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Now or later? Claw hook!

 
 

34. Country Boys

 
 
 

The purpose of higher education is to catapult you above and beyond stupid, so with some interest I regarded the man and woman in the back seat of my taxicab as I drove them from Union Square in San Francisco, where they hadn't meant to be, to Union Street, their true destination. When the woman said anything at all, no matter how illogical, the man would sit back and say, "—I'll swear!" or "—Now or later? Claw hook!" in a relaxed Southern drawl. It made me remember simple pleasures, like sitting up on a summer porch with a friend, simply watching life go by. (–Source: taxi1010.com stargate41)

 

«What you don't know about self defense»
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—I taught them everything I know about how to get angry, thinking they'd get over it, and forgot to tell them, at some point, stop being angry!

 

"I've got schadenfreude coming out my ears."
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—You don't hear about it.

 

"Well, you can't have everything."
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—That doesn't bother me.

 

"It's not like you went to Harvard or Yale – What did you expect?"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—A pat on the back ... The waterfront ... (It's really worse than guilt – They're saying that's your place) ... I took a test! ... I should have done that – I would have learned a lot ... There's no more place ... It's all over now ... I don't think it is ... I think you just find a slab.

 

"You went to Dartmouth?"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—Friends don't let friends go to college.

 

"What's wrong with you? You only do what you like to do."
—Now or later? Claw hook!
Tell me! ... That's too mechanical ... You can ruin it ... There's no feeling in, What's wrong with you? You only do what you like to do.

 

"Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to reach you for three days!"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—Drag me to hell! – You read maps?

 

"Were you at work?"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—Fair winds and following seas, ma'am.

 

"Why haven't you been coming here for lunch?" [Spoken in a low voice, trying to "engage" you]
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—Do what you do! Do what you do best and keep doing it!

 

"Where have you been? Yesterday you're not here."
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—There's no real reason to lock your car up, especially if it's new – What are they going to steal?

 

"Where were you?"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—Out on the open road!

 

"You just got back?"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—Nothing exciting.

 

[The hand of your mortal enemy reaching out, extending itself, holding itself stiffly out ...]
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—How do you shake hands with someone who's (1.) milking cows; (2.) sawing wood; (3.) a creepy, crawly spider; (4.) a Roman handshake (Power!) —? ... You're not tired of that yet.

 

"How do you do?"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—This place is like a country club ... First you introduce yourself; later on you go into depth ... What do you do that interests you? ... It averages out ... Here they don't ... I have to take care of my family.

 

"Hey, didn't you used to have a blog?"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—What is the right use of emotions? There is none!

 

"What do you do to relax?"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—The murderer always returns to the scene of the crime.

 

"I don't want to talk to you."
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—It's too late now.

 

"What do you like best so far?" [From a flirting waitress]
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—Let me try it.

 

"What do you think?"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—I know you can.

 

"I like your costume."
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—This is the big season now.

 

"Why don't you get all excited, Dave?" [Stage directions for himself]
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—He gets exuberant.

 

"Don't be ridiculous!"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—I am a University graduate!

 

"What's the worst thing you've ever done?"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—I hurt someone's feelings once.

 

"When did you get here?"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—There's not much to do.

 

"Tell us what you learned."
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—Don't try to outshine the teacher; they'll just argue with you.

 

"That's ridiculous."
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—You're just supposed to be the one at the front of the plane.

 

[Silly or simple-minded jokes, such as ... (1.) "Does your face hurt?" "No." "Well, it's killing me!" ... (2.) "How do you get a nun pregnant? ... Dress up like a choirboy." -- They're all the same formula]
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—Who wants that?

 

"You should know."
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—Some people say we're the same.

 

"Are you leaving? Hey!"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
Good dog! Guard your master! ... Sleeping Beauty is calling!

 

"You will burn in hell!"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—Yes, but send me a contract ... Gird your loins and ask for a contract.

 

"He's still a Mama's boy!"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—Would it do any good?

 

"She who smelt it, dealt it!"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—Look at that guy go!

 

"What did Karen say when you told her you were going to a stag party?"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—Go to bed.

 

"Two hundred dollars? – Are you crazy?"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—Don't tell me it's nothing for you.

 

["Can I use your restroom?"] "No, they mop it."
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—Stop shaking your head! It's your brain wobbling.

 

"Exit only – You got to go that way – Sorry!"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—I'm not working for you – I am a lamp, I am a mirror, I am a door, I am a way.

 

["I love you."] "You can't!"
—Now or later? Claw hook!
—All over the world.

 
 

 

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