The Evolutionary Throwback

   
   

 

a.

b.

c.

d.

T.

@

integration
(sickness)

intelligence
(cheapness)

veracity
(lying)

superego
(recharging)

throwback

           

oc22

1

3

1

7

8.00

oc23

1

1

4

9

8.25

oc24

4

8

2

6

5.50

oc25

3

1

4

8

7.50

oc26

8

5

7

2

3.00

oc27

6

2

5

7

6.00

oc28

9

7

9

2

1.75

etc.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

symptoms

 

(1.) cannot go to bed on time

T = (30-a-b-c+d) / 4

(2.) cannot wash the dishes

(3.) attention deficit disorder

Parameters mapped

(4.) cannot empty the trash

directly to [1..9]

(5.) pees in the kitchen sink at every opportunity

(6.) angry and resentful

(7.) hoards plastic containers

(8.) collects items to recycle, and doesn't

(9.) knows "correct way" to pet a dog

(10.) trailer trash exhibitionist

(11.) slop and drop cooking, slamming pots and pans

(12.) oaths over nothing, and other minor tantrums

(13.) ignoring other people elevated to a fine art

(14.) "secretly" uses your electric razor, then soaks it in water

(15.) "disarmingly" badmouths all your friends

(16.) steals food according to some personal ethic

(17.) talks back to the TV, saying things like, "Shut up!"

(18.) leaves water boiling until it's bone dry

(19.) leaves thermostat at 98 degrees all night - $270.00 bill

(20.) leaves oven set to "broil" until someone else turns it off

(21.) leaves back door unlocked

(22.) dimwitted alarm clock tricks, in absentia

(23.) "I'll pay the bill as soon as I get back!" means "NOT!"

(24.) takes months to settle his fair share of household expenses

(25.) leaves kitchen sink stopped up and overflowing

(26.) loses temper if you intervene

(27.) discards toenail clippings on living room rug, injuring dogs

(28.) thrives in ambiguity — obfuscates in unexpected ways

(29.) it's not so much that he lies — he's narrow-minded and shameless

(30.) overruns the dining room table with his treasures

(31.) commandeers the remote control and sleeps with it

(32.) slams the toilet seat down

(33.) destroys things

(34.) tracks wet paint through the front door: "It's not my house!"

(35.) expresses contempt for dogs, smells, and other natural things

(36.) has an abiding and lifelong dream of becoming an astronaut

(37.) uses your bath towel to clean garlic and oils from pots and pans

(38.) dramatically opens all the doors and windows when you cook

(39.) spirits your kitchen utensils to remote locations

(40.) sets up elaborate plinking pools under dripping faucets

(41.) starts cursing the moment he wakes up

(42.) one ugly thing after another ... every sentence is a rat ...

(43.) very good at pushing things aside and cleaning things halfway

(44.) has trouble bonding; does not understand cause and effect

(45.) says he's different from other people, and hates outsiders

(46.) does not understand the unbound horizons of friendliness

(47.) prefers pain — tries to take people there

(48.) when he leaves the toilet lid down, it means he didn't flush it

(49.) howls at the TV like a clown in a Fellini movie

(50.) creates vast banks of floodlights, or turns out all the lights

(51.) leaves things out, including himself

(52.) cranky, maybe charming as a child, he's become a curmudgeon

(53.) leaves the refrigerator door propped open

(54.) a lot of times he doesn't know what he's doing

(55.) he's expressing huge rushes of hormones

 

 

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