"What are you, a man or a mouse?"

—A little bit of both ... I don't know about now ... (That's why you have to stay away from that bimbo – You can't afford her) ... Even though there's free maintenance for the life of the car ... (Some people are like drowning, and to stay afloat, they pull someone down to be below them) ... Well, would you like to find out?

"Hello." [From a complete stranger – When you look up, you see their face is startlingly disfigured]

—If anything.

"Tell the guys I said hello!" [Your dogs]

—It's not the same.

"You'll never accomplish anything."

—It's the pennies that count.

"One of them!"

—Many wars! ... Isn't it obvious?

"Go back to fucking India."

—I'm doing this for the kids.

"You people are so incompetent – Why don't you go back to India?" (–Pauline W. Chen, M.D., "When the Patient Is Racist," The New York Times, July 30, 2013)

—Mystery room! ... The last thing you want to have happen is the last thing that happens.

"I told you not to rock back at the table!" :: WildCard-10

—Alcatrash – It made me proud.

"What's your agenda for this trip?"

—You're not supposed to do something ... You're supposed to occupy a space .. If someone needs you, they'll find you, and if they don't, you're lucky!

"I'M GOING TO FUCKING STAB YOU!" [From out of the blue, on a city street in Chicago]

—Scheisse! ... Icy Fire! ... Icy Fire! ... Scheiße! ... Real Axe! ... Real Axe! ... REAL AXE! ... (What you've just done is say "Shit!" in German, "I see fire!" twice, in plain English, "Shit!" again, in proper German, followed by "Relax!" three times in English. Circle some random parked park until a taxi comes along, then calmly raise your left arm and flag the cab. Taxicabs won't stop if you're being emotional or acting crazy. Don't go back. They've probably vandalized the parked car, thinking it was yours. Stay away from there.)

"If you touch that agenda, I'll cut your hands off."

—And you know it.

"If you make that mistake again, I'll cut your balls off."

—I take too much shit already.

[Someone destroying and stomping on your sand castle, right in front of your eyes (–A kid stomping a four-year-old girl's sand castle)]

—Unless money is your middle name.

"Do what you're told!"

—What do you think I am, a sack of potatoes?

"If you return to China, your dead corpse will be chopped into 10,000 pieces." [Chinese activist]

—So you're the one whose been knocking them off the table ... Don't try it at home.

"Call the human flesh search engines!" [Chinese activist]

—I don't want people to have fights ... Well, thanks for your two bits.

"Warning: Rats can cost you your job and your family." [Intimidating sign, with hand-scrawled picture of a rat, posted in your work area]

—The skeleton of a bulldog walking.

"Bang, bang, get out of here." [A copy of your own photo with threatening words inscribed below]

—To give something like that to someone like me is really criminal.

"Get up and do what you're told!"

—You don't kill us, we won't kill you.

"I'm not done with you until you're six feet under."

—Oh, I"m going to look for that on the news.

"You're all fucked-up, you know? You're all fucked-up."

—Sounds like Oklahoma to me, ... or the Wizard of Oz.

"It will be good to have a Negro in the White House. It will be practical. Black on white, it will be easier to shoot him." (–Host on the "Bye-Bye" comedy show, broadcast on the French-language Radio Canada network)

—Like any tool, it's how you use it that counts.

"I like all kinds of dicks, big ones, little ones, I like all kinds." [Specifically for you to overhear]

—There's a lot of them, huh?

"I think it O.K. to kill Jews and go on a killing spree at this school ... Kill Johanna. She must die." (–From Wesleyan University shooter notebook, as reported in The New York Times)

—He's displaced hatred for himself onto Jews ... So what's on your mind?

"Everything's for the good."

—He was filled with loathing, and he turned his loathing on the Jews – Then, when he started losing, he turned the loathing on himself ... Now they hate perverts, homosexuals, and child molesters – because it's inside them.

"If they didn't pay the ransoms, we'd be in a stronger position." (–US Defense Secretary Robert Gates)

—The Aristocrats ... Dead, and everyone dresses up.

"How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? (–Her ankles swell when she farts.)"

—That might be bracing.

"What did one Palestinian mother say to another when their kids graduated from terrorist school? (–They blow up so fast nowadays!)"

—I don't know what's going on, but it's strange.

[Any off-color joke]

—So that's why everyone left!

"This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you."

—Angry Dad! Come in here! Get this dragon out of the toilet!

["Wait!" (Telling someone not to feel you up)] "For what? Luann, the more you are waiting, the less you are living."

—Not where I live.

"Who told you to think? I don't give you enough information to think."

—It's like the nineteenth hole, right?

"How am I supposed to know? – You just told me, didn't you?"

—Every time you get angry, you'll live another ten years.

[Someone staring at you when you're having fun in class]

—Oh, you devil, you!

[Someone staring and glaring at you as you drop the mail off]

—Next they'll be marking sharks with purple X's.

"Carol, the waitress, meet Simon, the fag."

—Don't let people suck you into their misery.

"I just ignore them." [Mean, phony, stupid people]

—It's a sign of total hatred and no place to put it.

[Someone coming up from behind and pulling your hair]

—I want my balloon! ... Another monster has been let loose! ... What's mine is mine! ... In a body bag!

[Someone throwing half-full soda cans at the back of your head, and teasing you, year after year]

—Another great leader ... Look at all that shit! ... A huge collection! ... So this day that came up!

"Hey, fat ass! – Fucking emo freak! – Oink! Oink!"

—You know, when the witches' spells don't work, they get angry ... We have no name! ... It's like having your own German engineer, in the basement ... Sounds like your parents!

[Someone chucking apples at you, pushing you down]

—Anything but the Bible! – I just have a funny feeling it's all going to change.

"Well, I don't want you to have them." [Financial statements from the broker]

—Really special.

"Well, you might make copies of them and send copies of them to Richard."

—What's wrong with you?

"You told him what was in the will."

—You hate the white man, but you don't say anything.

"What do you do if you are in school and you peed your pants?"

—All I can say is, there must be a God. [For all bird droppings, accidental spills, splatters, smudges, stains, drools, and incontinence, simply go to the rest room, take off the garment, wash it with soap and cold water, and put it back on. Clothes don't take long to dry when you're wearing them. If anyone says anything, reply, "That's extra," and wrinkle your nose. The Chinese say these kinds of accidents bring you extremely good luck the rest of the day, and I've found that to be true. I've also seen the coolest people suddenly leave and return with a series of wet spots on their clothes, and no one ever says anything! People don't even see other people. While your clothes are drying, talk to an intelligent gym teacher or school counselor, because they are genuinely interested in your all-around health]

"Hey emo, my pipes could kill you."

—Those are the bad things ... [Get away from them. They're totally envy and jealousy fodder. They hate themselves and everything they do. There's nothing you can do about it. They keep trying to shock people, and everyone's heard it before.] ... Go on! ... I know you guys want to talk.

"When we get through with him, they're gonna wonder which side he fought on."

—An urban setting.

[Verbal defense against crowbar attack]

—Get malaria!

"Next time I'm just going to smash your car up on the sidewalk." [From an Immigration Services police officer who almost crashed into you from behind when you pulled over to pick up a passenger]

—Don't tell too many people.

"I do whatever the voices in my head tell me to do."

—Just follow the bouncing ball!

"Okay, we're going to throw out all the rules!"

—Really?

"The Iranians have jokes about cheating wives? Let me guess the punch line: 'So I killed her.' ha ha?"

—She's so happy – She's just like Queen Victoria.

"They're totally fucked-up – They sleep with other people's wives, trying not to get caught – They're infantile – They're fucked-up beyond belief." [Description of the movie, Shampoo]

—They're know-nothings and liars!

"It's fucked-up! It's totally fucked-up! I knew that was going to happen."

—Without a guide.

"Get your mother's cock out of your ass."

—You know, I actually had a shark, and I told him to floss, but he just wouldn't listen.

[Unintelligible mumbling]

—Things like that.

"Certified bitch!"

—Very strong.