"Well, I know for a fact she graduated from Wesleyan." [Referring to Hillary Clinton, with unduly strong emotion; in some cases you're better off not taking the bait. Note: Hillary Clinton was valedictorian at Wellesley, class of 1969]

—I can't think of anything better.

"Toronto is a very antisocial city with that thin veneer of passive-aggressive middlebrow decorum, the honey over the gall, you know: everyone suspects and hates each other, but we smile and nod, but the smile is more a rictus and the nod is more of a primal acknowledgment (I'm Watching), less a greeting. Psychologically at least." [Link]

—I am not into industrial waste ... Do they say things like, "Kneel for me" — ? ... Most people are blind.

"This is your wisdom?"

—Allah! means breathing, and for some people, that's enough.

"You're a gentle soul, Richard. You're a real San Franciscan."

—Teaching the masses how to be rich!

"You know what I hate?"

—Bed sores? This is the worst day of my life.

"Oh, well, it happens to the best of us."

—People have a stick and they say, "Could you remove that?"

"David, your paintings don't have any center of interest."

—Hamlet's a really good play. [All you have to do is say anything obvious and they disappear.]

"I am just telling you the truth. At least I don't get rejected like anyone else. The truth is out there."

[See Icarus and the Gutter Snipe]

"Good morning, Richard – You're such a patient person."

—Again! How many times has this happened?

"So what else is new?"

—I know it hasn't cast its spell on you.

"What else is new?"

—A myriad of theorized force fields.

"I don't like this dog — Everyone else likes it, but I don't."

—Most dogs are suckers.

"I'm smarter than you."

—You should start a business, Terror, Incorporated.

["That's the news!"] "I feel so much smarter."

—It isn't that much.

"Killing smarter child, the gay computer!"

—Don't bother.

"Peeyoo! Your breath smells!"

—Does that mean I'm sincere?

"Don't hold your breath."

—I think there are better things than that – I just bought myself a Christmas present.

"Well, looks aren't everything."

—Great news.

"I hate your guts."

—Big deal — Tempest in a teapot.

"It's something else."

—Don't say.

"Richard is going to see it, and he'll take notes."

—They're paper thin.

"I know you have issues with it."

—Have you ever felt this way before?

"This guy draws like I did when I was seven."

—Glad to see you grew out of it.

"At least now I know enough to give people actual eye sockets."

—It restores my faith.

"We were given this link by Erik from oldmanmurray.com — He actually rode in this nut's cab! We always wondered if some of these kooks were real."

—Everybody looks good at closing time.

"And he actually has someone ELSE that draws those God-awful pictures."

—Who said there are no shocks left in art?

"The idea that this man actually has an accomplice in his insanity is just too much to believe."

—If we could do this right, we'd be working in a restaurant.

"I think he's the green-eyed guy floating in the river of shit. And that's Martin Luther King, Junior in the boat holding the doughnuts."

—We just made it!

["Well, young lady, I hope we didn't hold you up."] "Well, old man, that's okay."

—You have nothing to worry about.

["It's research on how to defend yourself with words."] "Well, screw you!"

—Authentic hatchet! Authentic hatchet! Do you know what "Authentic hatchet!" means? Real axe! Get it? ("RELAX!")

[Good comebacks when someone is angry with you]

—So break rules.

"Well, fuck you!"

—You're letting your bad experiences in the past color your present.

"Well, the hell with you!"

—Wings and everything.

"Well, you get to work on it!" [Finding a cheaper hotel in San Francisco]

—Why hide it?

"Did anyone check out his thumbnail index? It contains something along the lines of his website being child safe because children can't actually read... Well, so what if I could read when I was 3? That's the best justification for obscenity online that I've ever heard, other than 'I just can.'"

—The Internet is the saloon of the new Millennium — except no one gets a T.U.I. [Typing ....]

"Rules are for other people, right?"

—The Catholics must be jealous.

"You're just like everyone else."

—Everyone else has someone telling them what to do.

"You're no different from anyone else."

—I don't like getting caught in nets.

"Is it expensive?"

—It's cheap compared to pennies ... They have even cheaper ones.

"Oh, my God! — That place is way too expensive."

—Too bad freedom is not a family value.

[What to do when a girl insults you]

—Sometimes people who had it worst are the luckiest, because they had to get away.

"If you buy tomato paste in a can, you're crazy!"

—Want my advice? Go bowling.

"I don't know — I'm not a numbers guy."

—Chapter Eleven — It's right after Chapter Ten.

"You're so nice — I can't believe you're my parents' age."

—You're better off being like you.

—People are frightened by surprises.

"The decision by The New York Times to distribute a one-sided guest column with disrespectful language toward our Dell team in other parts of the world without contacting us is bad news judgment at best." (–Dell VP Lynn Antipas Tyson)

—I am sorry for your inconvenience. [Scripted response from the India help desk]

—It's better than a chain hanging out of your asshole.

"Oh, are you going to hate me for this?"

—Be brave!

"I've been feeling kind of lonesome."

—How do you think people feel when they die? You have to take care of yourself, right?

"I missed you ... You're so great! ... Just great! ... So poetic." [They're drunk]

—This is a good hideout, isn't it?

"Don't you think we're a little old for this?"

—The bad people always do better.

"Stop grading students on the quality of their writing unless you, personally, have taught them to write."

—Past a certain point, what difference does it make, anyway?

"You old coot."

—Anything goes.

"I'm too old to do that now."

—Over nothing.

"You better enjoy it while you can — That's all I've got to say."

—So many opportunities.

"You're too old."

—It's not weird enough for me yet!

"Never get old!"

—I might be an actor — You don't have to do anything.

"You look older."

—In June, July and August.

"Older than dirt!"

—The people who try to be good always get into trouble.

[Masticating, slurping, smacking, or chewing with mouth open]

—"Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength." (–Eric Hoffer)

["Hello!"] [The cold shoulder]

—That's what the Spanish say: Make love with the bull.

["Melissa hates me."] "I can see why she'd hate you."

—Maybe it's something simple.

"Why do I hate you so much?"

—Much less than you would think.

"Maybe we shouldn't see each other for a while."

—What's wrong with being yourself?

"You hate me, don't you?"

—I'm one step away.

"I HATE YOU!"

—You can laugh.