home C 100 50 10 5 1 «« page 025 »» 1 5 10 50 100 X mail


Review 21-24


5. Work Horses



When people lie, they usually lie about the future, becoming far too committed. The sequence, The Fish Whisperer. ... What way? Are you rich? ... Going direct. Overnight. ... It's perfect! ... helps you listen and respond to ideas for the future without overcommitting yourself. They help you hold down your "future debt."


"The Fish Whisperer." suggests you have a smooth running engine and large horizons even after someone tries to control your future. For instance,


(a.) "I just got out of the hospital." "The Fish Whisperer." [Offers hope without requiring you to manufacture or invent false interest]


(b.) "Have a nice night!" "The Fish Whisperer." [After a date that didn't pan out, fosters hope without expressing disappointment]


From time to time, a person will discover a subject that really gets to you. For instance, as a taxi driver, I've seen murders, been robbed, and had some hair-raising experiences. Once you tell another person one of these "adventure stories," they feel as if you should deliver a sequel every time they see you. "The Fish Whisperer." acknowledges repeated jabs into those kinds of open wounds. For instance, upon seeing you the next day, they say ...


"Were you shot?" "The Fish Whisperer... There you go, then. Another thrill."


"Going direct. Overnight." is the work horse of all time. For instance,


"How was your weekend?" "Going direct. Overnight." [You throw whatever emotion you want to into your response] "Just You can laugh at all this?" "It's perfect!"


"HOW ARE YOU DOING, SIR? I AM YOUR HOST." [Busboy in a cafeteria, surprising you] "Going direct. Overnight... Have mercy!"


"How are you doing, Richard?" "Going direct. Overnight... Just fine."


"So, how's it going?" "Going direct. Overnight... Pretty good."


"How goes it?" "Going direct. Overnight... Good enough."


"How are you? — you and the lads?" "Going direct. Overnight... Still the same." [Also, Haunted, We'll soon find out, Charmed, Thrilled, Delighted, Distracted, Engaged and Satisfied]


"Cool!" "Going direct. Overnight... Even if it's bad for you."


"It's perfect!" allows you to listen attentively to suggestions without getting into false excuses, painstaking elaboration, or blunt discourtesy. For instance,


(1.) "If you just send me your E-mail address, I will send you a free CD and my book!" "It's perfect!"


(2.) "What? What did you say?" [From a venting police officer] "It's perfect! ... I know it's against the rules."


(3.) "Where are your dogs? I read about you in the newspaper. Aren't you the Night Cabbie? Why don't I see you down at the Aquatic Park any more? How was your New Year?" "It's perfect! ... What way? Are you rich? ... It's perfect! ... What way? Are you rich? ... What way? Are you rich? ... Going direct. Overnight." [Allows you to breath while they pepper you with one question or observation after another]


(4.) "What's your story?" "It's perfect! ... I can't be serious." [You don't have to work for someone just because they can tack a question mark onto three words]


(5.) "Is that your dog?" "It's perfect! ... Can you tell?" [Lord knows where this question was leading]


(6.) "Sweet dreams!" "It's perfect!" [People's dreams are their own business; also, who gives anyone the right to pretend they're your mother?]


(7.) "Your friends are weird." "It's perfect!" [This is baiting, pure and simple]


(8.) "What advice are you going to give your teammates?" [Before the Super Bowl] "It's perfect! ... Stay focused." [Sportscaster banter]


(9.) "What did he say?" [Translate Japanese for me] "It's perfect! ... Very subtle."


(10.) "Where did you get this?" [The salmon-rolled cream cheese hors d'oeuvres you made] "It's perfect! ... There's just no comparison."


(11.) "You are so beautiful! How did you get so beautiful?" "It's perfect! ... You take a shower in the moonlight." [This is the kind of rhetorical question adults ask children, usually leaving them speechless; that may not be so bad; better speechless than precocious]


(12.) "I think you should do more art.""It's perfect! ... Sooner or later, right?" [Here we go ...]


(13.) "Do you ever sell your art?" "It's perfect! ... If we can." [... the business manager ...]


(14.) "How is your art selling on eBay?" "It's perfect! ... It's meaningless to someone of my stature." [... the stakeholder ...]


(15.) "There was an attempt but the graphics could be so much better." "It's perfect! ... It's just like music – You have to build up a following." [... the critic-at-large ...]


(16.) "That's life!" "It's perfect! ... The more You can laugh at all this, the less you need." [... the philosopher ...]


(17.) "Pervert!" "It's perfect! ... Like yourself!" [... the castrator ...]


(18.) "How much does a polar bear weigh?" "It's perfect! ... I don't know ... but it breaks the ice!" [... the jokester ...]


(19.) "Are we ever going to get married?" "It's perfect! ... I'm waiting till I can." [... the college tuition! ...]


Finally, under intense cross-examination, in which a police officer or attorney peppers you with trick questions, which usually refer to slightly different frames of reference, here's how you can defend yourself [Sort of. You're not really supposed to say certain things to a boss, police officer or officer of the court; these are mainly ideas to keep in mind, rather than actual suggestions:]


(20.) "Well, now, see? That's another story." "It's perfect! ... Eight things at once."


(21.) "Well, now you've told four different stories." "It's perfect! ... Way before that."


(22.) "Well, you see, now? That's a different story you're telling now." "It's perfect! ... Let's forget it! – I can see you're not serious."


Their favorite trick is to get you to tell a story backward, which always changes the frame of reference. They'll ask, for instance, "What happened before that?" or "Why did you do that?" and when you tell them the truth, they'll say, "Well, now you're telling a different story."


The main thing to realize is that police officers believe the first story they hear almost eighty percent of the time. Whenever they hear facts which vary from their first impression, they try to intimidate you. This is why smart people try to get their story in first, then keep their mouth shut and get capable representation. [Further reference: Pataphysics in Berkeley - "Pataphysics is the science of the realm beyond metaphysics; or, Pataphysics lies as far beyond metaphysics as metaphysics lies beyond physics – in one direction or another." Also, "Pataphysics is the science of the particular, of laws governing exceptions."]


Live, live live! Breathe, breathe, breathe! It's perfect! ... It's perfect! ... What way? Are you rich? Let other people leap into the coffin!







You get the idea they're trying to control you.

grownup, hospital, nice

The Fish


confounding implications

Stick to your plans.

President, transmission

What way? Are
you rich?


bogus buddy-buddy

You have to go slow.

cool, electricity, how, right, true, way

Going direct.


beating around the bush

Don't ever worry about something you can't change.

art, attempt, did, different, dreams, graphics, life, married, pervert, polar, story, your

It's perfect!


pulling rank


5th Element

—It's mystical.


Preview 26-29


6. Emergency! [Not!]


Now, remember Patty? For some reason, she still doesn't have on any clothes. She's a fish in the bowl, and in this condition, the only way she can defend herself is with words ...



home C 100 50 10 5 1 «« page 025 »» 1 5 10 50 100 X mail