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ATTACKS |
BRIDGE |
SILENT BACKUP |
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"How's it going there?" |
Oh, great! |
And then you get an eye patch It's a bargain! Maybe not as good, but who cares? Do I know you from somewhere? Have we met? |
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[A long-winded joke] |
Oh, great! |
Words fail me. |
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"That's one of the things that shocked me, that everybody runs to the front and bottles things up." [After watching East Coast drivers race past even after signs make it clear that a lane is about to close ahead] |
Very enlightening. |
Different people have different ideas. |
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"You have a good day there." |
Oh, great! |
Go for it, man! Knock yourself out. |
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"You be good." |
Another thrill. |
Pretty natural It's hard to tell. |
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"It's working like a charm!" |
Very enlightening. |
I will save all my money for the Lord. |
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"But there's one thing ... Well, it shouldn't be ... the tables aren't even." |
Another thrill. |
Hanging on to your money tight, huh? |
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"Leadership matters." |
Very enlightening. |
Slowly everyone gets to know you. |
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"Is Aaron alright?" |
Oh, great! |
Maybe get a tin can with a string that goes nowhere, and I'll get a tin can with a string that goes nowhere, and we can talk! |
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"It's so sad." |
Oh, great! |
You might have it elevated, right? |
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["I'm a throwback."] "It's good to know yourself." [Condescendingly] |
Very enlightening. |
I'm in solidarity with dogs and angry children. |
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"You're a sad little man." [Catholic Bishop Richard Lennon to Joe Cultrera, who is filming Hand of God out on the street, May 19, 2004] |
Very enlightening. |
All these revivals and traditions are on the way out ... It's all evaporating ... Anyone who believes in God somewhere down deep believes They're God. |
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"Ralph, you're a cynic." |
Very enlightening. |
Living proof. |
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"I'm a cynic." |
Or something. |
Expect the worst. |
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"You're friggin' me out, man!" |
Or something. |
Why get stuck in one place? |
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"Those dogs are off-leash. They're supposed to be on a leash. They're running in that field over there." [These people appear out of nowhere] |
Oh, great! |
Did anyone ever choke you? |
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[Noticeably greasy door knobs & dishes, different from sweaty hands and feet, or "palmer hyperhidrosis," a mild symptom of diabetes] |
Very enlightening. |
Somebody's probably using some hair product, or rubbing in a lot of foot lotion at night, and don't know they're getting it all over the place. |
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"You've got some bird shit on the window." |
Or something. |
I'd call it more than sentiment I'd call it green passion! |
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"That was so funny, I forgot to laugh." |
Very enlightening. |
In a way we can't even imagine. |
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"Don't laugh at me." |
Oh, great! |
You just made me forget what I wanted to say. |
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"I hope my window is still there." |
Very enlightening. |
Out of sight, out of mind. |
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"How did your seminar go?" |
Very enlightening. |
Well, the more books you read, the more you can earn a living ... not in the short run ... you learn how to get around. |
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"What's your schedule this week?" |
Another thrill. |
Why should we be cheap? |
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"What does your schedule look like?" |
Another thrill. |
Can't imagine. |
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"You're hebephrenic." |
Another thrill. |
There was an office the size of a pirate ship. |
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"How's that business doing for you?" |
Oh, great! |
It's all right if you feel hurt. |
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"Did you have a good day?" |
Oh, great! |
Unlimited fuel. |
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"Reminds me of the Catholic church." [Link from The Brandon Abell Experience] |
Another thrill. |
Uh, boring. |
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"A quaint hacker." |
Or something. |
It must have been somebody else. |
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"Quaint." |
Or something. |
You know, profit comes from low overhead. |
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"A no-brainer." |
Or something. |
A longing for success and frequent experience with failure. |
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"You could make a contribution to the Irish Peace Settlement." |
Very enlightening. |
They go through stages. |
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"But instead, I'm here with you no offense but a moron pushing the last legal drug." |
Or something. |
Maybe when you go out at night, good things can happen. |
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"So how's it going with the girl you're after?" |
Very enlightening. |
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"How's Havi?" |
Oh, great! |
What about you? |
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"My last boyfriend had a big one." |
Or something. |
Let's see who has the nicest one. |
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"I'm impressed." |
Or something. |
If that's what you want to call it. |
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"Are you getting psyched?" |
Or something. |
I don't know what's going to happen. |
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Oh, great! |
It's starting to come out. |
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"That was a sad movie." |
Very enlightening. |
How little we know. |
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"Naked eleven-year-old girls are really great!" |
Or something. |
Selling third-world hoo-hahs. |
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"Oh, noisy!" |
Oh, great! |
It isn't any more. |
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"You're too noisy in the house!" |
Or something. |
Just another person. |
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["I'm waiting for life to help me."] "An opening." |
Or something. |
Sophisticated, huh? |
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Oh, great! |
The wand chooses the wizard. |
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"Tire's no good! You don't look in the morning, huh?" |
Oh, great! |
Just before. |
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"You're a good man." |
Or something. |
Wait until Halloween, that's all I can say. |
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"Now be good." |
Another thrill. |
I'll have to look at my calendar. |
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"Oh, that's good." |
Very enlightening. |
No, no! It's just nutty. |
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Very enlightening. |
San Francisco! And so forth. |
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["HOW ARE YOU DOING?" "All right."] "GOOD!" |
Very enlightening. |
That's it A little extra comes in handy. |
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"You're good!" |
Oh, great! |
Words don't say anything. |
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"That's good!" |
Or something. |
It's good enough. |
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"Damn, I'm good!" |
Oh, great! |
There's no such thing as bad. |
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"Good to hear." |
Oh, great! |
You can just say You don't have to be vague. |
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"Good!" |
Oh, great! |
How good can a person be? |
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"If the proposal be sound, would the Saxon have passed it by? Would the Dane have ignored it? Would it have escaped the wisdom of the Norman?" |
Oh, great! |
Buy the book and find out. |
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"Gee, Havi, I didn't know you had executive powers." |
Oh, great! |
There's not much to do. |
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"That's good to know I won't call them." |
Another thrill. |
They're still in business. |
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"Increase the volume of your ejaculation." |
Another thrill. |
Do you think the holidays have anything to do with it? |
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"Don't look at me like that It makes me feel uncomfortable." |
Oh, great! |
Because you're pretty? Because you're smart? |
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"Okay, Mister Pacifist." |
Or something. |
Something much more efficient. |
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"Good-bye It's been original." |
Very enlightening. |
Just be present to yourself That's all you have to do around a baby. |
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27-JUL-1999.
Other People's Parents
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"How's Havi?" Havi's mother asked Virginia. |
(Leave me out of it!) |
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Virginia felt frightened, not so much by the question itself, but by the ominous silence that followed. What was Havi's mother calling Virginia for? What business did anybody's mother have calling her daughter's friends? When somebody who is older than you calls you up and goes through the pretense of being friendly, it doesn't necessarily mean they are being harmonious or judicious. I mean, when was the last time you met a really wise parent? They're really treating you like an imbecile. They might as well be saying, "How's Havi, you moron?" |
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Other people's mothers and other people's fathers can be especially treacherous, so it's well to prepare yourself in advance. On another occasion somebody's mother asked one of my nieces, "It must be so hard for you since your parents got a divorce." Real sympathy, right? |
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On Liking Something
Liking something is worth much more than What's good for you.
Because what's doing the liking?
You have to decide what's worth more, you or your parents.
You're not a nun You can listen to yourself.
28-JUN-2007.
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As follows
CODE WORDS: Aaron, bottles, Catholic, charm, contribution, cynic, drug, ejaculation, friggin', glad, good, [greasy], how's, impressed, laugh, leadership, long-winded, naked, no-brainer, noisy, off-leash, opening, original, pacifist, powers, psyched, reminds, runs, quaint, sad, schedule, seminar, sound, tables, uncomfortable, window
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