"Do you take cash?"

—It is worthless.

["Is this an Italian sword or a Japanese sword?"] "Neither."

—Look at that! I don't even WANT to know what that is.

"How are the guys?" [Your dogs]

—There's nothing to worry about.

"Are they your dogs?"

—Why do you ask?

"Those dogs cost a lot, don't they?"

—It's happened before.

"You're just doing your job, Pop."

—Nobody's arguing.

"So it's a passion, not a business."

—You may be missing out on something.

"So it's a labor of love?"

—I just thought it was a good thing to do for the future, no?

"So your name's in it?"

—There's nothing wrong with doing well and having a nice life.

"I don't want it in that cup – I want it in a Grande."

—Another live wire.

"You seem competent."

—You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. (–John Lennon, Imagine)

"I'm not having much luck, then, am I?"

—It could be worse.

"So, any luck with the writing?"

—If I'm dead, put it on my tombstone.

"Any luck out there today?"

—Can't be any different than it used to be.

"It's Norah Jones – Have you ever heard of her?"

—This is who everyone knows of – How do you think Anna Amalia feels? – Everyone knows who she is, and she's dead! – Hers was a forbidden love.

"Guam – Have you ever heard of Guam?"

—When you're old, you have to go into the right cave to get your information.

"I heard that rumor."

—This is called discovery.

"You never even heard of the IRS?"

—Really punishing.

"You never heard of Huey Newton?"

—The beginning of an empire.

"I heard that."

—A natural, huh?

"Bugs are attracted to light – Everybody knows that."

—You have no idea how many dead bugs you inhaled.

"See? He knows."

—Puts the whole thing in perspective.

"This guy knows left from right."

—Do less.

"Any idiot knows that."

—They've got a million answers.

["They turned on the tower clock!"] "Now everyone knows what time it is."

—This is a great discovery.

"That idea will never fly around here."

—Birds fly – It's not hard.

"You're making mountains out of molehills."

—There are no mountains – There are no molehills.

"You made your bed – Now lie in it."

—You made your bed – It doesn't matter how long it takes to fill it.

"Good! I peed in it."

—Aren't I lucky?

—I hope you will.

"You won't mind if we have a look around ... if you have nothing to hide."

—Any money? ... Go and get a liver transplant.

"If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to worry about."

—Everybody has something to conceal.

—Have you seen Dracula yet?

"It isn't equal, Richard!"

—Nothing exists except atoms and empty space – The rest is opinion.

"Control your dogs!"

—I'm against training dogs.

"I know – Nothing matters to you."

—Go check your tire pressure.

"Where are your priorities?"

—Where I come from that's no joke!

"You have low friends in high places."

—It's like Pinocchio.

"What's better than riding a helicopter?"

—What's important is to live and not get stuck in feelings of fear.

"It's just that you set your priorities the wrong way."

—It's a treat to beat your feet on the Mississippi mud!

"Can you prove it?"

—Try to lie. The truth will come out anyway.

—Can you prove that you're alive?

[Someone talking about you like you aren't even there]

—Thank God I smoke!

"The article in the current issue is a very good read – I suggest that you read that."

—You could end up getting every book in the world.

"I think this guy is a paranoid schizophrenic. Am I missing something?"

—I'm waiting for the day when you're not nice to me.

"For cogent reasoning to occur, an avenue for reevaluation must remain open."

—The possibilities are endless.

"There aren't a lot of original ideas left."

—Now you see it, now you don't!

"Low overhead is one of my favorite ideas."

—Put it on the north side of the pyramid.

"You don't put a comma there!"

—To each their own.

"There are no absolutes – (God? You?)"

—You have to live, too, you know?

"I can't make absolutes, but God can make absolutes."

—Sunlight will keep you going, I'll tell you that.

"Actually, the study of fallacious reasoning can be real cool."

—Walk it off, son!

"The thing that hurt me the most was when I gave you that electronic keyboard and you wrote me a sarcastic letter saying how you played with it and used it to compose music. That hurt me so much."

—Somewhere just around the corner, there's a rainbow in the sky! So let's have another cup of coffee, and let's have a piece of apple pie!

"You behave yourself now."

—What's wrong with that?

"Good luck!"

—Maybe there is a heaven.

"Good luck with all that."

—You know what I hope God says?

"Well, good luck!"

—Was you ever in Cincinnati?

"Good luck on that!"

—It should add up to something.

"Well, good luck." [Disingenuously]

—It's mind over matter.

"Stay sober, now, will you?"

—You could teach me.

"Simplify it."

—Life is just a bowl of cherries.