«Stop verbal attacks from mate»

—You have to think of the other person ... for if it doesn't work out ... Experience is great: Use it! Don't let it use you ... There's too much at stake ... It can go just one way – We can be simple ... For ever so many years.

"You're being a real bitch about all of this."

—Throwing stones at the devil!

"Hey, don't get your panties in a bunch."

—Everything like that.

"Pimpleface."

—Scaring the germs?

"You're a little skinny, aren't you?"

—It's not your hatred that did it.

"Turn your skinny white ass around and watch the movie!" [From the troublemaker behind you, to your wife]

—Leave that woman alone or you're going to be hanging by your testicles from the balcony.

["I was a year too young for my class in first grade, and beyond that, immature for my age."] "It's good you can admit that."

—Too bad more people don't do that.

"Don't let anyone insult your spouse."

—It's a very dark house – You have to have a lot of sparkles in a very dark house.

"You talk like a bitch."

—Who else? – Now what I need is feathers.

"Bitch!" [Under the breath, walking by]

—Gone! – Jokes are like that.

"One might also argue that untruthful charges against the commander in chief have an insidious effect on the war effort." (–Vice President Dick Cheney)

—We're not talking about aggression – We're talking about dirty tricks – You have to be very specific – All those torn contracts.

"The bottom line is that Senator Obama's words, for all their eloquence and passion, don't mean all that much, and that's the problem with Washington." (–Senator John McCain, July 30, 2008)

—Adversity reveals character; understanding builds character ... Part of it is a perception of reality ... People try to scare you ... Is the person who sees the fear, frightened? ... We're all connected ... Lots of people, it's very simple ... They see something to do and they do it. ... Who cares where you've been if you can do things?

"There are other successful songwriters and singers who come from England ... You seem to be more calculatingly Scottish." [To Amy Macdonald, spoken by an interviewer on National Public Radio]

—I'm very patriotic – I'm very proud to be from Scotland.

"My brother says you have really good boobs." [Instant message]

—Is that the end of your report?

"You mean, if I was to say, 'Beeper-Beeper you!' it would tell me what to say?" [taxi1010.com]

—You know, there's no bottom to the barrel.

"There's no pimples!" [In the photograph]

—Spare me the details!

"Are you a big tease?"

—Look for the beginning.

"Then is this just spin control?"

—A person has to be what they are.

"You have lousy light in here."

—Because you're not clairvoyant.

"She'd give you a blowjob like this:" [Followed by bizarre sound effects]

—Happy families are all alike.

"So how does it feel to be the blowjob queen of America?" [To Monica Lewinsky]

—Oh ... Was that directed at me?

"You bitch! You won't be in tomorrow." [Robot parodying voice]

—It's hysterical – Someone should make a movie of that – Very vindictive – So it's getting dumber and dumber, in other words – Even you must understand that that's the limit.

"He's getting to be a real bitch."

—At least someone's got a brain in their head – George Carlin says, Think how stupid the average person is, and realize, half of them are stupider than that!

"Why are you such a little bitch?"

—For fun!

"You bitch ... Why are you dragging it out?"

—It would be very good to remember the primal fear – That's how you get over it – He's frightened of Lawrence Welk's accordion, for all I know  – How many times can you click by Lawrence Welk?

"Crazy bitch."

—I'll let you have fun.

"Dumb bitch."

—Red is very fugitive ... You have no idea how smart I am.

"Such a bitch."

—What a dope; what a jerk.

"Fat bitch!"

—You have to take these things lightly.

"Come here, cashier bitch."

—I'm trying to think.

"You bitch!"

—I don't know what your problem is, but I'd bet it's hard to pronounce.

"You pronounce it like, 'You bitch!'" [Repeating themselves]

—I'm glad you told me that, because I'm going to disregard that.

"You bitch."

—I like to see someone getting away with murder.

["I won't be in tomorrow."] "Bitch!"

—That's it! The bar is closed ... A real heavy-hitter.

"Richard's dog is a little white bitch." [It's a male dog, for one thing – Also, it's smart enough to know when something's a ...]

—You heard it here first.

"What a bitch!"

—Camel, donkey, star and all!

"LADIES!" [Men's team]

—Real subtle.

"Hey, girlie boy!"

—So naïve.

"I'm not listening!"

—The Japanese mystic.

"Tattletale and liar!"

—You know, words cost money.

"The Nigger in the White House."

—Give up! – Jesus doesn't even like you ... That's what the screwballs say ... They're so desperate to get people to like them ... People who eat Wonder Bread are millionaires.

"Winging it, huh?"

—Whatever anyone gets, believe me, they want it.

"What's happening, Nigger?"

—I'm just Black on the outside – You're black on the inside.

"Your great grandmother fucked niggers!"

—Get your mother's cock out of your ass.

"I hope no one here is Jewish."

—I'm glad we don't own a gas station together – You'd be a terrible partner.

"What's worse, Black or Jewish?"

—When you start out, you have to dance on your knees and pretend you're smiling.

"Are you a kike?"

—That's how you learn, huh?

"Filthy Jews!"

—Am I a Jew? Yes. Is my face dirty? Yes. I'm a dirty Jew.

"Hey, you dirty Jap!"

—I'd just as soon be Japanese – I don't want to be like you.

"Running around with the lousy Japs, huh?"

—It's a different culture – 2400 years old – Isn't that strange?

"You're in over your head on this."

—Under cover of night, no doubt.

"So when does the money start rolling in?"

—Every time you talk to me, it lowers my IQ.

"What would you know about working twenty-four hours straight?"

—It's not free.

"You're obviously very imaginative, but how realistic is all of this?"

—Why call me a nigger? – I'm darker than you are.

"Well, is it just a marketing gimmick?"

—You'll have to check it out.

"You've got guts."

—It runs in the family.

"Fucking Samoans!"

—It's a family weakness – It goes way back.

"Hey, little Black Sambo!"

—Africa screams.

"He's very articulate for a Black guy, do you know what I mean?"

—Make it easy on yourself.

"Lousy niggers!"

—They look out at the world the same way.

"You got a great tan!" [to a Black woman]

—Don't let it get you down.

"The obnoxious royalty."

—Oy vey! Vhat are you, meshugganeh?

"Canadians have always been uptight – That's been my experience."

—And the pig at the end gains the most weight.