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Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense

 

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"Things you wouldn't have
even known to say
when you were twelve."

THE ALEHOUSE DOCTRINE

 

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"I don't know what you're talking about."

 

 

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—Very mysterious.    —It's sharing the knowledge of how people nipped verbal violence in the bud back in the '40s and '50s, using things they'd learned from their fathers, and from their fathers. Tonic, they used to call it. It's an old-fashioned art. In this modern form, it's a Suggestion Machine, based on key words in an attack. Neither motivation nor character traits (such as dominance, indifference or susceptibility) provide on-the-spot clues for breaking down bullying. You need context, and words themselves are the context. David Brooks calls this "the Fundamental Attribution Error: Don't try to explain by character traits behavior that is better explained by context." (David Brooks, "Tools For Thinking," The New York Times, March 29, 2011) In short, you hear some wisecrack or smart-alecky remark, then respond to it like a little kid from a big family in New Jersey who's been practicing from a very early age.

"Since 1995 :: Verbal Self Defence :: With Wings"

 

Bullying occurs on many levels. Generalizing about school terror has limited value. Be specific. You can learn what to do. Understanding what's really going on inside yourself and inside other people is what helps. The toughest ages a person goes through are fifteen to thirty, because you don't know what's going to happen and there are things you have to learn. Be simple. Trust yourself. The best answer to a fool is silence "&" YOU CAN USE WORDS TO LET OFF STEAM! "&" You can replace (1.) raw fear, (2.) shame, (3.) mortification, (4.) guilt, (5.) self-recrimination, (6.) simmering hostility or (7.) vague unspoken feelings with words "&" Don't worry until something happens, right? When you are around truly dangerous people, policemen or at work, lay low! Learn how to psychologically leave home. When you can talk back to your parents, you're cured! Preparation is everything. If you "don't get it!" it's just patience, you know? These "wolf trap release mechanisms" are reaching the deepest parts of you. The idea is to free yourself from bullying altogether, not to engage with it head-on. There is subtle and real knowledge here for doing this.

Magic is already inside everyone, trapped at a preverbal level, and the sorcery at taxi1010.com has to do with releasing those traps. When energy is released from buried memories, it comes up as "kief" (as the Arabs used to call it), or inner light.

 

   

BEST PRACTICES BOOKMARKS

   

   

Today's self help: Characterizing and stopping bullies

   

   

Houston Business Journal: There is no room for workplace bullies in the Best Places to Work

   

   

Susan Engel & Marlene Sandstrom: There's Only One Way to Stop a Bully

   

   

Lyrica Marquez & Gayle Lee: AWE-tizm: n., sounds like autism a/k/a awetism -- trailer

   
 

   

To be the OPPOSITE OF A JUICY TARGET

   

   

See life as bubble structures ... There's a land and everything in it is a bubble ... Bubbles bump ... And sooner or later it comes back to them one way or another ... Because the bubbles are transparent, nothing knew what it was ... Being nothing, you can describe things no one can see ... People can't connect to enough inside ... (To contact what needs knowledge, warmth, and nourishment) ... They seem to make a lot of money ... If you're hiding in a cave, they're two things you can do: Come out, or starve to death ... It's not that anything happens – It's an event ... Try to get rid of that event ... Try to be yourself now.

   

   

Notice people ... Each thinking they're their fathers, hating themselves ... Interesting ... I'm just saying, supposing ... Not all the time ... It's only all the time if you have a French girlfriend.

   

   

Understand the soul gets covered by a mask of pretense – See the difference between OUTER LIFE: "I am in charge of purchasing for HP," and BURIED TREASURE: a little bit distraught, slightly out of your element – Never be what someone else wants you to be – Be what you are.

   
 

taxi1010.com   Jump Start

[32]  Directives

"Why don't ..."

—NO TROUBLE!

[60]  Laments

"... I ..."

—God knows!

 

 

 

[86]  Put-downs

"... cute ... "

—It's powerful.

[51]  Interference

"... a minute?"

Oh, boy!

 

 

 

[41]  Clash

"... you ..."

Nothing more.

[29]  Bedeviling

"... I'm ..."

—Since when?

 

 

 

[35]  Begging

"... change?"

—Not today.

[27]  Piggybacking

"& one more?"

—Just wait!

 

 

 

[25]  Parents

"... you'd ..."

Midnight Special.

[39]  Dismissal

"... go ..."

—Great timing!

 

 

 

[54]  Containment

"... leaving?"

—Someone might.

[26]  Confusion

"... available?"

—Any one.

 

 

 

[81]  Commonplaces

"... are ...?"

—Loafing around!

[32]  Clichés

"... hiding?"

—Behind everything.

 

 

 

[43]  Unattributed

"... it's ..."

—What's that?

[03]  Aggression

[the finger]

Little things.

Watch out! It's taking off!

       /----------

==------/  ~        &-----

                    OO              OO     @ @ @

 
 

SAMPLE -- do

   
 

They say: "Why do you let people do this to you?" [Bully you]

 

 

 

Key word: do

 

 

 

Category: 32 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —NO TROUBLE!

 

 

 

You hold back: "WHAT'S WRONG WITH GETTING ANGRY? ... (1.) You could hurt someone's feelings; (2.) You could go too far; (3.)  You could say too much; (4.) They could retaliate, threaten, and punish; (5.) It's uncivilized or barbaric ... WHAT'S MY FAULT TODAY?"

 

SAMPLE -- do

   
 

They say: "What do you mean by that?"

 

 

 

Key word: do

 

 

 

Category: 32 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Behind everything.

 

 

 

You hold back: "To annoy my neighbors ... TO MAKE THEM PAY FOR THIS! ... It's not going to do you any good to be too civilized ... You have to pay a lot for dwarfs to take small steps – in Berkeley ... Frightened is a tool you have – It's like a thermometer of intelligence ... 'What good is learning about a problem if you can't learn about solving the damn thing, am I right?' (–Andres Vachss, Heart Transplant, Dark Horse Books, Milwaukie, Oregon, 2010)"

 

SAMPLE -- gang

   
 

They say: "You're not in our gang – This is a private club – You can't be a member." [To a four-year-old girl]

 

 

 

Key word: gang

 

 

 

Category: 64 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Probably.

 

 

 

You hold back: "One person could have changed your entire life."

 

SAMPLE -- member

   
 

They say: "You're not a member."

 

 

 

Key word: member

 

 

 

Category: 64 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Probably.

 

 

 

You hold back: "Stuck in my heart! ... N.I.N.J.A. – No Income, No Job or Assets."

 

SAMPLE -- witnesses

   
 

They say: "Passive witnesses to such behavior – other students, teachers or parents – who do nothing are coconspirators in the bullying behavior." (–Mark D. Smaller, Director, Analytic Service to Adolescents Program, Morton Alternative School, Chicago)

 

 

 

Key word: witnesses

 

 

 

Category: 04 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Totally destroyed.

 

 

 

You hold back: "What did the Chinese say? One order leads to ten thousand ... It's like making holes in the ocean ... You can just make gestures."

 

SAMPLE -- comeback

   
 

They text: «Defend friend bully rude comeback school»

 

 

 

Key word: comeback

 

 

 

Category: 04 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Totally destroyed.

 

 

 

You hold back: "Oh, don't let the pastor hear that!"

 

SAMPLE -- tips

   
 

They say: "He could pick up some tips from you then."

 

 

 

Key word: tips

 

 

 

Category: 04 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Sure, boss!

 

 

 

You hold back: "What I don't understand is, why aren't they all multimillionaires?"

 

SAMPLE -- Coca-Cola

   
 

They say: "GIVE ME THAT COCA-COLA CAN! – ONE, TWO, THREE ..." [Overhearing an eleven-year-old boy threatening his eight-year-old sister]

 

 

 

Key word: Coca-Cola

 

 

 

Category: 04 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Totally destroyed.

 

 

 

You hold back: "What a slurp! What a cherry lifesaver she is! I haven't seen anything that nice in a long time ... WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT, NEIGHBOR HANS? HAST THE DEVIL GOT THY TOE? ... That's pretty heavy, isn't it? Pretty heavy duty ... Nobody smart does anything like that ... THAT'S NOT CRICKET ... It's different ... YOU HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR WAYS ... You have to pay someone ... The Maharishi, 'The Little Man Who Lived With the Monkeys' ... In northern India ... Read The Wolf Man."

 

SAMPLE -- didn't

   
 

They say: "I didn't hurt you." [Telling his little sister to stop crying after throwing a rock at her]

 

 

 

Key word: didn't

 

 

 

Category: 75 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Many things!

 

 

 

You hold back: "Not entirely! ... Not endlessly!"

 

Rose Bed of a Broken Heart

[14]  Distraction

"... doing ...?"

—Nothing much.

[12]  Sour Grapes

"... good day!"

—Once again!

 

 

 

[18]  Baiting

"... problem ...?"

Apparently not.

[69]  Shaming

"... weak ... ?"

—You're safe.

 

 

 

[53]  Crib Rattling

"... cooties ...!"

—Or worse!

[54]  Unrequited

[mum's the word]

—Do less.

 

 

 

[64]  Inquisition

"... crazy?"

—Probably.

[05]  Bashing

"... gay?"

Keep going! ...

 

 

 

[22]  Intimidation

"... always ..."

—Who knows?

[04]  Hairspring

"... me ..."

—Sure, boss!

 

 

 

[88]  Sheer Terror

"... makes it ...?"

—Nowhere near.

[52]  Edgy & Hip

"No."

—Within reach!

 

 

 

[19]  Rivalry

"... else ...?"

—Not forever.

[11]  Heartbreak

"Yes."

—Totally unhelpful.

 

 

 

[80]  Liquid Gold

"... precaution ..."

—Just lucky!

[76]  Elemental

"... and ..."

—Going up!

Very slowly, it's coming out ..

*

&&

 

&&&

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&&&&&

&&&&&&

 

&@   \     /   @&

\\\\  \

&  @         \/         @  &

&&&&&&&&&&&&

<<<            @            @                   

@     @

\\//

\/

 
 

SAMPLE -- why

   
 

They say: "Why did you order that pie in the first place?"

 

 

 

Key word: why

 

 

 

Category: 78 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Big time!

 

 

 

You hold back: "I was walking on the ceiling and put my head in the refrigerator ... Proof of liking ... In the flesh ... It's hard to criticize a spark of light ... Small proofs of liking ... Poked me in the eye ... Provisions ... What good is a love affair if we can't see eye-to-eye?"

 

SAMPLE -- worked

   
 

They say: "I know a professor who worked there [your Alma Mater] – He said all the students were lazy and stupid."

 

 

 

Key word: worked

 

 

 

Category: 18 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: Apparently not.

 

 

 

You hold back: "You want someone who's nice to the kids ... (If nothing else, it'll keep 'em off the street!)"

 

SAMPLE -- shovel

   
 

They say: "Why did you get a shovel?"

 

 

 

Key word: shovel

 

 

 

Category: 45 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —It's shocking.

 

 

 

You hold back: "Hold the questions lightly – Another aimless day."

 

SAMPLE -- moron

   
 

They say: "What are you, a moron?"

 

 

 

Key word: moron

 

 

 

Category: 77 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Next time!

 

 

 

You hold back: "Protect yourself."

 

SAMPLE -- you

   
 

They say: "You didn't see or hear anything, did you?" [To an enlisted sailor having just witnessed a physical brawl between two officers on an aircraft carrier]

 

 

 

Key word: you

 

 

 

Category: 41 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Not yet.

 

 

 

You hold back: "It's hard for me to talk, too."

 

SAMPLE -- agenda

   
 

They say: "What's your agenda for this trip?"

 

 

 

Key word: agenda

 

 

 

Category: 83 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Can't wait.

 

 

 

You hold back: "You're not supposed to do something ... You're supposed to occupy a space .. If someone needs you, they'll find you, and if they don't, you're lucky!"

 

SAMPLE -- stab

   
 

They say: "I'M GOING TO FUCKING STAB YOU!" [From out of the blue, on a city street in Chicago]

 

 

 

Key word: stab

 

 

 

Category: 83 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Heavy duty.

 

 

 

You hold back: "Scheisse! ... Icy Fire! ... Icy Fire! ... Scheiße! ... Real Axe! ... Real Axe! ... REAL AXE! ... (What you've just done is say "Shit!" in German, "I see fire!" twice, in plain English, "Shit!" again, in proper German, followed by "Relax!" three times in English. Circle some random parked park until a taxi comes along, then calmly raise your left arm and flag the cab. Taxicabs won't stop if you're being emotional or acting crazy. Don't go back. They've probably vandalized the parked car, thinking it was yours. Stay away from there.)

 

SAMPLE -- agenda

   
 

They say: "If you touch that agenda, I'll cut your hands off."

 

 

 

Key word: agenda

 

 

 

Category: 83 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Heavy duty.

 

 

 

You hold back: "And you know it."

 

SAMPLE -- he'd

   
 

They say: "I'd tell you, but then he'd have to kill you."

 

 

 

Key word: he'd

 

 

 

Category: 77 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Carry on!

 

 

 

You hold back: "Life is like money – You can't hold on too tight."

 

SAMPLE -- friends

   
 

They say: "Do you have any friends?"

 

 

 

Key word: friends

 

 

 

Category: 85 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —All over.

 

 

 

You hold back: "They wear you out, don't they?"

 

SAMPLE -- scenic

   
 

They say: "Is this the scenic route?"

 

 

 

Key word: scenic

 

 

 

Category: 77 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Next time!

 

 

 

You hold back: "Unless you're unlucky."

 

SAMPLE -- jerk

   
 

They say: "You're a jerk!"

 

 

 

Key word: jerk

 

 

 

Category: 01 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Like crazy!

 

 

 

You hold back: "Don't include me!"

 

SAMPLE -- liar

   
 

They say: "You're also a liar!"

 

 

 

Key word: liar

 

 

 

Category: 01 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Totally different.

 

 

 

You hold back: "Maybe it's you."

 

SAMPLE -- replaced

   
 

They say: "You can be replaced."

 

 

 

Key word: replaced

 

 

 

Category: 64 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: Go on!

 

 

 

You hold back: "They train you to work, shut up, and do what you're supposed to do."

 

SAMPLE -- loser

   
 

They say: "You're a loser."

 

 

 

Key word: loser

 

 

 

Category: 01 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —MANY TIMES!

 

 

 

You hold back: "Part of one big machine."

 

SAMPLE -- stuck

   
 

They say: "You're stuck."

 

 

 

Key word: stuck

 

 

 

Category: 01 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Like crazy!

 

 

 

You hold back: "You don't have to be."

 

RECENT ADDITIONS TO taxi1010.com

   
 

They say: "Stupid people like to make comebacks because they aren't smart enough to make them up on the spot!"

 

 

 

Key word: because

 

 

 

Category: 78 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Big time!

 

 

 

You hold back: "If you're a secretary when you're three, you're a boss when you're thirty-three."

 

SAMPLE -- name

   
 

They say: "But you can't name the third one?" [Moderator (and unseen TV Producer) following up Governor Rick Perry's unscripted "Commerce, Education and the, uh, what's the third one there, let's see ..." in a CNBC presidential debate] (–John Harwood, "'Oops' Moment Takes On a Life of Its Own," The Caucus – The Politics and Government Blog of The Times, The New York Times, November 13, 2011)

 

 

 

Key word: name

 

 

 

Category: 11 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Totally unhelpful.

 

 

 

You hold back: "It's like the most decrepit National Park on the earth."

 

SAMPLE -- does

   
 

They say: "What does that mean?"

 

 

 

Key word: does

 

 

 

Category: 74 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —That's cozy.

 

 

 

You hold back: "Stop worrying – Life is not a test."

 

SAMPLE -- problem

   
 

They say: "I don't know what your problem is."

 

 

 

Key word: problem

 

 

 

Category: 18 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —It's chilling.

 

 

 

You hold back: "Alone & as is ... The Eskimo Rules."

 

SAMPLE -- lies

   
 

They say: "Everybody lies."

 

 

 

Key word: lies

 

 

 

Category: 77 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Carry on!

 

 

 

You hold back: "Choose your friends wisely! ... A small circle of friends ... The glass key of friendship."

 

SAMPLE -- paranoid

   
 

They say: "Mathias said... This is nuts. Like the wit of the staircase filtered through paranoid schizophrenia. Almost better than Timecube."

 

 

 

Key word: paranoid

 

 

 

Category: 66 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Holy Cow!

 

 

 

You hold back: "Each way."

 

SAMPLE -- to

   
 

They say: "So you don't want to sit with me?"

 

 

 

Key word: to

 

 

 

Category: 51 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —Someone must.

 

 

 

You hold back: "We're all animals ... Monogamy is not natural ... Maybe because your mother didn't die ... I wouldn't be surprised."

 

SAMPLE -- nice

   
 

They say: "You're too nice." [Teenage girl to teenage boy]

 

 

 

Key word: nice

 

 

 

Category: 45 (out of eighty-eight categories)

 

 

 

You say: —It's shocking.

 

 

 

You hold back: "So what are you going to do about it? ... Suffer! ... You're supposed to suffer for three days."

 
 

writer - Richard Ames Hart - San Francisco CA USA

 
 

painter - Amoret Phillips, and family - Boone NC USA

 

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