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Big family! What if you're not?

 
 

66. The Dieter

 
 
 

Some people have trouble with boundaries. Some cultures have trouble with boundaries. Some entire civilizations have trouble with boundaries. Some beggars have trouble with boundaries. But wait! That's what beggars do! (–Source: taxi1010.com stargate35)

 

"Look at the fat chick."
—Big family! What if you're not?
—Oh, yes, the national debt is much too high ... or is it?

 

"You ride in the front – You're the biggest."
—Big family! What if you're not?
—Okay, I will.

 

"Hey, you're fat!"
—Big family! What if you're not?
—Some people would say that.

 

"Damn, fat ass, lose some weight."
—Big family! What if you're not?
—Seven fat years, seven lean years ... You can't get too worked up about it ... Don't tease doggies and don't tease anyone bigger than you ... It's better to have different kinds of people ... "Shallow people are the only ones who truly know themselves." (–Oscar Wilde)

 

"You don't sweat much for a fat lady."
—Big family! What if you're not?
—If you're big, you don't have to be mean.

 

"You've got fat thighs."
—Big family! What if you're not?
—Probably the only one in town.

 

"You look pretty good for a fat guy."
—Big family! What if you're not?
—Have you ever heard the expression, "Fat, dumb and happy?"

 

"Let's go, asshole."
—Big family! What if you're not?
—Get thee behind me, Diarrhea!

 

"Look, Elephant Girl, just get Carol or something."
—Big family! What if you're not?
—Be seeing you!

 

"Let's see if I can screw this up again today."
—Big family! What if you're not?
—Making more money than anyone.

 

"Do you think I look fat in this?"
—Big family! What if you're not?
—Everything but!

 

"One study described obese patients as 'awkward, unattractive, ugly, and unlikely to comply with treatment.' (This last is significant, because doctors who think patients won't follow their instructions treat and prescribe for them differently.)" (–Harriet Brown, "For Obese People, Prejudice in Plain Sight," NYT, 16 March 2010)
—Big family! What if you're not?
—People ignore their impulses ... They wrap them up in cellophane and tie a ribbon around them ... motivations = impulses ... Most people can't see their impulses ... They just see the results of these impulses going all around.

 

"Kind of tight today?"
—Big family! What if you're not?
—It's always been that way.

 

"Putting on a little weight there, huh?"
—Big family! What if you're not?
—Will you get in touch with your humanity?

 

"How did a little girl like you land a great big job like this?"
—Big family! What if you're not?
—You call yourself a woman?

 

"What happened to your queer party friends?"
—Big family! What if you're not?
—It's all in your mind.

 

"Was Richard giving you a mischievous grin?"
—Big family! What if you're not?
—That's stretching it.

 

"Who picks out your clothes?"
—Big family! What if you're not?
—You don't.

 

"Are you hard of hearing from listening to loud music or are you just being a prick today?"
—Big family! What if you're not?
—Maybe it's better to leave well enough alone.

 

"Why can't you play a decent ball game?"
—Big family! What if you're not?
—You're right! – Just pay me!

 

"Can you help me with something to eat?"
—Big family! What if you're not?
—I support a long stay in warm weather.

 

"Have you got an extra five dollars?"
—Big family! What if you're not?
—Do you wish you had one of your own?

 

"Do you have a nickel for five pennies?"
—Big family! What if you're not?
—I don't want to hear anymore.

 

"Hey man, you got fifteen dollars?"
—Big family! What if you're not?
—I forgot.

 

[Someone parroting you]
—Big family! What if you're not?
—It's just good to know.

 

"You may want to start pulling your weight."
—Big family! What if you're not?
—Having trouble already? ... Just do what you're doing; go slow ... Wheelchair 2.0 ... "Whenever a critic says something bad about your work, invite them out to lunch and ask them what they don't like about it." (–W. Somerset Maugham)

 

"The bank asks if you can cosign this loan."
—Big family! What if you're not?
—That's dangerous – I don't think it's good for me.

 

"FUCK-FACE!"
—Big family! What if you're not?
—Just to make money, huh?

 

"You're not going to help make my season jolly?"
—Big family! What if you're not?
—I'm going to do that.

 

"Will you do my front?" [She's face down on a massage table]
—Big family! What if you're not?
—Maybe ... I've reached the magical age.

 

"You don't have any diseases, do you?"
—Big family! What if you're not?
—I'm riddled with diseases.

 
 

 

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