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ATTACKS
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BRIDGE
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SILENT BACKUP
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"My lighter not work. Can I use your car to charge
my cell phone?"
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—Really scary!
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—You know what? I'm not your guy – At least someone was nice
to you.
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"Oh, I'm just playing with you."
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—Really scary!
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—Being born into some families is like being given a life sentence
for a crime you never committed. (–Chris Phillips)
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"Say, 'Yes, Sir!'" [Lieutenant Commander mauling
six-year-old boy]
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—Really scary!
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—Thoroughbreds don't cry.
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"Sir! Can I help you with something?"
[A movie house manager challenging you because you're taking notes after
a movie]
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—Really scary!
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—Lots of help.
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"Yes, sir?" [Challenging you as you walk in]
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—Nothing yet.
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—Anything missing?
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"You're planning to have your tea, huh?"
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—Nothing drastic.
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—What's the sense of having an imitation life?
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["Can I see that ring?"] "You wouldn't be able to afford
it."
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—Really scary!
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—It's like old shoes.
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"Problems with size?"
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—Nothing yet.
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—Is it dangerous?
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"What's the matter with you, boy?"
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—Nothing yet.
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—Probably had the right kind of mother.
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"What's the matter with you?"
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—Nothing drastic.
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—Being nice!
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"What is wrong with you?"
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—Very little.
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—Doing is the only magic.
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"What the hell is wrong with you?"
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—Very little.
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—Who sold you the map?
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"That guy wasn't happy with you, was he?"
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—Nothing drastic.
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—Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
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"I'm rubber and you're glue. Whatever you say bounces
off me and sticks to you!"
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—Very little.
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—Don't say I deprived you of a screw.
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"Whatever you say to me sticks to you."
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—Really scary!
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—You can't stop my life.
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"The same to you!"
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—Very little.
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—Hang in there, right?
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"Choke on it!"
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—Very little.
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—I'm not going to choke on my anger.
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"What's cooking?"
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—Very little.
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—We'll take another year, right?
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"Could I ask you a question?"
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—Really scary!
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—Why did you make me wait so long?
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"Just a quick question."
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—Nothing yet.
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—Take it!
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"I'm asking you a question!"
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—Really scary!
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—Gee, guys, you don't have much fun, do you?
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"That's a good question — I don't know."
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—Really scary!
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—Various things.
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"Can I ask you a stupid question?"
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—Really scary!
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—One of these days, pow!
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"Can I ask you another question?"
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—Really scary!
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—Another one?
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"I know that's a stupid question."
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—Really scary!
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—It's on the surface.
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"I have a question."
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—Really scary!
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—Could you tell me where 57th Street is, or should I just go fuck
myself?
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"Are you two an item?"
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—Nothing drastic.
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—Maybe there's something going on that you don't see.
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"Trick or treat!"
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—Nothing yet.
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—Are you trying to trick people?
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"Trick or treat!" [From a Goblin]
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—Really scary!
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—Everyone's scared of monsters!
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"Trick or treat!" [From a Princess]
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—Very little.
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—So tell me, how did you get so pretty?
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"Did you do something on Halloween?"
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—Nothing drastic.
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—How about you? — Did you wear a Freudian slip?
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"The proprietor of this site e-mailed me a link to RootGarden.com,
which I can only describe as Cake lyrics gone horribly, horribly awry."
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—Really scary!
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—It's really hard to know.
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"A little bit — You're a little worried."
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—Nothing yet.
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—There's always a way.
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"Try thinking about yourself – that way you don't
even get the slight pleasure of realization that you're torturing
someone else." [Faux charm, with real venom]
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—Really scary!
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—Keep your hopes up – Maybe you can torture me yet!
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"What's your diagnosis? Also, do you know of an
off-the-wall follow-up that can deflect this particular
one?"
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—Nothing yet.
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—You've got the touch ... the magic touch ... It's very interesting
what they don't tell you.
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"That's adorable. [Your diamond ring] It's all
he could afford, huh?"
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—Nothing drastic.
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—Okay, there must be some smart ones.
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"I hope that's not presumptuous on my part."
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—Really scary!
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—Maybe it's the pain.
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"What if this is as good as it gets?"
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—Really scary!
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—There's always a way to do what you believe in.
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"Berkeley Municipal Code 14.36.030 C Prohibited
Parking - Red Curb 33.00." [The day before Christmas Eve]
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—Really scary!
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—Do you ever get angry when you swim underwater?
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17-JUL-1999. I found myself at Rick & Ann's Restaurant last night with one
of the most beautiful women I've ever known. Susan and I have been good friends
for well over twenty years, and now that she's getting a divorce, we can go
out for dinner and coffee and desserts. It's not just her good looks —
Something about her inner being reminds me of butterscotch.
Life has only so many opportunities, and the best thing a person can do is
be themselves. You see, if you don't practice simply being yourself, you can
get into enormous trouble if someone begins liking you for your act. Most everything
in your tone of voice, movements, gestures, facial expressions and posture is
genuinely of yourself, and is not an act, so when you defend yourself, you are
really defending your right to express yourself honestly. Then when you find
yourself with someone you really like, the relationship you have with them is
very close to the relationship you have with yourself.
Now, if they like you for what you are, that's great. And if they don't like
you for what you are, that's not an insult.
I had this dream last night. Actually, it was the end of a dream marathon.
There was a girl who was trying to give me some tips, and I really didn't know
whether to take her seriously.
"Here are some glasses tips," she tells me.
"Wait a minute," I cry out in the dream. "I don't even wear glasses!"
"All right," she tells me. "Here are some bronchitis tips."
I listen attentively.
06-SEP-2007.
