"Wow, are you still here?"

—In case there's a revolution.

"How's the Internet project?"

—Someday I'm going to get very poor from that.

"Work in progress."

—I'm supposed to have a big ego – I'm an artist.

"All the time?"

—Have you ever been in public before?

"When was the last time you lost your temper?"

—I used to have an oriental rug in my bathroom ... You have to lose control of yourself sometimes, just to prove you can do it ... It's when you're older, you think it's a catastrophe.

"Control yourself!"

—I'm a Buddhist.

"Scores of independent video producers, experts and self-styled experts are, meanwhile, vying to make a name for themselves in hopes of sharing in the expected profits."

—This one's a little better than the other one; they spent a little more money on it.

"Ho, ho, ho! It must be the lighting!"

—Change how you see, not how you look.

"I thought we were supposed to be helping each other."

—Definitely starting out.

"Does it work?" [Verbal self-defense]

—But it's not the whole book.

"What are you optimistic about?"

—Go under!

"You've gotta have happy feet!"

—And then they get wild!

"My feet hurt!"

—When you have a certain pain, you're just honest.

"Still waters run deep."

—It's going to be a gravel bed of dreams.

"Oh wait a minute, he's a cab driver. Time has no meaning to them until the meter's turned on."

—Backpacks and all.

"When the right way is the only way."

—There's nothing that isn't contained.

"One more word out of your mouth and you're going to get a spanking."

—We have to use our minds.

"Well, it is summer – There are worse things."

—No diving beyond this point.

"What the fuck?"

—It heals things faster.

"What the ..?"

—You never know the fermentation period ... It could be a minute, it could be a year.

"Is that the best you can do?"

—Maybe. Who knows? I doubt it.

[Your own mind giving you shit]

—Get off my fucking back!

"My inner child needs a spanking."

—Your mother and my mother were totally wrong.

"I'm glad you told me, but now I feel really bad."

—I know Perry Como died, but so what?

"I'm like a poster child for being middle-aged."

—People into control and fear and buying things.

"They kicked me out of line to put air in my tire. Are they Nazis?"

—They're wretched, miserable little people.

"Who put oogies on the screen?" [You're just thinking it]

—Frankenstein's lab ... Enter!

"What's your pain level, one to ten?"

—Negligible ... Get your fingernails out of me!

[Someone mimicking random people on TV]

—Pick on someone your own size.

"Are the 49ers going to win?"

—There are two sides to that.

"I'm having a Richard Hart workweek this week: One day on, one day off; I like it!"

—Just do nothing! ... I'm covered twice!

"How was your New Year's? Did you work?"

—Without even knowing it.

"What's up, Richard? Did you have a decent Christmas and New Year's?"

—Our poor, frugal repast.

"Now to the cancer ward!"

—It's a hot spot.

"I feel relieved and less anxious after I cut. The emotional pain slowly slips into the physical pain."

—Self-injury seems to function to "self-regulate feelings and help people cope with overwhelming negative emotions they have no other way to dispel." (–Dr. Janis Whitlock)

"It's a way to have control over my body because I can't control anything else in my life."

—"Depression is often described as anger turned inward." (–Jane E. Brody)

"The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor?"

—The doctor is not in.

"When someone cuts their finger, you cry over it just to get salt in the wound."

—So what do you think you're angry at?

«A simple Verbal sentence to let someone know you will murder them»

—Quit while you're ahead ... What am I, a softie? ... If you were a cat, you couldn't scratch your way out of a paper bag.

[Someone patting your belly]

—Keep the hand off the baby, creep!

"I see no reason why your wrist should be in pain anymore!"

—One horror after another.

"Did you work today?"

—Thanks for asking.

"Are you still working on this?"

—Almost done.

"Work with me, baby."

—What are you doing that makes your life worthwhile?

"Look at what I have to deal with." [The motley crew]

—We'll start fresh.

"Why don't you pay your bills?"

—All you missed was the train accident.

"Deal with it."

—You really have nothing to worry about.

"We're deporting you for being an undesirable."

—That's what's great about this place ... tremendous gene pools.

"Why do you wear the same pair of jeans every day?"

—There you go ... That's the future.

"Why aren't you at work?"

—Shuffling around.

"You weren't working today?"

—That's a job for someone else.

"I'm glad it's working out for you."

—It's not that hard.

"Why do you work so hard?"

—It's like you don't even have to think about it.

"So where are you working now?"

—They're always discussing contracts; maybe contracts with the Lord ... Doesn't matter.

"What if you'd bought a house here in the eighties?"

—One piece of shit after another.

"It's kind of slow at the moment, but it's by choice." [From a commercial real estate broker]

—You're full of shit.

"You've been driving a cab too long, man. You're out of touch with the real world."

—You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to do what someone else tells you to, you don't have to do better.

"It expresses emotional pain or feelings that I'm unable to put into words."

—"Teenagers who self-injure often report that there is no adult they could talk to who accepts them for who they are." (–Jane E. Brody)

"I usually feel like I have a black hole in the pit of my stomach. At least if I feel pain it's better than nothing."

—I'm not doing this anymore!

"I cut myself on the countertop."

—Sounds like someone ate too much peach! ... Tell your father I found his tail.

"I fell down the stairs."

—That's your father.

"My cat scratched me."

—A little tiger.

[Spurious explanations for deliberate and persistent self-injury. "Common self-injuries include carving or cutting the skin, scratching, burning, ripping or pulling skin or hair, pinching, biting, swallowing sublethal doses of toxic substances, head banging, needle sticking and breaking bones. The usual targets are the arms, legs and torso, areas within easy reach and easily hidden by clothing. (–Jane E. Brody) "Self-injury can be manipulative, an effort to make others care or feel guilty or to drive them away. More often, though, it is secretive. Self-injurers may try to hide wounds under long pants and long sleeves even in hot weather, and may avoid activities like swimming." (–Ibid.)]

—"Although there are no specific medications to treat self-injury, drugs that treat underlying emotional problems like depression and anxiety can help. Most effective in general is a form of cognitive behavioral therapy called dialectical behavior therapy. People learn skills that help them better tolerate stress, regulate their emotions and improve their relationships. The therapy also helps them see themselves not as victims, but as powerful agents, Dr. [Janis] Whitlock said." (–Jane E. Brody, "the Growing Wave of Teenage Self-Injury," The New York Times, May 6, 2008)

"There are certain things David Daniels can't see. He's blind to coldness."

—Jesus, Mohammed, Moses, Buddha – as master criminals.

"It's not like you need one thousand three hundred dollars."

—You know, Jesus' real name was "Tease us!" – Tease us, O Lord, and tell us to rub our face in shit.

["Good night."] "Good-bye."

—It hurts.

[Someone butt-fucking you when you're two years old, leaving you curled up on the bathroom floor, with whatever oozing from your bottom]

—Oh my God! What are you doing to me? My bowels are turning to wax.

[Someone at the movies putting their feet up next to you]

—Are you planted there? [Some people just go around to bars and theaters to annoy people, acting the way a two-year-old might; they never grew out of it; the best thing to do is to say nothing and move to another seat; you're not some actor in a Stan and Ollie movie]

"I am in pain when I am doing this exercise ... What do you have to say about that?"

—What is the pain from? ... What did the doctor say?

"I'm just asking a question and trying to determine what I'm doing wrong that may be causing the pain."

—I'm really curious why.

"I know we hooked up, but it wasn't that great."

—They call it breakthrough pain.

"Well, I am experiencing some discomfort." [Sarcastically]

—Better not to generalize – Be specific.

"After work."

—Why be miserable?

"If your broker's so great, how come he still has to work?"

—It's not normal.

"Did you work today?"

—Our work is never done.

"Will you guys get to work, please?"

—At a moment's notice.

"It looks like a chemical attack."

—Okay, we're going to take away their allowance.

"Don't do that! You're going to go blind!"

—I'm over here!

"Are you walking the dogs?"

—They don't have their own life.

"Disgusting feet."

—If my parents had been flawless, I'd be the Pope.

"Sure you have family problems, but you're not as screwed up as Richard Three."

—He's shaking with ideas.

"Maybe he has brain damage from all your whippings." [Your sick dog]

—Just like Dickens.

"Taxi1010.com - so fucked - CLAP CLAP."

—The worse thing you can do is hit a baby while it's eating.

"Astronomers have decided Pluto is no longer a planet."

—You know, this is goofy!

"Well, it could be worse."

—Thank you so much for your crumbs; I'll treasure them always.

"I've seen worse."

—It's better to be evil and alive than whatever the opposite is.

"You're worse than Peterson."

—Don't hurt me, mom, because I'm hitting myself!

"Knock on wood." [Wrapping her knuckles against her own forehead]

—Family values: No matter how smart you are, your mother is smarter.

"I'd never have thought of putting those colors together!"

—I can see the future.

"You disobedient child!"

—Which is worse, to not do your homework, or to do the laundry in your underwear?

[Someone disparaging you on a conference call, unaware of your presence]

—Too hot to handle — It leaked out!

"Well, there's a lot worse things."

—Well, at least we can be merry about it, can't we?

"I know you've eaten worse."

—That's lots!

"What's the best excuse for leaving class for something important?"

—I have a funny feeling — I think that's why they invented number two.

"What's the trouble?"

—Double digit diarrhea.

"What's the first thing you say if someone's mean?"

—It gets easier and easier.

«Comebacks for the meanest bullies»

—Not quite ... All right ... We'll see ... I've got to take a time out for about three days ... Or I vaporize.

"What's the one thing a person should know about dealing with mean people?"

—You can't work on the mind directly.

"What's the best thing you've ever heard anyone say?"

—Anger is not too fast – not too smart.

"As long as it's direct."

—Okay, we're all very happy now.

"Big deal." [Sarcastically]

—There's more than you think, right?

"It's no big deal." [Cold shoulder]

—Past a certain point.

"Is this 101?"

—I think.

"Good-bye, asshole. Asshole." [Presuming you were the one who had been impatiently honking the horn]

—You got the wrong guy!

"The only way you know how to get close to someone is by fucking them."

—You're wrong.

"It would be better for you if you just came on in here on your own."

—You must be mistaken.

"We know everything; you might as well confess."

—Don't be absurd — You're lying.

[Someone sitting on your car while you're taking a nap]

—What's wrong with sleeping?

"Oh, you're going to spend a whole dollar today?"

—You know, you shouldn't say that to me – It really hurts my feelings.

"You were the first person who ever came in my mouth."

—It's like a private club for those who aren't in the upper crust.

"Still working on it?"

—It's very hard not to do something.

"Working hard?"

—I do.

"Working hard today?"

—For emergencies.

"Imagine that."

—Just like that.

"I can only imagine what Steve Diab must think of your letter."

—No one could sue you for that.

"They're just nail clippings."

—Sweeping is good too, huh?

"How are we going to use this in real life?"

—If you're not using yourself, someone else is.

"That's some rough girls from Rutgers. Man, they got tattoos ..." "Some hardcore hos ..." "That's some nappy-headed hos there, I'm going to tell you that." [Don Imus speaking with producer Bernard McGuirk on the Imus In The Morning radio show on television]

—I'm not used to that ... Maybe I'm just sensitive to color.

"Are they real?"

—I hate to admit it.

"That sounds great, but does it have to be so religious?"

—If you don't liberate a person from their ability to hurt themselves, life is hopeless.

"You're the most unattractive woman I've ever met."

—There's no reason to be in pain – You don't get a medal.

"You're a retard."

—We're all connected – It's amazing more weird things don't happen to people.

"I haven't figured out how to use this [site] yet. You like very long pages but I don't."

—That's what they say about aluminum siding.

"I really couldn't figure this out at all - every page seems to be called stargate something, but I didn't know why each time I clicked on a link I was going there or what I was supposed to find."

—That explains everything! You can laugh, but it's a whole poem to me. Why can't a person do what they like?

"But don't bring that one recipe that you made that one time!"

—What a savage!

"I thought comparing my trustworthiness to (President) Bill Clinton was low, but calling me an anti-Catholic bigot ... I don't appreciate that kind of campaigning."

—You missed your chance.

"That's shameful politics."

—All you get from another person is the opportunity to help them a little.

[Someone cutting in line ahead of you]

—I don't want to step on your toes or anything.

[Someone in a blue blazer breaking in front of you in an airport security line]

—The rich get richer ... and the poor get pregnant ... Hey! Nice jacket! ... You must be really rich!

[Vicious or morbid displacement onto a third person or outside possession]

—It's not going to kill me.

"You're a really nice guy, but you have a bad temper."

—That's what my father taught me.

"You've got a terrible temper!"

—It's not THAT bad.

"He finally has a real job."

—For the holidays.

"You must be really busy on the weekends."

—Everyone but me.

"Get real!"

—You could have a day job and a night job.

"I thought you were working in the city."

—I heard the opposite.

"That's a temporary job, right?"

—Well, we take in more money than we spend.

[Someone punching the lid on the bathroom trash receptacle (when they see you) to deposit a soiled paper towel]

—If worse comes to worse.

[A hard handshake]

—Very primitive. [Politician's secret: When shaking hands, place your first two fingers on the inner wrist of the other person; it keeps them from squeezing your hand hard; practice this with a friend]

"Does your mother know she gave birth to a scab?"

—It's like your mother is saying, "Wash your knuckles!" and your father is saying, "You don't have to wash your knuckles."

[A pedestrian pounding the side of your car]

—A lot of people must do that.

[Someone not taking your offered handshake]

—Hard times, huh?

"Scab!"

—I couldn't make it clearer.

[Someone offering you a handshake after you discover they were cheating you]

—Stow it!

"What a reject!"

—Who needs it?

"Jesus is the answer."

—Same old shit?

"All my love to give to all is always met with a face all full of mistrust and reason."

—A dangerous threat to the community.

[Complaining]

—Do you feel hopeful?

"Is that really necessary?"

—Life could be worse, right?

[Your roommate not turning off his alarm clock]

—[Start vacuuming the whole house]

"I'm not sick."

—Should we have a funeral?

"That's sick!"

—It's like a gift.

"You're disgusting!"

—Wass is duss? [Make a monkey's face and scratch at your armpit]

"No shit, Sherlock!"

—For sure.

"How's Norelco?" [Her name is Noriko]

—She has royal blood.

"Wow!"

—Must be getting good at it.

"WOW!" [Mock admiration]

—But ... can the world take it?

"Wasn't it obvious?"

—No, it isn't.

[In regard to VerbalTools.com] "Excellent! You're the man!"

—Even when I was little.

"The world's greatest lover!"

—I must be a magnet.

"You didn't even cap the champagne bottle."

—The magic words.

"Extra credit: go to the following website. Look it over; make note of signs that the author may suffer from mental illness, as discussed in class." [Link from David Mendelson's spring '02 Honors US Studies 7 class, exploring Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Faulkner, and others]

—It increases the IQ twenty points.

"Richard, you're not the only one."

—I could do my rendition of, "There Was Blood on the Saddle."

"What's the point, Icarus? Every girl is too good for you."

[See Icarus and the Gutter Snipe]

"Let's hope the guy's not out for blood or something."

—He's the closest thing to a shark we've ever seen.

"I can't wait until you go through this, and I'm going to laugh!" [Woman in her third trimester of pregnancy]

—Meaningful relations with people who hate you.

"You can't have it today — You have to wait until tomorrow like everybody else."

—Do it yesterday!

"Erik, you're the jerk of all time."

—That's the most dangerous thing on earth — someone who doesn't know what they're doing.

"It happens all the time."

—After a bad day, right?

"What's the big idea?"

—The smallest one they make.

"The United States had it coming." [From a Chinese hothead on the Internet, as reported in The New York Times]

—He did shoot his mouth off, and didn't care what he said.

"They fly the way they drive."

—They all have their own ideas of what's right, what's wrong, what's good, what's bad.

[Someone unmercifully beating a child]

—Will that help me grow and be strong?

"Gross! Don't pick your nose—That's revolting!"

—It's alive!

"I cut myself on your door."

—Very upsetting.

"WELL, SORRY DOESN'T CUT IT!"

—Is there anything else that's just as good?

"Cut the crap!"

—There's little sparks in people.

"Get the fuck out! — It's over."

—Make room for others! — Don't be a hog.

"I really can't talk — I'm working right now."

—Hit the trail!

"Going to work?"

—The social rounds.

"Are you working for somebody?"

—No work, no eat!

"Are you working today?"

—While you were sleeping.

"If it works for you."

—The devil take the hindmost!

"Does it work?"

—It's Hollywood calling!

"Cut it out!"

—With diamonds.