"Man, I will fuck you up!" [Trying to ignite a barroom brawl – It all began at stargate32]

—Relax! ... Guatemala! ... Relax! ... God makes everything beautiful.

["I'm going to make movies."] "It's not going to happen."

—It's out of The Arabian Nights.

"It's not good – Broken already – First thing in the morning."

—Another level.

"Not the longest ride of the day."

—Another world.

"That's not Mexican!"

—Another miracle.

"Not your day."

—Another triumph.

"I'm doing illegal activities."

—Another dimension.

"Please! I'm not with you."

—Anybody who's good at anything.

"This Week's Websites: * taxi1010.com CLICK HERE The mother of all aneurysm causing websites. I've yet to figure out what the hell this site's about. It goes beyond definition. A discombobulated mess or word diarrhea pounding your brain cells until you give up on life itself. Random images, colors and links lead you through a gauntlet of madness. Pages extend for miles with nonsense and endless tables. The Horror ... The Horror ..." [Link from Links That Stink – The Greatest Waste Of Bandwidth On The Web]

—Weak and mixed up.

"Promise me you'll scan the medallion at the end of your shift!"

—You can't be wise and in love at the same time!

"Well, you better get practicing then."

—If you want a robot to read this to you, push a button ... It says, "Smell my armpit, cutie pie!" ... I'm struggling to be user interactive.

"Well, I hope you don't start this job and then say, 'Fuck that!'" [At a job interview]

—That's all they do, those people, is use other people, one way or another ... There's a lot of competition for jobs like that.

[Outrageous flirting, pushing all your buttons, remaining clearly unobtainable]

—What is the most wonderful thing on earth? Nothing. Because nothing can have everything ... What is the most powerful thing on earth? Water. Because water can fill anything ... It takes a long time to figure people out, because no one's the same.

"She's not my favorite."

—Afraid of the dark ... It pays to be ignorant ... Just like me.

[A homeless man peeing on you in a city bus]

—There's a lot going on right now – Need a little break! ... Would you like me to look away? ... Life has to hurt you before it blesses you ... Touchdown Jesus!

«Get verbally defensive easily – How to be bigger person»

—People are afraid to be empty ... Let the chips fall where they may.

[The Sufi character Nasrudin pouring yogurt into a lake: "What are you doing?" "I'm trying to turn the whole lake into yogurt."] "That's not gonna work!"

—Yeah, but what if it does?

«Acting too defensive in conversations»

—Try to keep your mind quiet and realize other people don't; their minds are filled with fireworks ... See Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans (1927), directed by F.W. Murnau.

"He said I not pretty; I stupid." [Three-year-old girl telling her mother about a little boy in preschool - They can't stick up for themselves, so we must - It's like giving gold to god - You just can't regret anything you do for that girl - You never feel cheated - She is so worth whatever you do! - You slowly become an expert - Don't fuss with it!]

—Oh, my goodness gracious me! ... Someone mean ... They all are ... It's really scary! ... If a boy sees a shooting star over a girl, what can a boy do? ... (Kiss the girl!) ... Let's do it again! ... If a boy sees a shooting star over a girl, what can a boy do? ... It's really worth seeing! ... (She can ask the boy to kiss her!)

"You're not pretty; you're stupid!" [Three-year-old boy to little girl in preschool]

—If a boy sees a shooting star over a girl, what can a boy do? ... It's really worth seeing.

"You're crying because you're not pretty?" [From a three-year-old girl's older brother]

—There's no future in that.

"Screw you!"

—Right back at you!

"Hey, screw you, buddy."

—All the home stuff.

"Fuck you!"

—Keep it in the family.

"FUCK YOU!"

—Kiss my ass tomorrow!

"FUCK YOU!" [To the TV]

—SNAG!

"What's the latest news in town?"

—It's just as well.

["We got listed in The Rough Guide to the Internet!"] "What does that mean?"

—That's one for the books!

"Well, what does that do for you?" [Getting a listing in 'The Web's Best Sites' section of Britannica.com]

—It's a good investment.

"It does matter."

—Let's buy it, then!

"This is old news."

—Well, I'm not so sure.

"That's not what we're looking for."

—The more you have, the more it grows, the more it costs.

"It does nothing for me."

—It may be old age.

"WHAT the fuck. ... WHAT the fuck."

—The plant may be dead, but so's the fungus.

"We not the same?"

—Those things can happen, you know? ... I'm not so wrong ... Just try to listen to yourself when you do things ... If you live, that's the test.

"What are we not doing that we should be doing?"

—You're a hit! ... You've got to take time off ... That's good to do ... It's not good to do things forever.

"Fuck you white boy."

—On the job.

"You're not a cool guy."

—Tough customer! – I've got five dollars – That's really something.

"It'll cost you fifty cents."

—They don't last that long anyway, so you might as well do the cheap ones.

"Ghirardelli, not the long way."

—I know, but I still want to.

"That's not true."

—Don't believe anything until you see it.

["I'm going to Moscone." "Which one?" "Moscone West." "Much better!"] "Oh, that's not good?"

—That's where you meet everyone.

"You're not going to turn right here?"

—On the contrary, I am.

"Your uselessness is epic. (–Kate Hudson, Fool's Gold)

—Whatever happened to Roger Rabbit?

"Did you work Sunday? Was it busy?"

—What a worker!

"Whoopee, go fuck yourself!"

—You have to have that killer instinct.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

—You're not just saying that?

"You're not my girlfriend."

—Maybe it's the animals who eat all the apples.

"Not probably – He actually does."

—Well, that's different.

"I'm the wrong guy to fuck with."

—Don't do anything.

"What does that mean?"

—Stop worrying – Life is not a test.

"Is that a put-down?"

—It's like a charm.

["Don't you grow more fond of this city every day?" (San Francisco, on a beautiful sunny afternoon)] "I can't tell if that's sarcastic."

—It's not for you – I've got something better for you.

"I thought you were being sarcastic."

—We'll make it.

"That would not be good."

—It's really wild.

"All right! Don't be a stranger."

—You look like Earthquake McGoon!

"Not too bad, was it? Better than a prostitute."

—They're just looking for warmth.

"Then does that mean it's free?"

—Let's not overdo it.

«De-escalating an angry person»

—How do you protect your inner child? (1.) It is on the inside; (2.) It is on the inside and well-protected; (3.) Don't try to be good; (4.) Try to be efficient; (5.) Acting good is not protecting a child ... If someone's angry, or having a tantrum, say on the inside, —I hope you die, you gutter rat.

"Fuck you!" [Someone having a Friday night tantrum]

—No one should Fuck you! you, really ... Too old for that ... Watch out for Spain and France and Italy ... You just have to be careful ... Fifty dollars an hour ... You win this round, this life ... It's hard for everyone ... [They say they can't help it if they have a volatile nature - They're really trying to be better than they are, that's the sad thing - What they say is, Mick Jagger saw Tina Turner once, and started copying her - He's childish, he's a baby, so he has a baby's way of solving things, which is to throw a shit fit - "Do you know anything about hysterical conversions?" - (Talk to him as an equal, not a simpering little fool) - "When I'm in pain, I'm expressing myself." ... I feel a song coming on ... "Please release me, let me go! Please release me, I'm a schmoe" ... It's shocking coming from me]

«How to handle a verbally abusive husband»

—It's hard to understand at first; there's lots of little rules ... You must write these things down, and then you have a clear conscience ... But what's going to happen to you in the future? ... Even a little education is fantastic.

«When a friend verbally attacks you when you are down»

—Very little ... Minor ... You can't ask for too much more ... Just like home! ... You should get together and write these things down, because everybody must go through these things ... I'm sure some people will be able to understand it ... You know what? – They're shameless ... I'll take my chances ... And a mother's kisses ... That's where they get the pain in, too.

"Thirdly, why don't you check out an inscrutable site that will make your brain melt. It's ... uh ... advice on how to deal with people, from a cabbie in, I think, San Francisco. I can only imagine what actually riding with him is like. (Probably not very interesting.)" [Link from Sticherblog]

—What did Reagan say? Trust but verify.

"You may wish to begin here, which illustrates as much of his philosophy as I can understand, interspersed with some poignant details about his life."

—It's the first time I ever had the nerve to try it.

"It makes me feel something ... some odd specie of sadness."

—That's not a bad thing to do.

"At some point in school I decided it was cool to be witty and off-the-cuff and zing anyone with the slightest hint of malice toward me. I'm not talking about verbal self-defense or anything that confuses people. I'm talking about turn-beet-red, in-your-face, no-holds-barred caustic snubs that stun people into oft self-conscious silence. I inherited it from my grandmother, who could turn a stranger to tears with an off-the-cuff phrase and later plead ignorance, saying she was just making small talk. It became an art, for its own sake, to come up with rapid fire shut downs for anyone, anywhere. I'm in my mid 20's and nothing and no one can touch me. Who needs an arsenal when you're impregnable?" [Excerpt from Everyone's a Critic -- and then you DIE]

—Ooo! A bone in the nose! You've got the tribal talk down really good. I know you're just joking, but what if you weren't? Superego people, zombies, nuts, are trained dogs. All they are living for is doing what their parents told them to do. Before they say hello, they've got to not say twenty things. They don't understand what a fed mind is capable of. They have no idea of feeding minds, the idea of feeding a mind so it can do something interesting.

"I know you're fiercely independent."

—Everyone helps everyone.

"Don't screw up!" [Heckler from the audience, before you've even begun]

—Turn of the screw ... it happens ... and then it doesn't happen. [See also stargate56, betrayals]

"WTF NOT A SINGLE PART OF THAT WEBSITE MAKES ANY SENSE TO ME." [Link from sensibleerection.com]

—He has a very strong undercurrent.

"Not working today?"

—Isn't it rough?

"You're not doing anything?"

—I'm not very articulate – It's not my first language.

"Have you ever considered streamlining the site?"

—That's a whole art, huh?

"It was me, Richard! It was me! I scraped it off the bottom of my foot."

—Sometimes you just have to do things.

"This page has the most aggravating, senseless layout I've ever come across. Add in the needlessly arcane terminology, the lack of titles or descriptive paragraphs, and you've got a page that amounts to little more than a confusing assemblage of random words. I salute your determination that you managed to glean as much as you did from it." [Message at bad_craziness]

—Suitable for embedding in a pillow.

"Still at this goddamn page, trying to make sense of it. Are the comebacks randomly generated? Fully half of them don't even seem to address the conversational topic at all. I don't deny their effectiveness in a put-down situation -- but only because, in using them, the stream of nonsensical gibberish coming out of your mouth will make your opponent question your sanity and fear for his or her safety." [Message at bad_craziness]

—Who cares? I don't. I don't believe in any of that.

"We haven't visited in a while."

—It's your fault!

"Please don't despise me."

—You don't want anyone to like you better – That's the secret.

"I'm so proud of myself."

—One thing leads to another.

"Something to be proud of."

—What are you, a phony?

"Does that make you proud?"

—You realize how lucky you are.

"I know I'm being neurotic."

—Do something nice for yourself and you'll feel better.

"You're neurotic."

—A little different than that.

"I'm not perfect – I'm human."

—You're just smart because you can talk about it.

"I'm glad you're not upset."

—As if you don't have enough troubles.

"That really hurts my feelings."

—Half of it dropped in the toilet.

"Your business is not so good, huh?"

—A lot of what you think is bad, is not bad.

"How much do you owe him?"

—What's great about that is no one can steal it.

"I owe you ten bucks, man!"

—Take as long as you want.

"Now if Mary danced for me, I'd increase the tips."

—Wear bells or something!

"Was that an insult?"

—You just wouldn't believe it.

"What do you mean, 'Something smells?'"

—Something nice must have happened.

"Was that a sarcastic remark?"

—Start to believe it!

"Does that mean you're going to send us hate E-mail when we get home?"

—One cruel thing or another.

"Don't be a stranger!"

—Who's stopping you?

"Well, why don't you give me a call after the first of the year?"

—I'm terribly disappointed in your patient relations.

"You have to promise to get in touch with me within two weeks."

—You can call me anytime you want.

"Cheapskate."

—It's not like that.

"Fuck emotional intelligence."

—I'm but a mere pawn.

["See you tomorrow!"] "Not if I see you first!" [They'll disappear or make a getaway]

—Did you say something?