well, of course you are.

"Do you use it a lot?" [Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense]


—It just becomes apparent in a strange way.

"I bet you get a lot of opportunity to use these skills."


—My true talents.

"You must get a lot of that in this business."


—It's the monkey in us.

["I lied."] "You do that a lot, don't you?"

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—That's just for smart people or for fancy people.

"Is that your natural hair color?"


—It's a lot of money, but ...

"Your hair looks grey."

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—There's nothing wrong with that.

"Your hair is dry and brittle and old."

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—I'm from another tribe.

"So, what's your point?"


—Hopefully there is no point – There's just a nice comfortable chair.

"What's the point?"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—Inside the circle or outside the circle?

"Was there any point in you saying that?"

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—Not in my family!

"I'm just going to slide my big bouté out this way."

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—I'm good even when I don't control myself.

"And you people are supposed to be sensitive and sharp?"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—You ass sniffer!

"Do you come here often?"

—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—Very warm, generous people.

"What kind of lettuce do you like?" [from a beautiful woman]

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—Romaine, butter, and let us leaf the lights on.

"Why is ice so cold?"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—Are you cold?

"That's one possibility."


—One's enough.

"Yeah, but I got to pay more for my computer than you did."

—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—Anyone does.

"Take my word for it."

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—Well, keep trying!

"Now this guy's too good for us."

—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—It's a tenuous life at best.

"Good for her!"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—Not too bad.

"Good for you!" [Condescendingly]

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—What's good for me?

"Whatever works for you."

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—Just pick a card; what difference does it make?

"Well, good for you!"

—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—It's good for anyone.

"That'll be good for you!"


—Totally ridiculous.

"That's good for you!"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—Don't chug out too many credits.

"Why not? She will be glad to go out with you ... Furthermore, you don't have to worry that you will overspend. This girl doesn't go for money. She goes for person."

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

[See Icarus and the Gutter Snipe]

"It got too tough for you."

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—I must be good for something.

"How much you pay for this car?"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—You get a good deal on this one.

"Are you guys for real?"

—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—Every question is asked, and every question is answered.

"Do you find it works for you?"

—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—I'm very good at sneaking stuff into garbage cans.

"I don't know if we should sit here – She has really big hair." [People arriving in an almost empty theater, sitting down right behind you]

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—Wait until it starts growing.

"It was so predictable." [As the credits begin to roll, a high-maintenance Brahmin, not too bright, in the row behind you, flipping on her cell phone & critiquing the movie you just saw.]

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—You're so smart ... You have to practice in front of a mirror when you get home.

"I'm sorry I woke you up."

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—We're just in the same warp.

"Today's your special day!"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—All different.

"You are a special friend."

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—That's the way people are – It's easier.

"How many tickets?"


—Just look around.

"Are you by yourself?"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—Only me.

"Did you do this all by yourself?"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—Ask around.

"Come on in and try not to ruin everything by being you!"

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—Infinitely big.

["My favorite is – Do you have a favorite service on the Internet?"] "Not really."

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—I've been there.

"Really? I don't believe you."

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—That's good, because it shows it's different.



—Just ask.

"I'm going to do some errands."

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—What do you want to be in reality for?

"Mary, you know that's total bullshit – It really makes me mad."

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—Enough is enough.

"Is that so?"

—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—Take it from the voice of experience – Living dangerously – Spooky, huh?

"I'm so happy!"

—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—This is more fun than anyone's had in a long time.

"Cheer up, Richard!"


—Can't resist.

"Dogs bark – If I didn't like dogs, I'd try to get them not to do those things they do naturally."

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—The Wilderness Philosopher.

"None of us on this committee knows what's going on."

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—Thanks for warning me.

"Well, that's easy for you to say – Your mom died and left you a million."

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—Some people like it, and some people don't.

"What are you waiting for?"


She's not known in this world ...

"Come on! What are you waiting for?"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—Some people are nice.

"Remember, only one person can win, so please give a big round of applause to our third runner-up (It's you, honey!)"

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—Not everyone.

"Still working a lot?"


—Customers come first.

"Are you still here?"

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—Even at midnight.

[Street toughs looking for a rabbit to come along]

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—He would have bored another hole, but he sold the machine.

"Jackass! Fucking blockhead!"

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—Don't say that too loud – You might start a stampede.

"Well, if you say so."


—It's like Boom! – You just say it.

"Okay, if you say so."

—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—I assure you.

"You're fine – Just checking – To be sure."


—It's endless.

"Make sure you see some things." [On your trip]

—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—It helps people.

["How are you doing?" "Fine."] "Fine? Are you sure?"

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—Do we understand each other then?

["I'm not going to the Prom."] "Sure you are, honey!"


—I know you like telling other people what to do.

"Are you sure I can't bring you more coffee?"


—Just forget it – Don't worry about anything.

"It's been wonderful and crazy knowing you!"


—Yo, heave, ho! For a life in the sea!



—Very intelligent, huh?

"Now, now!"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—That is the biggest lesson.

"Are you happy now?"

—Lazy love. Catches everything!

—I feel I'm going to sing, I'm glad I'm not alive anymore.

"I don't think so."

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—Perhaps the whole world is a woman who will always say her butcher block is the wrong color.

"Now you know too much."

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—Remember that because I may forget.

"Now you know."

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—It just disappears.

"Now what?"

—Anything goofy. Healthy.

—It almost makes me want to go to Sunday School.

"I'd like to leave you with one thought, but I'm not sure you have a place to put it!"

—Very informal. Strawberries.

—Put it on the Internet.























22-MAY-1999. One of the first characters I bumped into in the first grade was a friend of my mother's I called the "Really?" Monster. I'd walk up to her and say something like, "There must be some way to calculate the day of the week in your head," and she'd say, "Really?"

"Well, if there were, then you could do it in reverse. You could figure out the day of the month simply by knowing the day of the week and about what week it was." "Is that so?"

By this time I knew full well she didn't care in the slightest what interested me or what I thought was important, and she didn't even have the guts to admit it. She just kept making polite noises, giving me the distinct impression she had never talked to a child before in her life. "Really?"


I know that sounds forceful, but what kind of conversation was she having with me? Just because the other person sounds polite doesn't mean they're actually talking to you. You get the idea they're talking to a phantom — from the ghost of something they lost or forgot in their childhood.



Spin Sarcasm


Spin sarcasm reverses a truth
outside your current frame of reference,
in effect, "throwing you for a spin."

For instance, "Your computer's
really holding up well in this tornado!"

To regain your balance,
sense of calm, and well-being,
expand your perspective to encompass
the hypersphere of the Entire Universe.

Then zero back in on the other person.

Look up from what you're doing
and say,
"—Anything goofy. Healthy."


(1.) Descriptive


(2.) Proscriptive


(3.) Spin Sarcasm


(4.) Transcendental









As follows

CODE WORDS: 14, 1010, afternoon, arsenic, began, blockhead, bouté, by, case, cheer, children, concrete, Corvettes, [critiquing], 'em, employee, errands, for, furthermore, [gambit], gave, hair, has, impinged, interactive, [interruption], knowing, Las Vegas, lettuce, lot, man's, many, mickey, micromachine, naturally, none, now, often, Phoenix, Pixar, plasmas, point, possibility, potentially, predictable, protect, [rabbit], rain, raining, really, runner-up, [sadistic], sharp, so, special, still, sure, target, teachers, tornado, total, university, weather, woke, Yoga



—Anything goofy. Healthy.