“The Backtalktionary”

   
NOVICE [juicy-bonus.com]
TWEEN [1010playbook.com]
EXPERT [backtalktionary.com]
 

@. The Dark Side Really Gets a Bum Rap. From the dark side you have a wonderful view. As fast as that. Watch out! I bite. I play dead. Around the corner I am not a museum. Almost everything you save, aside from love, is an insult to your future. Out the door.

 

A. This is “the skinny”: You can always say something back to mean people or to phony people without thinking about it too much. This vehicle is being driven by Richard Ames Hart. If you need me, you can reach me. RichardRoe “@” aol.com.

 

B. Quick Links:
     [Complete Backtalktionary]
     [Smalltalktionary for Kids]
     [Super-Super Introduction]
     [Egghead-Hayseed Wars]
     [Annihilation of the Phony]
     [Not A Big Manual]
     [The Skinny War]

 

C. Twelve Examples:

 

“hey,

—I hope not. Off-limits.

what's

—That's allowed. Not available.

up?”

Double up! When!

 

 

“how's

Effortless. Tough to beat.

it

—Perfectly. Once again.

going?”

—At midnight. Far and wide.

 

 

“how

—What all. Immediately!

are

—At all times. Why's it set?

you?”

Surely. How could anyone?

 

 

“do

—Socially or professionally?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

know

—Seriously? Or else!

my

—Thanks for warning me.

name?”

—Unhinged. The game is over!

 

 

“what's

—That's allowed. Not available.

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

cell

—Fall apart. Who's listening?

number?”

—Miscommunication anyway.

 

 

“that's

—To the contrary. Rock & roll.

not

That's not the case.

good.”

—The thing to do. A hard road.

 

 

“give

—We'll see. A complex unit.

me

—Disturbing. God forbid!

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

lunch

—It's your bedtime. Isn't it?

money!”

—Fantastic. Sell your clothes.

 

 

“honey,

As if. Life is not a test.

come

—By no means, sir! ICYFIRE!

with

—Like crazy! Networking, eh?

me.

—Disturbing. God forbid!

it's

—Narrowly. It's a mystery.

an

—Hold it! What's the password?

emergency.

—By no means, sir! ICYFIRE!

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

mom

—By no means, sir! ICYFIRE!

sent

—Yeah, sure. Not so much.

me

—Disturbing. God forbid!

to

—Hard to miss. Takes you back.

pick

—I must be going! Look it up!

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

up.”

—Double up! When!

 

 

“hey,

I hope not. Off-limits.

move

—Fantastic. Sell your clothes.

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

car!”

—Not a lot. Making a nest.

 

 

“fuck

Not much. Forget that.

you!”

—Surely. How could anyone?

 

 

“you're

—Sorry! You'd be surprised.

late!”

I might do that. NO WAY!

 

 

“are

—At all times. Why's it set?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

doing

—Living well. Pushed it past.

okay?”

—Pretty much. All the way.

 

 

“gives

—Next time! A rule of thumb.

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

power,

It's stage directions. Capiche?

huh?”

—An odd thing. Held back.

 

 

“have

I've had my time. On my way.

a

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

good

—The thing to do. A hard road.

day.”

—On the way home. Time out!

 

(12). “I'm mad at you!” Famous people hear things like “I'm mad at you!” from deranged fans all the time. If a total stranger marched up to me and said, “I'm mad at you,” I'd freeze. Let's freeze them, too, for a moment.

Twenty seconds later a deep part of my mind provides a (Vision) I see an adult bending over a dog, shaming it. The dog, not knowing what the hell is going on, wags its tail in submission. (Fin) A more aggressive part of my mind suggests, “Food fight!” and the other half of my brain cries out, “Onion rings!” The most devilish part of my brain starts singing, “I cried a tear-r, because of you ....”

Fifty seconds have gone by, so let's bring the deranged fan back on-line. There's one school of thought that suggests, Bully the Bully! Many guys would simply say, “Fuck you!” Many aggressive women might launch into something like, “That may be, this or that, or it may simply be you have a shoe up your ass, and if you really must know, I'm mad at you, too!” A faux therapist might say, “And I'm so proud you can say that! For you, it's a scoop of ice-cream!”

Meanwhile, you begin to get the idea the deranged fan has been stewing in their own juices for quite some time, ready to spring. All day long they've been ramping up or rehearsing for just such a skirmish: “I'm mad at you!” Do we really want to go there?

 

(11). I said, “I'm mad at you!” to Siri on my iPhone six or seven times, and the bot replied, “I wonder what it's like, being mad?” the first time. Then, “Was it something I said? || Fine. Stop squeezing me. || Not at me, I hope. || You know what they say about blaming the messenger, Richard... || Was it something I said? || Take a deep breath. Another.”

See how smart Siri's becoming? And hollow? What's underneath? The responses get boring. They're actually empty. The trouble is, what about you? You do much better at an atomic level. And the reason is, your emotions get to signal up from your belly. They get to pick and choose. They get to learn. They get to guide you into pure honesty. And you've got ingredients for another day.

 

“I'm

Directly. Safe. Not at all.

mad

—I decide what's for me.

at

—How so? Most of us don't.

you.”

—Surely. How could anyone?

 

(10). My teacher used to say, “Richard, what took you so long?” I had no idea what he was talking about until a transcendent change of scenery allowed Twistina to mail me this note from the East Coast ...

 

“we

—Lost & found. So foolish.

laughed

No doubt. It lives forever.

at

—How so? Most of us don't.

the

—42. That's enough of it.

pictures

—Oh, please! Keep listening!

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

took

It's broken. A broken heart.

and

—Going up! So soon?

threw

—Life's darkest moment.

them

—No beginning to a claim.

away.”

—Let's go by intuition.

 

(9). Q: “Can misery evaporate?” A: Yes. Curious that your question embodies its answer. Haul it up from the Ocean of Being. Disengage any hooks or entanglements. Separate it from its backbone. Then it will evaporate.

(8). Q: “What is the Intimate Thought?” A: You've tried everything else. Why not? Something that will make her angry. A rose on a lattice, no?

(7). In organizations like IBM, people work in silos with their wings clipped. You're a nincompoop if you do anything original. Everything's a fantasy, including the work of the Wright brothers in a bicycle repair shop. “We've made an airplane that can circle back!”

 

“how

—What all. Immediately!

does

—That's not the case.

that

—Missed out. I'll be watchful.

monetize?”

Wind it up! You wait for it.

 

 

“you

—Surely. How could anyone?

should

I have my own kind of work.

make

—Why bother? Doesn't matter.

a

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

guided

—That's funny. Too soon.

missile

—Less damaging. Gruel.

app

I'll bet. A helicopter.

and

—Going up! So soon?

jump

Someone else. Significant.

off!”

—What the hell? It's cancelled.

 

 

“get

—Give me money. Brilliant.

back

—I hope not. Off-limits.

in

Is that so? Enough about me!

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

box.”

—What's next? Pretty uphill.

 

(6). I'm in a basket, wrapped in cloth, floating in the bulrushes.

(5). I am a horse being born in a stable.

(4). I am taking my first breath: “Al-lah!”

(3). It's night. I'm dreaming, and in the (Dream) I have no arms and legs. (Fin)

(2). The stars are shining bright. The moon's reflected in the rippling shattered light. I know it's Walden Pond. And in the morning, I laugh. Exhausted, I'd fallen asleep in a bunch of bugs, twigs and mud. I remember my stepfather, some random guy on the shore, crying out, “You have to change your attitude!”

(1). I can make a small adjustment. I'm making huge tsunamis in the bathtub! Water all over the place. A little girl inside my heart warns me, “Your mother!”

 

“you

—Surely. How could anyone?

have

—I've had my time. On my way.

to

—Hard to miss. Takes you back.

change

I wish I'd thought of it.

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

attitude!”

—Wounded Knee. God's red sun.

 

 

“your

Solid. My social calendar.

mother!”

—I have my own kind of work.

 

0. The real trouble a person experiences when they hear an irrational verbal attack comes from a flood of negative emotions which are so powerful, the person has trouble adhering, without a little sly practice, to their own inner beauty. With certain ideas, a person stops what they're doing on autopilot and considers an “otherness” – how to be self-respecting & kind in particular situations. For instance, this idea from David Daniels :: “It was really different in the old days – There were so few people – They could really, really help people.” (See thegatesofparadise.com). While David was alive, I stole as many Sufi ideas as I could. Now when someone says, “You should write a book!” instead of getting bent all out of shape, I simply say, “I don't want to ruin it.”

 

“thanks

No trouble! Backätcha.

for

—Who knows? Cloud cover cool.

sharing

I hear you. Deep regrets.

that.”

—Missed out. I'll be watchful.

 

1. Welcome those of you from WorryDrifter.com! If you were expecting something to do with driftwood, you may be pleasantly surprised. Maybe it's a kind of driftwood that floats up from the mind, that has the capacity to snag worries, and float them away.

 

2. Worries, after all, are simply ideas that capture the emotions, making them go round and round, going far beyond a fair assessment of the situation, bringing about emotional pain. Worries steal your happiness! So why can't another order of ideas dislodge worries and carry them away?

 

3. Children see bullies in the outside physical world, and cope with mean people best they can. This website [backtalktionary.com] is devoted to specific ideas for defending a person from bullies, and their mean ideas.

 

“don't

—Impoverished. Sparingly.

work

—I know, right? Another stage?

too

—Very different. Just a bit.

hard.”

Way before then. Think things!

 

4. So if the worry-maker inside a person is also regarded as a bully, can't the ideas at this website also be used to knock off a person's INNER BULLY? The inner tyrant is worse than any bully in the outside physical world because it's living inside you! So how can you quell it? And why would you want to? Because not only is it stealing your happiness, it's bringing about a terrible price! It's etching emotional angst deep in your psyche.

 

5. You may be using so much energy keeping all this bottled up, you go around feeling tired all the time! So why not search for ideas that can wrestle your worries off their track? Why not grab a piece of driftwood floating by, attach the latest worry to it, and watch it drift away?

 

6. This may seem ridiculous, but so is any worry!

 

7. Phonies are just incontinent. Crystallized that way. All that anger and bluster. They couldn't crap on the battlefield. Too bad.

 

“kill

—Socially or professionally?

all

—Then again. What divides us?

the

—42. That's enough of it.

phonies!”

Packs a punch. Just so.

 

8. There's (a.) racism, (b.) sexism, (c.) purism, (d.) ageism, (e.) idiotism, (f.) elitism, (g.) tribalism and (h.) patronization. You'd think there'd be a shorter word for that. Anyway, I have a shortcut. I HATE EVERYONE!

 

“now...

—One's enough. Stick around!

where

—Don't fight it. THINK BIG!

were

—Free-floating. Hiding out.

we?”

Lost & found. So foolish.

 

9. And perfectionism. I'm telepathic! I can write with my throat.

 

“can

—Good idea. Eat your heart out!

we

—Lost & found. So foolish.

still

—One's enough. Stick around!

have

—I've had my time. On my way.

children?”

—A part of me. Now I know.

 

10. Work back from the future. Have an aim. Nip troubles in the bud. Let life play out.

 

“there's

Here and now. That's all.

no

—Take that into consideration.

right

—No idea. If it's over, it's over.

way.”

—Hold on! The no clue canoe!

 

11. The Backtalktionary for Kids is under swift development. It's at [smalltalktionary.com] with three secret links to our magic breathtaking [Zing-Ching-Tarot]. Leave feedback at RichardRoe@aol.com. Thanks!

 

12. You know how you can pump gas & cut your fingernails at the same time? Or how young people can send text messages on their cell phones while they simultaneously tap out the dots and dashes of Morse code? So, too, this website is about defending yourself with words & being happy at the same time.

 

13. For instance, when a waitress pops up and asks the irksome question, “How do you like it?” or when a jerk pops up from around the corner and says, “What's your annual salary?” or when a friend simultaneously asks, “Are you doing okay?” you can choose from a whole panoply of associated responses ... while being happy!

 

“how

—What all. Immediately!

do

—Socially or professionally?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

like

That's funny. Too soon.

it?”

—Perfectly. Once again.

 

 

“what's

—That's allowed. Not available.

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

annual

—Well, okay! There's hope.

salary?”

—A part of me. Now I know.

 

 

“are

At all times. Why's it set?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

doing

Living well. Pushed it past.

okay?”

—Pretty much. All the way.

 

14. There's coarse beauty and there's fine beauty. People just say stuff, not because any of their stuff is true, it's because you don't have the exact knowledge to defend yourself. Pretend you're Tonto or Leroy Jethro Gibbs ... They use scripts ... You wait for your writers to feed you some “natural” lines. Then you just say it. There's no right way, you just say something back in the process of learning. Your deepest mind will catch on. Your deepest mind can defend itself. Help it wake up. Say something back in the River of Time and wait three days. They crucify you, you say something back, then you wait three days.

 

“you're

—Sorry! You'd be surprised.

ugly!

—That's a switch.Nothing to spy on.

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

don't

—Impoverished. Sparingly.

belong

Very awkward. It's civilized.

here.”

—Amazing. What a difference.

 

 

“you

—Surely. How could anyone?

don't

—Impoverished. Sparingly.

know

Seriously? Or else!

that?

—Missed out. I'll be watchful.

you're

—Sorry! You'd be surprised.

stupid!”

We'll see. A complex unit.

 

 

“it's

—Narrowly. It's a mystery.

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

mind

—Certainly not. Liberty!

I

—Amazing. What a difference.

like.

—That's funny. Too soon.

say

—It's your bedtime. Isn't it?

something

—Withered dominance.

smart.”

One leg open at a time.

 

 

“do

—Socially or professionally?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

have

—I've had my time. On my way.

boundary

—In an instant. It all unfolds.

issues?

—Tell me about it. Happy trails!

you're

—Sorry! You'd be surprised.

crazy!”

Probably. With employees.

 

15. If you mutter, “NIGHT SKY!” other people could easily hear it as, “Nice guy!” Or, when you really need help, ICY FIRE! feints “I see fire!” & works much better than “Help! Help!” ICY FIRE!)

 

16. People have the right to set boundaries and not be pushed around by other people.

 

“what's

—That's allowed. Not available.

the

—42. That's enough of it.

matter

—I know I'm good. Nothing really.

with

—Like crazy! Networking, eh?

you?”

Surely. How could anyone?

 

 

“you

—Surely. How could anyone?

should

—I have my own kind of work.

commit

—It's terrible. BUNK! I'm torn.

suicide.”

—Don't include me. After you!

 

17. Furthermore, a person has every right to cry out, ACETYLENE! if someone in another car blows their horn for your attention, rolls down their window, and yells something totally incomprehensible to you.

 

“are

—At all times. Why's it set?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

frmsgcfsf?”

ACETYLENE!

 

 

“acetylene?”

That's it. We're done.

 

18. Notice how language curves around and through you. Bullies design attack words to settle in. Rehearse short scripts to dislodge them before they can get to you. Choose half (½) a response. Hold the second half (½) back for another day.

 

“I

—Amazing. What a difference.

want

—Tell me about it. Happy trails!

to

—Hard to miss. Takes you back.

see

—I don't know any of them.

an

—Hold it! What's the password?

improvement

ANY TIPS? Get a dog!

in

Is that so? Enough about me!

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

performance.”

Somehow. Super. Imagine.

 

19. Mr. Trump your father, Ms. Clinton your mother & you in the middle fatootsed. Everyone's frowning up. He's a brute, she's overwhelming & I don't care if you paralyze in there. War machine, bureaucracy & debt bondage. Id, superego & ego. Tie this one to this one. Use one another. Keep this space clear. It's you!

 

“because

You're never worried about it.

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

have

—I've had my time. On my way.

nothing

Still there. Ask them.

to

—Hard to miss. Takes you back.

say!”

It's your bedtime. Isn't it?

 

 

“EXCUSES

No beginning to a claim.

SUCK!”

Less damaging. Gruel.

 

 

“mom's

—Fantastic. Sell your clothes.

got

—What the hell? It's cancelled.

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

washing

BACK OFF! Stay back.

the

—42. That's enough of it.

dishes,

—I had to stop. 'doz crazy people.

huh?”

—An odd thing. Held back.

 

20. Don't let bullies get away with it! Nip their words in the bud. Throw 'em out! You can't really make a mistake. Practice talking really slow.

 

“aw,

—Solitary. And not only that.

you're

—Sorry! You'd be surprised.

a

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

sweetheart.”

WHO CARES? It works!

 

21. There's a permanent adversarial culture in this country. It's best not to say too much. Lay low! :: “To Confront Someone is to Empower Them.” (Moldavian) || “Fight for Your Way.” (Korean) || “Our Biggest Mission in Life is to Avoid Boring Fools.” (Scottish). This is small-talk survival! Once you've found yourself again, check out some background material I wrote in 2012 having to do with Raw Anger.”

 

22. I drive a Yellow Cab in the city, San Francisco taxi 1010, and today I met a man from Australia who interspersed observations about those who are “driving while entitled” (d.w.e.) and drawing my attention to a certain farmers' market along our way. Conversations are like that. Most people are pretty nice, many don't know exactly how to say something, but their heart is in it. There's nourishment there, between the words. When there isn't nourishment, I feel, it's often because one or both of you are allowing “driving while emotional” to overpower you, or run the show, leaving you pretty much hollowed out, stifled or empty. A sudden burst of epinephrine is a weaselly substitute for endorphins. This website is designed to bring new associations into the mix, so as to allow a sense of humor, a sense of restraint, or a sense of far-flung experience to open up, and allow nourishment to creep back in.

 

“WHAT

Still there. Ask them.

TIME

Freewheelin', man. Thlowly.

YOU

—Surely. How could anyone?

START?”

—Switched! The usual suspects.

 

 

“WHAT'S

—That's allowed. Not available.

WRONG

—Earlier. HEALTHIER.

WITH

—Like crazy! Networking, eh?

YOU?”

—Surely. How could anyone?

 

 

“WHERE

Don't fight it. THINK BIG!

YOU

—Surely. How could anyone?

GOING?”

—At midnight. Far and wide.

 

23. The main idea of “Non-escalating Verbal Self-defense” is to say as little as humanly possible, to quiet your mind and sense yourself like a cat, until you get a chance to integrate certain words or phrases into your everyday parlance. As an exercise, try saying “—Nothing fancy” every time you hear the word, “looking.” So, as an example, a gangster says, “What are you looking at?” and you matter-of-factly say, “—Nothing fancy.” It never hurts to be friendly! A clerk says, “Just looking?” and you say, “—Nothing fancy.” A security guard says, “Are you looking for something?” and you say, “—Nothing fancy.” Your girlfriend says, “Stop looking at me like that!” and you say, “—Nothing fancy.” That may be the wrong thing to say, so you hold in reserve, as a backup to the response, “—Nothing fancy,” the three-word response, “—In & out!”

 

24. Now, since you rarely hear the trigger word “looking” in everyday life, let's go for the granddaddy of all attack words, “you!” Try saying one of two responses to the word “you” all through the day, until you feel entirely comfortable, and your sense of humor has risen above the threshold of wherever it might have been buried, if in fact it was entombed, your sense of humor, that is. Not your comfort. It's good to consciously raise the tension! Just do it and hold your breath until you have to laugh. Then wait a day for this exercise to sink in ... Never explain yourself! The two responses to “you” are “Surely,” and “How could anyone?” The best of luck to you!

 

“you

—Surely. How could anyone?

have

—I've had my time. On my way.

a

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

bad

One thing leads to another.

attitude!”

—Wounded Knee. God's red sun.

 

 

“he

—Wouldn't have expected it.

has

—A part of me. Now I know.

a

Close. Make trouble! It flows.

bad

—One thing leads to another.

attitude!”

Wounded Knee. God's red sun.

 

 

“oh,

—Deceived. I wouldn't know.

so

—Who knows? Cloud cover cool.

now

—One's enough. Stick around!

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

have

—I've had my time. On my way.

a

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

good

—The thing to do. A hard road.

attitude!”

—Wounded Knee. God's red sun.

 

 

“well,

Hitch your wagon to a star.

I

—Amazing. What a difference.

don't

—Impoverished. Sparingly.

like

—That's funny. Too soon.

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

attitude!”

—Wounded Knee. God's red sun.

 

25. A baby is a creature “stuck” as a creature unfolding into the future. How can you attack something like that? How can you be .. be .. become that? Where inside you is a magnet drawing you into the future? And who, what, and why doesn't want you to defend it? Draw yourself to this place. Attach yourself to this place. Do anything you can to find yourself propelled into this place. It's you! What has happened in the past is not you! It's that simple. Once you find it, inside yourself, you'll find a force that can defend itself.

 

“I

—Amazing. What a difference.

honestly

Nada más. Take a look.

love

What way? I hardly knew.

you!”

—Surely. How could anyone?

 

26. When you're high socially, you can live on any level. You learn to complain little, argue sparingly & manifest simple beauty at a very early age. If anyone's mean, you get up & walk out. You could put me in a mental hospital and I'd do all right.

 

“don't

—Impoverished. Sparingly.

be

—But why? Should be enough.

fresh

—See that? A long way.

with

—Like crazy! Networking, eh?

me,

—Disturbing. God forbid!

young

—That's a switch.Nothing to spy on.

man!”

—Deceived. I wouldn't know.

 

27. Don't let people fool you into making things ugly — People who for whatever reason are there to bother you, to trap you, to bludgeon you. They love to smell like dead raccoons so they can sneak up on people. There is an art: a script that is very, very useful. “That's not the case. I might ask you the same question.” They've invented something called the mainstream, and anybody who isn't mainstream is a total idiot. Most people feel very lucky if they feel they're mainstream. “Okay, so what are we going to do? Killer!” There's a being inside that needs nourishment, so you nourish it! It's an awareness thing. It's fate. Don't try to figure things out. Feed what's inside you!

 

28. There's nothing to do. Want what you have. It's like a magnet. When it's in the water, the fish will see that. Everything charged! You should grow like an onion! Go easy on yourself. You know, you just plan your day. Don't cheat yourself. You never know what they're going to do. You have to give up hating other people and concentrate on having a good life. “I'm taking a real vacation on the day of your gathering. I'm not going to be there. My plans aren't final, however. Thank you!

 

29. “You'll Never Be My Friend.” For some accidental reason one little kid pushes another little kid away and says, “You'll never be my friend!” When you're a toddler, an awful lot of your mind is preverbal, and because this part of you doesn't know how to respond to personal attacks such as “You'll never be my friend” in words, it simply files them away, buries them, and forgets to revisit them as a teenager or young adult. That can be a problem. You can't figure out why it's difficult to make friends. People use reverse clairvoyance to see into other people's minds ... things you may have no idea are there ... and they respond to these perceptions. See the problem? An adult would simply say, “BACK OFF!” & feel the hurt & realize very deeply there are other people. G. I. Gurdjieff wrote “Be courteous to all on the outside, free on the inside.” And a ninety-year-old executive said in an interview, there are two words a person should never forget: “Over!” and “Next!”

 

“you'll

—Very enriching.

never

—Fall apart. Who's listening?

be

—But why? Should be enough.

my

Thanks for warning me.

friend.”

—BACK OFF! Stay back.

 

 

“sometimes

Here and now. That's all.

not

—That's not the case.

having

—An everyday presence.

any

—Not sure. It's insane.

friends

—Let's go by intuition.

is

—I can't start this way.

an

—Hold it! What's the password?

advantage.”

—ANY TIPS? Get a dog!

 

 

30. “i love you.” If a ninth grade girl from Milton Academy starts writing you love letters, take it with a grain of salt. Earlier, if a fourth grade girl says, “I'll show you mine if you show me yours,” wait to get total when your stepfather can't catch you. And later, if your own mind tells you to jump out the window of an NYC hotel on Thanksgiving Day, remind it to SHUT THE HELL UP & kindly refrain from murdering what you shall become.

 

“I

—Amazing. What a difference.

love

—What way? I hardly knew.

you.”

—Surely. How could anyone?

 

 

“WHAT

—Still there. Ask them.

WERE

Free-floating. Hiding out.

YOU

—Surely. How could anyone?

DOING

—Living well. Pushed it past.

IN

—Is that so? Enough about me!

THERE?”

—All aboard! Very helpful.

 

 

31. “Restroom For Customer Only!” No one would reject you this way on a military base. Welcome to the world of sticking up for yourself! To the world of taxi1010.com & learning how to CLEAR YOUR PIPES & say something back. The Coast Guard, Army, Navy, Air Force & Marines actually do have public latrines, full employment & universal housing. And if a military commandant (mayor of the city) did have unemployed, homeless or restricted plumbing, they'd lose their job. In any event, out here in the Land of Make-believe, it's nice to find something to say back, to have “an attitude,” to be refreshingly fresh.

 

“restroom

Certainly not. Liberty!

for

—Who knows? Cloud cover cool.

customer

—Somebody itself! The bank!

only!”

Not dreaming. Our culture.

 

32. If I met me, I wouldn't believe a word I say, so ... I just wanted to get that out of my system. It's sort of like telling a police officer after a traffic stop, “If I had come to a complete stop, I'd still be there, now wouldn't I?” So here I am, trembling like a leaf! When anything you do or say in the presence of an incensed police officer is the wrong thing to do or say, Tremble Like a Leaf! And so ends the sixth lesson in Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense.

 

33. RABBIT HOLES, An Introduction. Google says the term “rabbit hole” is “used to refer to a bizarre, confusing, or nonsensical situation or environment, typically one from which it is difficult to extricate oneself,” and I thank Google for that! Because it's not in my ordinary dictionary. I saw a man going conniptions because the woman he was with kept pointing across the street and repeating, “Is that one as big as yours?” The guy was practically foaming at the mouth, “I don't even know what you're pointing at!” Now that's a rabbit hole. Another time I heard a guy literally screaming, “How can you tell me I'm lying? I'm NOT lying!” It's safe to say he had just found himself trapped down some other rabbit hole. The only thing I can say is that once a certain kind of person finds themselves absolutely down a rabbit hole, that character (typically, a guy) can go totally bonkers. Such is the fabric of a good old-fashioned soap opera. We guys. However. Many, many rabbit holes have verbal cues, or warning signs, which are really quite interesting. For instance, “Is that ...?” and for another instance, “When are ...?” And for a third instance, “Are you ...?” With the Backtalktionary, you can prepare yourself, or arm yourself, before you take the leap. I'm not saying anyone should knowingly follow any one human being down a lousy rabbit hole, however, I do believe we can do a little better than we often do. P.S., telling someone they're lying, or that everything they're saying is somehow tainted, is called Poisoning the Well of Discourse, meaning, the waters are totally fucked-up from the get-go. Luckily, there are some clever ways to escape.

 

“I

—Amazing. What a difference.

don't

—Impoverished. Sparingly.

believe

Look again. Change everything.

you ...”

—Surely. How could anyone?

 

 

“you're

—Sorry! You'd be surprised.

lying.”

It's against my principles.

 

 

“is

—I can't start this way.

that ...?”

Missed out. I'll be watchful.

 

 

“when

In an instant. It all unfolds.

are ...?”

—At all times. Why's it set?

 

 

“are

—At all times. Why's it set?

you ...?”

—Surely. How could anyone?

 

 

“are

—At all times. Why's it set?

they ...?”

I don't know any of them.

 

 

“it's ...”

Narrowly. It's a mystery.

 

 

“what

—Still there. Ask them.

are ...?”

—At all times. Why's it set?

 

 

“you

—Surely. How could anyone?

don't ...?”

Impoverished. Sparingly.

 

 

“did

Through the star. Modestly.

you ...?”

—Surely. How could anyone?

 

 

“do

—Socially or professionally?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

know ...?”

Seriously? Or else!

 

 

“do

—Socially or professionally?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

mind ...?”

Certainly not. Liberty!

 

 

“I

—Amazing. What a difference.

wouldn't

Might have been. It's gone.

have ....”

—I've had my time. On my way.

 

 

“can

—Good idea. Eat your heart out!

I ...?”

—Amazing. What a difference.

 

34. I am seventy years old and evidently a little dodgy, which makes total sense. I was born in Dodge City, Kansas. My grandfather, Harry Ames Hart, had a savings & loan, and on paper probably owned half the city. He had enough money to send my father to Harvard, who, by the time I met him, coached debate at Colorado College. Later, my friends would say I argued a little too much, so I took it upon myself to learn how not to argue. I mean, why not?

 

35. So when I had just spat into a trash can at the airport the other day, after I'd cleared my throat, a police officer wheeled up on a bicycle and mumbled something in a menacing way. I moved closer. He said, “Did you see anything in there you like?” Now remember, I'm learning how not to argue. He repeated, “Was there anything in there you like?” My speechless phase soon passed, and I simply said, “I was just spitting.” He belligerently said, “Nothing worth spitting on? Is that what you're saying?” I couldn't control myself: “Should I have spat on the floor?” The officer said, “I didn't see any spit,” so I pointed over to the finely polished SFO trash can and told him to go see for himself. Well, that did it. Soon he had me kneeling on the floor (consciously trembling!) while he called his dispatch to do whatever the hell they do when they talk to dispatch. I slowly stood up with the dignity of an Original American. When I was three or four years old two men took me into a bathroom and locked the door while my parents and their friends carried on with their bacchanal party. The men did something to me from behind, which was a total shock to my system, and afterwards, I just remember curling up on the floor and listening to people screaming. I came to realize on some level I had become a living crime scene, court appearance and all, and now here I was some sixty-seven years downstream in the River of Time, trying to make sense of all these things on the deepest level. Maybe I'm the embodiment of a lifelong crime wave.

 

“see

I don't know any of them.

anything

—I'll live. I'm not an angel.

in

—Is that so? Enough about me!

there

—All aboard! Very helpful.

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

like?”

—That's funny. Too soon.

 

 

“nothing

—Still there. Ask them.

worth

—It's brutal. The unheard-of.

spitting

It doesn't matter anymore.

on?”

Nada más. Take a look.

 

 

“is

—I can't start this way.

that

—Missed out. I'll be watchful.

what

—Still there. Ask them.

you're

—Sorry! You'd be surprised.

saying.”

—I think it's easy to overstate.

 

36. The Backtalktionary (a.k.a. “Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense”) helps you find responses to verbal violence word-by-word. It's artificial intelligence for the rest of us. My name is Richard Ames Hart, and my sister, Amoret Phillips, is the taxi1010.com artist. Here's how “Each Word Talks Back” works in everyday life:

 

“you

—Surely. How could anyone?

are

—At all times. Why's it set?

stupid.”

—We'll see. A complex unit.

 

37. Since we're not stupid, we provide a multitude of choices to clear your mind of the attack.

 

“really?”

—BELIEVE me. Got you!

 

38. A dictionary or a thesaurus does the same thing. They provide MULTIPLE CHOICES from which to choose. So do we.

 

“yeah!”

No trouble! Backätcha.

“enjoy.”

—Around the corner. Before long!

“duuhhh!”

—You're smarter than that.

“thanks!”

No trouble! Backätcha.

“smile!”

—BE HONEST! Completed.

“witch!”

—Good point. ACETYLENE!

 

 

“any

Not sure. It's insane.

visitors?”

—I don't know any of them.

 

 

“Apple Watch?”

—Nothing yet. It is.

 

 

“good

The thing to do. A hard road.

answer!”

—Take that into consideration.

 

 

“you're

—Sorry! You'd be surprised.

an

—Hold it! What's the password?

angel.”

—That can't be right. Atomic.

 

 

“fuck

—Not much. Forget that.

you!”

—Surely. How could anyone?

 

 

“good!”

The thing to do. A hard road.

 

39. Look for a SINGLE comeback that serves your purpose. It's easy!

 

“I

—Amazing. What a difference.

think

—I had to stop. 'doz crazy people.

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

should

—I have my own kind of work.

apologize.”

What's next? Pretty uphill.

 

 

“I

—Amazing. What a difference.

get

Give me money. Brilliant.

it!”

—Perfectly. Once again.

 

40. They don't teach this stuff in schools, though they should. That's because of the I.T. problem: “Irresponsible Teachers.” (Whenever I mention the I.T. problem, you should actually think “Irresponsible Teachers.”) It's similar to mentioning the “N-word,” making us think “Nigger!” It's all on account of the I.T. problem. Our society is all fucked up due to the I.T. problem & their sheep-like adherence to so-called political correctness. Soon we'll be reading The N-word of the ‘Narcissus’ by Joseph Conrad. There IS such a thing as Denzel Washington, who definitely isn't a nigger. He's a distinguished member of the dark-skinned people. Just saying!

 

“just

—Might have been. It's gone.

saying!”

—I think it's easy to overstate.

 

41. Hopefully we'll be able to normalize all this — niggers, nazis, news junkies, actual junkies, nut jobs, nationalists, & nobodies alike — and notice who's unnoticeably using artificial intelligence & supercomputers to skim unimaginably mammoth amounts of money off the top, leaving everyone else — the ninety-nine point nine percent — pinned down by debt — debt bondage, it's called — car payments, student loans, home mortgages, rents, medicines, health care, insurance costs, legal quagmires, imprisonment, bogus entertainment, so-called higher education, completely phony economic models ... and do something before it's too late. They don't even fly in the same airplanes we do — Listen to Richard D. Wolff on the radio — The people whose pictures you never see don't actually make money, they vacuum it.

 

“yes?”

—Miscommunication anyway.

 

42. Think of money as ransom notes. At some time in the not-too-distant past, you could walk into a bank, pass one of these little “ransom notes” to a teller, and a bank official would fork over the gold. You can see the inherent criminality in this exchange, everyone could, and you'd go your merry way with “your loot!”

 

43. So someone in some foreign territory decided to take this enterprise to a whole new level. They got the bright idea you could dispense with the gold altogether! Instead of passing you “the gold,” they'd simply pass a note back, “a receipt!” with the notion you could come back at some unspecified time, exchange “a withdrawal slip” for ... your original ransom note! He-he-he!

 

44. The term “money” was “coined!” However mere extortion was not good enough. They (the “foreign power”) decided to throw in kidnapping as well! They realized how easy it would be to “kidnap your intellect,” and not even tell you what was behind all this. “I'm glad you're showing some interest!” they'd say with a smirk, forking over a copper penny, as kind of a joke.

 

45. With time, the term “money” became tightly associated with “move!” With money, you have no idea what's behind it. And with “move!” you also don't know what's behind it. They both have to do with operations in which you're being pushed around without knowing “Why?” Rules on the fly! Some “foreign agent” in some bureaucracy is literally demanding you exchange “money” for goods and services, or that you “move!” It truly taxes your intellect, which, incidentally, is still being held hostage! “And if you don't move,” their uniformed minions declare outside the bank, “you'll get a ticket!” ... a retrograde ransom note! (“Cut more of us in on the action, sweetheart!”) Don't even try to go there.

 

“what

—Still there. Ask them.

have

—I've had my time. On my way.

we

—Lost & found. So foolish.

here?”

—Amazing. What a difference.

 

 

“your

—Solid. My social calendar.

money!”

Fantastic. Sell your clothes.

 

 

“MOVE!”

Fantastic. Sell your clothes.

 

46. The phrase “Fuck you!” is really a cover-up for “Kill you!” which is derived from “I'll kill you!” and its healthy partner, “I hate you!” Think of a four-year-old boy crying out “I hate you!” to his mother, then being punished by his father. Then the boy covers the whole experience with shame & buries it under sheetrock & paints the inner cocoon wall elephant pink. It takes about three days to complete.

 

“don't

—Impoverished. Sparingly.

talk

—Shouldn't be. Indeed.

to

—Hard to miss. Takes you back.

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

mother

—I have my own kind of work.

that

—Missed out. I'll be watchful.

way!”

—Hold on! The no clue canoe!

 

47. So he grows up NOT saying “I hate you!” or “I'll kill you!” or “Kill you!” (which are honest expressions of anger.) Instead he goes around THINKING “Fuck you!” It helps to understand what's underneath everything, and how things are disguised. They'll never uncover it in school because of the I.T. problem.

 

“what

—Still there. Ask them.

is

—I can't start this way.

the

—42. That's enough of it.

fear?”

—Back in the woods.

 

48. The Backtalktionary itself provides all the words in alphabetic order, and eventually you can [click here] and go there. No ads, no requests, no scams. This is because Amoret and I are pretty much hippies, and along with Al Gore, the actual inventors of the Internet. Think of it, you I.T. problem! How often have you devoted twenty-four years of your precious lives to further the development of humanity for free? By the way, shouldn't Artificial Intelligence be a little more than “proving the machine is smart?” Sure, Google, IBM, Microsoft & Apple are smart. But what about the rest of us? Does exercise equipment run around trying to prove it's a big strong piece of machinery, growing stronger every day? No! Exercise equipment helps PEOPLE grow stronger. That's one of the ways Artificial Intelligence might pan out ... making YOU more capable in everyday life! Teaching you Italian, perhaps. Or Bulgarian. For free!

 

49. Amoret and I work hard. Eventually we'll solve both the I.T. problem and the IRS problem. Honest people with connections will figure out how to monetize all this. Then we can refute the taxman's claim “this is a hobby.” Ha! I refuse to fight with them.

 

“is

—I can't start this way.

this

—Can't imagine. A paltry way.

a

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

hobby

Afraid not. You'll be first up.

then?”

—Refreshing. Expensive!

 

50. Don't fight with a pig in a sty, they say, because the pig likes it! And in the heat of the moment, if they continue to entice you with presents & insults, which you refuse to accept, who gets to keep them? Stay up on the sidewalk! There's other people. Gail Collins might be someone to listen to. She writes for The New York Times, and today, Thanksgiving Day, 2016, her column is entitled, “Carving Donald Trump.” She says, “Over the past couple of years I have noted on several occasions that Donald Trump once sent me a letter saying I had the face of a dog ... In the name of accuracy, however, I have to correct the record. I dug out Trump's missive the other day and discovered he did not actually say I looked like a dog. He said I was ‘a dog and a liar’ with the face of a pig.”

 

“you

Surely. How could anyone?

have

—I've had my time. On my way.

the

—42. That's enough of it.

face

—Lost & found. So foolish.

of

—We'll see. A complex unit.

a

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

dog.”

—Wind it up! You wait for it.

 

 

“actually,

One leg open at a time.

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

are

—At all times. Why's it set?

a

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

dog,

—Wind it up! You wait for it.

and

—Going up! So soon?

a

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

liar,

—Earlier. HEALTHIER.

with

—Like crazy! Networking, eh?

the

—42. That's enough of it.

face

—Lost & found. So foolish.

of

—We'll see. A complex unit.

a

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

pig.”

Small world. No big deal.

 

51. By the way, we also get around to providing responses to [generalized attacks]. For instance, if someone begins an [argument] for some cockeyed theory, you can simply switch sides from what you actually think! They say, “I don't believe in global warming,” and you can say back, “I know, right?” For another instance, if someone says something sarcastically (which forces you to fork your mind along two simultaneous paths), you can cop both paths at once, by saying, “Well-grounded!” For a third instance, they [sarcastically] say, “Oh, yeah! We're really having global warming,” and you say ... “Well, the temperature of the earth's inner core is about 10,800 F, which is annoying the hell out of Godzilla, and besides, we have real estate sales pending in Miami Beach, so please, Don't Rock the Boat!” No. I didn't mean to say all that. I meant to say, “Well-grounded!”

 

“I

—Amazing. What a difference.

don't

—Impoverished. Sparingly.

believe

—Look again. Change everything.

in

—Is that so? Enough about me!

global

—Socially or professionally?

warming.”

—I know, right? Another stage?

 

52. RIGHT OFF THE TOP: White people believe they're descendants of kings, and black people believe they're descendants of slaves. That's all nonsense. We are all, every one of us, descendants of survivors! They all made it in brutal times, and they managed to do goodies and make children. It's universal. That's truth. Anyone walking around today who is actually alive is far superior to all dead people. Put a live person next to a bowl of ashes and you will instantly see the difference. Who's better? Shakespeare or you? You! Shakespeare is an ash! His art was to send reflections of experiences down the River of Time. And even if a person does believe they're the descendent of a king, does it amount to more than a tiny spark? We can do much to protect nurturing ideas of all sorts by cultivating the soil of simple humanity.

Topher Sanders, a reporter on racial inequality for ProPublica, described in The New York Times how a little white girl told Mr. Sanders' 5-year-old son what he can and can't do because of his skin color. [“Only white people,” said a little girl. I heard it but I wasn't quite sure what I heard. “Not you, you're black,” said the girl, reaching out to touch my son. “You're not white. Only white people can play.”] Here at taxi1010.com you can learn what to say back, even if you're five years old. You just have to be slightly worse than the other person, a little educated. Topher Sanders' article is called “‘Only White People’ Said the Little Girl,” in Opinion: The Sunday Review: The New York Times, October 16, 2016. In what follows you can find responses to individual words. Your job is to simply pick and choose from an assortment.

 

“only

—Not dreaming. Our culture.

white

Eggshells. They're cracking.

people.”

—Night on! Fortified.

 

 

“not

—That's not the case.

you,

—Surely. How could anyone?

you're

—Sorry! You'd be surprised.

black.”

TOO BAD! Harm each other.

 

 

“you're

—Sorry! You'd be surprised.

not

—That's not the case.

white.

—Eggshells. They're cracking.

only

Not dreaming. Our culture.

white

Eggshells. They're cracking.

people

—Night on! Fortified.

can

—Good idea. Eat your heart out!

play.”

Royal blood. Imaginatively.

 

53. The whole idea of this website is to sit up on a fence somewhere in your childhood and learn how to respond to onslaughts of insincerity, word by word. If you can do it, you can trick the other person into being real or genuine. Essentially, there's different kinds of music, and you can quickly learn to suss out hostility so you can either get away, or have some fun. (For instance, playing “Cowboys and Originals” :: cowandori.com || shaqeonit.com when you were a child.)

 

“how

What all. Immediately!

are

—At all times. Why's it set?

you?”

—Surely. How could anyone?

 

 

“how's

—Effortless. Tough to beat.

it

—Perfectly. Once again.

going?”

—At midnight. Far and wide.

 

 

“hey,

—I hope not. Off-limits.

what's

—That's allowed. Not available.

up?”

Double up! When!

 

 

“what's

—That's allowed. Not available.

going

—At midnight. Far and wide.

on?”

Nada más. Take a look.

 

 

“that's

—To the contrary. Rock & roll.

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

specialty.”

See that? A long way.

 

 

“wow,

—42. That's enough of it.

a

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

man

—Deceived. I wouldn't know.

of

—We'll see. A complex unit.

many

—One's enough. Stick around!

talents.”

—Tell me about it. Happy trails!

 

 

“good

—The thing to do. A hard road.

luck

All rightie then. With a map!

with

—Like crazy! Networking, eh?

everything.”

—Packs a punch. Just so.

 

 

“have

I've had my time. On my way.

a

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

good

—The thing to do. A hard road.

one.”

—I'll live. I'm not an angel.

 

When you know what to say back to irrational speech, the effect is inocular. People take one look at you and see you're immune. They don't even try to say certain things. They don't even try.

 

“go

—We have something else to do.

to

—Hard to miss. Takes you back.

hell.”

FREE & WELL. Decadent.

 

 

“go

We have something else to do.

back

—I hope not. Off-limits.

to

—Hard to miss. Takes you back.

where

—Don't fight it. THINK BIG!

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

came

—42. That's enough of it.

from.”

—Give it nostalgia. And next?

 

 

“you

—Surely. How could anyone?

should

—I have my own kind of work.

go

We have something else to do.

to

—Hard to miss. Takes you back.

Safeway.

—How's that? Is it cheap?

this

—Can't imagine. A paltry way.

store

—At midnight. Far and wide.

is

—I can't start this way.

for

—Who knows? Cloud cover cool.

white

Eggshells. They're cracking.

people.”

—Night on! Fortified.

 

54. Imagine an original world in which you never knew what to say back. If someone insulted you, you'd feel bad, get really angry, or suddenly find yourself in a fierce argument with a total stranger. Maybe you'd pretend to be deaf. Soon you'd be roaming the world feeling hurt, angry, cut-off or numb. However, if you had it to do all over again, wouldn't it be nice to wind the clock back and respond with something totally satisfactory? To have an optimal response? For each particular situation? Annoying small talk would melt away. Confrontations would disappear. Many nice things might happen and you could begin to get mystical. You cannot control someone else's behavior, but you can control how you respond to it.

 

“why

You're never worried about it.

say

—It's your bedtime. Isn't it?

anything

—I'll live. I'm not an angel.

back

—I hope not. Off-limits.

at

—How so? Most of us don't.

all?”

—Then again. What divides us?

 

55. A hundred thousand years ago we went separate ways, and now here we are, reconnected. Where on earth have you been?

This website provides specific alternative ways to respond to difficult people, the ones who don't know we all come from the same place, by marrying comebacks to “trigger words.”

 

“sorry

—Turnaround candy. Find me!

but

—I know, right? Another stage?

I

—Amazing. What a difference.

don't

—Impoverished. Sparingly.

understand

—It's broken. A broken heart.

anything

—I'll live. I'm not an angel.

of

We'll see. A complex unit.

what

—Still there. Ask them.

you've

—The reverse! That's enough.

written

—Try again. Not what you think.

on

Nada más. Take a look.

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

site.”

Good idea. Eat your heart out!

 

 

“you

—Surely. How could anyone?

can't

—Think so? You GOT me!

teach

—We'll see. A complex unit.

common
sense.”

—Not until.
Your own.

 

56. Let's get right to the heart of the estrangement: In our modern standoffish culture, it feels as if people are trying to distance themselves from the world with a remote control. Understandably, this makes children, drifters, teenagers & the economically pinned-down feel alienated, cut-off, isolated, ignored & insignificant. Wow! We do better with dogs. So what brings about the deep-rooted disaffection prompting separateness? You want restrictions on plants, animals; they want restrictions on you. Irrational speech is both a symptom and an enabler of frosty attitudes. Anything to avoid messy intimacy. Look around! Fences everywhere. There must be some nourishment in the soil, some way to break the spell! Arf! Arf!

 

“huh?

An odd thing. Held back.

a

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

remote

—I hope not. Off-limits.

control?”

—How's that? Is it cheap?

 

57. Remember when you were a kid and thought it would be handy to know what to say back even before you were gazing through a palisade halfway up the stairs? In France they call it L'esprit de l'escalier, The Wisdom of the Staircase:

 

“are

—At all times. Why's it set?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

who

—Shift change! Just in time.

what

Still there. Ask them.

where

—Don't fight it. THINK BIG!

when

—In an instant. It all unfolds.

why

You're never worried about it.

how

—What all. Immediately!

which

—How amusing. In shadows.

this

—Can't imagine. A paltry way.

that,

—Missed out. I'll be watchful.

I'm

—Directly. Safe. Not at all.

sorry,

—Turnaround candy. Find me!

excuse

—The plunge! If I could.

me,

—Disturbing. God forbid!

how's

—Effortless. Tough to beat.

it

—Perfectly. Once again.

going

—At midnight. Far and wide.

and

—Going up! So soon?

what's

—That's allowed. Not available.

up?”

—Double up! When!

 

58. “How old are you?” Whenever anyone asks you any question at all, they're making a demand. They're demanding you answer their bizarre question! Many people confuse having someone under their thumb with liking them. Are they running a locomotive determined to flatten you out? The question behind “How old are you?” happens to be “How many times has the earth spiralled around the sun since you were born?” and why the hell should you tell them? What are they, a goddamn astrophysicist?

 

“how

What all. Immediately!

old

A light touch. An outrage.

are

At all times. Why's it set?

you?”

—Surely. How could anyone?

 

59. It's not simply that people have buttons other people can push. People have a whole panel of buttons other people can get a hold of, often expressing ill-intent by their tone of voice. They try to go around collapsing other people's dreams. Fortunately the Backtalktionary has a whole slew of defenses from which to choose, depending on the situation, the personal history, and the tag team of psychic bad actors involved.

 

“does

—That's not the case.

it

—Perfectly. Once again.

make

—Why bother? Doesn't matter.

any

—Not sure. It's insane.

money?”

—Fantastic. Sell your clothes.

 

 

“yeah ...

No trouble! Backätcha.

if

—Far better! Don't laugh.

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

say

—It's your bedtime. Isn't it?

so.”

—Who knows? Cloud cover cool.

 

 

“keep

—An odd thing. Held back.

me

—Disturbing. God forbid!

in

—Is that so? Enough about me!

the

—42. That's enough of it.

loop.”

—Penny-pinching! Best not to.

 

60. What is the underlying force of bullying? In a political context, Samuel P. Huntington writes, “The architects of power in the United States must create a force that can be felt but not seen. Power remains strong when it remains in the dark; exposed to the sunlight it begins to evaporate.” —American Politics: The Promise of Disharmony (Cambridge MA: Harvard University Press, 1981), p. 75. When someone says something irrational, they are conjuring up power. They are hitting you in the imagination! To the inner child “I don't understand anything you've written” means just anything! Your own mind brings total belief to an expression of power. To bring sunlight to this bullying tactic, apply reason by learning to get very specific: “—I'm in town.

 

“don't

Impoverished. Sparingly.

let

—A human life requires surprises.

the

—42. That's enough of it.

bastards

Night on! Fortified.

grind

—Secret men will have babies.

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

down.”

Going up! So soon?

 

61. Is this an interview or a conversation? From emptiness or from innocence? “Two reeds drink from the same stream. One grows to become hollow; the other becomes a sugar cane.” (–The Mathnawí of Jalálu'ddin Rúmí, 1282 AD, line 270) I overheard a little girl at a Japanese restaurant in Berkeley in 2016 putting it a third way: “I'm craving some fried chicken!” she said. I also overheard a telephone interrogation in my taxicab: “What's the scoop? Tell me the scoop! How long ago? I'm reamed! I'm pissed! There'll be consequences.”

 

“what's

—That's allowed. Not available.

the

—42. That's enough of it.

scoop?

—This city! It's paid the price.

tell

—What about loafing? You do you!

me

—Disturbing. God forbid!

the

—42. That's enough of it.

scoop!

—This city! It's paid the price.

how

—What all. Immediately!

long

—More time than I think. Limited.

ago?

—Circling. Control yourself!

I'm

—Directly. Safe. Not at all.

reamed!

—Is that safe? Wrong place.

I'm

—Directly. Safe. Not at all.

pissed!

—Turnaround candy. Find me!

there'll

—Give it nostalgia. And next?

be

—But why? Should be enough.

consequences.”

Heavy duty. Get malaria!

 

62. Nature puts divide and conquer to wildly good effect. The roots of trees fan out under the soil to become nothing but capillaries, conquering the wetness. We divide highways into lanes to conquer helter-skelter traffic. We divide beliefs into channels as well. The wealthy invented racism to divide and conquer the poor. What if we could pop out of the channels of misery that separate us? Maybe ex-slaves & ex-cons could cobble together labor unions to build secret penitentiaries on Indian lands to lock up entitulates, pharaohs and inner tyrants. What if we could pop out of phony beliefs such as “You are a piece of crap!” which, through repetition, has been etched – practically engraved – under a blanket of shame? That's what this website is about, to divide “you” “are” “a” “piece” “of” “crap” into atoms, to examine every single word, then use new associations to pop out of the channel. The way a baby pops out from the divide and conquer of actual life! Liberation!

 

“you

—Surely. How could anyone?

are

—At all times. Why's it set?

a

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

piece

—It's broken. A broken heart.

of

—We'll see. A complex unit.

crap.”

Small world. No big deal.

 

 

“I

—Amazing. What a difference.

know

—Seriously? Or else!

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

don't

—Impoverished. Sparingly.

like

—That's funny. Too soon.

doing

—Living well. Pushed it past.

the

—42. That's enough of it.

laundry.”

—It's terrible. BUNK! I'm torn.

 

63. There's an underlying idea that people can help each other. It's very powerful. Social linguistics can get you off the hook a little so you can go about caring for yourself and for other people. You can learn to repel difficult people and to turn yourself into a magnet for attracting the kind of rich experiences that can open into the flower of a wonderful life. You do not need to shoot up heroin to do this. You can prepare yourself for deeper and finer impressions.

 

“are

—At all times. Why's it set?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

crazy?”

Probably. With employees.

 

 

“are

At all times. Why's it set?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

gay?”

Too choosy. Detached.

 

 

“are

—At all times. Why's it set?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

coming

—Funny that you're interested.

or

Outside of that. Everything.

going?”

—At midnight. Far and wide.

 

 

“are

—At all times. Why's it set?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

a

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

procrastinator?”

At least. Not a museum.

 

 

“are

—At all times. Why's it set?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

married?”

Funny that you're interested.

 

64. If our culture was serious about human beings sticking up for themselves in the face of bullies, a million people would know about this website. It's hard to believe, many grown-ups simply want children to suffer. And out of compassion, children will do it! People want children to stay in the dark. And people in the dark want to reserve their right to be treated like furniture. Sit on me, I'm a driver, a server, a maid, a debtor, a bookend, a nobody. Please sit on me! I've got your back! I promise to sit up straighter!

 

“hey!

—I hope not. Off-limits.

keep

An odd thing. Held back.

my

—Thanks for warning me.

name

—Unhinged. The game is over!

out

—I have my own kind of work.

of

—We'll see. A complex unit.

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

mouth!

Small world. No big deal.

give

—We'll see. A complex unit.

me

—Disturbing. God forbid!

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

lunch

—It's your bedtime. Isn't it?

money!”

—Fantastic. Sell your clothes.

 

65. Some people hate meaning. They hate warmth, kindness, and they have no sense of humor about their own anger. They're hardly ever original, so it's easy to prepare for their irrational rage in advance. You can practice.

 

“you

—Surely. How could anyone?

need

I wish I'd thought of it.

to

—Hard to miss. Takes you back.

move!

Fantastic. Sell your clothes.

MOVE!

Fantastic. Sell your clothes.

NOW!”

—One's enough. Stick around!

 

66. An undercover investigative reporter asked a man at a Donald Trump rally why he was voting for Trump, and the man replied, “Have you heard of Putin?” It's the kind of question – a rhetorical question – that leaves you speechless. It's a Big Pickle, or a predicament. The Backtalktionary creates an associative ladder to help you climb right back up out of a sticky wicket.

 

“have

I've had my time. On my way.

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

heard

—All rightie then. With a map!

of

We'll see. A complex unit.

Putin?”

Double up! When!

 

67. Even a child can learn how to cultivate a low-rent worldliness without trigger warnings. Say It's alive! Go slow and be specific. Sometimes a bully is just trying to shock you & put you on the spot. How about Silver Bullet warnings? You can be very matter-of-fact about these things.

 

“what's

—That's allowed. Not available.

up,

—Double up! When!

nigga?”

—Wounded Knee. God's red sun.

 

 

“suck

Less damaging. Gruel.

my

—Thanks for warning me.

cock!”

—TOO BAD! Harm each other.

 

 

“can't

—Think so? You GOT me!

we

—Lost & found. So foolish.

be

—But why? Should be enough.

friends?”

Let's go by intuition.

 

68. “How much rent do you pay?” strikes me as an intrusive question. They don't even ask where I stable my horses, let alone how many thoroughbreds we own. Does the person who asked me, “How much rent do you pay?” even intend to buy horses? I have no idea. You'd think they'd ask members of their own family.

 

“how

—What all. Immediately!

much

—Not a lot. Making a nest.

rent

—Don't worry. Never buy horses.

do

—Socially or professionally?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

pay?”

—Subtle. Keep track of that.

 

69. If a child cries out, “That's not fair!” over many days and in many different situations, the little kid may simply be trying to find out what an adult might say back to their own mind. You can experiment to see what works. To quiet your own mind. You'll know. Myself, I'd simply say, “I'll live,” to show the child they can't trick me into feeling guilty. I'd repeat it, too. “I'll live.”

 

“that's

—To the contrary. Rock & roll.

not

That's not the case.

fair!”

—Who wouldn't? No sweat.

 

 

“that's

To the contrary. Rock & roll.

what

Still there. Ask them.

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

say!”

—It's your bedtime. Isn't it?

 

The trouble with books on Nonviolent Communication (–Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD, 2003) or Taking the War Out of Our Words (–Sharon Strand Ellison, 2007) is they're heaping on too many theories! What we're up to here is taking away from the scheming mind, not adding to it. So a person's communication can become clear and transparent. After all, we're not psychotherapists, are we? Does a kid really want to talk to a control freak?

70. (a.) Insults evolve to bypass reason and hit you in the emotions. (b.) Passed from bully to bully, they provide the temporary illusion of strength. (c.) Insults also catch you by surprise. (d.) Often, you haven't heard the insult in such a long time, you're too shocked to know what to do about it. (e.) An example of such an insult is, “Don't get your panties in a bunch!” (f.) You could say nothing or respond in kind by saying something equally debilitating, for example, “You're confused!” or “Is that an insult?” (g.) However, this just fuels the so-called Discount-Revenge loop, essentially trying to diminish the other person, then coming back with all cylinders loaded. (h.) There is a fourth way, alluded to in P. D. Ouspensky's In Search of the Miraculous (1949), and in Idries Shah's The Sufis (1964). (i.) Both these books allude to the existence of something inside you akin to a magic genie residing in an inner lamp. You begin to get the idea you can search for this lamp inside you, where all the magic resides, and open it. (j.) When you hear an insult, and give something right back, your inner jinni also hears the insult & what you say back, and briefly shares your tension, or pain, then releases the tension along with the pain. It's a question of overriding the insult inside yourself, even if it's a day later! (k.) You want to say something back to reassure this inner entity, and help it grow through & beyond the pain. Don't let your self hold on to the insult, because with its magic it could unknowingly transform the wound into a Flower of Mental Illness. (l.) You also don't want to say something back which makes your inner entity feel insulted, such as, “You're confused!” (m.) Instead, you want to say something to encourage it, to give it due respect, and to allow it to shine through, mingled among your own sense of humor. (n.) Ironically, when you show respect for and speak to your inner jinnee in such a way, you're also showing kindness and respect to the bully in the outside physical world who originally cried out, “Don't get your panties in a bunch!” (o.) It's win-win. (p.) You help yourself grow through it, you help the bully grow through it. (q.) And you certainly don't have to explain yourself! (r.) You can't just ignore slights, lies, or insults, because your genie has already heard them! (s.) You have to defend its inglenook of inner magic! (t.) The bully says something in the River of Time, then you say a little something in the River of Time, even if it's a day later! (u.) What THEY say comes in to you & what YOU say back comes back in to you as well, and has the potential to help you grow. (v.) It may seem awkward at first, like a little sprout in the soil.

 

“don't

—Impoverished. Sparingly.

get

—Give me money. Brilliant.

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

panties

Smarten up! Not allowed.

in

—Is that so? Enough about me!

a

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

bunch.”

—So sad! I don't do that stuff.

 

 

“I

—Amazing. What a difference.

just

—Might have been. It's gone.

ignore

Here and now. That's all.

them.”

No beginning to a claim.

 

71. A certain kind of person can pepper you with pressure questions, taking advantage of your upbringing or natural kindness. Sometimes it's useful to raise the tension slightly just to find out what they may be up to. Think of your responses to the hot grill as simply real-world theater, with you a bit player. It's useful to experiment & rehearse. Contrary to what a third-grade teacher might have demanded from you to Just answer the question! there are clever ways to evade unwarranted scrutiny if you're deep inside the shadow of Indian Territory: “I'm an American!”

 

“my

—Thanks for warning me.

name

Unhinged. The game is over!

is

—I can't start this way.

Kevin ...

Next time! A rule of thumb.

what's

—That's allowed. Not available.

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

name?”

—Unhinged. The game is over!

 

 

“who's

—Don't worry. Never buy horses.

this

—Can't imagine. A paltry way.

fine

—Go slow! Be specific.

creature?

—Hands off! No supervision!

introduce

Next time! A rule of thumb.

me!”

—Disturbing. God forbid!

 

 

“who's

—Don't worry. Never buy horses.

got

—What the hell? It's cancelled.

the

—42. That's enough of it.

tab?

I wish I'd thought of it.

can

—Good idea. Eat your heart out!

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

pay

—Subtle. Keep track of that.

for

—Who knows? Cloud cover cool.

it?”

—Perfectly. Once again.

 

 

“just

—Might have been. It's gone.

answer

—Take that into consideration.

the

—42. That's enough of it.

question!”

Nobody else. Get to the point.

 

72. Red Herring on Hayseed: i. The indefinite. ii. Context switching. iii. So-called free association. iv. Baiting. v. Mumbling. vi. Faux argument. vii. Faux innuendo. viii. Tricky critical eye. ix. Spontaneous leaps. x. Devil's advocate. xi. Hijacking the conversation. xii. Boasting. xiii. Making a scene. xiv. Teasing. xv. Fucking with you. xvi. Hooliganism. xvii. “What is that?” xviii. “Made you look!” xix. “Is that as big as yours?” xx. Making a point.

 

“what

—Still there. Ask them.

is

I can't start this way.

that?”

—Missed out. I'll be watchful.

 

 

“made

—Subtle. Keep track of that.

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

look!”

—It's broken. A broken heart.

 

 

“is

I can't start this way.

that

—Missed out. I'll be watchful.

as

—Think so? You GOT me!

big

—Packs a punch. Just so.

as

—Think so? You GOT me!

yours?”

—It's ridiculous. Ancient design.

 

73. There is an inherent clash between (a.) people who seem “literal-minded” and ( b.) people who seem attached to “feelings” or “streams of associations.” The first group sees themselves as “listening to irrational demands” and the second group sees themselves as “being friendly.” The Backtalktionary is an attempt to bridge this gap – before these two kinds of people swiftly fly apart. What members of each group have in common is they all once were children with a capacity to learn & respond to warmth, kindness and a sense of humor.

 

“are

—At all times. Why's it set?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

out

I have my own kind of work.

for

—Who knows? Cloud cover cool.

a

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

walk?”

To the contrary. Rock & roll.

 

 

“you're

Sorry! You'd be surprised.

not

—That's not the case.

working

—But why? Should be enough.

today?”

—NIGHT SKY! Go home!

 

74. In general, if someone is attacking you, try to take yourself out of it and always come back to [intimidation]. They're trying to intimidate you. Say either “THAT's why,” or “Some of it.” Before that you might have been tempted to leap into an [argument] with someone else, a nitwit. Simply agree with the nitwit by saying either “I know, right?” or “Another stage?” Before that, they might have cleverly changed the subject on you. We might call that context [switching]. Then there's [fantasy], [parables], [sarcasm] and outright [bullshit]. My favorite generalized attack is from the cowardly [trojan horse]. They gaze directly into your eyes and repeat cruel pathetic sheep sounds they attribute to their entourage. You gaze directly back into their eyes and say, “Dead & infected.”

 

[directions]

—If we had time. On your own.

[cancelling]

—Surely. How could anyone?

[outrage]

—Seriously? Or else!

[rejection]

—Tell me about it. Happy trails!

[kiss off]

—Someone else. Significant.

[nut job]

—To the contrary. Rock & roll.

[non sequitur]

—That's a switch. Nothing to spy on.

[window tap]

Take that into consideration.

[picking a fight]

—That's it. We're done.

[cleverness]

—I don't know any of them.

[pot / kettle]

—Amazing. What a difference.

[puncturing]

—I hope not. Off-limits.

[self-defense]

—Smarten up! Not allowed.

[accusation]

—Wise up! Back away!

[stepping in]

—Yours? Spoken for?

[bozosphere]

Secret men will have babies.

[gutter snipe]

—Go slow! Be specific.

[castration]

—Small world. No big deal.

[correctives]

—Might have been. It's gone.

[hayseed]

—I can't start this way.

[stress]

—Seriously? Or else!

[rabbit hole]

—No idea. If it's over, it's over.

[hypnosis]

—THAT's why. Some of it.

[wheedling]

—Surely. How could anyone?

[poisonous ideas]

—DOGS, TOO! Lots of things.

[ugly things]

They know. A free circus set.

[lurking]

—No beginning to a claim.

[faux friend]

—Directly. Safe. Not at all.

[pestering]

—Tell me about it. Happy trails!

[innocent snake]

—BELIEVE me. Got you!

[nosiness]

—Good point. ACETYLENE!

[criticism]

—Missed out. I'll be watchful.

[ignoring]

—Play tough. Make it happen.

[theater]

—Packs a punch. Just so.

[ramping]

There, the what I care about.

[sovereign]

—All fine. Please don't ask.

[interfering]

—Just don't! Do less.

[lying in wait]

—Heavy duty. Get malaria!

[mumbling]

—Oh, yeah? Says you!

[behind]

—Show your face. Good appetite.

[drama]

—Give it nostalgia. And next?

[spiel]

—SHAZAM! Nothing much.

[kvetching]

—Thin air. No one's seen it.

[euphemism]

Shouldn't be. Indeed.

[merchant]

—On the way home. Time out!

[lewdness]

—You'd think. All through.

[finances]

—It's alive! Little Caesar.

[3rd person]

—Not today. Persevere.

[holier]

—You mean, Dr. Horse Sense?

[religious]

—I don't want to ruin it.

[interrupting]

—It adds up. A privilege.

[deals]

—Show your face. Good appetite.

[being pulled]

Turnaround candy. Find me!

[nosedive]

—Amazing. What a difference.

[mind games]

—An odd thing. Held back.

[usurpation]

Is that so? Enough about me!

[aspersion]

THAT'S YOU! Plenty of them.

[adulation]

—DOGS, TOO! Lots of things.

[regard]

—That's allowed. Not available.

[insolence]

—Oh, yeah? Says you!

[pedestrian]

—Disturbing. God forbid!

[switching]

—42. That's enough of it.

[cockeyed]

—Free-floating. Hiding out.

[tangle]

—It's terrible. BUNK! I'm torn.

[screaming]

—Still there. Ask them.

[whack jobs]

Hold on! The no clue canoe!

[prejudice]

—Not dreaming. Our culture.

[transfer]

—Sorry! You'd be surprised.

[negative]

—That's not the case.

[sharing]

—ROAD KILL! SNAKE PIT!

[shadowing]

—High value. Work for it.

[racism]

—Eggshells. They're cracking.

[excited]

—At midnight. Far and wide.

[angling]

—An everyday presence.

[lying]

—One's enough. Stick around!

[parroting]

What on earth? Copy that.

[questions]

—It's alive! Little Caesar.

[more lies]

—Give me money. Brilliant.

[revenge]

There, the what I care about.

[deception]

—Fantastic. Sell your clothes.

[mocking]

Don't worry. Never buy horses.

[veiled hatred]

—The thing to do. A hard road.

[hostility]

—Very different. Just a bit.

[face-off]

—On the way home. Time out!

[potshots]

—Nothing else. Shoot them.

[viciousness]

Why bother? Doesn't matter.

[trojan horse]

Dead & infected. So much!

[pivoting]

—In the crosshairs. In case.

[argument]

I know, right? Another stage?

[grilling]

—Not recently. It's important!

[just curious]

—Disturbing. God forbid!

[intrusion]

—Disturbing. God forbid!

[self-attack]

—Withered dominance.

[body]

Isn't that bizarre? Could be worse.

[murder]

—Living well. Pushed it past.

[sarcasm]

—Well-grounded. Either way.

[bullshit]

—Beyond that. It's all overrated.

[drain]

—Thin air. No one's seen it.

[projects]

—I hope not. Off-limits.

[suggestion]

I have my own kind of work.

[tar pits]

—Wild, huh? Laundry and all.

[interview]

—Not until. Your own.

[cramped]

—It's broken. A broken heart.

[façade]

—Think so? You GOT me!

[morbidity]

—Anything else? The towel?

[vigilante]

All rightie then. With a map!

[burn!]

—At all times. Why's it set?

[managers]

—All aboard! Very helpful.

[good cop]

—How deep? Isn't obvious.

[bad cop]

—Hardly. Quite unnecessary.

[backbiting]

—Not today. Persevere.

[sympathy]

—A start. It's no picnic.

[death]

—I feel the way you do.

[tension]

—OUCH. Rough edges.

[hound]

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

[pop ups]

On schedule. What's different?

[ulterior motives]

—That's allowed. Not available.

[incursion]

—Nothing fancy. In & out.

[fantasy]

—I'll bet. A helicopter.

[parables]

—I think it's easy to overstate.

[won't stop]

—Yeah, sure. Not so much.

[lip-wisdom]

Air & sunshine. Sometimes.

[testing you]

—See that? A long way.

[intimidation]

—THAT's why. Some of it.

 

75. Like many people, I am a little like Albert Einstein — a little young, a little autistic & a little wrong.

Not many people know, Mr. Einstein spent the last years of his life at Princeton University intensely studying and perfecting social skills.

Even in the face of distressed observers of life who seem noticeably theatrical. You can almost see them sinking in the tar pits of their own viciousness, trying to suck the joy out of passers-by!

 

“that's

To the contrary. Rock & roll.

not

—That's not the case.

my

—Thanks for warning me.

problem!”

—Deceived. I wouldn't know.

 

76. My name is Richard Ames Hart. I live in Berkeley, California USA under e-mail RichardRoe@aol.com — I can afford to respond a little bit as long as I'm alive. Meanwhile, here's some of what I know.

77. Many people, especially clerks and servers at retail institutions, see interpersonal communications as a form of warfare, I'm not sure why.

 

“how

What all. Immediately!

are

—At all times. Why's it set?

you

Surely. How could anyone?

doing

—Living well. Pushed it past.

today?”

—NIGHT SKY! Go home!

 

 

“haven't

Go on! That's excessive.

seen

—I can't do that very well.

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

in

—Is that so? Enough about me!

a

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

while.”

Likewise. You were hoping.

 

 

“have

—I've had my time. On my way.

a

Close. Make trouble! It flows.

good

—The thing to do. A hard road.

one.”

I'll live. I'm not an angel.

 

 

“enjoy!”

—Around the corner. Before long!

 

78. See how you can pick and choose a response to each “trigger word” that seems to make sense? This is the Backtalktionary, that goes in the opposite direction of a dictionary, with responses to words, as opposed to the historical meanings or ancient etymologies of words. Potential responses clarify the true meaning of a bracketing sentence! We are embedded in the River of Time. We are embedded in our own lives!

 

“I

—Amazing. What a difference.

don't

Impoverished. Sparingly.

get

—Give me money. Brilliant.

it!”

Perfectly. Once again.

 

79. When someone targets you, they're really going after fleeting shadows. Ask yourself, why on earth would shell-shocked children or beaten dogs begin to attack shadows? That's the other person! Come back to your own light. You don't have to be alone with anyone's shadow play. Their deft tricks are taking you away from what you believe, or what you're conscious of.

 

“you

—Surely. How could anyone?

think

—I had to stop. 'doz crazy people.

you're

—Sorry! You'd be surprised.

better

—On schedule. What's different?

than

Whatnot. Finely nuanced.

me?”

—Disturbing. God forbid!

 

 

“you're

Sorry! You'd be surprised.

not

—That's not the case.

comfortable

Wise up! Back away!

in

—Is that so? Enough about me!

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

own

They know. A free circus set.

skin.”

—Not bad. No reason.

 

80. I was so happy when I discovered there's a whole section of the Internet devoted to what the heck to say back when someone asks, “How is everything?” Thank God! Thank God! I'm not the only one.

 

“how

—What all. Immediately!

is

—I can't start this way.

everything?”

Packs a punch. Just so.

 

81. Some brothers and sisters are so deranged, the best thing you can do is dig down & summon your inner Frankenstein, then be very, very theatrical ... with a Marlon Brando lisp!

 

“I

—Amazing. What a difference.

can't

—Think so? You GOT me!

stand

—Freewheelin', man. Thlowly.

the

42. That's enough of it.

sound

—Put yourself in the light.

of

We'll see. A complex unit.

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

voice!”

Packs a punch. Just so.

 

82. Defend your inner entity! Say something back! Some people at the Institute of Mindlessly Insane Imitations of Their Mother, being so hateful, spiteful & jealous when you excitedly cry out, “I've finished the project and have no competition!” cannot restrain themselves:

 

“don't

Impoverished. Sparingly.

speak

—So far. Dirt made my lunch.

too

—Very different. Just a bit.

soon.”

—That's it. We're done.

 

83. Ready to have your mind blown away? The real use of the Backtalktionary is to choose a response for the future. Your emotions know. They know what you need to know. That's their job! So what you do is go through the entire Backtalktionary, choose one response, memorize it ... then next time trouble strikes, Boom!

 

“that's

—To the contrary. Rock & roll.

shit.”

—I can't do that very well.

 

84. Practice not being good, or you'll sink like a turd! (A baby's turds float!) Mothers themselves can intercept you at the corner market (“Ha, ha, ha!”) when you're buying the morning New York Times & make a sport out of being argumentative, negative & mean: “I've got to get to McDonald's before they close! It's called breakfast!”

 

“I

Amazing. What a difference.

thought

—Right! Absolutely. Easy choice.

it

—Perfectly. Once again.

was

—Whatnot. Finely nuanced.

called

—Just don't! Do less.

McDonald's.”

—Not today. Persevere.

 

 

“you

—Surely. How could anyone?

maligned

No shit! Or vice versa.

her.”

—Missed out. I'll be watchful.

 

 

“that's

—To the contrary. Rock & roll.

not

—That's not the case.

going

—At midnight. Far and wide.

to

—Hard to miss. Takes you back.

work.”

I know, right? Another stage?

 

85. I believe Mother Nature is my literal, symbolic & actual mother, much as Henry David Thoreau did at Walden Pond in 1847. Thus, when a bully on a third-grade playground cries out,

 

“your

—Solid. My social calendar.

mother!”

I have my own kind of work.

 

I know exactly what to say back, even though they know nothing, never knew nothing, and never will know nothing! Or anything!

Let them find their fate and their fight somewhere else, certainly not along the river of life, where you and Huckleberry Finn have a chance to hang out.

 

“what?”

Still there. Ask them.

 

86. In social interactions many people are thieves, fervently distracting you, taking over your life, assaulting your sense of well-being, and starting out by completely stealing your attention.

 

“are

—At all times. Why's it set?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

okay?”

—Pretty much. All the way.

 

87. If your attention is something that flies into a rabbit hole of imaginary inferences, let it fly back to your own life, whether anyone likes it or not! Don't let it drown in negative emotions! Don't let it get stuck in a swamp of foul feelings! Say something back, say anything at all back! Song lyrics, scripture, Tao Te Ching, Tarot. It doesn't even matter what you say back! Isn't that weird?

 

“I

—Amazing. What a difference.

think

I had to stop. 'doz crazy people.

you're

—Sorry! You'd be surprised.

weird.”

Small world. No big deal.

 

88. They think you're weird because you're happy & rich, and on some level they believe they can steal some of your pleasure & wealth. These people, who are stuck in their own misery, are called gutter snipes! Remember, they're stuck! The best advice you can give them is to “Let the machinery work,” and to “Never buy horses!” Okay. Here comes a meeting with a wonderful gutter snipe — Let's practice holding onto our attention (Hold your breath) and our wealth (Sense your belly). Prove to the sons-of-bitches they can't steal your happiness! (Your genitals!) Nobody can steal someone else's happiness. Blow the smoke away! It's impossible. You have to manufacture your own happiness (The part of you that dreams at night can teach you), and jealously hold onto every hint of that universal joy! Doo-dah!

 

“remember

What changed? I'll look.

me?

—Disturbing. God forbid!

how

—What all. Immediately!

much

—Not a lot. Making a nest.

rent

—Don't worry. Never buy horses.

do

—Socially or professionally?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

pay?

—Subtle. Keep track of that.

whatever ...

—That can't be right. Atomic.

just

—Might have been. It's gone.

kidding.

What the hell? It's cancelled.

working

—But why? Should be enough.

hard?

—Way before then. Think things!

keep

—An odd thing. Held back.

trying.

—I've had my time. On my way.

always!

—THAT's why. Some of it.

behaving

—Dark tunnels. Mañana.

yourself?

—How so? Most of us don't.

staying

Not today. Persevere.

out

—I have my own kind of work.

of

—We'll see. A complex unit.

trouble?

—It's called back hook!

keeping

—Effortless. Tough to beat.

busy?

—Yes! Nothing to worry about.

getting

—Off rhythm. Rattled!

old,

—A light touch. An outrage.

huh?

—An odd thing. Held back.

you're

—Sorry! You'd be surprised.

hired!

—How amusing. In shadows.

you're

—Sorry! You'd be surprised.

fired!

Anything else? The towel.

you're

—Sorry! You'd be surprised.

so

—Who knows? Cloud cover cool.

bad.

—One thing leads to another.

be

—But why? Should be enough.

good!”

—The thing to do. A hard road.

 

89. Imagine a backtalktionary GAMESCAPE bringing The Pilgrim's Progress, the spiritual allegory by John Bunyan, from 1678 to an age of artificial intelligence in which each & every word in a verbal attack contains a specific associated response. This could be called object-oriented self-defense. It's a child's dream. An enemy walks up to you somewhere along the River of Time, hands you a weapon with which to kill him or her, and you simply Think it!

 

“what

—Still there. Ask them.

would

—I don't want to ruin it.

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

say

—It's your bedtime. Isn't it?

if

—Far better! Don't laugh.

someone

—It adds up. A privilege.

said,

What on earth? Copy that.

‘you're

—Sorry! You'd be surprised.

an

—Hold it! What's the password?

asshole?’

—Recharge quickly! Flip it!

 

 

“ASSHOLE!”

REAL AXE! Sweetie.

 

90. Sometimes the unrestrained say racy things just to make the bottled-up squirm. Once you realize we're all lunatics, you do Here we go.

 

“I'd

—I can't do that very well.

like

—That's funny. Too soon.

to

—Hard to miss. Takes you back.

bend

—Sorry! You'd be surprised.

her

—Missed out. I'll be watchful.

over

—I've had my time. On my way.

the

—42. That's enough of it.

table,

—Who, me? Knock it off!

give

We'll see. A complex unit.

her

—Missed out. I'll be watchful.

some

—Wise up! Back away!

meat!”

Wild, huh? Laundry and all.

 

91. Q: How can you get along with dead, unresponsive meat? A: You can't, so quit trying. How can a spark of light get along with insultingly beautiful? Don't get drawn in!

 

“everybody,

—A golden triangle. Healthy.

sing

—Air & sunshine. Sometimes.

along!”

—Very awkward. It's civilized.

 

92. Bitch! It's best to get ahead of the curve on this. When someone cries out “Bitch!” the word is reverberating in their own skull much louder than in yours. Could it be they're the bitch? Well, yeah!

 

“you

—Surely. How could anyone?

BITCH!”

I'm aware of that. Graduated.

 

93. So let's move away from attack mode and into some real knowledge. If you're a girl and someone's hitting on you, there are some fiendishly clever ways to reject an upperclassman kindly:

 

“hey,

—I hope not. Off-limits.

what's

—That's allowed. Not available.

up?

—Double up! When!

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

look

—It's broken. A broken heart.

new

A start. It's no picnic.

here.”

There, the what I care about.

 

“got

—What the hell? It's cancelled.

a

—Close. Make trouble! It flows.

jump?

Someone else. Significant.

can

—Good idea. Eat your heart out!

I

—Amazing. What a difference.

borrow

—Try again. Not what you think.

your

—Solid. My social calendar.

pen?”

—Penny-pinching! Best not to.

 

“let

—A human life requires surprises.

me

—Disturbing. God forbid!

just

—Might have been. It's gone.

use

Afraid not. You'll be first up.

your

Solid. My social calendar.

cell

—Fall apart. Who's listening?

phone.

—It's called back hook!

thanks!

No trouble! Backätcha.

appreciate

—All set. Very appealing.

it.”

—Perfectly. Once again.

 

“maybe

—Hidden oysters. Low-key.

we

—Lost & found. So foolish.

can

—Good idea. Eat your heart out!

hook up

If we had time. On your own.

sometime.”

—I decide what's for me.

 

“are

—At all times. Why's it set?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

racist?”

A train. Not a chain.

 

“come

—By no means, sir! ICYFIRE!

on! ...

Nada más. Take a look.

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

don't

—Impoverished. Sparingly.

want

—Tell me about it. Happy trails!

to

Hard to miss. Takes you back.

be

—But why? Should be enough.

rude.”

You can't be too careful.

 

“give

—We'll see. A complex unit.

me

—Disturbing. God forbid!

some

—Wise up! Back away!

help.

—Play tough. Make it happen.

put

—Here and now! That's all.

your

Solid. My social calendar.

finger

—Hardly. Quite unnecessary.

right

—No idea. If it's over, it's over.

here.”

There, the what I care about.

 

“then

—Refreshing. Expensive!

let's

—It's stage directions. Capiche?

meet

Not right now. Going across!

up

—Double up! When!

on

Nada más. Take a look.

the

—42. That's enough of it.

roof.”

—Hard to miss. Takes you back.

 

94. A child knows life is overflowing with magic & mystery. It's inside you. Many people try to murder you with the mundane, and they carry it out by tricking you into pretending you're good. Nobody's good and nobody's bad. We're just people figuring out how to stay out of prison. At a restaurant, you can practice the good manners of “being bad!”

 

“have

I've had my time. On my way.

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

decided?

—Just don't! Do less.

do

—Socially or professionally?

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

know

—Seriously? Or else!

what

—Still there. Ask them.

you

—Surely. How could anyone?

want?”

Tell me about it. Happy trails!

 

95. See how powerful kindness and knowledge can be? Einstein figured it out. So can you!

[Click here] for the Backtalktionary! Unless you're totally insane & coming from the future. Then [click here]. What on earth are you doing in the future? There's too much at stake. Boost your social skills. Say something back, whether anyone likes it or not.

Boost your ability to adhere to your own life ... to the dark side of you that observes everything, which can be your best friend. Your side pony!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

17 September 2019