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//\\\// AFRICAN BLUE //\\\// |
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Delicatessen |
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FOOD TRUCK |
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“Content Delivery since 1997” |
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We Are Sailors |
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(1.) There's a lot you can do without money and friends in high places. |
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(2.) With transverse winds, there's always a calm. |
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You've found The Bully Vaccine. Email RichardRoe “@” aol.com for magic assistance. Contact Richard Ames Hart, 1474 7th Street Apt. B, Berkeley CA 94710-1475 USA for support. |
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Learning to Lean |
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Into The Future |
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I was born inside a writer's block, raped, and left to my own devices. Internet porn fuels my sense of humor. The anonymous overlords of the platforms think I'm dangerous, though I'm not. Unless you hate naked little girls. That's the reason you don't see more of them. |
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All we've got, when we're born, is the future. No memories or recognizable past, just an openness to becoming, more or less, like the kinds of creatures we are, which is human, preverbal, filled with awe, and fierce! |
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A SLY ART |
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What you “hold in your mind” becomes what you are. Growth of Being takes about ten days if you can keep silent about it. A “good” person cannot defend themselves. By “being bad” you can find a way to get to the root of any verbal violence. You can transform it. Any “unresolvable” verbal attack would be famous. Such attacks don't exist. There's always something you can say, think, or do. If you channel things through certain words, everything becomes easy. A bully hates confidence. Don't get tricked into being too smart. |
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The Ultimate Trick |
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Of A Bully Running |
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For President |
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They're simply trying to trick you into being blown up. |
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Gaslighting |
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In a strange way whenever anyone says anything to you at all, they're gaslighting you. That is, they're influencing you, poisoning you, making you crazy. Especially when you're wide open, say, on a vacation, and don't even know your own name. |
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People are constantly trying to update your inner core software, especially when you're asleep. |
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Isn't that the way we are at night, when we're (Dreaming?) A new app has been installed on my iPhone and the person with me has agreed to help me test it. Essentially, you take any photo on your iPhone, cordon off any part of it as a rectangle, then ask the app whether the person you are with will have sex, yes or no. The person I am with has agreed to help test the app out by agreeing we are both bound to abide by its decision. Together, we start with a photo of a landscape, fence off a small rectangle, then press “GO” on the app. Each time we do this, the app says, “NO.” Then we examine a piece of modern art which seems to be little more than a pattern of crisscrossed bones, one of which looks like a person's forearm. The app says, “NO.” Suddenly and surprisingly the photo changes to a topless girl lying on the bed beside me, and I immediately see it's a photo of Mary, who used to work as a cashier at my company years ago. The app we are using is called, “Youth & Truth.” Once again, we cordon off a portion of a rectangle in the photo to strategically include both her bare breasts and press “GO!” (Fin). |
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A Caravan |
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Of Dreams |
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When Pakistanis decided to have everyone drive on the right-hand side, the way the Americans do, the authorities found they couldn't convince caravans of camels to come over, so they switched back to ancient ways. You can't get baby camels to not follow their parents overnight. |
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Wealthy people all over the world know how to glance at a man's belt buckle to see what kind of family they come from. Black women can tell much the same thing by glancing at a Black man's shoes. Children of privilege know how to roam around a mansion, or go swimming in the back yard swimming pool, totally naked. Barefooted, they keep track of where everyone else is so they won't be noticed. Children who are profoundly deaf and know how to read lips realize they're thirty-percent accurate at this. The rest is guesswork reinforced by experience. |
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Computer programmers know how to transmit secret passwords by following a simple rule. The secret password is bounded by the second numeral two. Thus from “dk288e2F09D200deC&qed” they take the real password to be “dk288e2”. People who read minds know how to move energy around their bodies in ways a parent would never notice. Right-to-left across their bellies, up into the chest, then up behind the neck in a certain spiral, and up to above their heads, forming a halo. It's an open secret in certain Buddhist statues. The world conveys lots of secrets to people who notice things, ask essential questions, and pay quiet attention to themselves. |
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A Bully Is |
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A Cadaver |
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Essentially, “Do unto cadavers what you would have cadavers do unto you,” pretty much sums up the situation. If you complain about cadavers to other people, they think you're crazy. Leading you to give up even trying. |
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After you've had an experience with a cadaver, you try to get it out of your mind. Cadavers haunt you. I try to talk back to this “haunting” inside myself by replacing it with the words, “It's impossible,” or the words, “Still to come.” Then the inner representation of any cadaver inside my own soul sort of dissipates. |
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People offer the wrong advice towards dealing with cadavers. They say things like, “Oh, the cadaver was probably having a bad day,” or “I just ignore them ....” Can you imagine? Cadavers stink. They really do. How can you ignore that? |
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Once you get physically close to a cadaver, they start their tricks. “Am I a cadaver?” is one of their favorites. Another one is, you could be telling one cadaver about another cadaver, and the first one says about the second, “Why do you think he's a cadaver?” All this is priceless. |
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Cadavers just keep coming back, popping back up, even in the form of quite a different cadaver! People who've seen this for themselves know what I'm talking about. |
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The Scene Of |
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The Crime |
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Police interrogators are not required to tell the truth. Even when they lie, you have to tell the truth! They tell lies in tag teams, trying to trip you up. They've got you sitting in a cage. That's the real crime. It's worth repeating. Interrogators are not required to tell the truth, and the emptiness you feel when they are lying has nothing to do with your “unconscious” or any such thing. |
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Your “unconscious” is always your childhood. Not recent events. You may be connected to your childhood, and even the parts of your childhood that you've forgotten. There's truth in that. Though when it comes to truth in the recent past, you know you, and they don't! Don't let anyone try to come between you and your own mind. |
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NEGATIVE FIRST |
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IMPRESSIONS |
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When you're relaxed, certain people can turn things negative real fast. Every police officer or taxicab driver has seen this. There's no explanation for it. It's just what some people do. Why get negative with people? |
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When the passenger in my taxicab told me his destination, I said, “That's easy!” and in an instant he said, “Not easy?” |
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He'd said a trigger word: he'd said, “not!” So I was quite prepared to say firmly, “Give it a chance!” |
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So let's run this through again: |
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When the passenger in my taxicab told me his destination, I said, “That's easy!” and in an instant he said, “Not easy?” and I said, “Give it a chance!” |
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Then I waited for things to get started again, this time without negativity. |
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More verbal tools include, “Stay focused!” and “CONSIDERABLE!” |
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BULLY |
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INFLATION |
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Without getting all religious on you, it's worth noting that “A person finds joy in giving an apt reply — and how good is a timely word!” the modern translation of Proverbs 15:23. |
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Bullies, or should I say, cadavers, say things that blow themselves up, so they can blow other people up! |
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Just when you least expect it, a bully mentions a girlfriend or a boyfriend you used to have, exploding your heart which collapses in a ruin! In other words, for no reason at all, they hurt your feelings. |
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Or they hurt your feelings by alluding to some misadventure you had as a child, betraying your trust. Woe to anyone who's given up secrets to a cadaver! |
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I've mentioned that cadavers take seemingly endless joy in tricks, throwing you into inner turmoil that you don't have an apt reply. Cadavers inflate themselves by steering conversations into “wisdom,” “extinction,” “the unconscious,” and other nebulous pronouncements — How could anyone have an apt reply? |
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To them, a man is simply someone who knows how to Keep Numbers Secret, and a woman is someone who merely knows, “Never mind the numbers!” Their inner laughter is deafening. |
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Then there's the subject of money. They want to know all about you and money, which is essentially a trick to get you to reject yourself. You say, “I just read something from the Bible!” and they say, “How does that monetize?” |
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It all comes down to having a broken heart, which everyone has, and a bully can't admit it. That's why they're a cadaver. |
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One of the more classic ways a cadaver uses inflation to conceal their own broken heart, is to ask you a point-blank challenging question, such as “Where's Jennifer?” I don't actually know anyone named Jennifer, so I find that question extra challenging. |
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Knowing What To |
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Say Back Makes |
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You Happy |
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Authority Figures |
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ALL PUMPED UP |
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One's carrying a gun. One's a father. They're both authority figures. They're both pumped up. That's a problem. |
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If either one of them starts talking, they can trick the other person into believing they're being backed into a corner, with both people becoming more pumped up. That's potential trouble. |
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Here's how to gain eyes & de-escalate without losing face. |
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CHERRY |
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PICKING |
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Signifiers such as “criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling & contempt” can get heavy-handed pretty fast. I prefer cherry picking, though fully understand that POWER is the calling card to attract paying customers. |
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Racism comes from sounds, accents and facial expressions :: Plant new seeds in the dark. |
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Women are geniuses at gaining sympathy. Slim customers, EVIL, NEGATIVE :: Sign language in the dark. |
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I prefer a dirty harmonica at the bottom of the well, playing close harmonies. Come back to your vices! |
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What you put in changes you. |
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The Gentle Art |
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Of Talking To |
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Your Self |
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“I was raised in such a way, I could never say that,” a man told me a few weeks ago. I had mentioned something he could say to a bully. I forget what it was right now. I had to wait a few weeks to grasp its full implications. What if you said things to yourself? Except you do it out loud. |
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White people know a trick. They're the “Not-Anything-You-Say” people. They're raised that way. They never call themselves the pinkish grey people, even though that's what they are. |
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White men are the “not stupid,” “not ugly,” “not crazy,” “not negative” people. It's as simple as that. A nigger is defined as “a despicable person.” The instant a person is “not despicable,” they're not a nigger. They're graduated. My teacher used to say, “I'm not black on the outside. I'm just black on the inside.” |
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There's an advertisement that says, “Quitting smoking feels big; try something small.” You don't have to take a pill to try something small. All you have to do is relax ... sensing your throat, ... down to your belly. Love is something small. |
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Saying “Just relax!” to a bully feels big, if downright impossible. Turn it around. Turn everything upside-down. While standing in front of a bully, say, “Just relax!” to yourself. Except say it out loud. |
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And speaking of religion, if lynching is a hate crime, then why isn't crucifixion a hate crime, too? |
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Empathy & |
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Tension |
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We all start out as bundles of pure empathy, picking up rational thoughts & spoken language from our mother, father, teachers & caretakers. It must come as quite a shock when we fail to pick up on their emotional drama & irrational ways. This shock we absorb as tension, which jams & interferes with our empathy, creating inner turmoil, sometimes to lasting affect. |
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All we have to do as adults is realign tension with otherworldly ideas! That would make perfect sense to a child. |
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Grab every scrap of happiness you can. |
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Think Outside |
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Any Box |
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Turn “Just say NO to bullying” upside down. |
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In Group Theory, if you don't understand what's in the box, it helps to put that box inside another box. So I was in a box the other day, gazing at shelves of chocolate candy, searching for a Hershey's with almonds. Except I wanted it to be dark chocolate, even thought that's more expensive. I gazed across the aisle, hoping to find any dark chocolate there, with almonds! |
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Suddenly a voice cried out, “The Black man!” and I glanced up to see a woman pointing towards a man not far away who said, “Get behind me!” |
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It helps to say, “I get it!” followed immediately by “From inside!” even if you don't quite grasp what's going on from each and every point of view. It turns out the guy thought I had been trying to cut in front of him at a checkout counter. |
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Of course the solution was to place both our boxes upside down inside another box, with me saying “I get it!” followed by “From inside!” even though at the time I had no clue yet as to what was going on. |
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Saying “Prepare to move out!” may be a bit better than saying, “NO!” to bullying. It's sort of like a military operation. |
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Real Magic |
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Shamaila texted me, “My favorite part about your website is about the inner swamp. That's why a person can spend a certain finite number of years clearing the inner swamp to see what's underneath the swamp. Worrying, arguing, and complaining are aspects of the swamp. Attacks from outside are also components of the swamp. Learn specific ways to defend yourself from these four aspects or components, and a person can discover a deep well of consciousness, and within that consciousness, wonder, awe, dreams coming true, and real magic in a self-affirming way.” |
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The world belongs to those who can actually see the future. The people there are reaching back to us. It's huge. It's bigger than money. |
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A human being can stand at the gateway of a vast intelligence of almost infinite depth, partaking as a spark, and serving as an organ of perception & participation. |
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Aggressive |
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Small Talk |
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It helps to memorize the sequence, “Other plans,” “Touch & go,” and “I get it!” Then when you encounter aggressive small talk, you can immediately say, “Other plans.” For instance, they say, “What's up, man?” “What's going on?” “You're not working today?” “Are you leaving?” or almost any other irrational thing, you can simply say, “Other plans.” |
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Next up, they stand at the doorway of the vague and tempt you to dive in. You're ready to respond, “Touch & go.” For instance, they say, “Just starting?” “You know about Thursday?” “It's a stolen election!” or almost any other deep diving trick, you can simply say, “Touch & go.” |
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Finally, they pull up every other trick in the book, not limited to sarcasm, and you're ready to say, “I get it!” For instance, they say, “No one landed on the moon!” “It could be your children,” “I was just kidding!” “Breaks you up, huh?” and rather than take the bait, you back out knowledgeably, saying, “I get it!” |
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A Small Talk |
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Bully In The |
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Neighborhood |
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Essentially, a small talk bully is one step away from knowing what they're doing. “Are you watching TV?” my neighbor asked after asking to stash some things in my freezer. The TV was in fact on, the condition in which I had left it as I answered the door to let him in. |
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By this time I was rearranging the freezer to make room for his mother's chickens, and was not actually watching TV because I was standing by my refrigerator talking to him. I did not know how to express myself in an unawkward manner, though did give a stab at it. Eventually I sorted out my own insanity and simply said, “Yes.” |
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So now he came in for the kill. “What are you watching?” he said. My mind went into rewind mode, and tried to sort out the moments before his arrival, when I had switched TV channels. Why had I done such an ungodly thing, I wondered. It was the top of the hour, commercials had been playing on all my favorite channels, my TV antenna was not pulling in a strong enough signal, I remembered, on Channels 9-1, 9-2, 9-3 and 9-4, and I couldn't focus exactly what was going on there, so had been trying to find what might be about to begin playing on half a dozen other channels as fast as I could, because all the channels would be starting up their new programs simultaniously, except for the channels in the midst of things. Some people think I'm neurotic, and that's not really true unless they demand I explain myself. |
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Human beings are entitled to populate their own artificial intelligence machinery. They might have three frameworks, one for the body, one for the heart, and one for the soul. |
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These frameworks would be completely transparent, fleshed out by a person's own hopes, dreams & imagination. They could include trees in the neighborhood, potholes that need fixing, resources that might serve them, learning Italian from Italians, books that might guide them, unfulfilled dreams. What people need is agency! Reliable human microloops. You put content there, the world delivers! |
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Visit the Backtalktionary and don't miss “How To Transform Bullying” @ musical-table.com. |
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There's Gotta Be |
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A Ton of Gold |
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Somewhere |
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I've always been fascinated by a pattern of speech in which someone is withholding something from you. Knowing this pattern of speech is always nascent & potential, I've done everything in my power to prepare myself for it. |
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What the other person is withholding from you often has everything to do with money, sexual favors, their own importance, the ambient hatred that you're a nobody, which is racism, or direct hatred of you that you have something that they don't have, which is simply remembering the “dreams I have at night” & dumb luck. |
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They pump themselves up to try to trick you into pumping yourself up, and then they demolish you! To prepare yourself for such an attack, realize their attack is always ahead of you and that the other person is a wipeout specialist! Then memorize whatever words you decide to place into your own assembly plant. Try to stay small. |
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What To Say Back |
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To Mr. Trump |
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MILLIONS OF |
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AMERICANS |
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“It's a rigged election.” —Donald Trump, Republican National Convention, August 24, 2020. |
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“My suggestion: get another job. This is not too demanding: unless you are a slave, I assume you have some amount of control over your job selection ... Please, don't drive a school bus blindfolded.” —Nassim Nicholas Taleb, The Black Swan, p. 163. |
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(Dream) I've always wanted to see a tornado and am fascinated by the one we can see about seven blocks away, downtown. Clouds of dust as one building explodes after another. Sometimes the dust reaches this far. The tornado itself seems stationary, weaving along the left side of our main street, back and forth, not coming closer. Until now! I race up to a grassy playground on the right, elevated and the length of half a football field, then suddenly realize the field itself may be warmer than the surrounding vegetation and structures, and its heat may be dangerous. Sure enough, I suddenly feel all the air around me becoming weightless, or I'm on the verge of being weightless myself, and realize this may be how the tornado may simply jump the distance from downtown to become reincarnated exactly where I'm standing, so while I still have some footing, make a race for some nearby trees, where the land may be cooler. Making my way to the top of the hill where I find myself, there's a small house with open doors, and I quickly introduce myself and ask for shelter. The people welcome me as we all make our way into their long grey van, almost a bus on the inside. The family squirrel, really the neighborhood squirrel, makes its way into the van along with the rest of us, and as we travel to a farther neighborhood in our town, I lose track of the little creature, and when we stop at a reasonable spot, can't find it. If the squirrel's not in our van, it'll simply have to start afresh where we are, which is life. After a certain time, we all climb in the van to go back home, and getting back to the top of the hill where we live, there's the little squirrel, somehow dustier! (Fin) |
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Waking up I feel a sudden sensation, almost a dimple of a sensation, directly between my eyes. |
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It's odd. On my cell phone I can suddenly type with two thumbs. |
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Good! ... How That |
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Should Feel |
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Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense changes the game. It's both nourishing and tasty. To be specific, which is the best way to go, every time you hear the word, “Good!” add some spice to the conversation by saying, “Surprisingly. You bet!” |
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Almost any conscious changeup slows things down enough to strike “gold karma!” You just don't know which way the ball is going to fly! |
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STOPPING |
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SMOKING |
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When I texted my physician I'd quit smoking, he texted back, “People quit smoking twenty times, so it doesn't count unless you quit for a year.” |
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I texted back, “Well I managed to quit playing ice-hockey, so there's that.” |
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A Strange Idea |
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People are suffering anyway. Conscious suffering implies something else. There are hints in the heavy-lidded eyes of erotic literature and in Renaissance art. Here are two examples: 1 :: 2. If your wife is going Italian, she gets it. |
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Backing away from sex play and back into ordinary life, we still have suffering, and conscious suffering implies a gate into the Supernatural. |
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Let's take the pangs of giving up smoking as a starting point. Or the pangs of not being able to pay your bills as you try to escape from debt slavery. Or the pangs of jealousy. Now what sees all this? That's the secret. |
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Take any particular pang, capture its moment as a sensation in your body, notice this moment as being attached to an unconscious train of memories, make those memories intentional, see what sees all this, and back into this inner eye. |
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You will see your suffering totally disappear, your mind will become empty, then become filled with impressions of things around you in outside physical reality, then maybe into a dream, or maybe into a memory of fireflies at dusk in a sultry St. Louis backyard, whether in a housing project or in a country club, it's all the same. Mangled moron tubes, impoverished coloreds, wealthy crackers, indigenous Indian survivors, unite! Whether you sing in the choir, or pee in the parking lot, what difference? |
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This is a muscle of consciousness worth remembering, backing into your inner eye, and as it grows in strength over years, over weeks, over moments, you will forsake worrying, arguing, and complaining and become what you really are, permanently. |
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I'm not saying it's easy, though your innocence and vulnerability can take a hint. You've got your intuition. You've got the dreams you have at night. You've got a connection with what's you. It's invisible, and that's just the beginning of having fun. Trust me! It says, “I am the only one!” |
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No one brags about it. |
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On The Back |
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Of Bad Luck |
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No matter how unlucky you get, there's always a formative and malleable misunderstanding. For the most part it was how you were tricked by adults when you were young. In these times, you've almost certainly been tricked into debt slavery, brought about by the subtleties of enticements and predatory lending, accompanied by the vicious squeeze & agonizing termination. |
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Look what happened to the once great Indian Nations. Or to the simple life of a child. The way out is to remember. That's the only way. |
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Deep in our souls, in our bodies. |
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The Secret |
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Grandfather |
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I've reached a point in life in which my difficulties are saying, “I can't do anything about it!” So of course I started going through boxes to throw out stuff, and found the most interesting scrap of paper. It's practically illegible, as if I'd scrawled the words down just before falling asleep, or else, waking from some kind of deep sleep, reaching out & writing in the shadows of drawn curtains. |
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It's a note, all right, on a scrap of paper entitled, “RAISING KIDS.” Invisible rocky shoals. Deep thing :: DOOR, MIRROR, LIGHT, WAY. Remove obstacles, Provide nourishment, Set boundaries, Secret admiration. |
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It's the last phrase, “Secret admiration,” which really caught my attention. Isn't that the attitude of a kind grandfather? In that it's a secret implies a hidden force. This force, “Secret admiration,” is clearly psychic, behind the simple notions of “Remove obstacles, Provide nourishment, and Set boundaries,” which are the direct duties of parents. Who better to provide “Secret admiration” than a grandfather? |
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I guess it's my internalization of this force that's led me to write the Backtalktionary, which is on the verge of being taken down by creditors. It'll still lurk somewhere on the Internet long after I'm dead, and as an exercise am subjecting, “I can't do anything about it!” to its analysis & scrutiny. |
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The Insane |
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Asylum |
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One of the first memories I buried as a child was of me being inside a hospital, where the people were nice to me, especially the pretty nurses. I had just been raped and left inside a tiny bathroom curled up under the sink to be discovered by the partygoers. After the initial screams of discovery, I noticed the stonewalling faces. |
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Yesterday, on an Oakland BART platform, I saw echoes of those same stonewalling faces after I'd stumbled into an open door and cried out, “Is this the train to Richmond?” Sixteen people looked blankly at me as if I'd violated all rules of decency. Finally, the Mexican man closest to me, out of both the corner of my eye, and out of his own kindness, said calmly, “Yes, it is.” |
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Whenever you see stonewalling faces, it's not against the law to say out loud, “Snake pit! Sink further!” as if you're watching a piece of avant-garde cinema. |
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As I grew up, those people in my parents' circles who knew I'd been raped as a toddler were nice to me and noticeably authentic. Of course, most people didn't know this tiny fact from my history. When they weren't stonewalling me, they behaved as if they were from an Insane Asylum, saying such things as “You suck!” or “Suck my cock!” You see, unbeknownst to me, I'd also been sexualized by gay men, giving me what's known as a “gay current.” That's an unfortunate condition for a straight guy to have; it turns you into what's known as a turkey. |
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Did you know turkeys can fly? |
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Whenever you hear the word, “suck,” you can complete the thought by adding, “... Says you! Perspicacity!” So we have the “You suck .. Says you! Perspicacity!” and the “Suck my cock .. Says you! Perspicacity!” |
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The pretty nurses in the hospital were indeed nice to me, and I never forgot that, which may be my luck. Back to the turkeys ... They just don't want anyone to know. |
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OFFICE POLITICS |
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Capitalism is really a matrix of financial structures designed to disguise the way groups and individuals are stealing money. At the bottom it's called Office Politics, carried out as Power Sharing. It's done with praise (sharing key information) and shame (withholding resources). |
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At the top it's called kinky sex. |
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The theft matrix hides pure stupidity, and it's fun to say, “Complicated!” to its face. |
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You might enjoy 1458privileged.com |
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PSYCHIC THUGS |
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Here and there are psychic thugs who can easily hijack your mind. The telltale is the plummeting feeling they inject into your psyche before departing. That's a problem. |
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Your best bet is to get away from them, which is fine as long as it's not your own parents. That's a real problem. Sooner or later they'll grow old, get dementia and die, so there's that. |
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It's best if you can see it coming. |
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I wish for Artificial Intelligence to solve this problem sometime in the future, which may be possible. An infant may not be capable of partaking in that knowledge, though there's hope. Meanwhile, be extremely careful who's whispering in your ear. |
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Sometimes you can accidentally escape. I think it's called the Witness Protection Program. |
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“Word-Poems” |
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For The Soul |
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My favorite “word-poem” is for “kind.” The entire poem is simply, “What you least expect,” followed by “Edgy.” As far as I can tell, this word-poem solves every conceivable use, or misuse, of the trigger-word, “kind.” |
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My second-thru-fourth favorite “word-poems” are for “I” “love” & “you.” |
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When they're visible, they're the skid marks of a human soul. |
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Real |
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Conversations |
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In a conversation two people can partake in an exchange of observations. In an exchange of beliefs, one person dominates another — transferring the interaction into one of control with the belief, “I've got you under my thumb” — which makes all the more sense since from the beginning they were in a minor rage. |
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In everyday small talk, these quite ordinary people appear to be “pop-ups” making bizarre proclamations. They believe if they illuminate their own anger, they'll be destroying their spell. That's the way English royalty used to behave; “We must not let in daylight upon magic,” Queen Victoria would say with a merry, “Have a better day!” |
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Into The Future |
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Of Economy |
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Now that COVID-19 is upon us, the Saint Francis Memorial Hospital in San Francisco has adopted a policy to not allow people to use their restrooms. When I pointed out that taxicabs are being asked to ferry patients from one medical institution to another, the receptionist took this as an excuse for her to get angry, declaring, “Have a great day!” |
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They're probably having issues with toilet paper. |
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If I had been quick-witted, I would have said, “What about washing my hands?” |
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Ask yourself what you want :: stories of death shot from the first row, or a little tingly sensation in the center of your chest? |
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As I was falling asleep last night, a little whisper voice said, “All over,” and its twin instantly replied from the left side of my consciousness, “Now I know how to feel.” |
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A Restroom |
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Out Of Order? |
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The Broken Heart |
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Virus And The |
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Sneaky Vaccine |
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The immune system is powerful and if we can train it to respond to sliced-up pieces of a dead virus, then when the real virus comes along, it will know how to defend itself. It will spot the live virus from its vaccine training, and thoroughly neutralize it. |
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THE HUES OF WAR |
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BLACK. I had to switch to a spare cab when my own broke down. Tips in, tips out, all day, hard to keep track of. Can't cope with it. Some fares jump, take off, it's the white girls, who knew? Still can't keep the books. |
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RED. Now the masked one stands in line, six feet deep, am I dead now? In a food line? The bugs know! |
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BLUE. The Feds move cash to my bank on a whim. Take it, too. How can I sign a form for them that's a lie? Let's see. Three at the start, three at the end, then the guy at the pump. What do you call the fares that skip? |
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GREEN. We're debt slaves, no doubt! From birth to death, if truth be told, and I'm sick of it! They know, they see, they take what they will! It works well for them as long as we sleep. What about bills for phones, for heat, for rent, for our sick, for our wars? Can we pay them as they stand? Those who dole it all out can't send them in the snail mail, it's too nuts! |
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GOLD. What we do for the ones who live near us, low and high, big and small, frees me from the shame of our plight. As we fan out to pull a faint light. |
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ROUGE, GRAPE & PINK! My phone still works, God knows. When will I pay them? The joke when I slip to the grave. |
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When You're |
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Being Lied To |
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Even a child knows when they're being lied to, and inherently knows there are “Other trains you can take.” |
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When you're an adult standing on a rocky cliff, there's always some joker down below crying, “Jump!” Here's where you scream back, “Someone else!” |
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In between these two cases are all the other forms of lies. People pretend they know what you have, what you believe, or what you're like as a human being, and they're actually wrong. Even if they're right, they're wrong! |
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People reject you because they reject themselves. It's that simple. |
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For four-year-old Meena Morenza there is no dialog in the bank. Queen stop. |
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So how can a little Black girl nip racism in the bud? She'd have to have my mother, a Scott! And my father, a Harvard educated Swede. Checkmate! |
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Maybe she'd be watching a TV sitcom called, “Matter Is The Minimum.” Where's the Rook? |
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Uprooting Ambient |
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Racism & Planting |
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New Seeds |
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Every time I notice a mischievous dark-skinned person, trying to steal my attention, or overhear tiresome “go figga!” rap music, I consciously write the words, “AFRICAN BLUE!” across the billboard of my mind, leaving no room for anything else. If everyone did that, replacing negative emotions with words, the world would be a different place. |
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1st day of school; |
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i'm 4 years old |
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Who Can Tolerate |
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Verbal Abuse? |
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The only ones who can truly tolerate being lied to, snubbed, disrespected, ignored and insulted is a troupe of actors. We see them on tv. We see them in the movies. They can move right to the edge of breaking your heart, and just before plummeting themselves, pull back. |
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As the orchestra swells. |
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They practice and rehearse, carefully placing golden steps on top of the downtrodden. “I can do this,” they tell themselves. “I can do this.” |
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Henry David Thoreau marched off to Walden Pond for a few years back in 1854 in order to “drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion.” |
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And here is where we can finally understand it. |
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A Tale Of |
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Two Worlds |
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In one world you can be yourself. You can easily see yourself being a nice simple person being friendly out in the world, while remembering hiding out in the basement sharing secrets with your best friend: sneaky and happy and honest. |
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In another world, some people, their entire self-esteem is built upon hating other people. They're just like their parents, with no culture or grace. It feels like they're beaming down on you, overpowering you. Even so, you're still alive! |
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Hip talk! They don't know how to be friendly except in terms of edginess or net worth. They think they won't eat unless they have a career. Don't worry; it won't get worse. It's best to stay away from them; that's the secret. |
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It means you're a very deep person. Not too friendly, not too weird. Very loyal. For ever so many years. Friendly is not the same thing as friends. It can go just one way: we can be simple. There's no work in relationships. They're just people. They either get along or they don't. May your time machine not stop in the dark cave! |
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The way you can bring back those wonderful days: Living With A Mystery. |
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Disarming |
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A Fanatic |
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WRITTEN IN |
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BLACKNESS |
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I've been having these strange dreams lately, even for me. In the dreams I move beyond anything I've ever known, with people I've never met, including with a beautiful blonde woman. In (One Of The Dreams) I suddenly open my eyes inside a pitch black closet of some kind, and realize a bunch of teenagers standing in the dark beside me include the blonde woman. Intimately, I sense their breathing. It's crowded, though not uncomfortably. (Fin) |
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When I was in fifth grade a hammer fell off the limb where I'd hung it, glancing off the head of Hook Wilton, who was standing on the ground beneath our tree house. None the worse for the blow, he hopped on his bicycle and rode home, leaving me with his older sister, Honey, who was also in fifth grade. “I'll show you mine if you show me yours,” she said, and I agreed. We'd spent our childhoods wrestling on the sofa in the basement, where I easily pinned both her and her younger brother down, and now her constant shadow was gone. |
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I locked the door to the bathroom where I'd decided was the best place to pull down our pants. If I'd had any sense, which I've regretted to this day, I would have taken her to a hiding place where we could have taken off all our clothes, but that's why we were children, not knowing. Unbeknownst to me, another shadow had been present, my stepfather, who had been lurking outside our locked bathroom door, who said, “What were you doing in there?” |
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I've been holed up in my bedroom for a few days, doing this coronavirus shelter thing, and in the cavernous dark, filling my abdomen, a (Dream) suddenly rises, shows me a tray of five words its pulled from some sort of board game, and as I finally get a chance to read the words, inside my own brain, I see, in the total blackness, “DON'T REJECT YOURSELF.” (Fin) |
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Before I can object that there had only been three words, (It Adds) “FIND IT.” (Fin) |
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All this had taken place in the same place inside my own brain which should be familiar to most people, the moment in which you are struggling with one of those tissue paper toilet seat rings that is packed too tightly inside its dispenser. |
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The Black Voice which had suddenly expanded itself inside my abdominal cavern had a vague religious quality to it bordering upon The Archaic, which felt odd, there inside me. Again, I felt the internal presence of the teenagers I'd discovered there in the dark in my dream of several days ago. |
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“HID .. BEHIND THE SHADOW OF A DOUBT,” the voice continued, being Written In Blackness, there inside me. It's ridiculous, I realized. All I had to do was open my eyes, get up, and go get breakfast. Instead I lay there with my eyes shut. |
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Then the voice seemed to turn around and say, “EVERYBODY ... EVERYTHING,” and with the tone of a preacher, “AMAZING PEOPLE, HERE I AM ...” and accompanied by the (Simultaneous Dream) of a face of a Black, Black man wearing a hoodie behind a trace of a smile, with an unlit blazing white cigarette dangling from his mouth, turned-down eyes, and a certain blood-red tinge to his black skin, reminding me of an American Indian, adding, (Fin) “... CHILDREN.” |
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I kept my eyes closed, conscious of the darkness beneath my lids, relaxing at the edge of sleep. |
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Eight or nine minutes later the voice turned back to me and said, “YOU WANT TO SCARE SOMEBODY,” adding, “OUR PARENTS WOULD NOT HAVE KILLED SOMEBODY.” |
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In a way I was a spectator. Then, within minutes, I saw being written in the blackness an entire conversation, which I struggled to keep up with by opening my eyes just enough to take notes: |
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I NEED TO BE SAFE. |
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YOU HAVE TO MUTATE. |
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AFRAID TO MOVE. |
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A heavy-lidded sensation falls off a wire stretched between my eyes, darts down into my abdomen, flirts with my throat, then soars straight back up behind by eyes. |
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THE VAGUE |
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WON'T FLY |
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Many people use an adherence to the Vague to push other people around. By transforming the Vague into Quantum Specifics, you can better understand what to do about it. You can build a Peanuts Cartoon Plane, climb aboard the World War II aircraft, and fly. |
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Otherwise, you're continuously grappling with sentences such as, “Don't get emotionally involved!” and “Why don't you ever listen?” These two particular attacks do little more than pound you down. You don't even know where to begin. For starters, it's useful to hold your breath. Second, it's useful to get away. A day later, you may come up with something approaching art ... Still, you're lucky if being glib & confrontational can't possibly arise from being flabbergasted & silent. Days later you can still come back and drop a stealthy bomb. |
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The deepest parts of the mind are the most intelligent, and also the slowest. You actually don't have to build a bomb. It just makes a Snoopy Flying Ace happy to understand how to. |
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THE BOMBSHELL :: “More people die for nothing than most people believe.” |
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They Shot 2 Gärten |
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& 2 Other Religions |
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Including me and my father, who I assure you aren't gay. I snuck into the graveyard and engraved, “Jimmy, the Flying Homosexual” on my spiritual stepfather's tomb, who told his attorney, “Ricky won't have a leg to stand on,” when he disinherited me, which is kind of a hoot when you think about it. I was raped as a child, then installed in his mansions. |
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But wait! Here somes a small child. Let's repeatedly slam him in the back of the head, run over his dog, impose a decades-long regimen of “Yes, Sir!” and “No, Sir!” on the kid and never ask for forgiveness. Okay! Let's do it! “A new thrill.” “I get it!” “Put your name on it.” |
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Escaping From |
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The Simulation |
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Many people devote themselves to propagating a simulation, characterized by hope, fear, confusion, intimidation, sexual attraction, lying and mistakingly calling a dream or an idea, “reality.” |
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The way to escape is to engineer some sort of “equal footing” with them, expressing yourself honestly as if you're in a theater, knowing you're both a person and an actor, noticing how they themselves have “bought a bad act,” then as you express something transformative, take yourself out of it and become an “observer.” |
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More Powerful |
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Than A Martini |
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Even as a bully's theatrics transmute into a simulation with a brain, you can always break the spell. They might not like it. However, you're not trying to be likable. |
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“I TOLD YOU HE WAS A TROUBLEMAKER.” |
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Sneaking Beyond |
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Confrontation |
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NOTES FROM A REAL SCHOOL :: They're idiots ... These are the “improve-upons,” cloaked in faux spirituality ... “Let me hypnotize you, fixate your attention, and offer wise suggestions for future activities.” |
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It's as if they're always saying, “Now you will have a better life!” ... They belittle people in the guise of “helping them” ... They're like ghouls making you out to be a monster ... Besmirching your character, whining, complaining & peppering you with questions. All they want to hear, or remind you of, is what's going badly ... Don't let it put you beneath the water ... Don't get tricked into being too smart. |
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A person with a deep understanding of verbal tools can use them to sidestep insults, transform hostility, and maintain a pleasant connection with the Imagination of Nature, or as some would say, with the finer aspects of human nature. |
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Don't let anyone push you around. Try to see what's going on from their own childhood, what they're really asking ... It's as if they're asking ... “What do you do when someone attacks you this way?” |
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A verbal tool takes the place of something; it is not just “something to say.” ... Verbal tools let you take a step back. |
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Learn something and recite it ... Learn some things by heart ... And you can say it when someone's yelling at you. Because when you do that, you're grown-up ... “Why are you telling me this?” ... That's the magic words. |
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This Scene's |
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A Classic |
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The Nature |
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Of Success |
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If you believe in “the system's no good,” you're living someone else's dream. That leaves you in a corridor somewhere, doesn't it? |
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What we need is a hook from the future! So bit by bit I'm building a little shipyard. Asymmetrical Artificial Intelligence. You have been connected. |
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The Madness |
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Of The Moment |
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With Pandemics and Cytokine storms many people are hoping for Reincarnation Going Backward! Makes sense. That's what dark matter and dark energy have been up to for years. The people of the future had better be careful, though, or they'll wind up far worse. |
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HORSE AROUND. BE REAL. HELP PEOPLE. HEAL. HIDE. FEEL. |
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Make light. Reflect light. Absorb light. |
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Fierce PLAY. Connect to your future. PLAN. The realm of ideas. POOF! |
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“Does time have a beginning?” INSPIRATION. “Does time have an end?” ASPIRATION. “Do you ever run out of time?” RESPIRATION. |
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PAST, FUTURE, PRESENT. Make money, Save money, Spend money. |
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COVID-19 In |
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Happy Hollow |
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I rarely finish a novel without asking of it, “Why are you going on this way?” and “What do you expect to find there?” Those are excellent ideas to ask any bully, including a tiny little virus called SARS-CoV-2, who likes to pop up without warning and mess with you. |
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